Originally posted by: woman11
I completely agree with you about the melodrama of the serials. However, the question is not of amplifying the woes of a woman whose husband has left her. The issue is that of feeling for a victim-----------whatever might the circumstances be---------and sympathizing with someone going through a bad phase in life without committing any conscious mistakes.
When I feel bad for Anandi, I don't lament the loss of her beend but rather feel for the pain that she is going through for no fault of hers. I had felt equally bad for Gauri's pain when she discovered Jagya had cheated on her, or the Singh family's pain when they realised they have lost their son or Anandi's earlier pain when she was forced to quit her studies. It's the affect of pathos in the narrative, and it has nothing to do with the importance of a man in a woman's life. Rather it is an empathy that comes from seeing someone suffer for no fault of hers, because somewhere it resonates in my own mind the memory of a pain which I might have also suffered for no fault of mine either. The cause of the pain is quite insignificant in the universal feeling of sympathy.
The fact is everybody has a relative sense of value of things. Someone values money more than anything, hence loss of money can be life shattering for that person. For others, money might not hold so much importance as family, hence loss of family would amount to the worst loss for him. Someone else may value her beauty the most and might feel absolutely miserable at the prospect of aging while for others that's no issue at all. No two person will agree on what he or she values the most in life and hence it is preposterous to judge the magnitude of someone else's personal loss based on our own scale of worth of things. Marriage might not carry the most value in my life but for Anandi it does. Similarly, I will be devastated if I lose my career or financial independence, but maybe for Anandi that's no loss at all !!! So the point is NOT what one values the most and whether he/she should value it or not, the point is what effect does the loss of that thing have on someone. My sympathy for Anandi is solely based on the pain of her loss, not what causes it. 😳
I completely understand your reasons for sympathizing with Anandi's plight...and its very human..and agree with you--that you view her pain in absolute sense of pain, without attaching any reasons and logics to it.
However I can only explain why I don't sympathize too much with her. I sympathize people only in perspective of the reason what they are going through...Reason being, when I put myself in her shoes, and try to understand her pain based on her priorities even then I can't relate to it... I feel if I were a rural girl...for whom marriage and husband was everything...I would be shattered when my husband would have treated me like a piece of unwanted furniture.I would cry my lungs out because the MOST important person in my life was treating me like tissue paper, while my life centered around him., I would cry perhaps ...365 days...24 X 7, of first year. Second year...maybe again I would have relentlessly stayed in depression...BUT I would done something about the husband's negligence part...AT LEAST in the third year, no matter whichever part of the world I was from. 1000 days of negligence, would have atleast made my mind work in a direction of moving my focus of affection and attention towards myself...Even if I couldn't take bold decisions of divorce coming from a rural background...atleast, atleast...I would have spoken to people around...atleast I'd think of the options I had irrespective of my rural upbringing. I would have asserted to my
SO LOVING in-laws to help me move forward with education...if nothing else!!...By 4th year, I would do atleast something for myself, more than being unhappy and waiting for Divine intervention!!.By 5th year, I would definitely, definitely STOP loving, an unloving, emotionally abusive guy in 5 years...!!...
Now if even my husband would bring me a "surprise gift" of doosri aurat, after his 5 years of negligence...I would not be moved...because in such a long time I would have understood something is definitely wrong, and indulge my mind in something productive to get over him, and used whatever means I'd have (anandi did have her means...she just never used them!) !!This amount of time is pretty long for a girl to adjust her thoughts, and change atleast "SOMETHING" even about the way she has been brought up!!...Which woman would cry over the SAME guy who has abandoned her for such a long time...! How does it matter who he sleeps with after so much abandoning ...!!!...Women emotionally abandon such a man, if there is nothing else they can do...
While anandi seems to be just exactly where she was 5 years back...I just can't relate to so much naiveness, even if I had HER background. And please don't tell me rural women are all so naive...!!! I bet even rural women, would create a ruckus at the first sign of cheating.(or after being abandoned)...even though they dont have so many options of moving on, neither are they state toppers like Anandi...still they do whatever they
CAN do about their situation!!...anandi did nothing, neither with her education .nor her life, nor with Jagya for SUCH a long time!!...I can't understand her character and selflessness at all. She had options to do so much for herself, unlike many other women! She wasted her options for a long time...and did nothing for herself even if she had the resources too...how come nothing gave her a clue that it was time to do something for herself...does she always need someone else to think for her?...think about the women, who are not even blessed with what Anandi had!!
These are just
MY reasons to not understand/sympathize with anandi...because I see reasons of sadness in perspective of situation...I don't dislike her character at all, infact I like her...just that I can't relate to her miseries at present, because by this time she should've realized what she was into, almost gotten over, given the amount of time gap shown, given the resources she had...however when they'll show her doing something better...I will definitely relate to her and appreciate her.
Edited by hima_123 - 14 years ago
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