Please don't hate me friends! I gave it a lot of thought. I have to be true to the story I had in mind. Please bear with me! Love you loads! Don't leave me after this! Pleaseeee…
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Part Thirty: A love letter
Divya sat like a statue in a chair beside the bed holding Amar's hand. There were several tubes, wires and cords attached to his other hand, his chest, his forehead monitoring his heart rate, blood pressure and electrical activity from the brain. There was pin-drop silence except for the dull mechanical noise of these complicated apparatus and devices. Void, pain and melancholy ruled the dimly lit room. Time stood still there, life accepted defeat, and angels of happiness shed tears quietly!
Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks. She didn't bother to wipe them; actually she was oblivious to those and everything else around. She only stared at his face which was so peaceful. A nurse entered the room to check on Amar. She stood near Divya, touched her shoulder and softly said, "Mrs. Singh, we have called your parents and your in-laws. Your mother is at home with the children. You dad is on his way here. We also have notified Mr. Sharad Malhotra according to Mr. Singh's instructions. He has left a letter for you in his file. Do you want it now?"
Amar knew about this? Why didn't he mention anything? She stared blankly at the nurse. Her life changed completely in last four hours. When she arrived here, the doctors told her that Amar collapsed in the lab and was in a coma when he was brought to the hospital. He had only a 2% chance of coming back and even less chance of surviving. He had this rare kind of tumor in his brain. They had a fancy name for it, Astrocytoma or something like that. How bluntly they told her he had at best 2 months if he ever came back from his coma, which according to them was very unlikely!
She didn't believe a single word they said. It's not possible. Amar was perfectly fine this morning when he left for office. She knew they were wrong. They had to be. There was a huge mistake somewhere. Amar is just sleeping. Last night Sanvi didn't let them sleep at all, he's just tired. As soon as he wakes up, she would take him home. Now this nurse is saying Amar gave them detailed instructions! Nothing makes sense. She kept staring at the nurse with blank eyes, she has a kind face, she thought, "Sister Malinda", she read her name tag, "You have a letter from my husband? I don't understand!"
The nurse bent her knees and sat in front on her on the floor and held her hands, "Mrs. Singh, your husband knew he had a malignant tumor in his brain. He came here for a check up about 3 months ago with a severe headache and a vision problem. The CT scan showed his tumor was at an advanced stage. There was nothing much that could be done at that stage. He was given some pain killers. I guess he didn't want to worry you. But he left us detailed list instructions. Be strong Mrs. Singh. Some doctors believe that people can hear us when they are in a coma. Talk to him. She took out an envelope from her apron pocket and placed it in Divya's hand, smiled at a numb Divya and slowly left the room.
She stared at the letter. What kind of a joke is this Amar? This is not funny at all! Please wake up, baby. I can't take this anymore. You could never see me cry, you used to say each of my tear drops is worth billions and you couldn't afford a single drop to fall on the ground. How can you see me cry now? How can you do this to me? "Amar, I can't take it anymore, please wake up! Please.." She begged with tears rolling down her face but Amar completely ignored her plea and slept peacefully like before.
She rested her head on his bed, held his hand and cried silently for who knows how long. The letter that was on her lap fell on the ground. She sat up, she wiped her tears to clear the blurriness and picked it up and slowly opened the envelope with trembling hands.
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My dearest wifee,
Hey!! Don't cry please. For me, please? You know, how much its hurts when you cry! Please D, wipe your tears away. Please? I know you are devastated, and in denial. May be a little angry too. I came to know about this 3 months ago. At first I too couldn't believe it, I was so angry, frustrated --why me, why now? How could I leave my picture perfect life? How is it possible that my children would grow up, finish school and get married and have children and I wouldn't be there for them holding your hand all the way?
I know it's not fair. But we should count our blessing, right? And believe me I was blessed! I was fortunate enough to have a wife like you and two children who are no less than angels. The last six years were the happiest days of my life. I don't know if there is a heaven somewhere, but each single second spent with you was heavenly in every sense of the word. Many people stay alive for 80 or 90 years but never taste the happiness and contentment I was fortunate to receive! I then realized I should not regret this. My honest and sincere request to you Divya don't regret any of it, don't cry, we were blessed! We had so much love and happiness—only a chosen few are that lucky!
I am leaving you with a lot of responsibility. I am truly sorry D. Mr. Dev, our lawyer would contact you soon about the financial stuff and hopefully you wouldn't have to worry too much in that front because of my patents. But the most difficult job in world, raising our children, is in your able shoulders. I am sure you will do an excellent job! All your dreams about Sagar and Sanvi would come true. I know it in my heart. I have asked Sharad to help you out. I hope you remember your promise to me. Please D, let him help.
I know you have many questions. I am sorry darling, I kept you in the dark. I wanted to have a normal happy life till the very end. I didn't want to disrupt what we had, and worry you over it. There was nothing that can be done. So selfishly I took this decision to enjoy our bliss without a sad shadow looming over us! I hope you forgive me. You would, right?
I know you are frustrated, sad, heart broken and scared! But remember I am always with you. Always! Would you do me a favor? Please? Would you please hug and kiss Sagar and Sanvi for me everyday? Remember they need you, and you need to be strong and calm for them. I want you to do something else for me too. I know you are sitting in front of me now, because I know you would never leave me. Would you hold my hand and think about our honeymoon? Let's relive those moments again! Every couple thinks their honeymoon was the most romantic one, the best one ever. But ours were special because you dreamt about that beautiful place before even knowing we would ever meet or get married. It meant so much to me to know that you subconsciously loved me all those years. I loved you all my life, since I could remember! I read somewhere, "It's a great thing to love, even greater to be loved back!" It's so true D! I used to stare at you at night when you slept peacefully, and would wonder why someone like you would love someone like me? Did I deserve that much happiness? I must have done something really good somewhere to have you in my life, to have your love. You made me complete, happy and there is nothing more I could've asked for! I had it all. I have no regrets, none at all. Don't think for a second that you hurt me in anyway in the last six years, or you could've done something differently. You were perfect; I was the luckiest and happiest person alive-all thanks to you!
Alright. That's all for now. I will write again soon. You will wait for my letter, you won't forget me that soon, right? Ok. bad joke! I know you are sad, you have no idea how sad I am. But if I can smile thinking about us, our lives and the wonderful future of Sagar and Sanvi, so can you. I know you are a fighter! I love you for it. Promise me you won't cry. Remember each tear drop is worth a billion! ;-) A lot of kisses and bear tight hugs for you and Sagar and Sanvi. Take care darling. Love you.
Only yours,
Amar
PS. Remember to close you eyes and think about the tarn we visited on our honeymoon and smile for me. Please? I love you!
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Divya closed her eyes and held the letter close her heart. She felt Amar was with her. "I love you too Amar" she whispered.
She opened her eyes, rubbed her cheeks with the back of his hands holding it gently, and kissed it. "As long as your heart is beating, there is hope. I know everything will be okay."
She sighed. "You want me to remember Ireland? You are trying to divert my mind, you are trying to make me happy even when you can't even breathe without the support of these machines? You are the best husband a girl could wish for. You are simply perfect Amar. I am the one who is blessed."
She closed her eyes and remembered their journey to Ireland just as Amar wished! Sharad stood at the door and wiped his tears!
Advocate Anjali Awasthi
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