Jaya CC#1 Members Only (Notes on Pg#12,19)Please Vote Pg 135 - Page 12

Anu, what did she tell him? U cant stop like this 😒. This is not a suspense novel 😊

Nice work Urmilla and Anu. Loved the imagery in both. Urmilla, if u r not comfortable, u could change it to mental illness. But that wouldn't explain, why she kept Devarat with her for 16yrs, unless she was magically cured after the 8th delivery.

That voice still rang through his head, mocking him with its very softness. "Queen Mother", how easily she had said it! How easily had she demanded that he steal from his son! He had a choice of course. He could refuse and live the rest of his life in noble solitude, without her warmth. The king, outraged that he was even slightly tempted to commit treachery against his own flesh and blood, pummeled his hapless opponent with his mace.

The Chief Steward stood impassively by. Not King Shantanu's usual choice in weapons, he knew. And the chosen soldier could easily have beaten the expert archer at mace fighting. Unfortunately such is the lot of the common soldier that he could get killed by his lord's weapon, but he could never ever let it be known that he could actually defeat the king. Fortunately for the soldier, a young man came hurrying out from the Senapathi's office, cutting through the men scattered about.

Soldiers were at their daily routine. The compound rang with the sounds of weapons clashing in practice warfare. Horses were neighing their protest at being dragged into contests they could not fathom the purpose of, and that too with their own mates. Colorful oaths, unfit for civilized company, were thrown around freely. Devavrath had his position as Crown Prince to uphold but he took a moment to grin at the sight of the impending encounter between the Cenutrion's sandled foot and one of the cats kept at the palace. As he got to the vicinity of the mace fight, the loud, high pitched scream told him that the Centurion had also noticed.

The Prince was given charge of the army just recently. But at this moment, his concern was about their King, his father. "Stop, Sire", he blocked Shanthanu with his hands on the older man's upper arms, as he was preparing to bring down the mace on the head of the fallen soldier. For an interminable moment father and son faced off, till Shanthanu uttered a guttural groan, threw his weapon sideways and walked off. Devavrath looked at the steward, an eyebrow raised in question. The faithful servant shook his head, pleading ignorance. He liked the young prince. But his loyalty was given to the king. He could not reveal what he knew of the king's weekly trips to the river bank to meet the young lady who claimed to be a fisher-woman. He had a fairly good idea of what may have happened to put the king in such a tortured rage after their last tryst. But neither his loyalty nor his sense of self-preservation would permit him to reveal it to Prince Devavrath.

The prince had developed a penchant for wearing white. The servants in the palace despaired of his sartorial choices. "How does he imagine', they grumbled, "these clothes get cleaned, after a day spent in the lists or out hunting?" This one was actually a good looking specimen of manhood, unlike those princes of yore labelled handsome by virtue of their royal lineage. Clad in his white dhoti, still pristine, for it was still too early in the morning for the prince to have done more than meet with the Senapathi, he took off after his father, his long strides and easy grace drawing the covert glances of the maids working that hour.

The rest is for Urmila😆

@Anu di and Ashne, I'm okay with whatever I have written. Though I'm a believer I know that I have to keep my devotee self aside before entering this CC 😊 Hence I have already imagined Ganga as a human lady, not my revered Goddess, so I have no problem now. I would never have expressed my feelings if Arijit brother did not say this. I did not want him to misunderstand me, that's all.This is a group work and I know that one should give importance to other group members' opinion too in such case, and rules are always rules. I have no need to change it because it seems logical for me other than divine aspect. And yes, their past incarnations had a similar story and Ganga really tried with Prateep (Shantanu's father) who requested her to come again as his DIL later. I can give citations if needed.

@Anu di, beautiful write-up 👏 I loved how you have portrayed young Devavrata's looks.

@All, so what's next? Devavrata meets Shantanu and does not get a satisfactory answer, hence he asked anybody else (maybe the charioteer?) and comes to know. Then he meets the fisherman and takes oath. Should I do till this?

Originally posted by: amritat

That's a decent decision Brishti... 😊
But the problem is none of the other wives of the Pandavas ger that much screen space as Draupadi...So in order to maintain this equality...a lot of unneccesary scenes will come up...
I think we need not give too many love scenes in the first place be it Ardi or ArSu...Lets just go with the story n add a few loves scenes here n there as per requirement...
Like during ArSu wedding, u can show a beautiful scene between them...but then again when Arjun comes back, u can make another pretty Ardi moment wen Arjun is consoling Draupadi...Go by the story n add love scenes where necessary...
I hope u got my point... 😊

Sema...I think YuDi have a lot of moments...u can write on them... 😊

I agree. So I am just saying we should give a suitable NUMBER of scenes we can do. Among them, one has to be a wedding scene (or if not wedding eloping, or whatever is there).
So let us say ArDi will have total of 20 scenes in the whole of the epic?
ArSu will have 20.
YuDi will have 15
BheemDi can have 20 again (I am saying as I have seen many BheemDi scenes so,,)
NakDi and DevDi can have 10 each (among which 4 will be collaborated with all Pandavs)
Arjun with Chitrangada and Uloopi can have 5 scenes max mentioned in epic.

I AM JUST GIVING AN EXAMPLE AS TO WHAT I AM TRYING TO SUGGEST. I repeat, just GIVING AN EXAMPLE. Amrita and RAdhika can decide who gets how many so as to avoid diversion from the main story and making it either an ArDi ArSu FF war or a ArDi/BheemDi FF altogether. So that is all..

@Anu Di Loved both the parts. Wonderful. I think morpankh and all only comes if you are adding the Harivansham part into Mahabharat. The young Krishna wore the peacock feather etc. So that in turn will add a divine shade to the character as a young child cannot kill demons one after one and hold Govardhan parvat in his little finger until he was talking about a toy or something. Frankly speaking, I dont think Harivansham and Krishna's life was originally a part of the epic. A better option would be to add on things from Krishna's childhood in flashbacks. Anyway, think what you want to do. Krishna not wearing morpankh will not make much of a difference I guess although we all would love to see him like that with a naughty smile 😆😆😆

@Sema Yes I think you should just go ahead with writing the next bit. Eagerly waiting. Regarding Ganga being mentally retarded, that is th only logic I can think of. Well we are all are accustomed in reading/having the feel of MB with human as well as divine thoughts and aspects. Therefore, our main aim is to write the epic together without any magic or divine stuff. Well that may be offensive like Arijit found it hard to digest. But that is it. Fortunately or unfortunately.

And I had some questions, and somebody PLEASE answer!

1. Draupadi will be married to all five Pandavas right? (I think we should keep it like that)
2. In AAA and Bheeshma part, after the kidnapping takes place, and Amba is rejected by Shalva, she comes back to B and all, do I add the war with Parshuram here or not? Then what do I do about the divine part? Amba dies and should that end the Amba bit right? I guess that will struck the divine part off.

Total 75 love scenes between Pandav-Panchali 😲 if this suggestion is accepted then I will LOVE it 😳 but unfortunately the whole thing will become very longer then, because MB is not a love story and if we add so many love scenes then we have to add at least double war scenes to make it neutral 😆 and I guess none of us would like to write long long descriptions of war. So probably we have to compromise with the number of love scenes. But personally I will always love to write/read about my hexagon ❤️

Dear Amrita radhika

Please no love scenes unless it is related to the story. There is enough work to keep us occupied for a year or more without it.

@Adishakti, discussing together is a better idea for writing love scenes 😊 and yes I agree, each couple has a different shade of love which should be highlighted. But I would prefer to add an extra scene for YuDi just to show the fact that they together worked for service of prajas. And some little little incidents of text should not be deleted IMHO.


Btw- did Amba really return to Bhishma with a proposal? I can't remember original text saying so 😕 Shalwa rejected her and she felt insulted, then thought that Bhishma alone was responsible for all her ill-fate. She did not meet Bhishma after that as I can recall. Let's recheck once.