recently in a discussion i had noticed an ideology that women like to wallow in abuse and they try to glorify it by talking about it.
what right do they have to preach about ending it if they have themselves not opted for a divorse or any other betetr options.
needless to say i tried all i could to reason till some respected forum members took offense. but the thing is there is still so much that i have got to say.
the abused woman does not like to be abused. she however is in denial that this is what is happenning to her relationship. she is having trouble believing that the man she loves treats her so bad. th denial can be a phenomenal thing to overcome. needless to say some never overcome.
there are many myriad emotions which come down t the basic insecurities of human nature. biggest being " WHAT IF I AM AT FAULT"? A SENSE OF INTROSPECTION. women are not sure if they have pushed all the right buttons in their relationships becuase we as society expect too much out of them. some things are crystal clear principals, others are not.
they try hard to modify themselves by trying to garner qualities their partner is expecting. they try to become his idea of woman to keep the one they love , in their lives. kind of why anandi entertained gauri becuase to her gauri was an epitome of what her sweetheart wanted.
it takes phenomenal courage to wake up each day and pull oneself out of deep depression and sorrow and tell oneself : i am going to make it better, it is going to get better.
it takes phenomenal courage to keep on loving the oen you love , inspite of all the crap dished out to you.
again people will feel ... why stay in a relationship? i will give an answer to that. THESE WOMEN VALUE RELATIONSHIPS. THEY VALUE THESELVES, THEY VALUE THEIR SEXUALITY. THEY VALUE THE INVESTMENT THEY MADE IN A RELATIONSHIP. they are nto cowards or lacking in self respect. they are infact the exact opposites! they are unable to accept a defeat in relationship and are willing to push themselves to newer levels of tolerance/adjustments/changes required to make it work! it however becomes a trap when the controlling partner starts using this mentality and willingness of theirs as a pattern to control them.
the thing is not just eastern women like anandi btu even western women who are so far ahead than us in areas of feminism, put up with abuse for years! i am providing a URL here to a site
www.aphroditewounded.org this site has countless stories of all western women who put up with abuse for years , witnessed a slow erosion of self esteem and self worth . it took years for them to conquer their fears, collect their self confidence and WALK OUT. here it is worth mentioning that int he west the stigmata attached with divorsee women is far less and the society is willing to give them a second chance or so on the surface at least. despite that , these women have trouble trusting a second person, issues initiating a new relationship and the scars take eons to heal or sometimes the body dies but scars remain.
the thing while we are quick to advocate divorse as a universal panacea to every marital problem and problems related to emotional/physical/ sexual abuse ... we forget one thing.
the woman in question woul be left alone to deal with the financial , emotional mess post divorse and none would be in any position to help her for real. she might be without a professional qualification with dependent kids, she might be stuck in a foriegn land with numerous visa issues and no money to buy ticket to freedom. she may have a plethora of problems we may never understand. some women just want to keep the marriage together to avoid the psychological trauma associated with divorse on kids. kids do not choose to be in the mess created by adults, but they often end up paying the worst price. IMO if a woman chooses to stay in an abusive marriage for whatever reason and believe she is going to mae it work again , we shoudl appreciate the courage she is displaying in the face of danger . while we can encourage her to separate becuase abuse may get worse in soem cases without the scope of improvement, we cannot force her to abandone her own reasons in the face of our idealisms. very few , miniscule percentage of troubled marriages show a scope of improvement and even lesser undergo actual improvments ... lets congratulate these women for what they believe has been a success in their lives, no matter what we consider it, it is still a success of sorts they can proudly say ... i have made it work again. it is not like they are happy with their lives or their partners, it is just that they have reached a stable platform in their lives after a lot of struggle.
to think these women like being abused, or are wallowing in their msieries by not letting go of memories is wrong. when they narrate their lives, it is with hope that people can stop by and say "well done, u managed to survive ". and they are nto trying to advocate abuse. we however take that away from them the moment we pass our superficial judgements of them being nto brave enough.
they are brave , just at a different level, in a different time. what they dotn have is A BETTER OPTION! these women are not victims they are SURVIVORS.
thank you all for taking your time off to read , im feeling light by letting it off my chest. i hope my post shows anandi in a different light and does a little bit to settle the accusations being made against her.
love you anandi ... u go girl, u are a SURVIVOR!
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