Mary Kom - Another damn feminist thread

After Mary Kom a lot of people are all praise for Onler. Many people even applaud him as the hero. He gets a lot of credit for her success. There is no denying that Onler is a gem of a man. He deserves all the praise.

But at the same time it highlights a serious double standard in our society.

Male athletes have families. Their wives spend extended periods alone while they train or go away on tournaments. Their wives often take the sole responsibility for raising the children. Their wives often look after the in-laws, the household etc. Forget male athletes, until recent times most men got such support for their careers. But how often do we see the wives celebrated for their sacrifice? How often do we see the wives being considered great for dealing with the challenges of a sportsman's life? In fact like the recent BCCI - Anushka Sharma controversy we see that WAGs are season as a burden, a distraction in a players life not as a supporting morale boosting factor.

Onler is a rare exception for Indian men. Even rarer for rural India. It is virtually impossible to find men willing to take full responsibility of the kids and household to support their wives career. Many women seeing the movie are probably hoping that they find someone like Onler who will respect their career.

But shouldn't this be a given instead of a rare exception? Just like a wife willing to make sacrifices for her husband, shouldn't we equally have husbands willing to make sacrifices for his wife? Shouldn't we aspire to a day where Onler doesn't stick out as a hero, but doing something that spouses just do for each other. Shouldn't we aspire to a day where a sports champion can take 100% credit for their hard work and dedication? Isn't it at least a tad bit unfair that Onler gets credit for Mary Kom? He didn't really battle the odds to be a champion, he just did what family should do for each other.

Not taking any credit from Onler. I know how difficult it is for men in India to let their wives have a career, especially something like boxing. Even if men are supporting many can't endure the taunts of being whipped/henpecked or that they are lazy sit at home types. But ideally we should aspire to a day where men supporting their wives or girlfriend is a norm.

Should we discuss real Mary-Onler here, or reel Marry-Onler?

If it's for the reel Mary-Onler.. then I'd say casting an eye candy as Onler is the reason why people are going gaga over him. I didn't see anyone going gaga over Rajpal Yadav for his movie Main Madhuri Dixit Banna Chahti Hoon. Because Rajpal is not a looker.

I Do Agree with TM...

It has to do with years, no, CENTURIES of indoctrination and conditioning about gender roles. And these are something which no amount of logical thinking can uproot. Even after pages and pages of reasoning and agreement to what the opening post opines, we'll probably find it difficult/unthinkable to accept it if a male friend, relative or acquaintance were to take up the full-time responsibility of household and kids.
There is a peculiar dichotomy between our "public" and "private" sense of morality. While in public, when we are treated to suggestions of "Liberal" ideas in movies or debates, we rally behind those ideas. But in private, we are unwilling to let those ideas into our own sphere. This is what conditioning does-- implant a fear of "ostracisation" in our minds if we dare try anything radical. We "know" it, but don't dare "believe" in it.

Originally posted by: ChillMaarYaar

I Do Agree with TM...

well, i donno how much thinking has changed in India now, but girls esp my generation has always been raised with the thinking that its a duty for a girl to sacrifice and bare all as its her Dharam and all. while men If reel Onler is what real Onler is, I have to its a rare thing to find a man like him, esp from a rural place like u mentioned.

when it comes to man, their upbrining has to be balanced. I mean their ego has to be managed along with making them understand it goes both ways.

unless there is a stop over gender discrimination by parents and roles of dos and donts change this kind of equality of praise is never going to him ...

Originally posted by: briahna

i am finding very hard to believe the Onler in reel is the one in real. 😆in the movie they portrayed him like a devta. everyone womans dream man.😆

And what's with his stylish clothes and six-pack-abs? Onler was an athlete.. only having lean body was enough to play the role.

(Whoever was the costume designer of the movie, s/he certainly deserves working with Dharma.)

Originally posted by: NailClipper

Should we discuss real Mary-Onler here, or reel Marry-Onler?

If it's for the reel Mary-Onler.. then I'd say casting an eye candy as Onler is the reason why people are going gaga over him. I didn't see anyone going gaga over Rajpal Yadav for his movie Main Madhuri Dixit Banna Chahti Hoon. Because Rajpal is not a looker.

Part of it has to do with looks. The movie is also more popular than MMDBCH. Most of it is because of the different gender roles. Men who sacrifice are a bigger deal than women who do.

But you raise another good point. Good looking men also get preferential treatment. Hot men can make inappropriate comments and still pickup girls, but not so good looking men get dismissed as creepy even if they are just shy or socially awkward.

Reel vs. Real just made me think of another random couple - Larry and Piper from OITNB.

Reel Larry Bloom is a jerk and a tool.

Real Larry Smith is actually a great guy.

I do think Onler in Mary Kom is exaggerated to be a devta for cinematic affect. I don't think he is as perfect as they show him to be. I'm sure they might have had some domestic tussles. A marriage without problems is a problem because that means you are living in lalaland.

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

Part of it has to do with looks. The movie is also more
popular than MMDBCH. Most of it is because of the different gender roles. Men
who sacrifice are a bigger deal than women who do.

But you raise another good point. Good looking men also get
preferential treatment. Hot men can make inappropriate comments and still
pickup girls, but not so good looking men get dismissed as creepy even if they
are just shy or socially awkward.

Nothing could be truer than the portion about good-looking men. The testimony to this statement lies right here in India-Forums itself. In almost all the forums of 'Mills-n-Boons'-y shows with 'Bad/Damaged Guy' male leads, we have people either swooning over his repugnant attitude towards the female lead (terming it as 'chemistrylicious' or 'romantic'), or flat out saying that "Yes, what he did was wrong, but gee, he soo hott...I cun h8 him. :'("

How dare these bunch of broads on here to say men are inferior and shouldn't be credited for the great help they have done to their miserable wives!