The Tears of Tiara
Helena Chandragupta Maurya looked at her reflection in the mirror of her dressing table. It smiled back at her.
You may not be one of the most beautiful women from your homeland, Helena. But, you sure look like an angel here, in this land. Ever since you stepped in this Indian soil, you have witnessed that the People look at you in awe. The maids waiting on you always spoke about how soft and supple your skin is. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?
She sighed.
Her reflection spoke again. "You are the kind of beauty that many men desire, but cannot have.
What is the use of all this beauty when the Man who is supposed to appreciate it, does not even cast a look at me ?
The reflection said "You are the kind of a woman warrior, that any man would be proud to belong to.
What is the use of all these skills when the Man, whom I yearn an acknowledgement from, is too busy looking at an other woman ?
Her eyes fell on the Mahabharata book lying on the desk. Her husband never visited her Chamber. So, she had a lot of free time after completing Court Administration and Palace Administration duties. She had been learning Sanskrit of late, to while away her leisure time. She found that Chief Queen Kunti's character hit a resemblance to her life somehow.
Kunti was Pandu's first wife. His Chief Queen. I am Chandra's first wife. His Chief Queen.
Kunti had just got married to Pandu and entered her husband's Palace. Before they could start their life in holy matrimony, he had to go on war. When he did return, he returned with his second wife Madri. Chandra married me and he got busy in war against Nand. Before I could start living with him as his wife in Magadh Palace, he had got married to Durdhara and Nandini.
As was the rule, the latest wife had to spend more time with the King. Kunti had to sacrifice her time and give her place to Madri. So did I. Chandra got married to Durdhara and Nandini. I never got to spend time with him.
Kunti always did her duties as Pandu's wife, but he considered Madri his favourite queen. I too tried to keep Chandra happy by doing everything that he asked of me, but he still considered Durdhara his best friend and Nandini his lover. I was never favoured by my husband, but always abiding by his instructions and taking care of his duties.
Kunti was a beautiful woman, but Pandu got besotted with Madri's beauty. So, was my case. I am no doubt beautiful, but Chandra got smitten by Nandini.
Even after being cursed that he will meet his end if he touches a woman, Pandu consummated with Madri; not Kunti. Iam Chandra's first wife. But Durdhara, his second wife became a mother first.
Kunti was a Mother of many kids, but the truth is that she died a virgin. Is History going to remember me also, as a Virgin Mother?
Helena remembered the days she was taking care of Bindusar, after Durdhara's death and Nandini's banishment.
There was something weird about the rules and rituals on this land. When Helena looked longingly at Bindusar in the cradle, the women in palace went ch...ch...ch... and pitied her state. When Helena saw a mother breast feeding her child, the woman did some ritual to ward off evil eye, because she was married but not a mother yet. When she went to attend the Child-Naming ceremony in the Palace, women around gossiped in her earshot, that infertile mothers should not touch and bless that child. There were some rituals and celebrations where was called as a Married Woman, and there were some rituals where they completely avoided her, even though it was a celebration amongst married women. How can the same woman be pitied, be treated like a witch and become an unlucky person at the same time ? She didn't understand.
When she was asked to sit next to Chandra as his Ardhangini for all Poojas and Celebrations earlier, she is now being asked to take a backseat and allow Nandini to be in her place. How can she be an Ardhangini to only one husband, while he gets to have many Ardhangini at the same time? Is she not part of his life anymore? She did not understand.
Both her Mother-in-law and Daadi are always trying to patch up Chandra with Nandini. Why, both women being widows, do not understand the husband's part missing in her life? How can they ignore the fact that she is living the life of a married widow? She could not understand.
She was the first official woman in her husband's life. He got his mother, sister, his love Nandini, other relationships all, after she came into his life. But, why he left her alone suddenly and kept all others company? She could not understand.
Chandragupta Maurya had recently announced to his people, that if there is a dispute, a gap or misunderstanding between a husband and wife, they should give each other 6 months to work it out. During this time, they should ensure that they stay together, under the same roof. But, Chandra chose to iron out his differences with Nandini; not with Me. Chandra chose to understand Nandini's feelings better. But he did not even attempt to check how I am feeling about his absence in my life.
Helena was nowhere in his thoughts or dreams.
When his sister Chhaya made her Rakhi Day Wish that she wants her husband Malay back in her life, Chandra understood a woman's plea. A woman's longing to live a life of fulfillment with her husband. But he looked at her case only from the angle of a brother. He remained oblivious to the fact that his first wife was still standing next to him, waiting for her turn, to make him hers. Don't I appeal to him as a woman at all? Don't I have any feelings? Are the marital vows only for a woman to upkeep?
She too is a woman. She too has a heart. She is living in a foreign land only for her husband. She too, longed for love and acceptance. And who can understand love better than the one who had lost it in the first place?
The Mukhya Maharani Tiara on the dressing table seemed to laugh at her. "You wanted to be the Queen of Magadh; First wife of your husband. You wanted to be Patrani. You wanted to be the Chief Queen. Don't you know the price of pain that comes with it?". The Tiara seemed to mock her.
True, she agreed to marry Chandragupta Maurya, only to become Queen of Magadh. And she had told him so. But, I never wanted to deny him the rights of a Husband. I have always respected the Husband-Wife relationship between them. So, why is he denying me my rights as a wife?
True, when Malay shunned her love, all she ever wanted was to take revenge and make him fall at her feet. But, time also healed her. She forgot about Malay over time and warmed up towards her husband Chandra. Why Chandra could never look at her as his wife?
Power. Position. Name. Fame. Title. Tiara. She got it all. Yet, she had nothing.
Even a thread will smell divine, only if its tied around the fragrant flowers. She always tried to be around Chandra, but he consciously kept himself away from her.
She was his Chief Consort. But, he was her husband only in the Public's eye.
She was Chief Queen, the most Powerful woman in the Kingdom. Only she knew how powerless she felt, when she didn't and couldn't feel her husband's love for her.
Chandra had not lived with her as her husband. He was a namesake husband. Even the Magadh pillars knew it.
With all the positives on her side, she still felt incomplete, because he was not there to complete her.
She wiped a silent tear that escaped her eyes. Its quite lonely at the top. It's the life of a Flag whom everyone will look up with respect, but none would want to climb up and protect it when the flag shakes without control on a stormy night. When you are the Patrani, you cannot have maids as Friends. You can't cry aloud. You can't shed tears in public. You can't fight with your husband in front of others. You can't discuss such painful sensitive topic like these in front of elders. Sure, she could have this discussed it in Court as husband's injustice towards his wife, but she can't do it as Patrani. She could lose both a husband and a king. She already made a mistake once by asking her father to fight for her. She is not going to repeat her mistakes again.
As a warrior, she had won the top most position in life. As a woman, she has fallen to the pits beyond pity.
Just then, a maid walked in and announced that King Chandragupta Maurya had ordered all the Royal Members to assemble at the Court. Helena looked at her reflection again.
With Position comes certain Responsibilities. Chandra has forgotten his responsibilities as a husband. But I can't afford to forget my responsibilities as his wife. I would keep making my appearances in front of him. Someday he will HAVE to notice me. Till then, I will carry on with my Patrani duties, for my People. If not the Husband, atleast the Praja will notice me for what I am.
She started to get ready to go to Court. She wore the Mukhya Maharani tiara on her head. The crown somehow felt unimportant and heavier now.
(The End)
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Hi,
I wrote this totally from a woman's point of view. A Queen's point of view who never felt the love of her husband. Nothing related to the actual character being portrayed by Helena in the Show.
If you happen to like the write-up, please do hit the LIKE Button. I would really love to read your thoughts too. So, Kindly leave your mark here by sharing your valuable comments below. Thanks.
Shiv Shakti
