Doormate vs Faminism

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Sania

@SRKLuvr

Stunner

Posted: 13 years ago

#131

Funny how opinions change so quickly. Im pretty sure nobody had a problem with Gauri before the whole marriage fiasco. In fact most liked her. But then she turned psycho. Im amazed though at how words like "goldigger" and "evil" and "mistress" entered the fray. Driving in rundown cars and living in chawls it certainly doesnt look like she is using Bhairav's money for aish or aaram. Evil. So far there is no evidence to suggest she intentionally seeks to ruin other people's lives for pleasure or money. And as for that disgusting other word - to equate her to the same would be to call all child brides a similar bad word - which I think to be very wrong.

I think its a very simple case of her past having a bad psychological effect on her future. Once she realised the Singh family wasnt going to accept her this time she saw it as a repeat of the past happenings. To those who negate the sufferings she faced in her youth - I think its extremely cruel. She is a successful doctor today because of Bhairav's money? Well he certainly funded it but at the end of the day its all her hard work and toil. Whose to say she wouldn't have a got a scholarship or something else? but in all honesty - how many people with an ounce of self respect would be happy knowing that they've been living off the thrown scraps of the family who made their life hell for so many years?

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#132

Originally posted by: tinoo

But this is just speculation hima.

How would she have "managed to complete her studies" with dadisa around?

She managed it because she had a clear path -- bade papa encouraged her, and her parents were unsuccessful in getting her married elsewhere...

How can we expect anything such extra ordinary from a girl, who cd not oppose her selling buy her parents, against her will. how can we say tht she cd stand against DS stature opposition, if she meekly surrendered against her own parents.

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ankit111

@ankit111

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#133

Originally posted by: SRKLuvr
Funny how opinions change so quickly. Im pretty sure nobody had a problem with Gauri before the whole marriage fiasco. In fact most liked her. But then she turned psycho. Im amazed though at how words like "goldigger" and "evil" and "mistress" entered the fray. Driving in rundown cars and living in chawls it certainly doesnt look like she is using Bhairav's money for aish or aaram. Evil. So far there is no evidence to suggest she intentionally seeks to ruin other people's lives for pleasure or money. And as for that disgusting other word - to equate her to the same would be to call all child brides a similar bad word - which I think to be very wrong.

I think its a very simple case of her past having a bad psychological effect on her future. Once she realised the Singh family wasnt going to accept her this time she saw it as a repeat of the past happenings. To those who negate the sufferings she faced in her youth - I think its extremely cruel. She is a successful doctor today because of Bhairav's money? Well he certainly funded it but at the end of the day its all her hard work and toil. Whose to say she wouldn't have a got a scholarship or something else? but in all honesty - how many people with an ounce of self respect would be happy knowing that they've been living off the thrown scraps of the family who made their life hell for so many years?

Tht is the difference. we analize character as it is shown in the serial and not make an impression and thn defend tht any how, even its undefendable😆😆 initially she was shown as girl of principle, who gave lecture against child marriage, who told tht she will never be friend with a cheater. so we liked tht character, but thn it was shown tht her kathani and karani not match. she was dying to get BV status, she is offended tht her child marriage was broken. she is very happily not only become friend of a cheater, but married with him, even not thinking abt other girl. her character changed, our opinion changed😆😆 we r not bound to defend or like any character. tomorrow, if Anandi will start planning plotting, we will denounce her too, atleast i can give u guarantee from myself😆😆

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hppppp

@hppppp

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

#134

Originally posted by: tinoo

But this is just speculation hima.

How would she have "managed to complete her studies" with dadisa around?

She managed it because she had a clear path -- bade papa encouraged her, and her parents were unsuccessful in getting her married elsewhere...

Anandi "sacrificed" her studies herself even when she had the chance to go ahead with it. Gauri wouldn't have done that.

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Blukitten

@Blukitten

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#135

Originally posted by: hima_123

Anandi "sacrificed" her studies herself even when she had the chance to go ahead with it. Gauri wouldn't have done that.

How can u be so sure of tht ??

Maybe she would also have sacrifised her studies under Dadisa's pressure...After her fake marriage she did all beendni duties to impress dadisa making kheer etc...

maybe she would have given up her studies too to impress her...Persuing education by opposing dadisa requires very strong mind and determination which Gauri lacks.

She hardly opposes her parents...does whatever her mother says...easily gets influenced by anyone...just one suicide drama convinced her to marry Jagya...One Shivani's sob story convinced her to drop abortion plan...

According to her Jagya is bhola bhala...All this dosent give impression of a determined brain..she only shouts and scream kyun kyun thts all.

So I dont think she would have continued her education had she reamined haveli's beendni.

Edited by niharika_n - 13 years ago

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hppppp

@hppppp

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

#136

Originally posted by: woman11
In real life a lot of people take bribes because they don't just sit idle if they want to buy a car or a new house. They start earning money by any means because it's their happiness that matters.

In real life there are many mother in laws who happily burn their daughter in laws for dowry. They don't start sit idle if the daughter in law brings in some crap dowry in her marriage. They really take actions against them and lashes back if their demands are not fulfilled.

In real life there are many rapists who just get the girl they want. If they like a girl, they just go for her, without caring about any other things. After all one should only do what pleases only himself/herself.

In real life, there are plenty of people who cheat on their wives, betray their friends, kick out their parents, do villainous office politics all because they just care about their own happiness. They just don't take any crap from life because they selfishly pursue their own happiness. Why should they think about others and not themselves?

I hope you have immense respect for all these people as well, because not only are they realistic, they also do not take any crap from anyone. They just look for their own personal pleasure. They are all go-getters
If hurting others, abusing people, cruelly attacking a victim, forcibly disrupting a family, pushing terminally ill patients to the verge of dying-- just because one should only care for his/her own happiness-- is justified, then all these people should be given standing ovations.

not sure if you read my post properly. I have already said shouting and screaming was a negative aspect of her. For the rest of the things you're accusing Gauri of...I'd disagree. You're talking of globally accepted illegal things here...Gauri can be punished in no court of law yet, even if live telecast of her "sins" is broadcasted...yeah even fr shouting and screaming :-)

yes. none.

maybe you could try using more relevant analogies.

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hppppp

@hppppp

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

#137

Originally posted by: niharika_n
How can u be so sure of tht ??
Maybe she would also have sacrifised her studies under Dadisa's pressure...After her fake marriage she did all beendni duties to impress dadisa making kheer etc...

maybe she would have given up her studies too to impress her...Persuing education under dadisa requires very string mind and determination which Gauri lacks.

She hardly opposes her parents...does whatever her mother says...easily gets influenced by anyone...just one suicide drama convinced her to marry Jagya...One Shivani's sob story convinced her to drop abortion plan...

According to her Jagya is bhola bhala...All this dosent give impression of a determined brain..she only shouts and scream kyun kyun thts all.

So I dont think she would have continued her education had she reamined haveli's beendni.

Anandi hadn't sacrificed under "pressure" ...refresh your memories--the "pressure" was on her to continue her studies. The whole family was trying to put a pressure on Anandi to continue. She sacrificed...out of the feeling of sacrifice only. Gauri would not do that.

As far as being strong minded and determined is concerned--which you are saying Gauri is not-----...not sure how many traumatized children can rise above their situation, and become doctors. For me it is a big thing and really big on a child's part...she wasnt enjoying rose gardens as a child in my opinion. May be its not big deal on a child's part for you!

Edited by hima_123 - 13 years ago

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hppppp

@hppppp

Inactive

Posted: 13 years ago

#138

Originally posted by: woman11
Anandi too had the same personality when she was young. She questioned many of the rituals imposed on her, hid under her bed to complete her studies, revolted to many blind rituals and had shown resistance in her own way.

Yet, DS's strict rule successfully managed to condition her to give up studies and it had nothing to do with Anandi's original personality. I doubt if Gauri would have been able to pursue her career if she were a haveli beendni. As she herself said, she clung to studies so passionately precisely because she was rejected in other aspects of life---studies became a substitute for her broken marriage and not a passion to be pursued for its own goal. She still craves for the lost beendni status and hardly thanks her stars that studies was a boon that came along that bane.

1. Anandi was happy to be a beendni always. Gauri resisted her own child marriage for her studies.

2. Anandi sacrificed her studies...even when the rest of the family was trying their best to make her continue her studies. The Haveli's conditions..with Saas Sasur friends everyone standing by Anandi at that time---were much better than Gauri's conditions at that time. Its easier for rich people with supportive parents to continue their studies, compared to a poor, ostracized and traumatized child.even if people want to think otherwise.

What happened to the 5 years when Anandi was at her parent's place??

What about the time when Bhairav, Sumitra, Sugna, Jagya...everyone was trying hard t convince Anandi that she should study?? It was all due to Anandi's sacrificing nature. Yes...dadi sa opposed it...but the number f people who whole heartedly backed and supported it...was still too many!!

If Anandi's situation did not allow her to study...I disagree that Gauri was in the best situation to study. When people are poor...its hard for them to focus on studies---even if they are given free education. Add to that...all the social stigma and everything she had to bear at the tender age...adults can't get over it---she was just a child.

Gauri she was much worse off than Anandi...at that age.

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tinoo

@tinoo

Rocker

Posted: 13 years ago

#139

Hima,

I see what you are saying, but once again feel that we are locked in a one-track lens of seeing gauri as ambitious and "successful" because she went to college, and anandi as unambitious and non-successful because she did not go to college.

Yes, gauri studied.

Yes anandi did not study...whether it is because of dadisa's pressure or whether it was because of some kind of sacrifice.

But the point I'm trying to make is that both girls cannot be compared on the basis of studies ...because their aspirations were very different.

Gauri from the beginning wanted to be a doctor... and a doctor needs formalized educational training granted by an accredited institution... so it was very clear that if she wanted to achieve her aspiration, then she would have to study further in a formalized schooling system...and the path was very clear - MBBS curriculum.

Anandi from the beginning wasnt very clear as to what she wanted to do ...but she did have a very strong bent towards social service, oratory etc... and she did not *need* an education to help people. It would have been nice if she had acquired a degree in social work or law or something, but it was not required for her to do what she wanted to do... so she could fulfill her ambitions in other ways ... by opening a girls school, by opening an adult education, by helping out with domestic violence issues etc. ... Anandi acquired clarity at a later date as to how an educational qualification would help her and which path she would want to take.

I think different individuals have different paths and it would be very unfair to pitch one person's path against another's in the quest to decide who is "better".

There are many people who acquire clarity at a later date after they've gathered up a series of life experiences... and there are different learning styles. Also, Gauri may fall in the category of the typical academically inclined learner who can navigate school systems and educational processes.

Anandi may fall in the category of experiential learners who learn best with on the job training through a series of experiences..and who are not interested in sitting with their books and learning for the sake of passing exams... and in anandi's case, social work is best learned through experiential mode .

The fact that anandi did not pursue her education cannot be a marker for calling her lazy.

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Manasi

@Manasi_16

Stunner

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

#140

There is not much left to say on this topic after the wonderful arguments put forth by tinoo & Anthara👏👏👏👏

But I will still add my 2 cents😳 I have not read thru all 18 pgs...so forgive me if I am repeating the points!

The whole foundation of this argument - that Gauri is strong/successful while Anandi is a doormat - itself is faulty. Who says that achieving your professional ambition is the be-all & end-all of life?? In fact Gauri herself is proving this wrong. She is on the verge of attaining her MS degree...a dream she has passionately nurtured all thru life...but is she happy?

At the end of the day...what does one want from life? Contentment, happiness, satisfaction, a clear conscientious and most importantly, peace of mind. Tell me, which of these does Gauri have?

Gauri has completed her education (in the field that she wanted), is now married to the man she loves, her parents are staying with her, she has friends etc. She was carryng the child of the man she is in love & married to. But she is not CONTENT. And nothing in the world matters unless you are content with your life.

Anandi on the other hand, could not complete her education at the time she wanted, her childhood was also marred bcoz of this bal vivah. At an age when she should have been studying, she was managing the kitchen & tending to an equally young Jagya. Since her education was incomplete, she lost the connect she had to her husband, which in turn broke her marriage. She has a whole long & lonely life ahead...no matter how loving in-laws are, they cannot be substitutes for a hubby & kids! But she tries to find happiness in other things. She thinks of positives...tries to channelize her attention for the betterment of others. She tries to find her happiness in others!

Gauri (and her fans) keep harping on the traumatic past she has faced. How long can you blame the past & childhood experiences for your current behavior? I am a Masters in Psychology...and I very well understand the kind of impact childhood has on a person. But what is definitely in our hand is how much we allow the past to control our life. Are you going to keep crying over what has already happened? or are you going to pick up the bit & pieces & try to make a fresh start?

I am a exponent of Albert Ellis' REBT. Between an activating event (A) and the consequence (C), there is always a thought process, a belief (B). It is this belief which causes the consequence, & not the activating event. It is Gauri's beliefs about her rights, authorities, her demands that cause her to misbehave...but she puts everything on the head of the family & Anandi. Is she some rudderless ship that she gets directed by the attitude of the haveli ppl? Why can't she take her own life in her hand...accept responsibility for her actions, understand that Jagya is no fool that you can lead him astray? Why can't she hold Jagya accounatble for his actions? Why are other ppl always responsibility for whatever happens to these 2 jerks?

I understand that the forum is very strongly polarized in 2 direction - Anandi VS Gauri. So I will give another example which is relatively more neutral - PHOOLI.

Phooli was widowed very very early in life - when she was hardly 8 or 9. She also faced ostracization by the society since in our culture widows are considered to be inauspicious. She has also been the target of cruel manipulations of the world for their own benefit. In fact her case is very similar to what Gauri perceives her own to be. Gauri believes that Singhs ruined her life so many years ago & then again by giving money for her education. Phooli's life was also ruined when her in-laws refused to take her home her her child groom dies. As an adult, she can faced the trauma again when the same in-laws cheated her, took her home & then wanted to snatch her baby. But we don't see her screaming at every tom, dick & harry...blaming the whole world for her misfortunes. She also has moved on life & is trying to find contentment in the things she has, instead of running after what she can't get.

If others can get over their past & try to secure their future, why can't Gauri? Why is she so special that everybody around her has to understand her POV & behave accordingly?

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