Karan Calling Karan

I'm a Gemini, and by that astrological fact, you get two for the price of one. Actually, it's just a better way of expressing social schizophrenia. I've come to terms with the reality that there are two of me in most circumstances and situations. Looking into the mirror, the dual thoughts and conflicting emotions that come flying my way through my reflection gives full justification to the grey hairs that pepper my temples. This split personality of mine, it's daunting on some days, and completely liberating on others. Most days I'm fairly well put together; my personalities working in sync and in relative harmony, but off-late I've been feeling the need to touch base, and try to get on the same personality planet with myself. So today, I've decided to have a talk, a heart to heart, from the same heart, from one Karan, currently living in denial, to the other, who is not so deluded. Here goes…

Dear Karan,

Please consider the following points as guidelines towards reinvention. Do take them personally, and if offended, feel free to breakdown, and let the tears flow seamlessly as they do so easily in your own films.

1. Please stop that one profile pose mixed with a pointless pout, if you don't have another angle to present, I suggest you just walk past the shutterbugs with dignity. Right profile, top angle, you're going to look the same either way.

2. Your attempt to be different is duly noted and applauded. Thank you. Now get back to what you do best, because clearly serious and alternative cinema is not everyone's cup of Koffee.

3. Yes, yes, yes, we know you have celebrity friends, everyone loves you, you're a riot at parties, and a master jester, but might I add it is not a virtue or a degree from Harvard, so please don't gloat about it. It just proves you have all the time to ping, text, and call. Sadly, that's all.

4. YOU DID NOT INVENT TWITTER and are certainly not the brand ambassador for it. It's a globally established social networking platform, and was doing very well before you allegedly "discovered" it. Contribute, but draw the line somewhere, buddy. Eventually all our thoughts are going to get lost in some virtual dead space. Let's tweet about that shall we, you twisted twitter addict.

5. Your continued warfare with RGV is very last season. He picks on you, you pick on him, it's becoming as predictable as our bollywood screenplays. Find some other director who doesn't like your work. I can think of twenty. Care for suggestions?

6. So you are designing clothes now? And they call you a fashionista? All I see you in is an array of black suits, which may hide the weight, but doesn't do anything to our designer image. You've never conformed before, why do it now? If being fashionably flamboyant trips your switch, then go all wacky and wild and stop catering to your silhouette. How are people supposed to want to look like you if you always look like you're attending a funeral. Now now Karan, don't look so hurt. If the shoe fits…

7. Please do everyone a favor and stop hosting award shows in the next award season. The TRP' haven't moved an inch with your invaluable wit, contributions and remarkable teleprompter reading abilities. Leave it to the beautiful actors, they're better eye candy anyway.

8. Finally, since you have assumed the role of a columnist, could you try touching on some socially relevant topics, agendas, and issues that are pertinent to our growth and development as a society? And parties don't qualify, Karan.

Thank you, Karan, for being such a wonderful audience. Your feedback is awaited with bated breath.

Lots of Love,
Karan

Ha ha ha...You are one person I hope to spend a day with..

There is a reason why you win any popularity contest hands down!You big teddy bear🤗

Now get off your fat a$$ and give us another KKHH..ASAP..We can't wait!