Being recently diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder, here are a few things I learned
1. You may seem confident. So much that you yourself don't realize how much strength it takes to fake being confident
2. You do things even when your whole mind and body literally pŕotests against doing it. And the shows, like restless legs, playing with hair, chewing lips, blabbering, and these are the only visible outward signs
3. Inwardly an anxious person keeps thinking, overthinking, palpitations, a sense of disappearing, fear, etc keeps manifesting
4. Many anxious people, including me, form bonds and become quite dependent on those around us, a blind loyalty. It's our own doing. Our shortfall. Because we expect way too much in return but can never voice it out. The pressure keeps on building.
5. While we can stew with big things, small things break us.
6. "Unhygienic" conditions are part of depression and anxiety too.
Now we have seen 2 panic attacks in the house.
One panic attack happened a few weeks back when an unwanted life-altering stinking controversy physically walked in the BBH with humans. And sana broke down. I have a son who is autistic and keeps having meltdowns. What can experienced was a full-blown meltdown. She was loved, adored, given attention and she saw all that crumbling with himanshis entrance. She had people surrounding her. Aarti, sid, paras, bhau, arhan, and aarti. Everyone was there and pledged their allegiance to her. They didn't even know what the story is. Yet the all stood by her. they didn't know what a meltdown is. They stood by her.
Another meltdown and panic attack happened yesterday. Whatever the reason may be. It did. It may not have been as huge as a stinking controversy but it was huge for the one suffering. The person who suffered has always been anxious. There have bee huge glaring signs.
1. Physical manifestations of anxiety - restless, shaking, jaw movements, rocking the upper body while sitting
2. Not able to articulate her feelings as emotions take over.
3. Dependent on her object if affection to return the feelings.
4. Having too many expectations from people around her
5. A burning need to please those for whom she cares
And she broke down yesterday. The difference this time that her panic attack didn't include pouting lips and tiny pudgy fists rubbing eyes or wailings. And another difference is people not realizing. These showbiz people undermining mental illness. For them, a mental condition is way below their personal equations. The things said by the few people about the panic attacks were offensive. Especially the taunts by someone who has already faced such a breakdown in the house once was bitter.
Now should arti leave? No. She shouldn't. Because it must have taken a huge strength to come here. To survive, to be ignored, pushed away and humiliated, yet to stand by what she thinks is right, takes bravery. I am not her fan, I find ger annoying. Yet I relate to her. And I am aghast that people taunted her panic attack in bbh.
Koi Haath Bhi Na Milaayega Jo Gale Miloge Tapaak Se,
Ye Naye Mizaaj Ka Shehar Hai Zara Faasle Se Mila Karo.
