Is Bal Vivah really to blame?

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madhubala.fan

@madhubala.fan

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Posted: 13 years ago

#11

in case of anandi BV is definitely the root cause of her misery.

in case of gauri also BV is root cuase of her misery.

but in case of JAGAT ... BV was the never the cuase of his misery. it gave him the services of a wife , to play , to break , to trample , to pleausre hismelf as soon as he did his hosh sambhaalna.

and then he got another woman who was ready to gratify him in his college days.

uske haanth me to bas laddo hi laddo rahe ... i fail to see how he ever suffered becuase of DV.

i read in some forum even gandhi illtreated his wife kasturba becuase they had got married at an age of 13! when he scarcely understood what marriage was or how to treat a woman. he has himself admitted to a practice of DV on his udnerage wife kasturba.

i shudder to think actually thousands and thousands of anandi's had suffered the same fate of being treated like a toy , in the age of playing with toys and thi story was so common place.

im so sad that i dont want to continue. why girls are treated liek this when they r the ones to give birth to entir ehuman civilization.

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731627

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Posted: 13 years ago

#12

menusingh anandi ne kahan dadisa pur child marriage ka blame lagaya hai .woh to yeh keh rahi hai main is cheej ke liye aap sub ko doshi nahi maanti hoon .maine usko abhi tuk child marriage ke liye apne upar blame lagaate dekha hai baar baar woh yahi kehti hai mujheme hi koi kami rahi gayi hogi jo jagya mujhe chod kur chala gaya .yahaan tuk ki jagya ko woh is cheej ke liye doshi nahi maanti .anandi maanti hai child marriage se nuksaan hai pur usne singh family aur jagya pur kabhi dosh nahi lagayaa siway apne.

Edited by surabhi01 - 13 years ago

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NoOne12

@NoOne12

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Posted: 13 years ago

#13

Hey I have got a nice post of Aparna or bluerobin in my post the Seherwala complex. I think it is suited for this post too. Hopefully you like it 😊

Actually all the problems and mess in which jaggu finds himself now has its roots in this " sherwala complex " . But he prefers to hide this by calling himself bal vivah victim which he is not. He changed his name to jagat , said he is from jaipur hiding his real home jaitsar, decided to leave anandi for his modern girl gauri , asked lal singh to hide his real identity in college, made anandi 's name to nandini and moreover anandi became his relative in front of friends...the list goes on and on . Finally he found himself between a cobweb of lies not knowing how to unknot them. Jaggu didn't realise that people in villages too can go a long long way if properly guided and all the government schemes and programmes are implemented well resulting in social as well as economic justice.

I second her post and think that if he had not left the village, it may not have turned like this. While bal vivah did restrict his choice of life partner, it did not matter to him earlier. It was the city life which rather drove him away.

Edited by avantikasharma1 - 13 years ago

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tinoo

@tinoo

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Posted: 13 years ago

#14

Originally posted by: leo4ever
yes bv is to be blamed coz simply u cant expect every kid to grow up and honor the vows ( they ddnt understand) , for them it is carzy binding and sufforcating!!

I think it is a fallacy to say that jagat did not understand his vows or his situation.

He understood fully and then chose to ignore both his vows and his situation.

Not understanding something is very different from knowing something and choosing to ignore it/dishonour it.

He knew there was some girl called anandi living in jayetsar with his parents.

what did he perceive her role to be? was anandi the maid-servant of the singhs? was she living there to clean cowsheds? was she his sister? was she makhan's wife? was she suguna's friend? ... on what basis was she living in the haveli ... obviously as his wife... are you saying that a 20 year old man does not understand even that much? then he is not fit to be a doctor even if he is that retarded.

and never mind his own understanding -- what did he think his parents' understanding was of anandi? what did he think anandi's own understanding of her relationship with him? did he not know that she is under the impression that she is his beendhni?

and what i find really incredible about jagat is that he had already decided that gauri appealed to him, and he had made an emotional commitment to gauri by saying "mai tumse pyaar karta hoon" when anandi passed her 10th exam. At that time there was no confusion or fuzziness in his mind. Then even if he didnt reveal his relationship with gauri, he should have thought that eventually there will come a time when he will break off his relationship with anandi ... so atleast let anandi be equipped with an education to deal with that situation... let her study and have something in life ... but no he then showed that he was her beendh and had control over her...

his exact words were "anandi meri beendhni hai, aur uske beendh hone ke naate, mein use padhne se manaa karta hoo."

why? and on what basis was he saying no to anandi's further studies -- as her beendh-- so if he has no understanding of the relationship -- then why identify himself as anandi's beendh?

also, he has never really blamed balvivah for anything -- when he walked in hand in hand with gauri into the haveli post their court marriage -- dadisa gave him a tight slap -- he never had the guts to stand up for his adult choice and say "this is gauri, i met her in my adult life, and after a thoughtful adult decision have decided that she is fully compatible with me to be my adult life partner"...

instead he told dadisa "pehchana isse? aapne hi bachpan mein inse shaadi karwaai thee. aapne hi mere haathon se uske maang mein sindoor bharwaya thaa"...

which means he used the support of his child marriage to gauri to gain acceptance of gauri -- so he is a victim of his child marriage to anandi -- but the greatest beneficiary of his child marriage to gauri? 🤢

let us not say that jagat had no understanding of his vows.

he may not have had a choice in making those vows ... but definitely he had an understanding of his vows.

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Ruchira

@nobodyatnotime

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Posted: 13 years ago

#15

Originally posted by: anaamica
After seeing yesterday's episode where Dadisa is repentant of getting Jagya and Anandi married in childhood made me wonder if Bal Vivah is really the issue here. I agree BV is about child marriage, so that is always at the center, but falling for someone else or adultery has always been part of this world, isn't it?

Child marriage should not happen. Period. DS and her family are guilty of this crime, but that is not the only reason why J left A. I would place the blame on J's upbringing than the child marriage. J was pampered and was never punished enough for his mistakes. He grew up thinking he was the king of the world and nothing would stop him. His attitude continues and he thinks all the girls are waiting to 'gain him'. He still thinks Anandi will want him back. If J was set right as a child, he would respect his family and Anandi and the relatively easy life he has had.

You're quite right. Remember Gehna saying that while balvivah was a 'kupratha', Jagiya & Anandi had lived as a married couple after growing up and there had been no compatibility issues till he went to the city and met Gauri. Jagiya has been unfaithful and dishonest and he is using child marriage as an excuse to cover his own faults. Period.

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Ruchira

@nobodyatnotime

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Posted: 13 years ago

#16

Originally posted by: tinoo

I think it is a fallacy to say that jagat did not understand his vows or his situation.

He understood fully and then chose to ignore both his vows and his situation.

Not understanding something is very different from knowing something and choosing to ignore it/dishonour it.

He knew there was some girl called anandi living in jayetsar with his parents.

what did he perceive her role to be? was anandi the maid-servant of the singhs? was she living there to clean cowsheds? was she his sister? was she makhan's wife? was she suguna's friend? ... on what basis was she living in the haveli ... obviously as his wife... are you saying that a 20 year old man does not understand even that much? then he is not fit to be a doctor even if he is that retarded.

We could say he didn't understand his vows if he didn't meet Anandi after their separation in childhood and then went on to meet Gauri in Mumbai. But no, they met and lived together after they grew up, they even went on a honeymoon, damn it!

Originally posted by: tinoo
and what i find really incredible about jagat is that he had already decided that gauri appealed to him, and he had made an emotional commitment to gauri by saying "mai tumse pyaar karta hoon" when anandi passed her 10th exam. At that time there was no confusion or fuzziness in his mind. Then even if he didnt reveal his relationship with gauri, he should have thought that eventually there will come a time when he will break off his relationship with anandi ... so atleast let anandi be equipped with an education to deal with that situation... let her study and have something in life ... but no he then showed that he was her beendh and had control over her...his exact words were "anandi meri beendhni hai, aur uske beendh hone ke naate, mein use padhne se manaa karta hoo."

why? and on what basis was he saying no to anandi's further studies -- as her beendh-- so if he has no understanding of the relationship -- then why identify himself as anandi's beendh?

I think jagiya knew within himself that the flimsy grounds on which he was justifying his own adultery (that Anandi is not good enough for him) would not hold if Anandi went on to do hugher studies. What is disgraceful is that an enlightened and educated and so called modern young man prevents his wife from studying- that too the wife who had helped him pursue his dreams of becoming a doctor in the first place.

Originally posted by: tinoo
also, he has never really blamed balvivah for anything -- when he walked in hand in hand with gauri into the haveli post their court marriage -- dadisa gave him a tight slap -- he never had the guts to stand up for his adult choice and say "this is gauri, i met her in my adult life, and after a thoughtful adult decision have decided that she is fully compatible with me to be my adult life partner"...
instead he told dadisa "pehchana isse? aapne hi bachpan mein inse shaadi karwaai thee. aapne hi mere haathon se uske maang mein sindoor bharwaya thaa"...

which means he used the support of his child marriage to gauri to gain acceptance of gauri -- so he is a victim of his child marriage to anandi -- but the greatest beneficiary of his child marriage to gauri? 🤢

let us not say that jagat had no understanding of his vows.

he may not have had a choice in making those vows ... but definitely he had an understanding of his vows.

I think for all of Jagat's talk of being a modern, urban guy for whom a simple village belle such as Anandi is simply not good enough, he is as conservative as Kalyani was in certain matters. He can't accept a wife doing better than him, be it Anandi or Gauri. And he is a bloody spoiled brat who is used to always get his own way. Honestly I feel sorry for Gauri sometimes, although she dug her own grave when she decided to marry a guy who had not only cheated his first wife but also lied to her about his home, family and marital status.

Edited by nobodyatnotime - 13 years ago

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tinoo

@tinoo

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Posted: 13 years ago

#17

yes, see jagat did not want her to continue after her 10th std because slimebag that he was ... he was not thinking about her rehabilitation which would be required after he eventually broke off with anandi ... which is what a decent sensible man would do... instead he was thinking how it would weaken his own reason that anandi was not his laayak ...

it was a shock to him that from 4th standard pass she suddenly did a quantum leap and cleared the 10th std. exams in one go ... within two years, she could get a B.A. or a M.A. too... then that carefully crafted story of her being no good and not his equal would not hold...

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AnotherAdmirer

@AnotherAdmirer

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+ 6

Posted: 13 years ago

#18

Nice post :) I agree with you, it's Jagya more than Bal Vivah which is to be blamed in the present scenario.

Everything aside the guy cheated on his best mate.(she was not only his wife, but best friend too lets not forget that)

Bal Vivah is to be blamed because it was suffocating for these two, it wasn't something either of the two wanted, it was forced into their lives. A bond of marriage. BUT that holds true till they were kids.

Jagya had no probs with Anandi as his wife, coz when Anandi came back to Jaitser, he readily accepted her. So he cant say i didn't want this, you forced me etc etc...coz yes at one point they did force you, but you accepted her, so the accusation from J's part doesn't rlli stand.

The mess J is in, is created by himself. Reminds me of his little walk on the footpath where he questioned God as to where was he wrong? That's the problem with him, he thinks he is always right. No realization of his actions whatsoever.

J never carries any baggage with him, for all the wrong he does he blames someone else.

And partly to be blamed is his upbringing, i always wondered how J was a spoilt brat and even more glad when they showed Nandu treading the same path. It was simple. Grandson's were showered with all the love and care, with their mistakes forgiven. Even Anandi's upbringing to an extent has been done by the family...but we all know how Dadisa differentiated between the two.

Currently J is a full blown negative character, this is the first show in which i am interested in the negative character's story...else in typical daily soap shows one just wants to kick the negative guy out from the screen. The show has some amazingly well written characters with real facts to back them for who they have become.

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Samanthav

@Samanthav

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Posted: 13 years ago

#19

If bal vivah really ruins a girl life like Anandi then bal vivah is blamed!!!🥱🥱🥱

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Jan50

@Jan50

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Posted: 13 years ago

#20

Thank you for this wonderful thought provoking thread. Loved all the comments made. They were very perceptive and analytical. Yes., Bv is bad but along with it there are so many things that was wrong with some of the traditions. Over control of the oldest like DS under whom no body can say anything. Sumi had no control over disciplining her Son where DS ended up over pampering. In addition to the way one is brought up, it is also the individual's nature. One could see plenty of difference bet Vasant and Bhairon I those days when it came to treating their wives. Bhairon stud up against what he perceived as wrong by DS. But Vasant was too much of Mama's boy.

Jagya still has some good qualities, but overshadowed by certain demonic qualities showing up because of sudden exposure to modern life where he was ashamed of his village up bringing. What is controlling him is his ignorance.

Where as Anandi suffered mainly because of BV. She could have gone a long way if her parents let her study. It is mainly the old fashioned wrong thinking that leads to misery.

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