Adoption & One-Child-Policy as China!! - PG3 - Page 2

Originally posted by: hooked

Alok and Meenu may have thought just that !

They may have thought - all is perfect. Why bother telling and upset Ira and Shiv unnecessarily ? Only we two know it as of now - life is perfect - let it go on.

Does anyone really think they were bad people ? That they were wrong to want to shield Ira from the pain ? They kept the pain from Ira out of love for her - they had no intention of hurting her or Shiv.

I hope eventually when they all find out - Ira N Shiv wl at some point realize that this was done not to delude n cheat but to protect and care.

The motive is always important.

The case from Savdhan India that I talked about - the boy in that case knew he was adopted. So did the entire family. He was given more importance and love than even biological kids of the family and treated every bit as the eldest son. But he did not consider family his own. Whenever any details about money, bank accounts, property etc. were discussed in front of him he would keenly observe that. He also caused a rift between biological kids and parents without either of them realising that this boy was inciting a family feud. He kept stealing petty amounts of money and planned things in such a way so that suspicion fell on one of the biological kids. One day he finally decided to steal it all and go to some other city with the girlfriend he had made. He was caught stealing by one of the biological kids. He killed the girl, boy and their grandmother who was in the house to take care of them while the parents were out at a party.

Fortunately the girl somehow regained consciousness and reported this incident to police before she finally succumbed to her injuries.

When parents returned they only found all their money and gold looted and their family in a pool of blood.

Savdhan India guys had told they did not mean to spread message against adopting kids but advised people to be careful and watchful.

The boy in that case knew he was trusted and took advantage of it.

There were reports in The Hindu also of many adopted kids turning out to be nightmare and parents giving them away for re-homing.

It's a very sensitive issue. You never know the psyche of an adopted child. Either he may feel ashamed and demoralised why his real family left him or feel he has no right over the adoptive family. Or he may get rebellious and take adoptive family as strangers who he could fool and use to his advantage.

Remember that Amitabh-Vinod Khanna film Parvarish? Vinod Khanna's character feels since childhood that he is not the real son of his parents. So he goes against them and ultimately sides with the dacoit who he thinks is his real father. Every time he was scolded or criticised or the other boy was praised in front of him, his belief only grew stronger that his parents weren't his own and had merely "kept" him. Though in the end the boy who was actually dacoit's son and adopted (Amitabh's character) turned out to be the ideal one in profession and personal life.

The awareness of not being your parents' real child can affect you in any way. Sanjay Dutt's character in Saajan continuously had low self esteem and tendency to undervalue his achievements and worth, sacrificing all he had due to a sense of "repaying gratitude" of the family that adopted him.

Originally posted by: Skepblun

The case from Savdhan India that I talked about - the boy in that case knew he was adopted. So did the entire family. He was given more importance and love than even biological kids of the family and treated every bit as the eldest son. But he did not consider family his own. Whenever any details about money, bank accounts, property etc. were discussed in front of him he would keenly observe that. He also caused a rift between biological kids and parents without either of them realising that this boy was inciting a family feud. He kept stealing petty amounts of money and planned things in such a way so that suspicion fell on one of the biological kids. One day he finally decided to steal it all and go to some other city with the girlfriend he had made. He was caught stealing by one of the biological kids. He killed the girl, boy and their grandmother who was in the house to take care of them while the parents were out at a party.

Fortunately the girl somehow regained consciousness and reported this incident to police before she finally succumbed to her injuries.

When parents returned they only found all their money and gold looted and their family in a pool of blood.

Savdhan India guys had told they did not mean to spread message against adopting kids but advised people to be careful and watchful.

The boy in that case knew he was trusted and took advantage of it.

There were reports in The Hindu also of many adopted kids turning out to be nightmare and parents giving them away for re-homing.

It's a very sensitive issue. You never know the psyche of an adopted child. Either he may feel ashamed and demoralised why his real family left him or feel he has no right over the adoptive family. Or he may get rebellious and take adoptive family as strangers who he could fool and use to his advantage.

Remember that Amitabh-Vinod Khanna film Parvarish? Vinod Khanna's character feels since childhood that he is not the real son of his parents. So he goes against them and ultimately sides with the dacoit who he thinks is his real father. Every time he was scolded or criticised or the other boy was praised in front of him, his belief only grew stronger that his parents weren't his own and had merely "kept" him. Though in the end the boy who was actually dacoit's son and adopted (Amitabh's character) turned out to be the ideal one in profession and personal life.

The awareness of not being your parents' real child can affect you in any way. Sanjay Dutt's character in Saajan continuously had low self esteem and tendency to undervalue his achievements and worth, sacrificing all he had due to a sense of "repaying gratitude" of the family that adopted him.

I think we've all seen enough movies which show both extremes.

Originally posted by: hooked

I think we've all seen enough movies which show both extremes.

Biological sons and daughters being callous and cruel and foster kids being more respectful and caring.

"Baghbaan" is a good example of that !

There are many other of a similar theme - where the loved "same blood" son was adored, trusted, sacrificed for and then he turns selfish when its time for the parents to seek help.

But YES - there are other movies too - where the adopted kid - can't get over the fact that they are "adopted" and people are just being "charitable" and showing "love and kindness" as alms you wud give to a bhikari or care for a pet.

It is difficult for some to accept that if they have been taken into a house and looked after and cared for - then there might actually be genuine love involved and not just charity or kindness or samaaj seva.

The example that comes to mind is Preity Zinta's character in "Dil Chahta Hai". She agreed to marry that jerk despite loving Aamir - coz she felt she "owed" her adoptive family that debt.

In fact this is why I was against Anandi's reasons for filing for adoption. She seemed like she was just trying to show adopting a stray is a good job and others shud do it too. It was not the right reason to adopt a kid. You shud adopt if you want to genuinely be a parent. Be invested in their health and happiness and values and emotions and be their "Number 1 person" - the one they wud want to turn to whenever they r genuinely upset or confused in life.

I am in two minds about this very question every day !!

I'm trying to prepare my precious to understand that families can be empty without babies and its a great idea to get those kids who have lost their families and thus make both sets happy and complete.

But what prevents me from telling him - he is one such treasure is my fear that he will worry more about trying to find more about his biological family and he may value me less bcoz I'm just a caretaker.

And I don't want to give up that right !! I currently am his universe and I don't ever want to become less that that !!

Its selfish - but I understand Alok and Meenu !!

Agreed in real world there is no black or white, you have grey shades as well. Like you even I am against this adoption idea by Anandi, as it seems more like an idea of charity or social service. I am a member of adoptive parents blog and they told me that, adoption is not bad news that you have to break it to them. You need to normalize it with kid so that he or she is aware from beginning. Will send you PM later on the messages. Very interesting blog

So deep with a inner meaning

Originally posted by: hooked

Alok and Meenu may have thought just that !

They may have thought - all is perfect. Why bother telling and upset Ira and Shiv unnecessarily ? Only we two know it as of now - life is perfect - let it go on.

Does anyone really think they were bad people ? That they were wrong to want to shield Ira from the pain ? They kept the pain from Ira out of love for her - they had no intention of hurting her or Shiv.

I hope eventually when they all find out - Ira N Shiv wl at some point realize that this was done not to delude n cheat but to protect and care.

The motive is always important.

the poem was beautiful! 👏

@hooked
i completely agree with you. it's not that alok and meenu were being selfish and stupid they were doing it for ira's good and shiv hasn't lost out on the love from his real mother, she's always been there. agreed, they may have made bad decisions but they are no way criminals or bad people! in that case godesses from our religious scriptures have done similar, would they be called the same? no, because the intention was not bad or not to hurt.

I can see so many apprehensions regarding adoption, many of them are logical as well. What they show in "Sabdhan India" or any other show can not be ignored.

Originally posted by: hooked

But I bet if that boy had not known he was adopted - he may not have been this callous !

Yes - there are monster sons and daughters too - but that is exactly why telling a kid they are adopted - is such a bad idea !!

The adoption House - tells you to share thnis info as soon as the kid is as old as 3 or 4 even - just so they grow up with this idea and don't feel shocked later. But can you imagine what a struggle it wud be in the teen years ??

The kid wud feel everytime there was a disagreement on the night curfew or raising the allowance or grades or anything at all- that he is being targetted and being pushed in a corner coz they are not his "real" parents. Coz "real" parents wud have been "MORE LOVING" !!

Whereas - the adoptive parents may give that kid their hearts' blood and the kid may still feel it was not enough !!

Think from the parents POV. If they love the kid absolutely and want a smooth wrinkle free relationship and hence delay telling and then wonder - why bother telling - all is going well - then have they really any "bad intentions" in hiding ?

Originally posted by: hooked

I think we've all seen enough movies which show both extremes.

Biological sons and daughters being callous and cruel and foster kids being more respectful and caring.

"Baghbaan" is a good example of that !

There are many other of a similar theme - where the loved "same blood" son was adored, trusted, sacrificed for and then he turns selfish when its time for the parents to seek help.

But YES - there are other movies too - where the adopted kid - can't get over the fact that they are "adopted" and people are just being "charitable" and showing "love and kindness" as alms you wud give to a bhikari or care for a pet.

It is difficult for some to accept that if they have been taken into a house and looked after and cared for - then there might actually be genuine love involved and not just charity or kindness or samaaj seva.

The example that comes to mind is Preity Zinta's character in "Dil Chahta Hai". She agreed to marry that jerk despite loving Aamir - coz she felt she "owed" her adoptive family that debt.

In fact this is why I was against Anandi's reasons for filing for adoption. She seemed like she was just trying to show adopting a stray is a good job and others shud do it too. It was not the right reason to adopt a kid. You shud adopt if you want to genuinely be a parent. Be invested in their health and happiness and values and emotions and be their "Number 1 person" - the one they wud want to turn to whenever they r genuinely upset or confused in life.

I am in two minds about this very question every day !!

I'm trying to prepare my precious to understand that families can be empty without babies and its a great idea to get those kids who have lost their families and thus make both sets happy and complete.

But what prevents me from telling him - he is one such treasure is my fear that he will worry more about trying to find more about his biological family and he may value me less bcoz I'm just a caretaker.

And I don't want to give up that right !! I currently am his universe and I don't ever want to become less that that !!

Its selfish - but I understand Alok and Meenu !!