Chapter 11
Priya tossed and turned in bed. It was 10 pm. She had hoped to have an early start the next morning in order to make up for the time she had lost in the afternoon. Her headache had worsened and sleep was evading her. Finally she got up and made herself a cup of tea. Taking it into the lounge room she sat down in the same seat she had the night Ram had gone to sleep on the lounge. Her dogs followed her in, one sitting on either side of her.
She stared at the now empty sofa, and then the tears once again fell. She told herself she was right in taking the decision to resign. She prayed that somehow, Ram would find her replacement soon so that she could get away from work soon. She had thought that she would be able to avoid Ram for the next few months and carry on with her job as before, but she knew now that Ram did not have to be in the room, for her to feel his presence. He was now a part of her and the pain she felt was never going to ease. But at least if he was not in sight she might have a better chance of keeping him off her mind too.
Suddenly the dogs barked and Priya jumped out of her seat. Then the doorbell rang. Priya guessed it had to be someone she knew from the way the dogs were wagging their tails. She looked into the keyhole. Her heartbeat once again ceased. Wwhat was Ram doing standing outside her door at this time of the night,? Something had to be wrong. Without thinking twice she opened the door, and stuttered "R..rr..am, is everyth..hing al right?"
Ram did not answer. He was once again mesmerized. Her eyes had the same hypnotic effect on him as they had on the night of the nightmare. He could not look away. He was almost sure he did not even blink. Words would not come out either. It was the dogs that broke the spell.
"I am sorry I did not mean to alarm you. I was passing by and your lights were on. I thought I would just check in and see how you are feeling. I hope your headache is better?" Ram hoped he would be forgiven for his little white lie. No one passes by anywhere at this time of the night.
"I am fine. I was not able to sleep so I was having a cup of t.tea. Please come in. In fact would you like one?" she asked,
"If you are sure I am not going to keep you awake longer." he hoped he sounded genuine. The truth was he wanted to see her again, if that meant that she would miss out on a little sleep, he'd rather that than miss out on her company.
Priya returned with his tea. She also returned with her glasses.
"Priya you have the most beautiful eyes that I have seen. Why do you hide them behind those glasses?" he had said it before he could stop himself.
"They are sensitive to light. They hurt if I don't have my glasses on." she replied ignoring his compliment.
He knew that she was making up the excuse for she had been sitting in the light without her glasses when he entered but still, Ram got up and switched the lights off. "In that case we will talk in the dark." he remarked,
Then he tried to make his way back to his seat in the dark, only to yell, as his right foot hit the leg of the coffee table. "Hell!" he gave out a small curse."
Priya made her way to the switch and soon light flooded the room again. She looked a moment in his direction, then asked "Are you ok?"
Ram nodded and walked slowly back to his seat. Priya stood another few moments by the switch, then dimmed the light and came back to her chair.
"I can't have you dropping tea on yourself as well." with that she took off her glasses. Even in the subdued lighting he could tell that she had been crying Her eyes glistened with the after effects of her tears. If he had been more in control of their situation and their relationship he would have been over consoling her. But Priya had once again built up the wall that only her nightmares seem to bring down. He decided to stay where he was. The dimmer had added softness to her features and he watched them as he took a sip of his tea.
"Priya, I have to be honest with you, I wasn't just passing by." Ram acknowledged after his sip.
"I know Ram" Priya said, a smile escaping her lips "You can't pass through here. There is nowhere to go."
Ram was glad he had owned up. He was also glad that she was smiling about it. The sign was an encouraging one.
"I actually wanted to speak to you." he was still mesmerized by her eyes. He noticed she took every opportunity to look away; the dogs were her most frequent excuse.
"I was thinking the same thing before you came." she said,
"In that case its ladies first. What did you want to talk to me about?" he asked,
Now that the moment was here, she did not know how to begin. How was she to explain her relationship with Abhay and how was she going to pressure him into finding a replacement for her sooner than later.
"How long do you think it will take before you aad..vertise my position Ram?" She stuttered,
This was not what Ram wanted to hear. The question upset Ram and this time he knew why. He was in love with her, but Priya did not return that feeling. She just wanted to leave. He was going to ask her not to make any rash decisions. He wanted to tell her that he had worked things out so that she would never have to attend a meeting. That he was setting up a new department with her heading it and it would be totally based on the internet. Where, unless there was a problem, she would never have to meet the clients. That he would do anything not to lose her. After the question she had put to him, these were not the things he could tell her. Her question meant that she could not wait to get away. Did that mean that she was going to move into Abhay's home? Priya I wish you would sit still long enough for me to be able to read your eyes, he thought. What do you truly feel?
"Are you so very unhappy at work?" he asked in a sober tone,
"Unhappy! Never Ram, I love, er my work too much for that. I just thought that now that I have decided to leave the sooner I do that the better." Priya said,
"So you are moving in with Abhay?" Ram moved to the point,
"Move in with Abhay? Ram I knew that the rumours had started about my relationship with him, but how can people assume a thing like that? How could you even think I would do that?" Priya felt insulted.
Despite all her guarded actions the time had once again come where people misjudged her actions. First her precious mother had done that, now her beloved Ram. No, she thought My decision to move out was the right one'
Ram peered into her eyes. There was hurt in them now. Hurt, was one thing he never wanted to see in those eyes or be the cause of it.
"Don't Priya, don't look at me that way. I did not mean to hurt or insult you in any way. I met Abhay this morning. He said he had asked you to move in with him. I just thought that your need to get away from work had something to do with that offer." Ram had to clear his name. He could not bear to have her think badly of him.
"Abhay told you that himself?" she asked,
"Yes. Are you? He replied and questioned at the same time
"Did he say I was?" Priya asked,
"He said he had asked you, I presumed you had not yet given your answer." Ram was watching closely.
"If he said it, and you believed it, I guess I must be." Priya said in a matter of fact tone.
"Priya, I want to believe differently. Abhay is a nice enough person. In fact, I got along quite well with him, but leaving the work you love, and he is so much older.." Ram said,
"I am not leaving because of Abhay. That decision was mine alone. Abhay has not asked me to move into his home. Even if he did, I would not be doing that. I have my own place. I am happy here." Priya cleared the situation up.
"Priya, Ram thought, all you are saying is that you will not move into his home. What I want to hear is that you will have nothing to do with him'. But to her he said,
"So we come back to my earlier question. That means, you are not happy at work. Is that correct?" Ram had taken a full circle and he was back to the start with not a question answered the way he wanted. She did not reply.
"Priya I will be honest with you, I don't want you to leave. I had already made plans for the future to ensure you never have to attending presentations and meeting. You will only have to deal with me and maybe Vikram. I was setting up a separate division that would be based on orders over the Internet..." Ram got no further,
"Oh Ram! We really do think alike. Come with me." with that she led the way to the studio upstairs. On the way up, she smiled to herself at the irony of things. Ram was ensuring that she would only have to deal with him, and it was him, that she was running from, her feelings for him that she was escaping.
Once upstairs, Ram saw her little production unit. It was fully equipped, down to the draw pins and pencils. Everything was ready. She only had to advertise and wait for the business. The sight should have made him happy but instead he felt utter disappointment. Priya would not change her mind now, she had planned and organised too much. She had even designed her business card. PS it read.
"How long have you been planning this?" he had not meant to sound as if he was accusing her, but his tone implied that.
"Ram, you don't t..think I was doing this behind your back? This room has always been like this, it's my workshop, and it's where I usually b..brought my work. But in this past week, the idea took concrete form. I only showed it to you so that you don't think later that I stole your idea."
Priya was hoping Ram would be happy for her. It seemed he wasn't. He must think, she was going to take his business with her.
"Ram, I won't be competing with R & K Kapoor. Nor am I going to try and take any of your clients" she rushed the words.
"I thought you would want to look after the Abhay Sharma file at least." again Ram could not hold back the sarcasm.
"Never, ..A..Abhay asks too many questions. I don't want direct contact with any of my clients." she joked.
Ram found himself smiling back.
"So you are definitely leaving. In that case, I will put the ad in this weekend's paper." he said hoping to find some sort of reaction in her eyes.
Instead she walked up to the desk and returned with her business card "Then, can I give you my very first business card. Who knows you might bring me luck?"
As he took it from her hand, his fingers gently brushed hers. They stood looking at each other for what seemed to be an eternity. Both hearts beat wildly but neither was able to hear the others. Ram moved forward. The spell was broken. Priya turned and walked to the wall to switch off the light. Ram looked at her standing with her back to him and then he began descending the steps.
At the bottom, he turned and watched as Priya maneuvered the last of the steps. He did not go back into the lounge. Instead he stood by the front door. If Priya had already decided to go, there was no point in staying on.
"I am sorry to see you go but I do wish you every success. I won't be seeing you tomorrow at work. I am flying to Melbourne. I have a presentation there. I'll see you when I return".
"T..Thanks Ram, I am sorry to let you down. This was the worst moment to do this to you." she began,
"Don't feel guilty Priya, you should feel proud of yourself. It's a bold venture. Though, why I am happy for you is beyond me. One day you are going to end up being competition. I can already see that." He tried to joke, but his eyes were serious as they met hers.
"Hardly a rival, R..Ram. I only want a small business, just big enough to keep me busy. But it will be mine and that is important to me right now." She said,
Say the word and a lot more can be yours' Ram thought. Instead he moved backward to let her open the door. At that very moment she moved forward and the next moment they had collided. Each tried to steady the other. This time the spell refused to be broken. And when it did, Ram had lowered his lips. After her initial hesitation, Priya found herself kissing him back. Was this another dream? Because if it wasn't, then, had the other night been real as well?
"R..Ram!" Priya took his name.
"Priya, I can't let you go out of my life after this" he whispered,
Then suddenly, Priya saw Trisha's face> She also remembered that he was her boss, and their wonderful kiss would one day be remembered as a mistake. She had to stop now.
Pushing him away, Priya stared with tear filled eyes. "Please leave Ram. Just as this street leads to nothing, any relationship between us is going to go nowhere."
Ram looked at her. He saw fear, he saw pain, and he saw distrust. She had kissed him back, had clung to him. What happened to that moment? But it was the look of distrust that froze his hands to his side.
"Please go Ram, can't you see, this was a mistake?" she pleaded,
"A mistake! How can you call it a mistake? " Ram questioned, hurt that she should think so.
"Ram please go. Please." Priya pleaded again.
Ram stared at her, hoping her expression would say otherwise. But she had closed up. He turned and walked out of the door. Even when he shut the gate behind him, he did not look back.
Priya shut the door and sank to the floor as her body was raked with sobs. It was hard enough working in the same office for the past week, how would she cope now? And that Abhay! She would have to make sure she kept her distance with him too. On the one hand he talked of making things hard for Ram then he lied about asking her to move in. Abhay was playing some sort of sick game and she had no wish to join in. She would not be one man's plaything and another man's game. This game would end now.
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
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