At an exquisite bar named THE PERFECT MATCH, Crowley, as usual had tempted Aziraphale for a drink. After a tiring day, Neha and Vikram dropped by the same bar for a few drinks. Shortly after that a guy in a blue suit with a brown trench-coat comes in-David Tennant's Doctor.
Neha jumped on the table-top and announced, Drinks on me!”
Some stranger from crowd asked, Why so happy girl?
Neha took a shot of tequila, Yo’ girl solved a hundred cases today!
Vikram looks around at their confused faces, She means she solved her hundredth case today and pulled Neha back on the floor
After a few drinks of Absinthe, everyone is quite drunk.
Aziraphale saw the Doctor, Crowley? Am I seeing things or does he look just like you? But with regular eyes.
Oh, you didn't know? I had a twin! Crowley said immediately.
Aziraphale was stunned, Since when?
Crowley smiled, Since day 3?!
Aziraphale fainted. Everyone looks at the duo. Doctor and Dr. Vikram splash some water on Aziraphale and back to consciousness.
The Doctor, observed the bar and murmured, Interesting place I ended up in, and what species is that other guy? He looks like me, but those eyes
Vikram looked at Crowley then the Doctor, Getting drunk this time might just get entertaining, they really do look alike, but the eyes, time to find out and have fun!
Neha winked at him, "Lightweight!"
Vikram nudged her, This might get fun, let's have fun with those Siamese twins
Crowley took Doctor to a side and asked, Who are you?
Doctor said, Im the Doctor!
Crowley asked again, Doctor Who?
Doctor smiled, Yes!
Crowley grew impatient, That's what I'm asking you d--mba--s!
Doctor said plainly, I am Doctor Who.
Crowley lost his calm, Did I f-k--ng stutter?
Neha overheard them and cackled.
Vikram took out a pen and paper and gave it to the Doctor, Please write your name.”
Doctor wrote his name in exquisite handwriting.
Crowley squinted his eyes at the paper, I can't read.
Aziraphale looked at him annoyed, What the f--k do you mean you can't read, you uncultured... and took the paper, Oh, I can't read it either!
Vikram snatched the paper, His NAME is Doctor WHO. F*!!!
Neha frowned, Who? As in w-h-o, is his name!? Interesting!
Doctor sighed, "Just call me the Doctor, and I know all of your names so don't bother telling me yours."
Neha notoriously pointed at Vikram, "Tell me his name!"
Doctor, peered his eyes, 328 names came to his mind, "Which one his real one or one of his 327 aliases?"
Everyone's jaws drop except the Doctors.
"All of them." Vikram said plainly.
Doctor picked a drink, "This will take some time, so grab a drink, also this is confidential information, so, close your ears?"
Neha thumped a glass loudly, "Might as well shut your mouth doctor and stop making up stories."
"You don't believe me? You are a smart cop but with a naive heart!"
Neha chuckled, "I don't believe strangers with strange names."
Aziraphale looked at him confusedly, "Is he a demon or fallen angel?"
Vikram stuck his tongue out, "How would you know?"
Doctor said, "I travel."
Neha gulped another shot, "Wait! Are you the Doctor WHO, the time traveller?"
Aziraphale and Crowley stared at him, stupefied, "Wha-"
Vikram frowned, "But he is a fictional character."
Doctor shook his head, "That's what they want you to believe. Goodness, what do they teach in school these days? Why are you kids so ignorant?"
Crowley interposed, "Then why don't we know? We have been around for millennia and still we don't know about you?"
"I have been about when you fell Crowley, I saw it happen. Aziraphale cried for weeks after that. Thanks to my TARDIS, despite looking the same, both I and my ship appear to look different according to where I land." Doctor said.
"But that part is broken now because I see a blue British police box outside." Neha added.
Doctor nodded, "Yes."
Vikram guzzled another shot, "This night just got a lot more interesting!"
Neha sipped from a large mug, "OKAY! But tell me Doctor, how many degrees you got? Like a PhD doctor or a doctor doctor?"
Doctor tightened his eyebrows, "What do you mean?"
Neha shrugged, "I don't know," pointed to all three, "Tell me their real names and who they are."
Doctor took a seat, "Aziraphale is the angel of the flaming sword who guarded the Garden of Eden before Adam and Eve were cast out, then demoted and sent on earth."
Neha and Vikram were astonished, "Ooh, Heaven and hell exist?"
Aziraphale and Crowley said in unison, "OBVIOUSLY! Duh!"
Neha said in a dumbfounded voice, "Continue."
Doctor sipped on whiskey, "Crowley part fallen angel, part demon. Didn't fall so much as sauntered vaguely downwards. And this seemingly naive human offspring, what were you calling him, er- Vik? Yeah, he was born naked, as Shahid. Orphan, went on to become perhaps one of the greatest spies in history. Specialist in long term infiltration, disruptions, all kinds of weapons and combat. Went on to secure his life from all governments by getting compromising information on all of them, picks missions according to his choice. Now is an operative of G.H.O.S.T an organization that started off a precursor to R.A.W but went rogue and now is an international body with agents around the world."
Aziraphale and Crowley winced hearing about Vikram.
Neha had too many shots of tequila and laughed, "What is my stupid doc now? Ghost?!!" Poked his face, "Seems quite human so far! But what even this rollercoaster story! Sounds great, continue!”
Vikram looked in her eyes, "So you still don't believe him? What if I told you all this is real?"
Neha laughed again, "What if I told you I am God, disguised as human"
Aziraphale and Crowley said in unison, "The possibility of that can't be denied."
“She is ineffable, no one has really seen her, you know!" Aziraphale added.
*Ariana's God is a Woman plays in background.*
Doctor said, "I did meet the cultural archetype of Devil, and some Gods, so I won't say it is impossible."
Everyone was speechless.
Vikram asked sarcastically, "Which God, by the way, Indian tradition has some 33 crore?"
Neha stared at him irritated, "It's NOT 33 CRORE, there's 33 types, koti doesn't only mean crore, you ignorant creature!"
Aziraphale agreed, "Sounds something a God could say!"
Vikram screamed.
Crowley shook his head, "No wonder I left."
Doctor kept his empty glass down, "They say God is indestructible, the only way to find out if she is one is by trying to destroy her!"
Aziraphale frowned, "Why would you want to destroy God?"
Crowley and Vikram in unison, "Because he is an as-hole!"
Neha screamed, "You think you can destroy me, you vile creatures, you'll destroy yourselves instead!" And threw some alcohol from her glass on them and pulled out a lighter, "Who wants to go first?" She asked as she climbed on top of the table.
Vikram sighed, "Oh dear.." jumped on the table and disarmed her.
Neha glared at him, "I thought you were a ghost, piss off ghost!" and pushed him down.
Vikram smirked, "Nice to see you too!"
Neha shrugged, "Is it just me, too drunk to tell what's going on, or are all of you wasted f-cks too drowned in booze?"
Everyone looked at Vikram, “Is she always like this?”
Vikram nodded with teary eyes, "How do I say, yes!"
Neha flared, "I'm gonna KILL YOU!" and lighted the lighter, Vikram's coat caught fire.
Aziraphale looked at Crowley, "Some miracle, dear! Save this innocent ghost."
Vikram screamed, "You bonehead, I thought I took your lighter!"
Neha grinned evilly, "Only idiots keep one!"
Aziraphale impatiently, "Oh dear, please repair the damage!"
Crowley took off Vikram's coat and accidentally added more alcohol on it then screamed, "Heellllfire!!!"
Doctor put ice-bucket on it to put out the fire.
Neha looked at Vikram's muscular body, "Now, you KILL ME!"
Vikram shook his head, "Go home, girl, youre drunk!"
Neha rolled her eyes, "Like you're not!"
Vikram looked straight in her eyes, "Nope!"
Everyone screamed, “B*LLSH*T!”
Aziraphale and Crowley started chanting, And then they kiss, and then they kiss, and then they ki... ”
Doctor cringed, "I don't think it's legal, they're underage?"
"Definitely not," Neha picked up the most expensive bottle from the rack, "DOCTOR WHO!! I'LL give you this bottle if you tell our real ages!"
Doctor grinned, "Easy."
Neha shouted, "Go on!"
Doctor, "Neha - 24, Vikram - 30, Aziraphale and Crowley, I leave to you. As for me I'm more than a billion years old."
Neha laughed, "You're wrong! I'm 23 years, 5 months and 2 days old" and drank from the bottle she held.
Vikram tried to take the bottle away, "I'm gonna stop you right there!"
Neha climbed the table, "Try!"
Crowley waved another bottle, "Girl, wanna try this one?"
Neha grinned, "Is that a Gold Label?"
Aziraphale whispered, "Temptation accomplished."
Vikram took away her bottle, "Don't do it. Stop drinking, for God's sake, you'll die!!!!"
Neha pouted, "I ain't a mortal like y'all!"
Everyone except Vikram burst out laughing.
Vikram picked up the Gold Label and finished half in one go.
Neha screamed, "Nooo! That's mine!!!"
"I'll let you finish the rest provided you stop after it, or else I will smash it right now!"
Neha crossed her fingers, "Ok, last one, I promise!"
Vikram gritted his teeth, "Don't cross your fingers!"
Neha was shocked, "How did you know?"
Vikram smiled, "I'm a GHOST, remember? We see everything!"
"And I'm God, I don't die." Neha said with a straight face.
Doctor rolled his eyes, "You want more stories?"
Vikram had another drink, "Let's start with you Doctor!"
Crowley grinned in excitement, "I wanna see how you tick my doppelganger"
Neha clapped and beamed like a 5 year old, "Yeesssss!"
Doctor cleared his throat, "Well, I'm from Gallifrey, a large part of my memories are locked away. I have travelled through the entirety of time, I have seen the moment when this planet began to form. I participated in a war where I killed two races - including my own and time-locked it so that their actions do not affect the universe. I have been travelling for what seems forever. Met gods, fought them, fought their opposites. But you people, everywhere I go, you interest me. My ship is bigger on the inside."
Neha said dreamily, You ship these two? The ineffable husbands? My heart!
Doctor shook his head, "No, silly girl, I'm talking about my TARDIS!"
Neha silently, "Oh!"
Crowley beamed, "I wouldn't mind it though."
Aziraphale looked at Crowley like he's the only one’.
Neha said musingly, "Look at these cuties, I’mma die!! Someone officiate their wedding already!"
Vikram and Doctor together, "Just kiss!"
Neha went feral, playing *Find me somebody to love-Queen*.
Aziraphale whispered, "Why don't you confess your love to this lady-God?"
"Relationships are dangerous in my line of work." Vikram said.
Crowley shook his head, "You're a coward!"
Doctor butted in, "Doesn't really suit someone who hasn't confessed his love to this Angel for 6000+ years."
Crowley blushed and stuttered, "Look at my actions!"
Aziraphale smiled sheepishly, "Action speak louder than words. Also your eyes have said it already my dear."
Doctor rolled his eyes, "Well, do they really?"
Vikram cleared his throat, "Shall we get to the point?"
"You're one to talk." Crowley said.
The bartender said politely, "Sirs, we have to close the bar, who's paying?"
Vikram volunteered, "I'll pay."
Crowley interrupted, "The God-woman said she would be paying."
Vikram gave a half-smile, "I'll pay through her card."
Doctor and Crowley in unison, "I like your style!"
"I don't want this night to end!" Aziraphale said absentmindedly.
The bartender, "Sir, the night has ended long ago, it's 4 am."
Crowley gave him an annoyed look, "4 am is night dipsh-t!"
Vikram interrupted, "No, it's morning, we call it the Brahm-muhurt."
Crowley sighed, "Let this old guy decide he has been everywhere."
"I'm not, I'm not that old." Doctor denied.
"You said you were about a billion years old. That's the oldest tally so far." Vikram gave a quick fact-check.
Doctor glared at him.
The bartender begged as if his life depended on it, "The door is on the left sir, I have to close, please."
Doctor sighed, "Alright, I'll put you out of your misery, please pay the guy."
Bartender showed the bill.
Vikram wide-eyed, "150,000 huh? We really got carried away didn't we? Thank God she's paying for it, we'd all go bankrupt!"
Crowley nodded, "She did say she is god, let's go to another bar."
"We can't, it's curfew hours, We're stranded till 8 am." Aziraphale said sadly.
Doctor interjected, "We could go to a different country!"
Vikram and Crowley together, "I bloody love you!"
Aziraphale said sheepishly, "What do we do to God? Can't leave her here!"
Vikram said, "We could put her in her car and take her home!"
Everyone else agreed. They put her in her car and as they're about to leave, she woke up, "Where are you going you b-stards?"
Everyone deadpan, "To a bar!"
Neha pouted, "Without me??"
Vikram, without missing a beat, "You just passed out dead drunk, so we are sending you home."
"I got no home to go, no plaace to be..." Neha sang dramatically.
Everyone shocked, "Uhh, what?"
Neha screamed, "I'm a wanderer, no home, no fam, nowhere to be..." and started crying.
Vikram, shook his head, "I'm taking you home drama queen, you guys go on. Next time, drinks are on you guys!"
Neha looked at him innocently, "What home you taking me to?"
Vikram sat in the driver’s seat, "Your home, and I will stay for entertainment as you tell your bro about tonight after he sees the bill."
Neha laughed, " LOL, who dat?"
Vikram sneered, "You suffering from a memory loss?? What's your name woman?"
Neha smacked his hand, "Oh shut up Vik!"
Vikram started driving her home.
Neha said excitedly, "Where are we going? Are you kidnapping me?"
Vikram rolled his eyes, "You wish!"
"Remember the trope where the girl is kidnapped by a con man and she falls in love with him? Lol, me neither! Now pass the bottle!" Neha said dramatically.
"Not before you fully recover, woman."
Neha smacked him again, "Bottle of water you d-mb-ss!"
Vikram passed the bottle.
Neha drank half the bottle, "So, How much was the bill?"
Vikram said with a straight face, "150k."
Neha stared at him wide-eyed, "WHAT THE F--KING HELLL!!!"
Vikram shrugged, "You said you would pay it while you were acting like a goddess."
"Okay! Who paid?"
"You, obviously! I mean, I did, from your card!"
Neha gave him a murderous glare, "You what?"
"You told me you pin once, I had to pay the bill, the bartender was kicking us out."
Neha slapped her head with hand, "That is why RBI says never share your PIN or Password or OTP with anyone. Silly me!"
Well, none of us had the money and you said drinks were on you."
"Shut up and drive or I'll kill you!" Neha said angrily.
Vikram laughed.
Neha broke a glass bottle on the window and put it near his neck, "Shut the f--k up!"
Vikram grinned, "LOL, that's cute!"
Neha said in a dangerously low voice, "You know I won't think twice before shoving it down your throat."
"I know that, but if you had to do, you would, not talk about it!"
"Grr, fine you win! But what happened last night?"
Vikram asked, "What all do you remember?"
Neha recalled, "I remember we were hanging out with three other people. Holy cr-p! It was Aziraphale, Crowley and the Doctor from Doctor Who! We were getting Aziraphale and Crowley married.."
"Then?"
"Then Doctor Who was showing off his knowledge. Telling who is what, things after that are quite blurry…messy. I remember I burnt something!"
"Oh, you did, my coat!"
Neha looked at his coat, "but how are you wearing one?"
"A little miracle by Crowley!"
Neha continued, "Oh yes, then we asked the doctor to tell his story."
Vikram, "and then I told my story."
Neha excitedly, "tell again!"
"I did say I won't tell it again."
Neha pleaded, "Pleej!!! Pretty please!"
"The physical appearance of please doesn't make any difference!"
Neha, "So you're not gonna tell?"
Vikram, "no."
Neha, "Damnn it!"
They reached her home.
"What do you mean you spent 1,50,000 in one night on alcohol?!" Arjun yelled.
"I can explain!" Neha said silently.
"Please DO!"
"Okay, so I was very happy today and I said that drinks were on me. So everyone drank too much, literally drowned themselves in booze! Then we met Doctor Who, Aziraphale and Crowley! Then we chatted and chatted and chatted all night and had a lot of fun! So I think the money was worth it!" Neha ranted.
"Go and sleep, you're too drunk and talking all nonsense!" Arjun said.
"You don't believe me? Ask Vik!"
"She's too drunk, I don't know why she's making up such a story!" Vikram shrugged.
"You LIAR!!!" Neha screamed at him.
"Just sleep woman, you're too drunk. See you tomorrow. Byeee!" Vikram waved at her and left.
"I'm not lying Bhaiya!!!" Neha said with teary eyes.
"Goodnight!" Arjun said and went to his room.
"I AM NOT MAKING UP STORY, I MET THEM!" Neha screamed and passed out drunk.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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