You know, I still cannot get over this. I cannot comprehend what has happened and why.. It's been a terrible shock.
I used to be a Sushant fan and admirer more than 10years ago. Pavitra Rishta only released in my country in 2010.
I read about the show in 2009 when it became popular and tried to follow as much as I could thru written updates and articles. So you can imagine my excitement when I got to finally watch it on tv that year when it launched and could brag to anyone who would listen that I knew what was going to happen as in India the show was couple of hundred episodes ahead... then he and Ankita participated in Jhalak. He was excellent and I wished desperately for his win.
I was sad when he quit PR yet happy when his film released and was received with much positivity .
But somewhere along the way, I lost interest and moved on.
I read articles here, there, saw his pics mostly with his TV crew and whatever was posted so knew that he did this and that film but not consciously following him.
A few days ago, I read his response to Ekta's post on Instagram as well as towards his former manager.
Yesterday, when my mom called for me in a tone that set alarm bells ringing in my ears, to see this 'news' that's displayed on her phone, I immediately said it was a hoax, that he was saying something the other day, that he was fine health wise or atleast I didnt come across anything which conveyed he was unwell. I Frantically checked on my phone and was devastated to read that Sushant was indeed dead but not a natural death... suicide...
It blew my mind like anything. All I could say was, how? why? Not him.. he was sorted, he was strong, knew what he wanted, had his vision. Then for god sake why?
I did not know everything about him, even when my admiration was at its peak. But I did know he so dearly missed his mom, he left engineering for acting, he loved acting, SRK was an inspiration for him, he had dreams which he wanted to achieve, he had a never die, never give up determination and thirst to fulfill his ambition.
That he must have been in such agony, such suffocating agony that something in his brain snapped and he needed release, he needed relief and he needed it there and then.
It's too tragic.
It will always leave me heartbroken, especially after I went on his twitter acc just now to read his poems and philosophy that some members here wrote about. I read somewhere yesterday he had written down his 50 dreams and was more than surprised to see he actually fulfilled so many of them. That 1 at CERN, where he smiles and shows off he's there, had the waterworks starting for me. It is continuing after reading Vivek Oberoi's post.
It's too sad.. I cannot get past it..
I hope for peace, patience and strength for all his fans, admirers and loved ones who stood by him.
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