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My 2nd attempt at pictorial review. This time reviewing another worlds best movie- Dhoom 3.
My IQ before starting to watch this movie- 140
Movie begins indicating that we are in Chicago and its 1990. A kid is selling his useless stuff for $25. Usually in these high budget movies, the kid they use is very cute looking. For e.g. Fanna. But here Aditya Chopra is using some kid who you would want to punch if you see him smile.
So we find out jackie Shorff is running some circus and he sucks at it. He owe bank a lot of money. So thats why his son sold his 2 useless things and collected $25 so they could save the circus. Looks like math is not the strongest subject of his son.
We learn that bankers are coming to watch a private show. If they like the show they would extend the loan.
Okay... So guys who have a finance degree, no nothing about entertainment business will judge some show like reality contest judges and decide if loan can be extended or not? I mean they won't look at the financial projections, won't asses how much audience can the circus attract, how many times a year will this guy reinvent himself, but will decide on basis of one show. Bankers of the year
We see that the show will be judged by no one other than Chairman of the bank. Totally makes sense. What more important work could a chairman have other than this?
So a boring show starts. And within 2 mins we are into the main event. The main event is called Idiot In a Box.
Seriously, is this the main event? the bankers will be biggest fool if they decide to extend the loan after watching this stupid act. I mean Aditya Chopra lifted this trick from The Prestige but forgot that Prestige was set in 19th Century and this is 1990. So some 100years difference. Best Cheater of The Year.
Bank chairman may have all the time in the world, but he is no fool. He knows Jackie's circus sucks and won't make a dime. So he refuses to extend the loan and give them 5 days so the property could be auctioned off.
Jackie cant take it. So he does what every responsible father in the world would do, i.e. commit suicide.
Seriously? Jackie could very well move into a smaller premises, take some part time job to help raise his kids, but no. He decides to end his life without leaving anything for the poor kid. Father of the year.
The scene changes and it was a flashback in a dream. Man adi chopra, you spend 200crore to make this movie, but still you weren't able to come up with anything original on how to show the flashback? Anyways, apparently, the kid has done very well for himself since Jackie committed suicide. He own a multi million $ condo with a kickass view of Chicago. Looks like we are into present 2014 now. So kid is all grown up, but not so much in height.
We are shown the same bank. Western Bank of Chicago. A guy just robbed them. Its the same guy our hero, Mr. Perfectionist, who is Jackie's son. Apparently he has some tricks of his own. He can run vertically on the wall. At least this trick is better than that Idiot in the box one.
So an endless chase sequence begins. After all this is a dhoom film.
Some weeks later, when the sequence ends, we find out that Police has lost the suspect. Still a suspect? I mean the guy ran through the walls of the bank without a mask. Surely there must be at least 1 cctv camera to capture his face. Apparently bank's doesn't believe in CCTV's.
Aditya Chopra's Tip: After you rob a bank, the best way to bust the stress is by doing Tap Dancing.
Okay, lets recap a bit. So jackie is a horrible business man, horrible performer and not to mention a horrible father. He takes loan from Western Bank of Chicago and is unable to repay on the due date. Also being what a big loser he is, he ends his life and blames the bank? I mean is it only me who is trying to draw some sense here? How is it the bank's fault if this person couldn't achieve anything in his life? His pathetic son Mr. Aamir Khan makes a mission of his life to rob the bank who is responsible for his father's death. Like father, life son. Both biggest losers.
Scene changes and we are taken to India. The biggest loser who couldn't do anything with his life be it real life or this movie is hanging upside down. I think we are supposed to laugh seeing him hanging like this? Why? Because its a big budget movie. You have to laugh at these stuff.
After some pointless 5 mins which has nothing to do with the plot of the movie, Supercop Jai comes in an auto to save Uday Chopra or Ali. Why auto? because how else will you show that the main hero of the movie is Aamir Khan and not Abhishek bachhan.
So ACP Jai is such a big super cop that he hasn't been promoted since 2004. He is still a ACP. Talk about going places in life.
So after another 10mins of mindless fight sequence which made no sense at all, I mean so many logic fails in one scene that it cannot be explained, we are back in Chicago. Mind you, this fight had nothing to do with the plot. Why put it here you ask? Well how else we would show that jai and Ali still has it in them.
The Chriman is all pissed that someone has robbed his back for the second time. They know its the same person because he left the same message previously. If we translate in english, it simply means f**k You.
As the message is in Hindi, Chicago police is clueless. So they call Jai and Ali from India to solve this case. I mean how much can you challenge the intelligence of your viewers. Does India and US have an intelligence sharing act? Can you employ a government employ of another country directly? How would two cops, who have never been to USA, no nothing about the bank, no nothing about the crime scene in Chicago be of any help? Apparently Aditya Chopra thinks they would be, so who are we to question him
We further learn, by using the money stolen, Aamir Khan (Sahir) has bought back the Circus property. So wait, you are telling me in 25years, no one touched such a prime property in middle of Chicago? Nothing was developed here? With Chicago struggling for even 1sq ft. of space these days, this property was completely left on its own. Moreover, you just buy such a big property in cash. There will never be any credit checks, your background info, tax people won't be interested in you. Well if Adi sir says, then be it. Totally makes sense.
Jai and Ali arrives from India. Victoria, a beautiful model cop who is also working on this case comes to pick them up on a bike. Yes because this is Dhoom everything has to be about bikes. Lets ignore the fact that two high delegates from India are coming to USA for the first time to solve a multi billion dollar robbery case, instead of receiving them in private cars with security, we will receive them in one open bike. So if the robber wants to shoot him then it will be so convenient. Also as the bike can accommodate only one, we will split them and ask one guy to come in bus. No doubt chicago police sucks.
Also like every other Dhoom movie, Ali falls for any beautiful girl he sees for the first time. I mean this joke has become so old and for some reason Adi think it will still crack us up. Seriously, stop it. Enough is enough. Moreover, Ali is the biggest pervert ever shown in a bollywood movie. He should be the first one to be arrested.
If you think bank people have some problems, Sahir has a bigger problem. His circus is in just few days and he doesn't have a lead dancer. Lead dancer for what you ask? Even I don't know. Apparently he is trying to put on a strip show in his circus. Circus's main audience being kids, I cant see why this won't work.
Anyways, he has taken 1million auctions and still cant find a girl. There is some serious talent shortage in Chicago it seems. But fear not, we have a girl called Alia who wants to addition but for some reason is not given a chance in past. Sahir sees her audition, jizz in his pants and hires her.
We are back to some serious business now. Jai tells three main things about the thief
1) He is an India- No shit sherlock. I mean how can an white person learn how to write one sentence in hindi? Only an Indian can do it. Toally makes sense.
2) He is an amateur- Yeah, right. Lets ignore the fact that he has committed two robberies in the same bank in one year and yet he hasn't been caught. Moreover, not a single chicago police got a clue about him so they hire international help. Totally a newbie thief.
3) He runs very well- No actually its the incompetent police who cant catch him. Even a 8th Standard kid can tell you how to spread police around the bank so that he could get caught.
So Jai forms a master plan on how to catch the rober. He goes on national TV and tries to attack the ego of the thief. This will get thief mad and he will try to rob the bank again. But only this time, Ali will be ready with his bike. Yes, because in previous two movies it was Ali who indeed caught the thieves single handedly.
Sahir once again proves that he is big idiot. He goes and meet Jai and tell him that he is the thief. But wait, no. Sahir is only joking. Hahahahha, very funny. Why would a super cop not fall for this lame joke. So Sahir tells him that a fellow performed in his circus is the one robbing his bank. Sahir wants to assist Jai in catching this their.
So like every top cop in the world would do, Jai believes everything what Sahir has said to him. I mean why would a man lie to me who I just met 1min ago. Not possible. Instead of running background checks, see employment records of the circus, find out from various government agencies who maintains citizen records, Jai decides to involve Sahir in his mission to catch the thief.
* let me point on more thing guys, that last scene saw one of the worst acting ever in the history of bollywood. Aamir Khan simply sucked at every single dialogue.*
So now a circus performer, a cop from India are modifying the security of a big bank and bank people are not even involved. Talk about trust issues as there are none. How a local cop knows about bank security system you ask? I don't know. But adi sir knows so thats good enough for us.
Sahir steals all the blue prints through some camera or something to commit this robbery. How he executed two previous robberies is not shown. Looks like director didn't want to bore us with minor details.
Sahir calls Jai on 1st april and tells him that robbery is going to happen today. Why? because 1st April is clowns day. Also he will be busy with circus stuff so his phone would be switched off. And all this is totally not suspicious for our super cop.
The robbery happens. Once again we are not show how Sahir executes the robbery. Minor details you know. Another 3 week chase sequence begins. We see some serious shit like, bikes flying, bikes turning into jet ski, etc etc etc.
FInally, Jai shoots Sahir on the back while cashing him in a chopper. I still cant understand how a bike in traffic can outrun a flying chopper? But in Adi sir's movie understanding is not the key.
Jai now knows that Sahir is the thief. So instead of directly going and arresting him, he decides to wait till the first show of the circus is over. So when they lost Sahir during the chase it was still day. So it will be good 5-6 hours before circus will end. I see no way Sahir can escape in those 5-6 hours. Topcop of India guys, deal with it.
Circus starts again. Looks like Sahir hasn't learnt anything from his dad's death. He delivers an equally boring if not more boring circus performance. I mean its 2014 and this is what will attract audience in todays advanced world
and all this while singing Hindi songs
In real world, a show like this won't even sell 5 tickets, but in Adi's world it is houseful and a big hit. Circus indeed has gone to dogs.
After the performance and a solid Rs. 5crore blown away on that shit by Adi Sir, Sahir is confronted by Jai, Ali and few other cops. Seriously why is Ali even a cop anymore? His only job is to catch criminals on bike and since he got appointed he hasn't caught a single theif. 10 years well spent. So super cop says Sahir is the robber because he will have the bullet wound. However, we find out bullest wound has vanished. So instead of looking around for clues, they leave Sahir alone. Indeed super cops.
Now comes the biggest twist of the movie. The only problem with this twist is those who have seen The Prestige and have an IQ of above 1 can easily predict that Sahir has a twin brother or a look alike. We find out its a twin brother and is mentally challenged. Wait so his father invented this trick in 1990 when these guys were what 8 or 9yo. His father had a vision that one day he would invent a trick and for that he needs to keep his disabled son in hiding. Really? What kind of selfish father was jackie shroff? Also for some trick, this mentally challenged brother is hid from the whole world. He is only allowed to go out on Sundays. Man this is some f**ked up family.
Okay lets accept that the whole family is mentally screwed. But these kids got homeless and became orphans at the age of 8 or 9. So how has Sahir managed to hide his brother for 25 years? In these 25years, never once Samar got ill or needed a doctor? How can a minor feed another minor without someone finding out. Its not like India where chottu can work in dhabba. Totally believable.
Anyways, moving on we find out a lot more screw logic stuff about these brothers. Also we learn Samar, the mentally challenged brother has crush on Alia and he has dome some naughty stuff with his right hand in private. Nothing makes sense so its not worth talking about. Jai and Ali are called in the bank and they are told to
If bollywood has taught us anything, its that a cop can only solve the case if he is suspended. Count your days Aamir Khan, two bitches just got suspended.
Remember that blond model cop, Victoria. Well it looks like she will be helping these suspended loser cops. Why? because why won't you risk your job which involves serving the nation for some losers who are not even from you country and whom you met just a week back. Jai being a super cop has some intuition that Sahir is hiding something. No shit sherlock. A 4th standard guy could figure that out. So he goes to Indian circus and finds out that Sahir has a mentally challenged twin Samar.
Finally I think the movie is going to end. Everything is in open now. All Jai has to do is tell victoria and they can get a warrant and arrest both the brothers. But wait no. Jai has a better plan he wants to catch them red handed. What?
are you crazy dude. The thieves are right in front of you. One guy even got a bullet wound. You can see the screen and everything where blue prints are still visible. The guys have bought this prime property for cash. One of the son is an illegal immigrant. Inspite of being guys they got breast implants. How many more proofs do you require? Adi Sir...
Time for another master plan. Will this movie ever end? Jai decides to dress as a homeless guy and befriend Samar. Why? f**k logic thats why.
They become best friends.
Meanwhile Sahir dressed as rich disabled businessman goes to the last and 4th brach of Western Bank and with the help of camera finds out everything about the bank. I mean thats how easy it is. He has not accessed their money vault, he knows nothing about the internal security. He has just seen the reception area and locker room of the bank. How can he not figure out the rest. Totally makes sense.
Jai now decides to take his master plan to next level i.e. turn Samar on Sahir. Why? What good would that do you ask? Sorry, this information is classified and only Adi sir has got access to it.
So this guy Samar has an IQ of 180. He has a photogenic memory. He can find out minor details which an above average person couldn't. Yet he is unable to question how this homeless jai knows about Alia. Also he is completely clueless that this homeless Jai is actually the cop who has been on TV to catch them. I mean Jai is just wearing a beard and nothing else. How can someone not be fooled by this master disguise.
The mentally disable brother with an IQ of 180 bytes the dust and starts to fight with his brother Sahir. He insists that he will perform with Alia.
If Jai's plan is to ruin their circus show, then its not a good plan because the show already sucks. However, Samar does okay and gets a date with Alia. The bothers fight, samar insists he will go on a date and sahir is not happy. They fight more but finally Samar goes. He and Alia makes out. Samar is very happy and wants to go tell homeless jai. Homeless jai apparently is always there in the theme park. Please note that he doesn't work there, has no money but still can afford to go there everyday.
But Samar's happiness is short lived. Because Jai reveals his true identity of not being homeless and tell hims to surrender.
Okay lets recap a bit. Few scenes ago Jai said that he wants to catch them red handed. So he made all this plan just so he could tell Samar to surrender himself? I mean how is this catching red handed? Moreover how does he know that Samar and Sahir are fighting? Is he just assuming all this stuff? Indeed a super cop with a master plan.
But wait, Samar is not Samar. Samar is Sahir. And we are shown a stupid way how Sahir becomes Samar. Man too many twists and turns.
Sahir has gun and everything. He knows Jai now knows everything so he needs to kill him. Instead of just shooting him, he ties him to a roller coaster ride and turn on the roller coaster. I mean why would a multi million dollar theme park have security guards? But fear not, our useless Ali is there to save the day.
Will this movie ever end?
So now, both the brothers are once again united. They are going to rob the last branch of Western Bank of Chicago. Lets think something for a second. Lets give a benefit of doubt to western bank of chicago and assume they had only one brach in 1990. In 25 years, they have managed to open only 3 other branches? Whats the need to rob this bank? Clearly its not functioning too well on its own. However, I am not surprised. I highly doubt a bank would do well if its chairman involves himself in day to day activities like loan processing.
Moving on the last branch is once again robbed. Minor details are not important like how? But what we are shown is another mindless chase which would last for couple of months this time. Because after all final chase should be the biggest.
No doubt Jai and Ali are not able to catch Sahir and Samar because they are still on bikes. I mean if last 10 years have shown anything, its that thieves bikes are way more fast than polices. So why are they not ditching the bikes and thinking for alternative plan? They know exactly where Samar and Sahir are going but why cant they call control room and get that area locked? Too many ifs and buts. We aren't supposed to ask questions but just enjoy the mindless chase scene.
Once again Sahir and Samar escapes. Because thats how good they are. Jai says that let them go, we will catch them in morning. Why? Because Jai has to sleep guys. Early to bed and early to rise makes Jai nice, happy and wise.
Indeed it makes him wise because this time instead of Bikes, they chase Sahir and Samar on a chopper. How did they know where they have gone? Once again classified information only accessible by Adi sir.
So they catch up with the twins. We see Alia is also along them? Why? Well if someone comes and offers me a free ride in the chopper, why would I decline?
So they have Samar and Sahir well surrounded. Why ask them to surrender you ask? f**k logic thats why. They very well can go and arrest them. There are like 1million cops in the scene and only two fugitives. But wait, our super cop has another master plan. He wants to talk to Sahir first. Why? because he has manly crush on Sahir.
Sahir does some deal with Jai and hands over a USB containing all the proof. I mean how many proofs this super cops need? Sahir and Samar clearly destroyed half of the chicago yesterday. They took down a building. Every cop saw their faces. They are completely surrounded. Yet somehow Sahir is in a position to negotiate. I mean
So the deal is Sahir will come with Jai but he has to let his brother Samar go. A suspended cop, who has no power whatsoever, can make a deal that even President of USA will think 10times before committing to anything. Manly crush you know.
So Jai casually walks away giving Sahir sometime to speak with his brother. I mean what could go wrong. Only 10times has Sahir proved that he can escape from whatever situation. But indeed goes something wrong. Sahir decides to end his life while jumping from the bridge. But Samar catches him. I mean these brothers can challenge time as well. Really talented magicians. Too late for Mr. Chairman to realise that.
After 5mins of stupid banter, Sahir agrees that both should commit suicide.
So guys, thats the 3rd case Jai and Ali got in 10 years and yet they weren't able to catch the culprits alive. Its only when the culprit has decided that this would be their last robbery, Jai and Ali catches them and that too after the robbery has been committed. So whats the use? Super cops indeed.
But wait, this is not an happy ending. We are here to see happy ending. Fear not, adi sir has a provision for that too. He shows us the banks stocks are crashed and the bank is closing today.
So this bank had no insurance or anything? Just because couple of guys stole 2-3bags of cash the bank needs to be closed. These guys deal with finance their whole life yet never heard the concept of Federal Insurance? I am no lawyer but Law in USA clearly states that all banks have to be insured.
Atleast Mr. Chairman doesn't have to fear about his future. He has some solid experience in loan processing. I am sure our SBI will give him a job @ Rs. 30K pm.
Finally the movies has ended.
Well guys, I just took an IQ test and my IQ is now 90. So a solid 50points drop.
All in all, very very bad movie. How did this movie make so much money is beyond me. Humanity may invent the cure of cancer but can never figure out how this movie made so much. Well we can bitch all we want but the fact is Adi Sir is laughing at us while sitting in his mansion full of money.
Hope you like it, I will do Jai Ho as well if I get some good feedback. Otherwise this stuff is not for me.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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