Laugh Out Laud...Share The Joyride (Invites Only) - Page 9

Originally posted by: -aparna-

lolol itti choti bhi nahi hu mai:p
waise bho denntist is here y fearz :p
u had chocolates?

Originally posted by: vellainsaan

I died laughing at this... it's a spoof article on Kareena's book and it's HOWLARIOUS... they wrote a fake chapter from her book... it talks about how she broke up with Shahid and moves on to Saif UNCLE 🤣

http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2013/02/08/excerpts-from-kareena-kapoors-autobiography-bebo-to-begum/

Excerpts from Kareena Kapoor's autobiography 'Bebo to Begum'

February 8, 2013 | Filed under: Featured,General,Latest | Posted by: Ashwin Kumar

In addition to revealing her style and fashion secrets in the recently released The Style Diary of a Bollywood Diva, Kareena Kapoor is also penning her autobiography titled Bebo to Begum: My life's journey.

The book traces the arc of both her professional and love life, starting with how she managed to survive the disaster of debuting with Abhishek Bachchan and culminating in attaining the pinnacle of her life by becoming a Pataudi begum. Here are excerpts from her racy book centered on one of the most interesting phases of her life:

CHAPTER 6: Shaheena to Saifeena

I couldn't take it anymore. He tried his best, but couldn't change. I tried my best to tolerate it, but couldn't. This was it. Just like my then size-zero figure, my patience hit an absolute zero. I called him up and was a little surprised to hear a female voice receive the call. Though I didn't ask who it was, there was no doubt that it was a certain former Miss World. Nobody else could've said "Hello" as "Hellyeuv" with an oh-so-fake accent. (Priyanka Chopra)

I asked for him. I could hear some fighting going on in the background. "Kaminey! I hate you! I'm not gonna talk to you again," she screamed. "Hey! I'm forry! Pleaf wait! I'm fo forry yaar," he pleaded. I wondered why. "Get lost! I'm going to Shah Rukh's house," she retorted. I heard the sound of frantic footsteps followed by that of a door slamming shut. A few seconds later, he finally answered the phone. I told him that we needed to talk.

We met at his residence. He gifted me a personalized greeting card for the great time we had during the making of "Jab We Met". He told me "Ek number ka blockbuster hoga yaar! Wait and watch." That just made it all the more difficult for me ' how could I tell him something heartbreaking just after he had done something so sweet? I opened the card. In bold red, read the words "THANQ VARY MACH CURRYNA!" ' all in caps ' followed by a smiley. But what was written underneath these words was the most stupefying:

"Inn all my lyf,

I hav knot wanted anithyng moar,

then having yu as my wifi !

I luv yu Curryna!

Will yu mary me Baybow?"

It was the most difficult moment in my life. On one hand, I was trying my best to suppress laughter and on the other hand, I was sad that I had to break his heart after all this. But I had no other choice, because a little more time with him and I would've started replying to Orkut scraps that read "Do yu wanna make franship wid mee?" from random folks, by sheer force of habit from replying to his texts. I took a pen, and in his own language, wrote on his card "Sory Sasha, but I cam hear to tell yu that I wanted to brakeup."

I couldn't take it. I covered my face to hide my tears. I noticed a tear drop from his eye fall on the card. Hands trembling, he painstakingly wrote, "Alrite. Thanq for all the gud mammaries!" And just like that, I was back to suppressing laughter. 🤣

I gave him a hug and opened the door to head out, only to find a girl holding a heart-shaped balloon in front of her face. "I'm sorry! You also be better be forry! :)" were the words on the balloon. Realizing that it wasn't him facing her, the lady promptly moved the balloon away from her face and hid it behind her. It was the former Miss World. Her smile turned into a frown, her pinkish face turned greenish. I gave her a fake smile and darted out.

Phew! I'd just wrapped up a significant chapter of my life. The media wouldn't let me be though. They had always talked about us and now, they had all the more reason to. True to my guess, that night, an infamous news channel carried the headline: 'Major blow to Modi: Kareena breaks up with Shahid'. What followed was a discussion on a show named ' I fail to remember the exact name, but it went something like "The BS here'. The anchor was discussing how Gujarat's Muslims reacted to our breakup and how it would impact them.

(This is a joke on NDTV and Barkha Dutt, they try to blame Modi for every thing in this country, her sole purpose of existence is to defame Modi and wants BJP to vanish oh and also to kiss Congress' feet)

Life became a little tough, as the months went by. The media labeled me as the villain and Shahid as a poor victim. Jab We Met was the biggest hit of our careers. That didn't help my efforts to get over him one bit. I had no friends. I was then invited to Mr. Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi's birthday party. Our family went to his party and over there, I saw Saif uncle, with a gori. He introduced her as his girlfriend. Her name was Rosa and she was apparently from Italy. Rosa had to leave early though.

After a while, Saif uncle (🤣🤣) got to telling me stories from his time with Amrita aunty. He told me how one day Ravi Shastri caught him romancing Amrita aunty and exclaimed, "You're just what the doctor ordered, Saif!" Ravi was dating Amrita those days. He told me that a fight over who the real winner was, led to their break up. Ravi apparently said, "Well, uh, Amrita. I justtt get the feeling that this fight will go all the way down to the wire," and after a series of heated verbal exchanges, Ravi supposedly said, "And it is only fair to say that the game of cricket is the winner," following which the two called it quits and Amrita aunty started a new life with Saif uncle.

The topic changed. We got to discussing films. I then expressed my utter shock over how Saif uncle won the National award for "Hum Tum". He exclaimed, "W*F ! I'm a great actor!".I burst out laughing. 😆

He asked, "What's so funny?! I'm an actor." That was the funniest thing I had heard in all my life. It was even funnier than Sasha's proposal card. I hadn't laughed like this in ages. To this day, I never fail to burst out laughing whenever someone tells me that Saif uncle is an actor. I still remember, when my favourite satire portal The Unreal Times had asked in a poll, "Who is the better actor? Saif Ali Khan or Appy Fizz?" I had voted for Appy Fizz! (This is the FUNNIEST para 🤣)

I felt good that night, after several months of depression. I had laughed, at last. But I didn't want to take any chances. First of all, Saif uncle was, well, an uncle. Plus, he was already committed. To an extremely hot foreign chick. Did I even stand a chance? "It's just infatuation, a one-time crush," I told myself once again breaking into giggles remembering Saif Uncle's 'I am a great actor' claim.

Just when I thought nothing could get funnier than that statement, a few days later Saif sent me an SMS that was a billion times funnier. "Bebo, I've been conferred the Padmashri. We're having a party tonight. You're coming, no excuses," read the text. I still have that text message with me in my Nokia phone. I've not discarded that phone precisely for this reason. This very text is and will always be the funniest joke I have ever heard in my life. It is a sure-shot anti-depressant whenever I feel low. I laugh for no less than half an hour whenever I happen to read it. (I take my words back.THIS is the funniest para 🤣)

That day, I felt great. I really wished I could keep laughing like that every single moment of my life. I couldn't stop thinking about Saif uncle. I had fallen in love with him! I took 3 hours to get ready for that party and was still not happy about the way I looked. Only when Saif uncle saw me, smiled, and said, "Wow Bebo! You look lovely" did I stop worrying and break into a blush. We had a conversation by the balcony of his house, over wine. He was telling me how things weren't going well with Rosa. Was it the wine, or was it my uncontrollable feelings for him, I don't know. But one thing led to another and I shamelessly confessed my feelings to him that very night.

To my surprise, he said he had a crush on me too and that was the reason for the fights between Rosa and him. Before we knew it, we were an item. Rosa was out of the picture. The media hounding started yet again, with the celebrity anchor pleading with us for an interview. She broke into tears when we denied. We were called "Saifeena" and were referred to as India's Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Equating me to Jolie is fine, but equating Saif uncle to Brad? Hahahaha! Another thing I just couldn't and can't stop laughing about!

A few years passed. Saif uncle was no more Saif uncle. He pleaded with me to call him just Saif, though I love to mock him every now and then by calling him uncle! Hehe! Things were moving and moving well. With the blessings of all our well-wishers, we got married. The wedding did break the hearts of many of my fans around the world though. So much so that one of them, by name Felix Baumgartner, decided to jump down from space that day.

Every girl dreams of marrying a rich guy. To my good fortune, Saif told me that he was very wealthy, in his own words: "A man with a million bucks." Little did I know what he actually meant by that until'

CHAPTER 7: BLACKBUCKS!

🤣🤣

Pri this article is my anti depressant when I get depressed cos I miss Arshi and Sarun...

Originally posted by: sayali_d23

SC promos are sooo interesting... ke promo dekhakar show dekhane ka mannn hi naa kare...

Mukkamal pyyar ki adhooriii kahanii... Saraswati Chandraaa...👏

Girls I just saw the val day sanaya show ...she looks sooo adorable. Awesome loved it. She makes a nice pair with that guy ...loved it...😊

Originally posted by: memyselfandrshi

Girls I just saw the val day sanaya show ...she looks sooo adorable. Awesome loved it. She makes a nice pair with that guy ...loved it...😊

Ofcourse not like Sarun...but chodo tat is not going to repeat again.. 😕