WU June 30th 2011 - Page 4

Vasuja

Originally posted by: _Vrish_

Vasuja

My comments were independent of the stage of marriage. If arranged, then maybe you're right, but if it was one where the hubby knew the wife b4 they married and married her b'cos he loved her, he'd be pretty protective of his wife even @ that stage.

Vriish arranged or love marriage men and women have their specific traits of behaviour...It is not to do with love or anything else. May be I am not an expert in explaining it to you. you can read the book,"men are from mars and women are from Venus." to really understand what I mean. This book is written by a western author , a society were both husband and wife live seperately from the in laws and marry only on the basis of love and courtship and understanding and don't get into arranged marriages. It is one of the best selling books of all the time and many men and women agree to it.

Originally posted by: vasuja

Gauri's mom taught her duniyaadhari by asking her to do kuldevi pooja

but the first thing to teach G is never talk bad abt ur sasuma to ur husband that too when u r newly married. Husbands will always stand up for their mom and not for wife

I am not justifying Jagya, but majority of men in the world, whatever society they belong too, however forward they r reactexactly the same way as Jagya does..

Originally posted by: Rach1

In my opinion husbands should not support either the wife or the mother, they should stay out of it and let the wife and mother sort out their relationship. Both the wife and mother are adults and they should be able to deal with their conflicts and shape up their relationship and should try not to pull the son/hubby into it either.

Like when Gauri was asking question to DS why she cannot eat with everybody and why she need to eat from jhoota thali, Jagat should keep out of it. Also Gauri shouldnt be going to Jagat to complain everytime someone from the family does something that bugs her either.

Rach husband not liking wife's comments about his mom is so common .The scenario is shown as a serious or comedy scene in world film industry. But looks like I have upset the men in the forum stating this. I am not the first one to state it. Big scholars in the world have stated it.

thanks for the superb update :)

Originally posted by: Rach1

In my opinion husbands should not support either the wife or the mother, they should stay out of it and let the wife and mother sort out their relationship. Both the wife and mother are adults and they should be able to deal with their conflicts and shape up their relationship and should try not to pull the son/hubby into it either.

Like when Gauri was asking question to DS why she cannot eat with everybody and why she need to eat from jhoota thali, Jagat should keep out of it. Also Gauri shouldnt be going to Jagat to complain everytime someone from the family does something that bugs her either.

Agree with you Rach, husbands should keep out of it. If only the issue becomes too serious then he can step in.
But apart from that, a married woman herself has some responsibilities. It's not a matter of women's sacrifice or anything but a basic understanding of human relationships. If I ever have a tiff with my mother-in-law I try to solve it myself, without dragging my husband into it. My mother in law is like my own mother-----and like any mother-daughter you can have difference of opinion---but that doesn't mean my husband needs to be dragged into it. I am sure not many women would involve their husband if it's a matter between her and her own parents. They will try to solve things on her own. Things get solved much better on one to one basis.

Now Gauri's situation is different, but the same rule applies. Firstly, she should understand that hers is not a normal marriage and should not therefore expect the same treatment from the Singh family. The wisest thing for her is to stay away and save herself from insult. She did give it several tries----fine, granted---but when her plans are failing over and over again she should stop pestering them. It's best for her to keep distance.

Secondly, if she is so adamant to extract good behavior from Sumitra then she should talk to Sumitra personally, like the way she talked to Anandi, but not bringing up what she wants but rather explaining the situation to her and saying that she understands their anger. She should tell Sumitra that she did not know that Jagya was married and they got married in a jiffy and that it was not her intention to come to the haveli and hurt them. However, if Sumitra doesn't want to accept her as a daughter-in-law, then fine she understands it and respects her wish. Bas that's all. That will set Sumitra into thinking and if not accept her as a beendni, at least she might stop being rude to her.

Gauri hasn't done anything to bridge the gap between herself and the family------forcibly doing puja and cooking kheer doesn't count as actions of proper communication. She fails to understand why the family is angry with her, provokes them all the more and then complains to her husband about them. As a married man or woman one needs to make some efforts to win the hearts of the in laws---and the first step towards it is to understand them. One needs to analyze the situation carefully and understand the in laws from their point of view. But when there is so much of a communication gap, complaining will only worsen the situation.

Originally posted by: woman11

Agree with you Rach, husbands should keep out of it. If only the issue becomes too serious then he can step in.
But apart from that, a married woman herself has some responsibilities. It's not a matter of women's sacrifice or anything but a basic understanding of human relationships. If I ever have a tiff with my mother-in-law I try to solve it myself, without dragging my husband into it. My mother in law is like my own mother-----and like any mother-daughter you can have difference of opinion---but that doesn't mean my husband needs to be dragged into it. I am sure not many women would involve their husband if it's a matter between her and her own parents. They will try to solve things on her own. Things get solved much better on one to one basis.

Now Gauri's situation is different, but the same rule applies. Firstly, she should understand that hers is not a normal marriage and should not therefore expect the same treatment from the Singh family. The wisest thing for her is to stay away and save herself from insult. She did give it several tries----fine, granted---but when her plans are failing over and over again she should stop pestering them. It's best for her to keep distance.

Secondly, if she is so adamant to extract good behavior from Sumitra then she should talk to Sumitra personally, like the way she talked to Anandi, but not bringing up what she wants but rather explaining the situation to her and saying that she understands their anger. She should tell Sumitra that she did not know that Jagya was married and they got married in a jiffy and that it was not her intention to come to the haveli and hurt them. However, if Sumitra doesn't want to accept her as a daughter-in-law, then fine she understands it and respects her wish. Bas that's all. That will set Sumitra into thinking and if not accept her as a beendni, at least she might stop being rude to her.

Gauri hasn't done anything to bridge the gap between herself and the family------forcibly doing puja and cooking kheer doesn't count as actions of proper communication. She fails to understand why the family is angry with her, provokes them all the more and then complains to her husband about them. As a married man or woman one needs to make some efforts to win the hearts of the in laws---and the first step towards it is to understand them. One needs to analyze the situation carefully and understand the in laws from their point of view. But when there is so much of a communication gap, complaining will only worsen the situation.

Watched the episode now. Looking at their kitchen, I thought, "How many vegetables do they need for a day?". After reading Suchi's update I was curious to see if they would show an easy way to make kheer. No, it is not microwavable recipe. I had to literally watch Gauri removing dabba's from the shelves. When she was decorating the kheer with cashews and raisins, I was waiting to see some nice design. Now you can see how they have literally dragged the episode. lol..The dining area scene was too long. 😃 People getting up from the dining table with angry/sad face is becoming repetitive. When Gowri left the table, I was like thank God Anandi didn't go to bring her back.

Originally posted by: Rach1

In my opinion husbands should not support either the wife or the mother, they should stay out of it and let the wife and mother sort out their relationship. Both the wife and mother are adults and they should be able to deal with their conflicts and shape up their relationship and should try not to pull the son/hubby into it either.

Like when Gauri was asking question to DS why she cannot eat with everybody and why she need to eat from jhoota thali, Jagat should keep out of it. Also Gauri shouldnt be going to Jagat to complain everytime someone from the family does something that bugs her either.

I totally get the point, but men can not keep off it the way you write unless if the issues are simple..like cooking, cleaning...e..t.c. when it came to really issues that can really scar (not literary) or cause any physical/mental abuse? The son/husband has to come in.
I mean a son should not stand there watching his wife really disrespecting/ harming his mom...like wise his mom harming or disrespecting his wife.

The problem mostly comes with the fight over right!

The man has the show them clear "equal but different "...what a mom can do a wife can not and what i wife can do a mom can not.

In most cases, those little complain, comments, expensive jokes, by the man mostly cost the riot!. Let say a son comes in looking tired and say "damn!, am having sleepless nights"...(he didnt clearly say " my office work is getting to much) and his wife gives him food, which a didnt want to eat and goes to bad...later after working in his home office, his wife already asleep...he enters the kitchen to make a quick snack and eat...his mom watching all this ..WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE WILL THINK?...or a man says in front of his mom..."i have to ask my wife first" (you should ask your wife first but didnt have to tell your mom) your mom will think she is controlling you.
Or lets say your husband keep telling you " you have to impress mom" "we should ask mom" or like Jagya say today "you have to learn to adjust to my family's way( lets say she wasnt the person forcing them to come"...no woman have to!...if you bring your wife home, you have to keep being gentle to her and encourage her not fighting her into accepting your own life. and some men...talk harshly to their mom in front of the wife...she will start thinking its ok...(you want your wife to respect mom? you do your best on that!).

So most of the time the men have to watch their mouths and be careful...because it may be a joke or you said it out of anger, but we women carry it a very long way. believe me.

your Wife and your mom are equal, but different...repeat it over and over again itll you get it!