For once, let HER decide

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woman11

@woman11

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

There have been multiple threads on Anandi's rejection of Shiv. Some have called her outright insane and stupid, while some others label her as showing arrogance and too much attitude. My point is why won't we let Anandi make decisions about her own life for once. Till now she has never got to make decisions for herself on her own, everybody else thought it was their right to decide about Anandi's life:

1. Her own parents married her off at a tender age of 8 and sent her off to a stranger's house. She was not in a state to take a decision.
2. Dadisa decided about her life from now on, including how she should behave, what she should do, whether she should continue her studies or not, whether she should be thrown out of home or not. Anandi had no say.
3. Bhairon made a decision that she should be sent away to her parents place during their adolescence. Again Anandi had no say.
4. After growing up, Jagya single handledly decided to end their marriage. Again, Anandi was not consulted.
5. Bhairon decided Anandi should become a doctor. Anandi's own ambition was not asked, till she herself spoke up.
6. Gauri decided to dictate Anandi that she should not become a doctor. Gauri also claimed the right to single handedly decide when to abuse Anandi, when to act friendly, and when to use her for her own nautanki with Jagat. Anandi did not ask for any of it
7. Jagat also singlehandedly decided when he wanted to be friends with Anandi and when to abuse her. Again, Anandi was not consulted.
8. The villagers decided that she should be the sarpanch.
9. Badi massi decided that Anandi should be Jagya's beendni and dadisa requested so.
10. Dadisa decided that Anandi should get divorce.
11. Dadisa decided that Anandi should get married.
12. Dadisa and Shiv decided about the marriage deal, Anandi was not involved.

Throughout her life, only other people have made decisions on her behalf. Whether those were for Anandi's good or were to damage Anandi is pointless. The point is she has never had a chance to decide how she wants to live her own life. PERIOD. This is the first time she has put her foot down and claimed her right over her own life. And unlike Gauri and Jagat's decisions about their own lives, her decision does not involve breaking a marriage or ruining the life of another person in a commitment (though Shiv is involved, his life will be minimally affected by Anandi's decision; nor is Anandi in a commitment with Shiv).

So let it be. Let her decide what she wants to do---whether she wants to remain single, or get into a relationship, or marry some other guy, or become a homosexual----that's her decision. It's her life, let her live it her way for once. PERIOD. And let it be a lesson for us viewers how to respect a person's personal decisions and space in the real world too.

Edited by woman11 - 13 years ago

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KwitKatts

@KwitKatts

Dazzler

Posted: 13 years ago

Loved your post Antara😃😃 Needed to read something like this. The forum has suddenly turned so negative😭

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Asha

@Chytra

Voyager

Posted: 13 years ago

👏 Good post Antara!
everyone has become skeptical with the all permutations and combinations possible. I just want to chill. I know jagat won't even get Anandi's left leg sandal's dust.

And coming to AnSh, it will happen. if not now latter. but it will happen and Anandi will trust and love once again in her life.😳

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bluerobin

@bluerobin

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

hello dear , I agree with all the 12 points except the 10th one , DS noted her change in behaviour after jaggu called anandi and told she wants to somehow snatch him from gauri, throwing of that toy box and key landing at DS' feet. If DS hadn't asked anandi to divorce jaggu, she would have never thought in her wildest dreams to divorce him . And if she is ready to live with the tag of a girl being left by her husband for another lady and even after that doesn't want divorce from him , its her wish .

Note - I just said my point of view , that doesn't mean I hate anandi . But I love shiv 😊

Edited by bluerobin - 13 years ago

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Simran

@Simran114

Explorer

Posted: 13 years ago

Amazing post😛

Anandi hasn't had the chance to make her own choices. Regardless, if people agree with her choices or think they are mistakes. It's her life, she has every right to make her life decisions. Just because she lives in a rural area does not mean her right to make decisions concerning her life evaporate into thin air. Its a nice change that she's being assertive and not a push over that agrees with whatever everyone decides for her. She can't be happy like that, she'll just end up miserable.

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ButterflyChaser

@ButterflyChaser

Rocker

+ 6

Posted: 13 years ago

Nice post 👏.

So true... Anandi has full right to take her own decision. After all it's her lyf. and m sure CVs will easily wipe away all the negativity from the show. All this scenes will lead to something gud.

Edited by mishti31 - 13 years ago

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woman11

@woman11

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: bluerobin
If DS hadn't asked anandi to divorce jaggu, she would have never thought in her wildest dreams to divorce him . And if she is ready to live with the tag of a girl being left by her husband for another lady and even after that doesn't want divorce from him , its her wish .

That's precisely my point. Some decisions taken by others have been for her good, but the bottomline is she didn't get to make decisions for herself. This is the first time she has decided something for her own life, and I want to appreciate that.

That said, I do not support Anandi blindly. I do not appreciate Anandi going over to blast Shiv. That was a breach of personal space on her part. Nor should she have commented anything about Shiv-Ashi relationship. That was a personal matter between Shiv and Ashi.
But apart from that I think she has every right to decide whether she rejects Shiv or jumps into his lap at the first opportunity.

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dixie123

@dixie123

Sparkler

Posted: 13 years ago

Good post Antara ! I agree she is not a kid anymore and needs to decide whether she wants to marry the second time.

Btw, eagerly waiting for your FF. Hope you are not distracted with the other discussions on the forum ! Please do update..

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

Originally posted by: woman11

5. Bhairon decided Anandi should become a doctor. Anandi's own ambition was not asked, till she herself spoke up.
6. Gauri decided to dictate Anandi that she should not become a doctor. Gauri also claimed the right to single handedly decide when to abuse Anandi, when to act friendly, and when to use her for her own nautanki with Jagat. Anandi did not ask for any of it
7. Jagat also singlehandedly decided when he wanted to be friends with Anandi and when to abuse her. Again, Anandi was not consulted.
8. The villagers decided that she should be the sarpanch.
9. Badi massi decided that Anandi should be Jagya's beendni and dadisa requested so.
10. Dadisa decided that Anandi should get divorce.
11. Dadisa decided that Anandi should get married.
12. Dadisa and Shiv decided about the marriage deal, Anandi was not involved.

Throughout her life, only other people have made decisions on her behalf. Whether those were for Anandi's good or were to damage Anandi is pointless. The point is she has never had a chance to decide how she wants to live her own life. PERIOD. This is the first time she has put her foot down and claimed her right over her own life. And unlike Gauri and Jagat's decisions about their own lives, her decision does not involve breaking a marriage or ruining the life of another person in a commitment (though Shiv is involved, his life will be minimally affected by Anandi's decision; nor is Anandi in a commitment with Shiv).

So let it be. Let her decide what she wants to do---whether she wants to remain single, or get into a relationship, or marry some other guy, or become a homosexual----that's her decision. It's her life, let her live it her way for once. PERIOD. And let it be a lesson for us viewers how to respect a person's personal decisions and space in the real world too.

Woman11 -- I agree that Points # 1-4 were decisions that were forced upon anandi...

with the rest of your points I am in severe disagreement ... I believe that at each and every point after #5 from #5-9 -- anandi had the choice to decide what she wanted to do ... but still willingly fell in line with dadisa's decisions -- which means that in effect, it WAS her decision to take that action... she had choices but the choice she chose was the one in alignment with dadisa's or bhairon's.

#5 -- yes bhairon wanted to make anandi a doctor and did not ask her permission -- but anandi went along with the doctor idea not because she was being forced into it -- but because she herself had no crystal clear idea what she wanted to do with her life. The day the thought crystallized in her mind that she wanted to do social service, she told bapusa -- so I feel that even if bapusa asked her prior to that crystallization -- she would willingly have gone ahead with the doctor idea because she had no orientation of her own. Its not like she was nursing a secret ambition to be a social worker which bapusa over-rode.

#6 -- gauri decided to dictate to anandi that she should not become a doctor -- gauri did not dictate anything of the sort -- all she told anandi was "mai jaanti hoo tum doctor kyun banna chahti ho -- jagat ko paane ke liye" -- she was just telling anandi dont think that even if you become a doctor you will get jagat back -- she was not telling anandi not to become a doctor -- and even if gauri said something to anandi -- that cannot be translated into saying that gauri was imposing her own decision on to anandi. Gauri had no such power.

And yes gauri decided when to use anandi for her own benefit ... but I disagree that anandi had no say or was just a puppet being guided by gauri the puppet master ... anandi was under no compulsion to play into gauri's hands... the family never forced her to do so, and gauri had no power to force her -- anandi did it willingly. Nobody stopped anandi from taking a dignified approach and distancing herself from gauri or gauri's tantrums. It was anandi's own lack of self-respect that made her actively decide to play into gauri's hands. ... so here too, it was anandi's decision

# 7. Same as above -- anandi wilfully decided to put herself in a situation where Jagat could misuse her... by repeatedly calling him, repeatedly poking that giant nose of hers into his and gauri's life... who asked her to do that? even his own family was not getting involved with J-G and they never put any force on her to interact with Jagat... If anandi, knowing fully well what his character was, still decided to go ahead with interacting with jagat ... then it was anandi's own decision to be at the receiving end of jagat's nastiness. Once again a dignified approach of keeping her distance was completely in her hands but she chose to ignore it and BASED ON HER OWN DECISION decided to enter into a relationship with cheater husband jagat.

#8. The villagers did not decide she should be sarpanch, they expressed a desire that she should be sarpanch based on her abilities and work she had done to date . BUT THE DECISION TO STAND FOR ELECTIONS WAS HERS AND HERS ALONE -- one she made in response to a challenge from heth singh who came into her living room and told her not to enter elections.

Anandi participated in an election of her own volition.

The way you are representing it is as if she was coerced by the villagers into accepting the sarpanch position against her will. This is not correct. Even if the villagers suggested it, IT WAS ANANDI'S DECISION to go through with it.

#9 Badi masi did not decide that Anandi should be jagya's beendhni ... Badi masi was under the impression that anandi is already Jagya's beendhni ... she had no idea about gauri being in the picture ... and yes dadisa requested anandi to play the role ... but once again, if anandi really really wanted to, she could have refused... IT WAS ANANDI'S DECISION to play the role of jagya's beendhni for badi maasis benefit ... now one may argue that what choice did she have? If she wants to stay at the haveli, she has to go through this trauma... but anandi does have choices if she feels it is humiliating ... she can leave the haveli and say "no i dont want to play the role of jagya's beendhni, tell her the truth that jagya has left me" ... but she didnt exercise this option and instead chose to go in line with dadisa's request ... that still makes it ANANDI'S OWN DECISION

# 10. Dadisa decided that anandi should get a divorce ... now this I dont understand ...

if you see this as not anandi's decision because dadisa initiated the divorce (and not anandi herself) , does it mean that it was anandi's own decision to remain forever married to jagya carrying the tag of his legal abandoned wife? Is that what anandi would have chosen/decided for herself? 🤢🤢 . If anandi had problems with this divorce, she could have protested then and there and fought with the singhs to remain married to jagya (just like she is fighting not to marry shiv)... so i feel that even if dadisa decided on a divorce, the decision to file for it and sign on the papers was anandi's OWN DECISION. It was not forced upon her by dadisa ... there was no way anybody can forcefully take her hand and move it over the paper to have her signature ... she could have taken a stand that she only wants to remain married to jagya regardless of whether there is any life in the relationship or not... so the divorce too, regardless of who initiated it was her own decision.

# 11. Yes, dadisa decided that anandi should get married -- not anandi's own decision -- but dadisa was not going to force it on anandi -- she couldnt. infact , she was going to finesse it over with time, and if ashi had not been a catalyst in early revelation -- she would have discussed it with anandi in a two-way fashion, taking into account all of anandi's doubts and fears.

#12. shiv and dadisa did not broker a deal about her marriage -- they were only in preliminary talks -- and neither one had taken anandi's yes for granted -- both knew that she had to be prepared for it and consulted first -- they were only sorting out their own sides first, their own ducks needed to be in a row before consulting anandi. Eventually, it would have been anandi's own decision -- shiv would not have forced himself on her or abducted her and forced her to marry him at gunpoint -- and dadisa and bhairon too would not have forced shiv on her --

I am all for anandi deciding for herself about her remarriage to shiv or the future course of her career -- but to portray anandi as a person who has been oppressed and forced into several situations where her own voice has been snuffed out is not correct. She HAS made her own decisions after reaching adulthood. They may not be choices you or I would make (e.g. interacting with gauri on a repeated basis etc.) but all those were choices anandi would make. Now the fact that the outcome of those choices (e.g. jagat dumping her yet again, gauri insulting her) were less than desirable does not take away from the fact that they were her choices.

If someone is insulting me , and I keep on saying "I have no choice, I have no choice" and listen to the insults then that is ridiculous -- ofcourse I have a choice -- to remove myself from the situation.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#10

woman11, to add on to my previous post,

what I am trying to say is that even if the decisions she eventually made were not those that flowed out from within her organically, as her own ideas ... but instead originated from outside of her by dadisa/bhairon et. al ... anandi did find resonance with these ideas of others, which is why she CONSCIOUSLY adopted them as her own.

The resonance with them is what made them her own decision.

It is not that she had one set of ideas and then wilfully chose a second set of ideas to please others by snuffing out her own personality.