I have been coerced by the two Ms (Myraa and Malika) to write this; though, I must accept that I gave in rather easily because this one tickled my fancy too. Thanks Tina for the initial germ'
PS: I have never written comedy earlier, so please forgive me if I fail to tickle your funny bone😊
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THE wedding was fast approaching. The haldi ceremony and its attendant problems had been sailed through. The day of the mehendi had arrived. While Shiv plotted and planned his next peek at his beloved, Daddu entered his room at a fast clip, "Arre jawan, apni ghodi select nahi karega kya?" "Ghodi, daddu?? Main ghodi ka kya karoonga?" "Tu na Shiv, nikhattoo ka nikhattoo hi rahega!" Kya fauji ka pota gaadi mein baithkar apni dulhan lene jaayega??!"
Looking sheepish, Shiv quickly donned his favorite blue jeans and white T and drove off with Daddu and Mahi to the nearest ghodiwala. They scouted around, but no ghodi caught Shiv's fancy. Some were too tiny, some too thin, some too short' none matched his stature. Then finally, at the last ghodiwalas', a huge white mare, albino actually, with bluish-white eyes stared down at him. Standing 16 hands tall, broad in the withers, with solid haunches, and a rapidly flicking tail, the mare was absolutely beautiful. As the mare bared her teeth in a greeting, a weaker man might have turned tail, but Shiv grinned back and reached up to softly pat the mares' muzzle and tickle its ears. The mare butted her head against his chest, and Shiv turned triumphantly to Daddu. "Yahi final hai, Daddu!" The saees (groom) spoke up nervously, "Collector Saheb, yeh ghodi thodi si bigdail hai. Aap ek baar soch lein." Shiv laughed out loud, "Main toh acchi acchi ghodon ko sambhaal liya hai' Ek baar toh, maine aapke Sarpanch ko'" As he lost himself in pleasant thoughts, Daddu and Mahi exchanged a "Not Again" look, and went ahead to finalize the details.
The morning of the wedding arrived after 300 years in Shiv's mind. The women of the house buzzed around him like annoying wasps, getting him ready for the big day. The early morning pooja, the facial done by Sanchi, and the annoying dressing up did not let him call Anandi even once. He was quite miffed. Finally, the ladies were done and they led him to the huge mirror in chotti ma's room. He blushed deep red on spotting himself in the mirror ' maroon achkan, gold silk dhoti, gold turban, and large sword strapped to his side. All he could think of was, would Anandiji like him'
To the sounds of dhol nagara, he stepped out of Circuit House to be greeted by the ghodi, decked up like a bride herself, in flowers and gold braid. A local band, playing the latest songs, waited at the main gate. With barely contained eagerness, Shiv almost jumped aboard the mare, who shifted uneasily at the strange weight. The rest of the family and all his friends who had finally arrived yesterday started their dancing and antics, barely moving an inch a minute. Shiv sighed impatiently and settled in for the long wait. The horse was prancing a bit uneasily at the loud noise and jostling, but Shiv noticed that her ears were stuffed with cotton. He kept consoling her with soothing pats.
As they wound their way through the streets of Jaitsar, it seemed as if the entire city was on the roads. Their Sarpanch and their Collector. What a day it was!!! To the mare, the mobs must have seemed like a threatening mass, intruding on her personal space. She started skittering and sidestepping, only the saees' tight hold on her reins keeping her in place.
Shiv soon started feeling a level of discomfort' the silk material of his dhoti was rubbing against the sides of the horse and consequently, scratching his tender skin. He kept shifting in his seat to avoid the sensation. The more he shifted, the more it seemed as if the dhoti was embedding itself. As the pace slowed even further, his awkward posture seemed to affect his lower back and a soft, throbbing pain started to add to his misery. The broadness of the mare only added to his discomfort.
To his relief, they could see the huge mandap constructed in the Singh's khets to host the samuhik vivaah. Thanking God, he waited for an end to his torture. His requests for his baraat to move faster only resulted in more laughter, as everyone misconstrued his interests! Just as they approached the entrance, the ladkiwale's drums also started rolling. At the increased noise level, the mare started shivering and tossing her head. As she did that, one of the cotton buds slipped out. At the same time, some kids lit some patakas in the distance. That did it. The mare tossed her head back, and whinnying loudly, reared up, trying desperately to get away! Poor Shiv had to use all his severely tested horsemanship to hold on for dear life. Only the combined efforts of the saees, Mahi, and Alok prevented the mare from taking off into the wide blue yonder.
Heaving a deep sigh, Shiv slipped slowly of the mare, patted her, and started limping towards the entrance. "Tum theek toh ho na, Shiv," Ira asked in concern. "Haan ma, mujhe kya ho sakta hai'," mumbled Shiv, not reassuring anyone except himself. Anyhow, the Singhs, and he, were eager to get started, and so the rituals began. The sight of his beauteous bride allayed the bruises and the muscular aches somewhat, but they were a niggling distraction throughout. "Come on Shiv, be a man," was the only thought that pulled him through the rituals.
When the wedding was over, and the bidaii too, the baraat returned to CH. They would relax for a few hours there before they left for Kesar Bagh. The rest of the rasams would take place there. Ira and CM shooed the profusely blushing groom and his bride off to their room to rest. As Shiv limped in, Anandi turned to stare at him imperiously. "Ab bataenge kahan dard ho raha hai?? Maine itni baar pucha, lekin aap hain jo, apne aapko itna mahaan dekhatein hain. Mard ko dard nahin hota, huh!!!" "Nahin Anandiji, main bilkul'" Giggling, Anandi said, "Waise Mahi ne main mujhe sab kuch bata diya hai. Aap ek kaam kariye, apne sone ke kapde pehen lijiye. Main dekhti hoon'" Cursing Mahi to the high heavens, Shiv started blustering ' but who could argue with his wife? His wife? The thought brought a goofy smile to his face. Taking advantage, Anandi quickly pushed him into the bathroom, with an "Or else" look.
Shiv slowly limped back out of the bathroom in his white jammies and a white sleeveless T. Staring at him in shock, Anandi had to almost shake herself out of her blood-in-the-ears stupor to point him in the direction of the bed. "Ulte let jaaiye." Shiv snuck a glance at her and quickly crawled into bed. Seeing him in that position made Anandi almost swoon away, but' duty beckoned. She sat cross-legged on the bed next to him and ran her fingers gently across his back, testing where he really hurt. Seeing that the maximum pain was in the lower body area, she gently started kneading his spine, moving slowly downward towards his caudal bone. As she pressed each nub and depression, the tension seemed to dissipate from Shiv's body. Lost in a trance, she moved her fingers in light circles at the base of his spine, pressing deeper and deeper into his resilient flesh.
Forgetting for a moment who he was, she moved still lower, pressing deep into his gluteus maximus. At the resultant "OUCH," she almost fell backward off the bed in shock. Seeing his grimace of pain, she could not restrain her giggles any longer, "Accha, toh YAHAN dard ho raha hai, Collector Sahib! Rukiye, mein abhi garma garam aate ka gola bana ke laati hoon. Sekne se bilkul theek ho jaayega." A massive hand shot out and stopped her in her tracks. "Marwana hai kya, Anandiji? Shaadi ke din mazaak bana ke rakh doogi," he glared! Taking pity on him, but still laughing, she gently made him lie down again, "Accha theek hai, toh aapko meri maalish se hi kaam chalana padega." Leaning down, she gave him a surprise peck on the cheek' "Bechaare, itna dard ho raha tha aur kisise keh bhi na paaye." Almost fondling his soft and downy skin, she continued her kneading until the silence was interrupted by a deep snore.
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