MAA skipping this Holi could have been a game changer

After going through severe depression several times, I have realized that when a depressed person says, "Leave me alone" is the time when he/she desperately wants someone to be with him. No, it's not the physical presence of someone he desires, he desires the emotional connection with someone. So, if you want to help a depressed person to come out of their depression, you need to go down to his level. A depressed person is not capable of climbing the ladder to reach you. You need to climb down, hold his hand, and help him take baby steps to climb up with you. To show a depressed person the bright light at the top, you first need to jump into the dark pit where he is currently stuck to free him from the trap. If only MAA told Dukhmukh that she would not be able to celebrate Holi this year as she was dealing with a loss in front of Anuj, Anuj would have definitely felt a lot better. In our darkest phase, we all desire to be chosen over anything and anyone. Anuj is going through that phase. He accepted his kid is gone for good, the only thing he can't understand is how the woman whom he depends on the most can not feel his pain. He wants a grieving partner. Forcing a depressed person to enjoy is as cruel as forcing a happy person to grieve. You don't force a depressed person to speak, you sit beside him silently for hours, because sometimes two people can communicate at a deeper level through silence than words. She has celebrated many Holis with her kids, she could have skipped a celebration to celebrate the most important relationship. It's so unfortunate that MAA never tried to understand any of her husbands.

All Anuj needs is someone who he can open up to and will understand his feelings. That poor man literally has no one. No parents, kids, or friends and the woman who he loved for 26 years does not give a single hoot about him. She does not have one ounce of sympathy for him and CA. And to all the Maa Bhakts that are blaming CA for his depression, he is probably more depressed over Maas true colours and how she can happily celebrate with her Ex family rather than spending time with him. All that poor man needs is her Time nothing else.

Oh no, she didn’t ‘want’ to go. Devika forced him to. And she went only because kal-ka Dhiraj bhai told her he’d bring Anuj there.

Devika is her friend. In no possible way she can be ‘forced’ by her to a level where she’d have to give in. Couldn’t she wait somewhere in KM for Dhiraj to get done with convincing and come out to join Anuj and Dhiraj when finally Dhiraj’d convince him ? No she couldn’t. She went because she wanted to.

Sharing grief is a process. It’s not done by uttering 2 lines everytime that even I am sad for CA’s gone. You need calm, patience and sorry to say CIVIC EDUCATION to handle a humane situation. Anuj took himself down to AnupaMAA’s level everytime like you said when he just sat beside her and let her tear up those pillows or danced with her etc.

Anu’s gaslighting and downplaying Anuj grief is the worst thing is to watch lately, really. 😡 Not going would’ve helped 200%. If Dhiraj said Anu didn’t go because of you, could’ve helped more than at least what’d happen now. But who can stop AnupaMAA ?

I don't blame her for anything happening before the divorce. She was a victim of circumstances and was brutally conditioned , manipulated , groomed by everyone. She lost her father at young age and was oppressed by her mother . Her mother didn't allow her to have friends , to play after 8 , nothing ..

But after that she became so obnoxious at every point. 😡

She is walking with an untreated trauma.

Yes, all her doings comes from her trauma and years of conditioning.

But the thing is she doesn't even twitch her finger for change but gives long lectures is annoying. BEHEN SHURU TO KAR...

GO TO A PSYCHIATRIST FIRST...

And then she has an audacity to say things about how children are so important for Ma when she sees Toshu recovering and even then she is so inconsiderate of Anuj is feeling. There is no redemption left for Anupama as a character. She has become just like Ba - egoistic and stubborn.

Bang On!!

As a person with history of years of depression, I TOTALLY agree with you.

Can I just say that your posts are one of the best things about this forum??❤

Originally posted by: prerna4rishav

Oh no, she didn’t ‘want’ to go. Devika forced him to. And she went only because kal-ka Dhiraj bhai told her he’d bring Anuj there.

Devika is her friend. In no possible way she can be ‘forced’ by her to a level where she’d have to give in. Couldn’t she wait somewhere in KM for Dhiraj to get done with convincing and come out to join Anuj and Dhiraj when finally Dhiraj’d convince him ? No she couldn’t. She went because she wanted to.

Sharing grief is a process. It’s not done by uttering 2 lines everytime that even I am sad for CA’s gone. You need calm, patience and sorry to say CIVIC EDUCATION to handle a humane situation. Anuj took himself down to AnupaMAA’s level everytime like you said when he just sat beside her and let her tear up those pillows or danced with her etc.

Anu’s gaslighting and downplaying Anuj grief is the worst thing is to watch lately, really. 😡 Not going would’ve helped 200%. If Dhiraj said Anu didn’t go because of you, could’ve helped more than at least what’d happen now. But who can stop AnupaMAA ?

Very well said Gaslighting , that's what anupama is doing and the way she kept phone on while asking Anuj of he wants to go to shah house to celebrate Holi was despicable. Didn't know i would criticise an fictional character this much. But it was below the belt , she is making Anuj villain in front of all, by making him angry and forcing him du utter some mean words so later she can play victim card. It's not even subtle. She looks like a villain schemeing planning and plotting against a man who really loved her.

Her tears evoke anger not sympathy.

She willingly left choti alone so many times only justified time was when toshu was ill otherwise it was always some drama . Dance competition was height of her drama . Main thing is she doesn't realise or act naive , that she did wrong to choti and Anuj

This women 😵

So true. I don't know about your last line but rest of the post, I completely agree.

And it's not like she doesn't understand this concept. If she didn't, she wouldn't have lied down beside her daughter on footpath. She did because she understood she needed someone to be with her at that time. But for Anuj🤔

Originally posted by: CheekuKaBeej

So true. I don't know about your last line but rest of the post, I completely agree.

And it's not like she doesn't understand this concept. If she didn't, she wouldn't have lied down beside her daughter on footpath. She did because she understood she needed someone to be with her at that time. But for Anuj🤔

Technically she did lie down ON Anuj when he was grieving Day 1 in CA’s room. But to her expectation from previously led ‘fataafat-life’, Anuj should have been done with grief after that lie down na ? Like Pakhi did. Like after previous night’s extreme shouting and fighting, we see next day Shahs celebrating tyohaar ‘sab bhul ke’.

It’s Anuj’s fault he is taking more tame than what she’s usually seen. Be shallow, be happy, be puppy. Why so deep Anuj ? Where’s your switch Anuj ?

If there are posts that reveal people are getting so badly misinformed about how to deal with their closed ones going through depression due to this show, then there are posts like this that are like an antidote, or even something like a counter-movement to that.

So impactfully written. Perhaps one of the unbelievably few good things about this show is it brought out the writer in you the way it did.