Posted:
Take 5 - returning to the Jingle Show after a long hiatus, for which I have a laundry list of excuses. 🤗🤗🤗
Sorry Teacher... 🤓
- AD was brutally busy.
- I spilled asli joo-ice on my virtual notepad.
- The dogs on Jingle ate my Take 5.
- I sit down to watch an episode of Jingle, but fingers automatically click on Voldemort uncut and I land straight in SKD. Kyunki faraq padta hai - dammit.
But the unvarnished truth is - the show does a fantastic imitation of an industrial strength vaccuum cleaner (it SUCKS). 😕 But don't blame the hapless cast and crew. Blame the genius who couldn't translate a supposedly intriguing concept into an actual screenplay. 😡😡
Despite that, one is *very occasionally* asked to peek in - it couldn't possibly be quite as unbelievable as we remember, could it? 😲
Take 5 posted from the land of "You should have known better - idiot."
Coz the answer to the question above is - YES. It really can.
1. Uma-By-Golly-Ben PLOTS. And the earth trembles. The Devi Maiiya of Ahmedabad is draped over her couch - trying to figure out how/why she got herself into this show, and if there is a movie offer that she can use as an excuse to exit gracefully.
Kidding. Please to recognize joke-wa 😛
She's contemplating the chutzpah of Jingle ki saheli. Coz bug-eyed bitiya is apparently getting married to the same dikhra that she dumped at the altar. Despite Umaben's express diktat, forbidding the wedding.
Since I haven't watched the subsequent episodes - am making a leap of faith that the dowry issue was resolved without someone making a payment under the table for this shaadi to happen. And if that wasn't the case - please to let me remain in my SKD.
Unimportant bitwa and even more unimportant bahu show up and mumble. Ba makes a pizza out of them (flattens them out) with a pointed rejoinder and sends them packing - the Great Mind is otherwise occupied right now.
Distractions are unwelcome.
2. General Headquarters (GHQ) calling field headquarters (FHQ). Umaben calls the boy's parents for clarification. Turns out they have already deserted their post, but are too afraid of the General to let her know.
So they deploy an age old trick, used since Alexander Graham Bell made the first ever phone call to his assistant. "Uma Ben - line kharaab che. I can't hear you". The only thing missing was crinkling a candy wrapper near the receiver to mimic static.
But General Ben is undeterred. So what if the field office is offline - she'll personally lead the charge into battle against...
...Bug Eyed Bitiya, who's already quivering in her boots. Big fat desi shaadi went south in Week 1, faster than you could say Boo. Now a court marriage is planned. With the same guy. She looks to Jingle's mom for reassurance who is, as usual - sensible without being OTT soap mom. What a refreshing change. 👏
3. We're just bahut achche dost...who moon over each other while angels play harps in the background. Thus declareth Manav bitwa. Without even crossing his fingers behind his back - considering the size of THAT whopper. Unfortunately for him, his friend and loyal sidekick ain't buying it. Especially since bitwa is planning to wear a new shirt - just coz bitiya said so.
Devi Maiiya - was there a time warp?😲 How did these two go from "Eye-poke-I'm-watching-you" and "my-dog-peed-on-Mr-Susu" to Dabba-ve'ing...in about 15 minutes? Never mind - please to let me remain in my SKD.
Bitwa's friend makes a fake call and gets fake news. Jingle ki shaadi? How wonderful! We'll be there with bells on!!! He's deliberately oblivious to the fact that bitwa is helplessly wringing his hands (kinda like a certain bitiya did on Diwali night - a lifetime ago).
Damn - straight back into SKD. 😡 Time out for a certain uncut...
...and we're back. Bitwa is in agony. Jingle's getting married and she didn't even tell me? I'm going over to her house in the dead of the night for a little heart-to-heart - that is, if I get there in one piece after driving like a lunatic.
4. I LOVE you. I REALLY do. And I love my LEGOS too. But first things first. Jingle is shocked to see bitwa on her balcony, clad in his Friday casuals. Or maybe that's Sunday beach wear. As soon as she opens the door - he's off and rolling, not letting her get a word in edgewise. How DARE she do this? How DARE she get married without letting him know? Does she know how HE feels? Even if she doesn't - he's gonna tell her. Right now.
And then...SATYANASH.
What was already an insipid, lukewarm romance - just got swiftly and efficiently hara-kiri'd. Japanese Tora Tora bombers couldn't have done it better - my compliments to the CV's.
Follow up with a supposedly romantic song that goes on for about nine cat lives while the two gaze into each other's eyes - both mentally willing the Director to yell "CUT". Say it. Now. Okay, NOW. SAY IT! 😡
But the Song. Drags. On. And On. And the squirming is ever more obvious on bitwa's part. As for bitiya, - shock has turned her into the proverbial pillar of salt.
Oh well - this was never supposed to be a romance, right? 😕 Time to head back into SKD - methinks.
5. PRECAP. The most momentous confession on the show to close out the Monday episode...and...
...nothing on the precap. Jingle is back to dealing with more important issues after that pesky "I Love you" interruption. She probably told bitwa to run along home. Maybe she even pats him on the head and says "there, there. Don't start crying now."
Bug eyed bitiya is getting a premonition of disaster - and lo and behold...disaster walks in through the double doors, with her gunbelt around her hip. The stage is set for a shootout in the courthouse at high noon.
And so begins another new week of Jingle. There was apparently an interview with Jingle last week, where she asked viewers to keep the faith unil she gets married, moves in with her mother-in-law, and sends the hapless bitwa off to be kidnapped for 11/28/45 days. Coz that is when the REAL story begins - all this just be prologue.
Unfortunately, kuch zyaada maang liya, bitiya.
But we will keep the faith. We will tune back in once the wedding bells have pealed, the pot of rice has been kicked over, and you have been duly lifted over the threshold by your newly minted Laad Gover...sorry, pati. 😕
But after that - all bets are off. If this turns out to be yet another saas bahu show, then Devi Maiiya ki kasam - hum uncut ki duniya mein hamesha hamesha rahenge.
No sympathies - even if she makes you peel onions with an egg timer. Bol diya. 😡😡😡
Members Lounge
