Hi welcome to SSN today we have the guru of all gurus Shoomanda Ji in our studios answering all your questions so lets begin
R: Namaste Guru Shoomanda Ji
S: Jai Amar Akbar Anthony!!
R: first question from a viewer in Bhopal... What does a responsible parent do when his princess's wedding toots?
S: Jai Amar Akbar Anthony Bhopal ki Balike! Pujya pitaji should cry, wail, declare his atoot vishwas on his daughter, let his brother in law know that his son is a scum bag who caused all this while saying he is not going to say anything against bitwa because you consider him as your own.
R: what about the peeps who turned honewale se unhonewale? What should be done with them?
S:You run after them hold them by their collar and challenge that you are going to ship off YOUR CHILD to another stranger's house AKA sasural in 7 days because that'll be a slap on the unhonewale 's face. Ladki be damned!
R: Shadi toots, emotions are as high as Mt.Everest bitiya's father collapses holding his chest AKA "dil ka daura" what should you do?
S: Balike you crowd him start yelling on top of your lungs, wait 2 min for the drama to unfold then get some paani and take him to bedroom to rest but dont forget to crowd him in the bedroom too.Ab jaake give neighborhood Doctor saab a call and tell him to swing by after office hours dont even think of taking to the hospital kyonki ambulance ki lights, sirens, may be haanikarak to pt's dil ki halath.
R: shaadi toots, niece is crying river what should maamu do to console?
S: you go to her tell her that you always treated her as your third child ask her what eggjactly happened. When she reads the stupid saga of your ankhon ka tara AKA bitwa and makes it clear in no uncertain terms that she is happy that sham of a wedding is broken, and how much she DESPISES bitwa you listen with utmost attention and when bitwa butts in the conversation first you slap him then drag him to the still waiting for the doctor mareej with whole khandan at bed side and declare bitwa is going to marry bitiya because he commited the CRIME so he has to bear the PUNISHMENT!!
What about Bitiya and Bitwa not able to stand each other? its their life isnt it?
JAI AMAR AKBAR ANTHONY BALIKE AAPNE SUNA NAHI CRIME AND PUNISHMENT!! FAMILY IJJATH!!
R: Now moving on to another subject a caller from Birpur asks he just managed to kill few dozen sarahad par wale, (gotten sliced & diced, beaten to pulp in the process) and took into custody the only witness left whose life may be in danger what should he do?
S: Jai Amar Sa Akbar Sa Anthony Sa Baalik! You should drop everything leave the girl in the hands of people who you have zero confidence in and go for a booty call kyunki agar shareer khush hai tho mann kush hai aur mann khush hai tho gaav apne aap bharjayenge. Yeh doctor wactor ke chakkar mein math padna!
R: Guru Shoomanda he did all that now what?
S: Now you go on a jog in the hallways of BSD HQ to reach the interrogation room right next to your office so you collapse as soon as you enter and people can take you to hospital and your machoness is unharmed ( nobody will ever be able to say you sought medical attention like a wimp)
R: Guruji Bitwa reached hospital, the Jawan who took him to the hospital comes in to check on Bitwa what should he do?
S: you pull rank on him, insult his position, warn him to stay 20 feet away from you and your "Witness" its not like he is the only one who was paying attention in hostage negotiations class and prevented a possible homicide and suicide even if he did you had a personal bone to pick with him so go all major Sa on him.
R: you think bitiya is not safe in the MILITARY hospital what should you do?
S: You use your punch dialogue power on Doctor Sa erase bitiya's medical record, shift her bed next to you its not like rest of the civilized world where hospitals are not allowed to put men and women together here we believe in gender equality!
R: ok now both of you are in the same room you notice what seem like a seizuremare what do you do?
S: you go clllooossseee to her DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT try to wake her up but instead violate every inch of her personal space with all your four limbs... Kyonki Rabba vey... Sorry thats so last year Rasiya ve aur soap duniya ki mantra rasayan sasthr, rasayan sasthr, rasayan sasthr!!
R: So the seizuremare passed you notice that Doctor Sa is putting Pink for Poison in bitiya's IV what should you do?
S: you run after him witness be damned because if you waste time in stopping the IV the not so fit Doctor Sa may pull a Usain Bolt and disappear!!
Bahot Bahot Dhanyavad Shoomanda Ji for giving us some of your precious time and enlightening our viewers!
Jai Amar Akbar Anthony! Sarve Soap Jana Dukhino bhavanthu kyunki dukh =TRP!!!
Thats all for today folks!!
Ghum Hai Kisikey Pyaar Meiin
