Cortana's Treehouse 1.0 Completed - Page 57

will you please help me with the ideas. I'll paste the update here and can you tell me what to do so that it doesn't match with original. I have already thought of few changes but still it resembles the original version

Originally posted by: laughingpearls

will you please help me with the ideas. I'll paste the update here and can you tell me what to do so that it doesn't match with original. I have already thought of few changes but still it resembles the original version

where did you read the original?

well let's start with characters. you have a guy and a girl. guy is possessive. why is he possessive? how does he show it?

where does he and the girl meet? how do they fall in love? when does she realise his possessive nature? what does he do that shows he is possessive? does he control where she goes, who she talks to, who she meets?

what does the girl feel about him being possessive? how does it negatively affect her life? does she lose friends and family? what do they think about their relationship?

what happens when she confronts him? do they break or separate? are they married or do they get divorced? how does the guy realise he is wrong? does he realise? what does he do? where does he get help from to be less possessive?

you do not want to romanticise possession because living with someone who is extremely possessive can be a nightmare. it is isolating for the victim and can be an abusive relationship when it becomes extreme and turns into one where domestic violence occurs.

so you want to be careful.

people who are possessive are not people with a healthy sense of boundaries. they do not understand a partner is not a possession.

a lot of stories make this cute, hot or passionate when it isn't. i get people like their partner to have possessive 'traits' in a low dose because they like their partner cares about them and only wants them but when it gets to a level that can go crazy, it becomes very difficult to live with.

imagine not being able to go out without informing your partner where you are. or even him or her tracking you down. imagine always being accused of cheating when you even say hi to another guy or are just talking to your male family member. imagine not being able to leave the house without being scared that you'll be caught and told off. imagine not being able to wear what you want to wear because he believes only he should see you in nice clothes and no one else.

then let's make it extreme and imagine confronting the partner who can get angry and then it becomes violent. that is not a relationship anyone should be in.

di, its just example. im not writing on fifty shades of freed im writing on a anonymous story. the one you have edited remember?


On my wedding day, I carried my wife,GEET in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.This was the scene of ten years ago.The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water.We had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.Sanaya came into my life.It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Sanaya hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream oflove. This was the apartment I bought for her. Sanaya said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girl's eyeballs." Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife,GEET.When we just married, my wife,GEET said"Men like you, once successful, will bevery attractive to girls." Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doingso.I moved Sanaya's hands aside and said,"You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company."Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together or, I was lounging before the computer, visualising Sanaya's body. This was the means of my entertainment.One day I said to her in a slight joking way."Suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.When my wife went to my office, Sanaya had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.Once again, Sanaya said to me."Maan, divorce her, O.K.?" Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you".She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking.I want to divorce.I raised the serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I'm serious. I avoided herquestion. This so-called answer turned herangry. She threw away the chopsticks andshouted at me."You are not a man!"At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Sanaya.With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30%stake of my company.She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years withme would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.</font>To be continued...Credit to Google for this amazing story.

so make sure in your story you have a few things.

you said you want him to reform and get better. well for that to happen he needs to realise what he did was wrong and actively do something to change himself. it will be a struggle for him too so make sure you convey that struggle. he may need to see a therapist. it could be that the court has ordered him to see someone to help with his issues. you may wish to include his regret and look into his past where he may have been neglected and abused or even bullied so he has a fear of loss or an intense desire to control others as a result. do a little research about these kinds of people and relationships.

for her you have to convey the sense of how difficult it is to embrace trust and being able to enjoy freedom that was before denied to her. you can not have her quickly falling back in love with him. that isn't something that should be portrayed because healing broken relationships take time. you may wish to show her fear and how she works on reducing it and even if in the end they don't get married back together, showing that they have started a new relationship dynamic will give the sense that there is a change from the previous relationship and that it is a possibility of it being better.

any ideas so far?

i do not want to tell you what to write but help to generate what the story will be dealing with and inspire ideas in your creative head. i know for definite you will come up with lots of ideas that are better than mine.

Originally posted by: laughingpearls

di, its just example. im not writing on fifty shades of freed im writing on a anonymous story. the one you have edited remember?


On my wedding day, I carried my wife,GEET in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.This was the scene of ten years ago.The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water.We had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb.She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.Sanaya came into my life.It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Sanaya hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream oflove. This was the apartment I bought for her. Sanaya said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girl's eyeballs." Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife,GEET.When we just married, my wife,GEET said"Men like you, once successful, will bevery attractive to girls." Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doingso.I moved Sanaya's hands aside and said,"You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company."Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together or, I was lounging before the computer, visualising Sanaya's body. This was the means of my entertainment.One day I said to her in a slight joking way."Suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.When my wife went to my office, Sanaya had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.Once again, Sanaya said to me."Maan, divorce her, O.K.?" Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you".She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking.I want to divorce.I raised the serious topic calmly. She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "Why?" I'm serious. I avoided herquestion. This so-called answer turned herangry. She threw away the chopsticks andshouted at me."You are not a man!"At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Sanaya.With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30%stake of my company.She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years withme would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.</font>To be continued...Credit to Google for this amazing story.

this is quite good. you have to emphasise a bit more as to why he chooses sanaya. is it because she is pretty or is it because she is a change and he has got used to the life with his wife before that has now become boring. that is what is missing, a clear reason as to why he chose to divorce his wife.

part 2 got home one night and, as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, "I want a divorce." She didn't seem tobe annoyed by my words. Instead, she softly asked me why. I avoidedthe question, and this made her angry. She threw down the chopsticks and shouted, "You are not a man!" We didn't talk to each other that night. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out whathad happened to our marriage, but I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement stating that she could keep the house, the car, and a 30% share of my company. She glanced at it andtore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy, but I could not take back what I had said. She finally cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see in the first place, and the idea of divorce felt more real now.I got home very late from work the next day, and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have dinner, I just went straight to bed and fell asleep.In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't wantanything from me, but requested that for the next month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple:our son had his exams in a month, and she didn't want to disrupt him with a broken marriage.She also asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal roomon our wedding day, and requestedthat I now carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning for the month's duration. Ithought she was going crazy, but to make our last days together bearable, I accepted her odd request.We were both pretty clumsy about it when I carried her out on the firstday, but our son was joyfully clapping his hands behind us, singing, "Daddy is holding mommy in his arms!" His words triggered a sense of pain in me. I carried her from the bedroom to the living room, and then to the door. She closed her eyes and softly said,"Don't tell our son about the divorce." I nodded and put her down outside the door.We weren't as clumsy on the second day. She leaned on my chest, and I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't really looked at this woman for a long time. She was not young anymore. There were fine wrinkles on her face, and her hair was graying! Our marriage hadtaken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by, and I suddenly realized that she was getting very thin.One morning it hit me how she wasburying so much pain and bitterness in her heart, and withoutreally thinking about it, I reached out and touched her head. Our soncame in at that moment and said,"Dad, it's time to carry mom out!" Tohim, seeing his father carry his mother out had become an essential part of every morning. Mywife gestured to our son to come closer, and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might start changing my mind. I carried her in my arms, and her hand naturally wrapped around my neck. I held her body tightly, just like on our wedding day.On the last day, when I held her in my arms, I could hardly move a step. I knew what I had to do. I drove to Jane's place, walked upstairs and said, "I'm sorry, Jane, but I do not want to divorce my wife anymore".It all became very clear to me. I hadcarried my wife into our home on our wedding day, and I am to hold her "until death do us apart". I bought a bouquet of flowers for mywife on my way home, and when the salesgirl asked me what to write on the card, I smiled and said,"I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart".I got home, flowers in my hands, and a big smile on my face. But mywife had died in her sleep while I was away. It turns out that she'd been fighting cancer for a few months now, but I was too busy with Jane to even notice. She knewthat she would die soon, but wanted to save me from a negativereaction from our son (in case we push through with the divorce). In the eyes of our son, at least, I would still appear to have been a loving husband. I carried her out for the last time...The small details of our lives, that Iinitially thought were boring and unimportant, are what really matters in a relationship; not the mansion, the car, personal property or the money in the bank. These things may create an environment conducive for happiness, but they cannot providehappiness in-and-of themselves.So find time to be your lover's friend, and to do those little things for each other that build intimacy.Many people do not realize how close they are to success when they give up.---------------------------The author of this story is unknown, but according to Snopes, it has been circulating the internet since May of 2004. The message is timeless. Enjoy.

here is the link from part 3 of my version Click here

So you found this story and wrote the one I edited based on it.

i just took the part where he falls for sanaya and tries to divorce his wife. thats all