Shadi ke baad Bira badal Gaya hai lagta hai, Neetu ka Instagram story - Page 4

Now Alia posted something cryptic..it’s a saas bahu fight y’all😅

Typical indian mom or rather boy mom problem. They just cant accept "the other woman" in their laadla life. Doesnt matter how "progressive" they think they are, when it comes to daughter in law and her family, there is this inherited biased which automatically kicks in . As if your son/daughter in law is supposed to care for you more than their newborn

The boy parents are incredibly insecure of son's in laws and own grandkids as well and provoke son against them.

So possessive that they do so even if they have more than one son.

They hate son spending time and money on own kids also and keep saying bacheyan pichhe lag gaya, aurat pichhe lag gaya and whine to others how 'a son is a son only till he gets a wife' and shame sons for being thankless or selfish or stoke his ego saying he is controlled by wife, in laws and kids.

Many even do not let sons pursue career or studies of own choice nor let him have friends, hobbies, lifestyle of his choice and meddle in anything son does.

Or keep calling to son to do every thing.

Prefer sons over daughters, DILs, grandkids and anyone else in family.

Will hate it if son focuses on even own kids and turn him against grandkids.

They are root cause of all conflicts a man has with his wife, in laws, friends, other siblings, his own kids and often even use him against his neighbours, domestic help they dislike, colleagues and co workers they dislike.

And son is so brainwashed, hopelessly enmeshed with parents that he is unable to take a stand for himself or own kids or wife and often does not realise how much he has messed his own life due to yielding to his controlling and possessive parents.

What has she posted? Any screenshot or link?

I think, that atominis is right in many ways. However, it isn't an Indian problem, it is a problem of physical love...

I could write a long essai about how the view on and handling of physical love is at the base of (far too) many problems between human beings...at every age!

The love of a parent isn't always beneficial and (again far too) often an excuse for a 'power play' where the kid will always be the suffering part (when not already consciously as a kid then - when not reflected - as an adult)

As for the relation between Aayan and Ranbir...it doesn't have to be on a physical level (at least not from both sides), but there definitely is a love that connects them in a way that belongs only to them...but it could be that - like with Karan and the love of his life - marriage can be a relation-changer...and not always in a 'good' way for both.

I do not think it is about physical love as much as it is about wanting to keep someone in control. Or keeping someone dependent and feeling secure or sense of self importance in knowing there is someone whose life revolves around you, who is dependent on you and who you depend on and who cannot live without you (though ir is you who actually cannot live without them).

A child is the most helpless creature in the world and entirely dependent on caregiver. There is a reason why people love kids or want kids or like company of kids.

They find a child easy to control, manipulate and keep in awe of them.

They also keep repeating this line that no matter how much he or she grows up, for them he or she will always remain their little baby. They forever see only child face in face of even an adult. They never let him or her forget childhood. They reinforce and re emphasise nostalgia the most to keep child tied to them and often prevent him or her from growing up, growing apart and moving on. They shame the person and make them feel guilty or callous or selfish or thankless if a person develops own ideas and mind or life of own beyond shadow of parents. They keep scaring the child about fate or big bad world out there or use references to respect for elders, gratitude for caregivers or sacrifices or necessity of blessings and approval of elders, doing nothing without prioritising elders, forever seeking attention and permission of elders and being worries about criticism and compliments of elders or worry what elders will think or say, to keep kids under TOTAL control and submission.

Anything else beyond this is labelled as being characterless, wayward, thankless or being a bad human and the parent himself will say such a son or daughter should never have been born or act as martyrs who did it all for kids but got nothing in return. Some also curse own kids and grandkids and wish they suffer or threaten them they will regret. Religion and culture in India also place premium on respect of elders or else one suffers backlash or pitra dosha, misfortune as a divine punishment.

Desi culture places a lot of premium on dua or baddua, curse or blessing of elders to emotionally blackmail kids and grandkids and ensure young generation is never fully independent.

Anything outside this system is branded as deviance or being mad, cursed, possessed, abnormal and child is labelled as a punishment for past sins or told he or she will suffer and regret later when they get old.

We all face problems later anyway. But elders tell us this is due to moving away from their wing and say this is why they used to warn us, they call their controlling behaviour as protective.

Many make no bones about saying they want kids only to get someone to take care of them in old age. They call kids all sorts of abuses if a kid has priority other than merely taking care of parents all the time.

They want kids to spend all time and money on them. Ignore even own profession, spouse, kids for them.

My both paternal and maternal grandparents were controlling AF and so are my own parents, uncles and aunts and I know how they talk about us and what tactics they use to guilt trip us and how whole desi society gangs up against you and you are defamed in front of own cousins, siblings and peers also if you do not blindly obey or follow parents or in laws.

Desi preachers, godmen and even maids and servants or drivers judge people and accuse men of changing after marriage and kids and call women bad or bash their parents or kids if a man is no longer behaving same way as he did earlier and is not as available for his circle before marriage as he was earlier.

Many men give in to this blackmail and pressure and think they are victims or their wife and kids are the villains or burden who ruined their lives and distanced them from their parents, friends, siblings and they think they are emasculated or like puppets even though they may be most dominant and aggressive member of the family and take all decisions.

I have seen in real life, also read surveys by NFHS that all domestic violence and most divorces in India are caused by interference and instigation by in laws. This is true and I do not think it needed a survey.

I have seen boy parents insanely possessive of him, wary of his friends, wife, in laws and even competing with his own kids for attention. Some even never accept DIL all life and resent grandkids resembling her or being close to her as if a kid cannot be close to own mom. Some also look for excuses to prevent son from spending time with wife or getting intimate with her or listening to her or being thoughtful and caring for her. Some cry and guilt trip sons in childhood and say he will change after marriage and son later has to say no he will never change or leave parents for some 'kal ki aayi ladki'. Even sisters are told to enjoy brother's love while it lasts because he will change after marriage. They make sister also insecure and lay foundation for future insecurities and conflicts.

Desi culture is deeply patriarchal and toxic and they will do anything for a son or grandson and spend lifetime competing for control and attention of the prized male resource who is the heir or ghar ki chirag, carrier of lineage.

Thankfully I stopped posting quotes, small stories n musings on fb, WhatsApp etc etc long back ..wonder what all thoughts crossed the minds of all those who viewed my old posts 🤔🧐

I feel that here, it's not the place to answer your post more thoroughly, atominis...

possessiveness has an origin that has to do with survival, originally...but the human species is able to twist everything, so possessiveness has become a tool of power because of the fear to loose (something/somebody).

I already wrote somewhere in another thread that fear (apart from the instinctive fear) can be human's biggest enemy and hinderance to evolve emotionally.

If one has fear to loose, it takes a lot of emotional intelligence to battle the own possessiveness...

...and yes, feeling well accepted in needed physical love gives the chemistry in the body the possibility to support positive emotions and battle certain fears more easily...at least imo.

She has always sounded like a typical saas since the day Ranbir got married. She sounds like those mothers who don't want to share their son with anyone lol. I thought maybe she faced a difficult life and she's behaving this way due to that. Who knows. People take out their frustration in different ways. I just hope she won't interfere too much in her kids life and let them live happily.

You can bet that Neetu had a difficult life - on an emotional level anyways...She may have made peace with her moribund husband (it made him weaker than her and more accepting the display of tender feelings), but I think, she still lives with expectations that burdens others (and herself).