Part 88
Malathi coming back to reality: ha Radhika, I was right , I never been to chandenpur, but I know few who is living in chandenpur and his face and his voice resembled one of those faces that I may know.
He was also looking same, maybe little taller. His mom was distant relative of our neighbor. She used to come there and I used to meet her over there, she loved me so much. Even he and me shared nice time playing together, talking together . Whenever his mom visited she used to bring something special for me too. I never knew that she was loving me so much that she was seeing her bahu in me.
......I came to know about it very late. When the rista came my parents were happy, nobody asked me about my mind, they went ahead with the proposal. His mom was telling everyone about the marriage, and I got confused too, how come they misinterpreted our friendship time to this relationship, as my mind and body was given to somebody else already. I tried to contact surrender, but he was not reachable, is he was taking everything as the elders decided. I tried to talk to my mom, but she asked me to remain silent. I got the opportunity to meet my lover and it was a shock for him too. He tried to console me, he tried to wipe my tears, and as the marriage day was nearing I came to know I was pregnant.
..... I send message through my friend with a request to meet him and in no way I was able to accept Surender as my husband, I didn't want to cheat him either. I tried to contact him, and surrender came to meet me. I tried hard to tell him the situation, but he was talking about his mother's happiness, and mentioned that now he will also try to change the relationship from friend to a lover. The words got stuck inside me, and I was unable to tell him the truth. I was unable to speak looking at his hopeful smile.
.....Wearing the bridal dress, I held the poison bottle in my hand safely , and waited for the safest time to gulp it, but then my lover came unexpectedly into my room, and snatched away that poison bottle form my hand which was almost ready to touch my tongue. He didn't give me much time to think, he just took me with him thru the back door, I didn't hear the barath that had been welcoming by my parents.
.......Later I came to know the whole chandenpur came to take me with them, and his mother was so proud to show me as her bahu to everyone. Surender was very much attached to his mom and so did she. Hearing the missing incident , with shame and hurt they left the place. Their mom went back in silence, maybe she trusted me so much and she sat inside the car with open eyes, but as they reached home, and when Sushma asked her to get down , her body just fell back....
....... Maybe he loved me more than as a friend, and the news of my absence was a blow on his self esteem in front of his family, his relatives, his neighbors and the whole chandenpur, and he might have taken it as his own failure, that he got afraid to face them again. The shame shock left mark on Surender's mind too and he left the place without telling anyone, to hide himself from those staring eyes... as it was too much for him to digest and a belief that he lost his mom because of this incident, whom he loved most.
......I don't know who was at fault at that time. I didn't want to cheat him, and I tried to tell him, but whatever happened is happened, and the 'shaap' followed us too. We tried to settle in far away village and one time after coming from check up, we met with a fatal accident. My husband left me on the spot and they cleared my womb once I got admitted to the nearby Asram hospital. After the treatment, I told them I don't have any place to go and they gave me shelter here, and since then I am here, as a sevika. I learned to look at life in a different perspective. For me now, nothing affects me, maybe this was my destiny, to know the life and learn to livewith it.
.....Why I am trying to remember all this now, maybe because of Radhika and now I saw your son in front of me, you might have gotten old too. We were not knowing Radhika was married. She was so silent for days, she attended prayers, geetha classes and many speeches , and also she started reading books and spend time with mathajis. She started opening up in a new way, and when the teachers were discussing about kids performance , she only suggested that she can teach them dance, and she taught them a perfect one.
"ma sunavo mujhe vo akhani, jisme raja na ho, na ho rani...''
umeed karti hoon aap bhi pasand karenge..
Maa'
Maa sunao mujhe woh kahaani,
Jisme Raja na ho, na ho Raani'.
Jo humaari tumharii katha ho,
Jo sabhi ke hriday ki vyatha ho'
Gandh jisme bhari ho dharaa ki,
Baat jisme na ho apsara ki,
Ho na pariyaan jahaan aasmaani'
Maa sunao mujhe woh kahani
Jisme Raaja na ho, na ho Raani'
Woh kahaani jo hansana sikhaa de,
Pet kii bhookh ko jo bhula de'
Jisme sach ki bhari chaandni ho,
Jisme umeed ki roshni ho,
Jisme na ho kahaani puraani'
Maa sunao mujhe woh kahani
Jisme Raaja na ho, na ho Raani'
The little ones loved learning it from her, but then one day she fainted as she was teaching them, and found out that she is pregnant. Pratham Mathaji asked to serve special Prasad for everyone that day. As one of the famous poet said "when the little Kanha is playing inside you, why you need another kid of your own" and we have little kanha in our mind playing all the time, but for a suhagan .....Mathaji told her "you are blessed to give birth, we can only imagine , but you can feel it". Mathaji asked her about her destination, she kept her silence. All we understood was she is married and nothign more. Nobody wanted to send her, but we need to, ..
.....because that is the rule. We have only students and few sevikas and sanyasinies here, and the world is different here, and only two people come form outside to help in the kitchen. One person is Sulochana, who live very near to asram, she is married , but no kids. Mathaji requested her to accommodate Radhika, and Sulochana and her husband who has a small shop nearby their house , happily agreed to mathaji's request. Matha ji let Radhika come and continue her work up here, maybe her search for something was not completed as Mathaji was understnading her better, maybe it was not time to send her out yet or maybe it is completed today, because he is here, to take her away.
"Malathi,, mathaji is calling you"
"I am coming" she walked out from the guest room and took her steps towards the office building.
Time passed by. Soon it was time to lock the gate. Malathi went with the key in her hand. She saw Dev standing opposite side of the road. She looked at him. His eyes met hers. He crossed the road and asked: do you know what time they will be here?
Malathi: no, maybe in two hours. That time we told you to wait because by the time you reach there, they might have returned from there. So to avoid that only.
Dev: Its ok, the bus will be coming here na
Malathi: No, at the school,
Dev tried to smile thanking her.
Malathi: subhrathri
Dev: subh rathri
*******
He walked along the curb side of the road towards the school gate. The gate was open as they are expecting the kids back.He walked around the place, saw many trees inside the campus. He thought about their last meet.
I was getting too tensed with my project work and the other side, Radhika kept on saying something, which he was unable to understand fully. He tried to smile and look back to his monitor. As usual she went to bed alone.
It was around 1AM, I got free from my meetings and things, and went to bed. Was feeling better as things were going smoothly because of prompt corrections. I was not feeling sleepy and was feeling that satisfaction inside.
Dev noted her moving under the cover. With curiosity, he lifted his head up and looked at her face, suddenly she closed her eyes. He smiled, and with a big hope he asked: you didn't sleep yet?
He waited for the response, but she kept silence.
Again with same smile Dev propped up his head : Radhika, you don't believe it, you know what?
He waited for response, but no
He leaned over to her neck side and looked at her face and saw the closed eyes
Dev resting his head on her neck side: I know you are not sleeping. His hand just slide thru her lateral side to her rested on her tummy.
He tried to tickle her with digging his nose in between her neck space: Radhikaaa.
Slowly slowly his face tried to dig more in that little space, and his lips felt her skin. His hand went in stroking her tummy and bringing her more closer to him. His hand went near her face and forced that to face him. His leg curled up to rub on hers. He felt little resistance , but he won, and his lips rubbing on her cheek , touched on her soft lips, he placed few pecks near the corner of her lips, with an attempt to get the space for him, but hers remained fused, slowly he forced his lips as his hand forced on her lower jaw to get it open for him, he went hard on her soft lips to get that satisfaction. He stroked on her upper arm, and tried to pull that sleeve down, his face went down and placed soft kisses on her bare skin of upper shoulder.
...He tried to look at her face and found the closed lids. He again tried to awake her feelings, with his strokes and his lips, getting impatient he held her hand and tried to wrap it around him, she just rested them on his back , he wished to feel that tight hold from her, to feel her more closer, to hear her fasting heartbeat. He tried to warm her up , but her body remained cold under his force. He waited, he looked into her eyes which still remained close.
He felt the irritation, the eagerness faded and he moved away, and rested back. He looked at her posture, which is still laying in same posture, with closed lids. He almost sat by resting his upper body completely on that head rest, in between looking at her to see any change, at least in her position that he forced her to lay. He thought 'this is not I want, and it is going on same way ....... not one night, its been like this for past couple of months, each time I need to force her,...... that is not what I want, I don't want to force on her anything. Each time I hope she will respond, she will make love, but no, .......he is getting colder each day.' He turned to look at her, and found her facing away and laying under that sheet covering her completely, bending her knee , as if she is occupying very limited space. He was not getting sleep. How can she sleep so peacefully, I am sure she was not sleeping, and then why she should behave this way. He hardly noticed that two tear drop that fell thru her eye corner.
The next day morning, she put the cereal in a bowl and kept a glass of juice near, as he came for breakfast
Dev in a calm way: aren't you eating
Radhika: later
Dev: atleast give me some company
Radhika: I need to take bath, I will , later
Dev watched thru her actions while taking spoon full of cereals. Maybe she need that break, I won't be able to give much time, as the project is getting to its final steps and once I get relief from that, I will also probably get vacation.
Dev: Radhika, so you still want to go
Radhika looked at him passively
Dev: you want to go home?
Radhika just looked at him the same way
Dev: Ok then, I will book the ticket today. I will be busy, so many things to take care. But you get ready, when you call home today, ask them Ok. I will talk with Thomas and call you back
She just nodded her head.
On my way to work, I made that call to Thomas and asked for the next available ticket to delhi, in between called Radhika and told her about to get ready on time.
There were so many interruptions to take care along with this. Even when I got back home, I was on phone with Mr. John, solving certain issues and was making sure the smooth run of it, and when I hang up, somebody else called. In between I lifted that suitcase that she packed and put that in car.
Dev: Radhika, did you call home, and did you tell them what time you will be there
Radhika: ha
Dev: once I finish this, I may get my leave, then with a smile he said 'till then you enjoy your time there , ok'
Radhika nodded in agreement
Dev: I will call you once you reach there Ok
she nodded again
Dev: mom will be coming na
Radhika nodded her head.
As he parked the car near the airport , he held her chin: see, now you are happy na.
Radhika picked on her shoulder bag
After checking in, dev took his purse out : Radhika keep this, Indian rupees, not much, you won't be needing, use the card if you need in between ok, mom will be there, maybe the whole chandenpur, don't forget me once you reach there, ok.
Radhika took the money from him and put that in her purse.
Dev: You know what to do , right
Radhika nodded again. His cell rang and he attended it. But then looking at the watch , he said: I can log in only after one hour. Ha , I will, I will take care of it
Placing it back: the manager is in tension, million dollor project and the heads wants it to run smoothly. And I am sure, it will.
He smiled saying it but then noted her tear filled eyes
He wrapped his arms around her shoulder and said: Ye Radhika, everything will be fine Ok. and I will be right there once I complete this.
And it was time for her to leave, and without saying anything, just giving him a look back, she moved in.
What was going on in your mind Radhika? where did I fail to recognize it? Is your tears and silence had more meaning that what I thought? But now I won't let that happen again? I am here now? Near to you, now I won't let you go alone like this? I will never leave you alone. I need you and you need me. He sat near a tree and opened his bag and took out one of the letter that she wrote to Sushma.
It started out with the symbol '
"OM'
Hope this letter will find you in good health. I am learning a lot now a days, may be a new world where I am seeing a life in a different perspective. I am getting answers to many of my questions. I thought the color of these flowers last forever, but I was wrong, it just last for few days and fade away, and with a nice wind the dried petals will blow away with it....The darkness of that color and the beauty of it also depend on our thought. So only God made so many varieties of flowers for the eyes to enjoy, for everyone to like one or the other. But that also will fade soon and we become happy to see the next new bud, and we love them the same way, we loved the old one and forget about the old one. Nothing last forever in this world, nothing, including the relationship. All the feelings depend on us, our thoughts..........
Suddenly a forceful wind pass by the side and the letter from his hand just blown away with it. Dev looked around, the darkness was covering the place. He looked up at the sky, the dark clouds was speedily moving towards the other end. He looked for the letter and found it got stuck in nearby stone. He went behind and grabbed it, his hair started blowing off with the wind, the storm was getting ready to hit. He went near the school gate, and waited near it. He saw few parents coming too, holding onto umbrellas. Time passed by. The rain drops started falling down slowly one by one, Dev moved near and stayed under a tree. The parents were talking to each other something loudly. One of the students dad came near dev and asked him whom he is waiting for.
Dev: Radhika
Dad: oh, Radhika madam.
He extended his umbrella to share with him.
Soon the bus came and stopped near the gate. Dev looked at each student who was getting down from the steps, each minute his eyes were looking for that payal hugged ankle but , soon he got disappointed. The two teachers from the school also got down. The dad asked loudly to the driver: Radhika madam ?
Bus Driver: got down near the shop
One teacher: she said she will drop sudha at her home before the rain get bad, so got down near the shop.
Dev looked at that dad and he pointed towards one place at a disance.
With a silent thanks he walked towards the pointed place. The rain started pouring heavily . But the weight of that drops didn't pain his skin. The heavy drops were not wetting his mind, as he was feeling his inside burning. He paced faster in that darkness. Finally he found one shop but the surrounding was looking empty.....
......... The roof of the shop was covered by palm leaves. And the shop keeper was looking outside keenly at the heavy drops. Dev went near the shop and moved to the side, thinking where to go next as the heavy rain was blocking the vision. He got all wet. The shop keeper looked inside for little space for this gentleman who is getting wet , but the space was so limited.
Shopkeeper looked at him helplessly.
Dev moved to the side corner where the palm leaf was extending out, for a shade.
The rain started slowing down. Hanging his bag on the side stick, He wiped off the dripping drops from his hair down to his face. Suddenly he heard the familiar voice'.
"kaka"
Shopkeeper: you are here, I was really worried, seeing the storm.
Dev lifted his face up to see her, her head was covered with duppatta which was unevenly covering her front body. She was all wet , but holding onto that duppatta on both sides covering her face , an attempt to escape from that small drops .
.
Radhika: I went to drop Sudha and her mom didn't let me go, now the rain slowed down na, so. Are you coming now..
Shopkeeper: no beta, I am waiting for her to come. Maybe because fo the storm she stayed back. It is almost their dinner time, na.
Radhika: ok kaka, I am going home, then.
Shopkeepr: key is at the same place
Radhika: ha
Shopkeeper: ha, then , sabhalke...
She turned and walked away. Dev stood there froze, unable to move, after few minutes only, he got back to reality. He grabbed his bag and ran behind her, whereas Radhika was pacing faster to escape from the rain, taking a small side mud path. Soon she entered a small house, and got disappeared inside it.
The knock at the door, made Radhika to turn . she looked at the door and said to self in a a calm way. now only I asked him and he said he is not coming and now....
Radhika opening the door, tried to turn saying: I should have waited for few more minutes na,
The silence caught her attention. There is no one else to expect , then, why the silence
"Radhikaaaaa"
The familiar voice, made her to froze in that position, she flickered her eyes, she tried to hear it again, she waited and she heard again
"Radhikaaaaa"
She turned her face to look outside thru that open door and found him, standing with his rain drops dripping face, and the tears from his eyes were just rolling down along with it. The natural light also got dimed as the moon showed its smiley face from behind the clouds. But the dripping drops from the trees and the roof top found it space to make that noise to be heard, by immersing self in that floating water'.The sound of the dripping drops to the floating water filled the air. and their eyes met under the wetness of nature......
*********************************************************
Please read the next post and acknowledge by clicking the like button, if you are reader of this FF, because I want to make sure you read it, before I proceed, and i may misinterpret your silence. so , take this as a pleading request from me.... thanks...
So here your Radev met again, few imagined, few just waited. Did I met your expectation, I don't know. It was a long note, sorry for that, because I needed to fill few pits, before I make them to meet. Radhika never talked about her family or her Dev here, but the asram people came to know naturally ......only abt her suhagan status.
The more silence telling me that maybe I am making total sense to you, or you are not even getting what I am trying to say. Will PM with next update. I know it is difficult for me to convince you my state of mind and my mad thoughts, I don't know whether the FF name suit with my writing, mine is just a madness, madness for nothing, so I really appreciate your patience, for tolerating me, to the core, and letting me continue to post in this forum......
Thanks for reading my post, have a good day...
Part 89
Edited by Devika. - 14 years ago
CID
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
