Dream and reality : swaron os

hey guys..as today's episode lifted down my spirit as no swaron scene today .. so i am back with another swaron os.. hope you all like it..

Sharon rai prakash one name that makes my heart beat into frenzy..one name enough to bring smile on my face.. one name that sends me in a dreamy mode… one name that defines my life… and the only one which have been craved in my heart and my soul.. I till date don't know why only she has the capacity to make me feel this way.. or maybe I know.. because she is an angel.. my angel who made me who I am.. gave me an identity of my own… gave me friends.. gave me self confidence… in short she is the one behind my every success… and then just like angels goes back after completing their work… Sharon also vanished from my life.. and I just couldn't stop her.…now I just know she is there in some corner of the world.. but not with me.. and here I just keep on asking god why?? And the best part is I cannot even search for her… her only wish from me.. and I till date curse myself for not asking her the reason… actually she did not let me ask..

I still remember our last meet.. it is the most beautiful day of my life… irony is its also the most painful day of my life.. I can neither cherish it nor cry over it… all I know is I remember each and every moment of that day..

"20^th august 2003" the day of our farewell from st. Louis.. we both were lost in each other … dancing in a lone corner of our college.. while our gang was busy with their respective partners… after all everyone was a couple now.. except us.. us?? I don't know if me and her can ever be us or not… gathering up all my courage.. I asked her " Sharon cant we be together forever??" Sharon didn't said anything.. just turned her eyes and said " lets live the moment swayam.. I promise I will tell you this by the end of the day…" and in that moment I knew that we will not be together... but as always I decided to cherish these moments with her.. becoz she was special… very special… so we danced together.. enjoyed our evening together.. when party ended she told everyone goodbye.. and said she is going to london to handle her business and is leaving dance forever as her dad needs her.. everyone nodded in agreement.. and said its okay to ease the situation for her and for all of us here… because no dance for Sharon rai prakash is unimaginable… and then she held my hand admist everyone and told everyone that I will drop her…

And with a last look towards the gang we made our way out of college… and she took first steps out from our lives.. I said " you should not have lied that you are going to London…" and she just looked at me saying " every lie has a reason.. swayam.. we ought to speak some lies to ourselves to others to keep going.. we don't have a choice…" and I looked in her eyes saying " one always has a choice Sharon.. always.." and she retorted " not always swayam and I hope someday you'll get to know the reason.. and I hope that day never comes soon" that day for the first time I was neither able to read her eyes nor was able to understand her words... I realized that her every word had a deep meaning attached to it… and I will take many years to understand it…

We were walking hand in hand on a deserted road.. when she asked herself that can we have a cycle ride… and i was amused by her request but didn't deny her.. we walked towards the college parking and I took out the cycle.. and she sat on the front.. and it gave me a feeling of dj vou.. and I just playfully asked " where is your destination madam???' and she just smiled.. and looked in my eyes and said " your home.." I just nodded.. we made our way to my house.. and thankfully we reached… because with she continuously looking at me throughout the ride was one hell of a distraction.. and I was having hard.. correction hardest time of the world concentrating on the road… when we reached I asked her to come inside… but she denied saying.. "its better this way" and I just gave up because I was not able to understand why all of a sudden she is using so many metaphors.. then seeing confusion on my face she held my hands and took us to the fountain outside my home and made me sit beside her.. with her head on my shoulder.. and my hands in her hands.. and she closed her eyes . and I just kept looking at her. Not able to ask anything seeing the peace and calmness on her face though only question I had then and the only question I had now "why we cant be together Sharon.. why??" she slowly opened her eyes only to find me looking at her.. while looking in my eyes she just kissed my palms and a lone tear made way out of her eyes.. that was one of the most beautiful as well as painful moment of my life.. because in that moment I finally got to know that she loved me.. and she has accepted that.. but we will not be together ever .. reasons only she knew and reasons I will not know for many years.. at that time too I hated why my love always had to be so complicated but still I couldn't do anything.. or ask her why.. seeing the resistance in her eyes…

Then she asked me to drop her to the airport adding driver would drive the car.. and I did what she asked .. throughout the entire ride we kept on looking at each other holding last moments of togetherness.. when we reached airport she gently asked driver to leave us alone for half an hour.. and then she took a deep breath and brought our enterwined hands infront of my eyes and finally said verbally pointing towards our joined hands " this is your dream swayam.. but reality is always not the same.. and how much ever we want and try, somethings are not meant to be." And finally tears made their way out of my eyes and I desperately asked holding her hands " tell me Sharon.. you want the same.. I will make it happen.. your eyes are not enough.. please Sharon…" and she cupped my face and made me look in her eyes.. and said " don't cry swayam… don't be sad.. it hurts more than anything else in the world.. and I cant say anything more than that.." and she hugged me saying " I am not the one for you.. please.. move on.. my only wish for you.." and I hugged her back.. saying.. " you are the only one for me.. I cant ever move on.." and she placed a gentle kiss on the side of my neck… mixed with her tears saying " my wish is your command.. but I'll not force you.. atleast try to move on.." and I just nodded in no.. and then she came out of my embrace.. held my face .. wiped my tears.. looking in my eyes just said " please…" and unwillingly I agreed… with an inner promise of only trying.. not moving on.. and she joined our foreheads together.. with tears flowing from our faces.. but relief and smile in her eyes… and my eyes still searching for the unasked questions..

When I couldn't take more and was gonna ask her.. she ate my words by placing her lips on mine and kissed me with all her love for me.. only me.. silently asking me to let her feel my love.. and I let her.. with that kiss.. she gave answer to only one question that mattered the most.. that she loved me.. only me from always.. and as I got my answer she backed away.. but didn't go too far.. her lips still touching mine and asked me to promise her that I will not search for her.. unwillingly I promised her.. and she smiled against my lips… and again took my lips in her rosy ones.. closing my eyes in between with her hands…. I was lost in the best moments of my life.. only thought that Sharon loved me.. and she was with me… after sometime when I opened my eyes.. she was no where.. I got out of the car.. searched for her, shouted her name.. till I found her note… in my hands… written in her beautiful writing..

" Goodbye swayam.. I guess it's the best way to end your dream.. and also mine.. but don't forget your promise.. to never search for me.. if destiny wants you will get all your answers.. keep dancing always.. and make everyone proud..

Bye

Sharon"

And with that Sharon rai prakash.. exited our lives.. all our friends tried searching for her.. except me.. but could not find her or even her dad.. not a single trace of them.. Now 10 years later still holding her note in my hands I am waiting for the answers to my questions.. in these 10 years, I tried.. genuinely tried to move on for her.. but couldn't.. she is not the one to be forgotten easily.. and maybe she knew that.. that's why she only asked me to try.. .. I became a choreographer for her.. only to fulfill our first promise of dancing .. and I still didn't try to search for her.. only to keep her last promise from me.. but I am still waiting.. for the answers to the questions that I didn't ask and she didn't let me… and now I have lost hopes that I will ever find the an answer to my questions.. when a hand on my shoulders brought back from my thoughts.. and I turned around only to see a man that my friends are searching for 10 years.. standing before me was Gautam rai prakash.. an answer to all my questions.. and finally I will understand what sharon meant on that day..

I still asked not believing my eyes " are you sharon's dad??" and he just smiled warmly and said " yes.. I am sharon's dad and I am here to give answers to all your questions.. but first come with me.." and he took me to a church.. and told me " your Sharon is here.. find her then I will meet you…" I searched like a maniac in the entire church.. asking every person that if they knew where Sharon was… but I found her nowhere.. I ran back to the entrance only to find gautam rai prakash was gone again.. I held my head and said " where are you Sharon..?? and I lost uncle too… will I ever get answers to my questions.." and then I felt someone holding my hands but when I turned I saw no one.. but. I felt her…and immediately I tightened my hold but the touch vanished and then I loosened my hands and closed my eyes.. I felt the touch again.. someone holding my hands actually not someone.. I felt her holding my hands…and she took me somewhere and I just went there my eyes still closed.. and then she stopped.. as I opened my eyes I found myself infront of a grave.. named Sharon rai prakash.. and I cried and cried till no tears were left.. and then I looked sideways to find gautam uncle by my side.. and he just kept a hand on my head saying "your tears still hurt her.. child.. don't cry." with that he just kept a letter in my hand and left me alone..

Now I am sitting infront of her.. with a letter in my hand finally understanding her words.. that one doesn't always have a choice… why we are not meant to be.. why she lied about going to London to all of us… she said all that to keep us going.. and not stopping our lives.. she always knew her importance in her friend's life… she knew we were not mature and tough enough to handle this news.. she always knew she loved me… but always wanted me to hate her .. told me to move on.. yet she knew I will not… and now i don't want to read her last words.. yet I know I will have to.. so with a heavy heart I opened her letter.. her first letter..

Swayam

Its 10 years.. I know its too late.. but still I am sorry.. for all those things I said that I never meant and for all those things I never said but always meant.. but you knew.. I know you always understood my unsaid words.. except why I am doing this.. hurting you and hurting me… so the answer to your queston is that I knew I was going to die.. I had cancer.. and I got to know that at the age of 13.. yeah I knew that when you saw me for the first time.. and lt was love at first side from me too.. now don't act too shocked.. I know you knew…

{ and I smiled despite all the sadness knowing she loved me from always…and I was the stupid one not to understand it}

Okay now.. earth calling.. keep smiling like that always.. I love your smile.. and yes I know you enough to know your reactions… okay now back to the point..at the time of farewell I had very less time left. .almost a month.. and as you know by now why I left.. why I lied.. because whether you say or not.. I know you all would not have coped up with this bitter reality of my life.. specially you and rey.. as for you both dance was connected to me.. and inturn it would have affected our d3 and maybe it would have been destroyed.. but now 10 years later I know you all are mature enough to handle this reality.. I know you all will be shocked and sad.. but still I hope you all will understand me..

{ you are right Sharon.. right as always.. I remember how for months we were not able to dance properly and manage the team without you.. everything was a ruckus.. but for you only we managed..}

I know you want to ask where did my dad go?? He was always with you guys.. and fulfilling my last wish to be with you all always.. but to never come infront of you.. till this date.. otherwise how do you think my dad found you today only..

{ and I chuckled.. only Sharon rai prakash knew how to keep her men on their toes all the time… }

Now finally I am at peace that I was able to answer all your questions.. and I am very happy that now you have got your answers.. finally you are able to decipher the meaning behind our last conversation.. never feel that I am not beside you.. I am your heart swayam.. I'll always be within you..

{ hey my one question is left -what if I would have moved on??}

Hehe.. are you kidding me.?? You moving on.. I knew at that time only.. you would not even try to move on.. and seriously I am glad you didn't try to search me.. I was not even sure of that..

Swayam its not a wish not a command and its neither a promise… I literally plead you to keep smiling always.. as your tears still hurt me more than ever.. and I cant bear that because I cant even give you a shoulder to cry on … I hope you'll live your life to the fullest… enjoy your life ..and if ever you'll find someone don't ever think you are betraying me… I will be more than happy to see you happy..

{and tears started rolling down my cheeks… never sharon never.. I will not let anyone enter my life.. and this is a fact which you and I both know very well… and about not crying… sharon I promise you, I'll try not to cry… because laughing without you seems empty}

And now as everything comes to end.. this letter too has to come to an end.. I may not be able to tell you in words.. but I am writing you in my last words.. " I love you swayam shekhawat.. always had .. and always will.."

p.s. our first kiss was most special thing to me.. a moment that completed my life.. and my last kiss was out of the world..

always yours

Sharon

With that her letter ended…. I sat there reading her last words for me again and again.. only wishing for her… tears were flowing from my eyes.. but I didn't know where to go now… the only hope in my life to meet sharon was also gone with this letter.. I kept staring at the name " sharon rai prakash" engraved on the grave for don't know how much time… but for me my world had stopped.. and I don't know what shall I do now"… then gautam uncle came and sat beside me saying … " I thought swayam you are a strong guy.. sharon told you this after 10 years so that you can handle everything now.. not to see you like a crybaby.. your tears still hurts her… and I am sure you wouldn't like to hurt your sharon…" I looked towards him.. seeing him happy and smiling not a single trace of tear… and I asked slowly " don't you miss her??" he caressed my hairs saying " which father wont miss the apple of his eyes son… but I surely don't cry remembering her… I smile for the time she came to my world.. I smile for the time she made me smile… I smile for her peace… I smile for her smile.. and lastly I smile for the tasks I have to complete in my life time…" I looked upon confused.. " tasks????" and he just chuckled saying " yup.. and I have your tasks with me… so get up my boy… there's lots of work… and I promse you wont even get time to sleep properly…"..

With that we walked away… and he gave me a book… a very thick book.. and just said.. " this is the first book of your task…" and I took the book and my jaws touched the ground… "omg.. its too heavy…" I kept standing there trying to decipher… the meaning of " the first book???"… I mean seriously how many more task books are there??... and her father answered.. "enough for the lifetime my boy… now get your lazy ass here…" and I quickly ran towards him… " uncle, where's your task book??" and he just said " its at home… its too big to carry around…" and then we spoke in chorus "SHARON RAI PRAKASH KNOWS HOW TO KEEP HER MEN ON TOES!!" .. then we kept on going towrds her house.. obviously bitching about sharon.. oh man… the tasks are too tough and annoying… and saying sharon is too bossy…. And you know she also have left notes giving us warnings.. " dare we not complete the tasks… and moreover I am so happy rey will too join n this task game… afterall how can she leave her best friend…poor rey..and poor us.."

So my first task is to inform our friends about her and make sure they don't mourn over her demise… and yeah it's the same task given to her father.. he made sure I wont cry for her… and I called all our friends to st. louis rehearsal hall.. dance only way to console them.. and give piece to sharon…

And I looked towards the sky " although I was bitching about you.. but thank you my angel for giving a direction to my life.. I love you.. and always will no matter what!!! And this task is surely difficult but your wish is always my command love… but be with me forever… my only wish from you" and I felt her holding my hand.. now I know .. I will live my life wholly for sharon…and I am content happy and at peace finally..

so guys i am hoping for many long comments and likes... criticism is most welcome...

aditi

res

hey aditi
it was a wonderful os
very emotional

It was such a beautifull os
I don't like the fact that sharon is dead but still I loved this os
Hope we get a happy wala os from u soon

superb and fabulous os... loved it touch my heart os...

Wow just beautiful no words to describe this os I mean its just awesome it cud not hv got the better ending then this