How men should be raised...

The question popped in my head when I watched Anuj pour drinks for the guests, serve food and make modak and Toshu the other day was asking Kavya to pour him a glass of water.

Anuj has no qualms about doing household chores...he doesn't have a maid or a man Friday... it's not like he can't afford one or perhaps the production house didn't care to hire one for him😆but jokes apart... yes he has GK who's been his house help all these years but my question is if its his upbringing that he doesn't mind doing these basic errands or is it the fact that he's lived in the US for a few years and picked up the habit from there.

Not trying to generalise but from what I've seen in my growing years back home is that boys are raised in a different manner...they are not expected to help out in house jobs, they don't do laundry, no washing dishes for them and cooking is a complete no no! that's the reason they struggle when they have to move away from home for jobs, education etc so why not prep them from childhood?

I agree that women(mostly😆) have that inbuilt domestic trait in them but is it wrong for them to expect their counterparts to participate in the household duties to a reasonable extent if not equally? I don't know what the situation is like now but makes me think if it is good parenting/upbringing or the backward mindset of the society we live in.

p.s: I'm not a feminist nor do I intend to cause a stir, just some casual opinions if you like...

Very nice post and points humare grand mom grand father generation will not accept this but our generation can change if they want to some families still the same thing is and it goes on in some people are changing it actually depends on upbringing there should be nothing like what girl can do what boy can no hard and fast rule all should be independent these days

Main reason if you find girls independent single without marriage do good for themselves most of the guys can't because of dependency and all they are from childhood bought but like pehle maa karegi phir wife but they should be thought to so there work on there own jaki jab akela rehna pade to reh sake yeh ab zada ho gaya

Time should change I guess manny are changing also 🤗

Very nice topic...

I have felt that it is the case of both nature and nurture. I have seen many examples that I really can not generalize this.

In my own family, my mother expects me to help in all household chores while my brother receives princely treatment.😃He really just says "Water!" and a glass of water will appear right in front of him. (Provided by me or my mom, of course) During my school days, I remember accusing her for gender bias between us, and she simply just accepted it. Her reason was, "You would go to some other family after marriage, him on the other hand, he will stay with us.. we will have lot of time to train him😆" At first I was kinda taken aback by her nonchalant answer but then after some time I also realized that there was some basic difference between us. My dad was away from us majority of our childhood. I would take every responsibility of the family at the age of 10 itself. my mother couldn't go out much because my brother was too young. I would really travel in RTC bus and do some official work and come back. that too in the time when there were no mobile. My mother really trusted 10 year old girl to do most of the adult work🤪 While we used to travel interstate, I was the one coordinating things like talking to the conductor, checking our luggage finding STD booth to call, Calling auto or taxi. And the weirdest part was we never thought it was odd. It was all natural. Now my grown up brother (who is twice as old as I was back then), still feel like he can not go back to his own hostel on his own and someone always have to drop him, That was when we realized what we were doing back then.

My mother then said that I was always ready to take any responsibilities from very young age. I was the one who would confidently say that I want to it. And she never got much scared as I always looked confident doing everything, while with my brother, he really hates taking the initiative. We really have to force him to do stuff.

Then my mom also recollected that I always strive to be self sufficient even when I was too young. Even at the age of 2, I would take my own milk and water without asking anyone's help.

Anyways, TL;DR , I was always a person who liked to do stuff instead of being pampered while my brother would like to be a little pampered.

And now My parents are slowly teaching him basic household chores, and he tries to weasel out sometimes.

And it is not gender based also, My cousins, The younger brother is the one who does the household chore and other works while the elder sister tries her level best to escape from any sort of duty.

In short, I feel the everyone can be taught all the basic chores but it depends on the person whether they want to do the work or not.

In the serial Anupama, I feel Baa, Vanraj, Toshu, Pakhi do not like to do any sort of work much, let alone the household chores. But on the other hand, we have Baapuji, Anupama, Kinjal, Kavya and Samar who can work work and always take the initiative.

I think it differs from family to family. I agree that both men and women must learn and participate equally in all household work.

But it’s not true that women are born with domestic traits. It’s just that society frowns upon women who don’t do or don’t want to do domestic chores. They’re taunted that no guy will want to marry them. Women who do household work are considered normal just like all women.

On the contrary, men who do nothing are considered normal and those who partake in chores are loaded with appreciation and they are considered amazing! Women are told they’re lucky to have them.

I think it definitely is transitioning on more on "depends" on the family since there are families where girls and boys would either escape from chores and performing them, just depends on each family atmosphere. Though won't deny that there are households where ladies are expected to run the house and males are the breadwinners.

Living alone whether it is US/UK or anywhere (India included because two of my cousins moved to Gurugram and Bangalore for job purposes and because my family is originally from Mumbai so different locations within the same city for some of my other cousins), a sense of independency/liberty does arise and with that comes responsibilities. There are pros but there are cons and pros far outweigh the cons in terms of having expectations to man up and become more responsible IMO irrespective of gender. It shows that one has the experience/capabilities to earn on their yet manage their household with passing time after they've settled in.

Even a small household chore getting performed by males does make a difference thus I don't see why expectations aren't being developed for the opposite counterparts. More than the gender, their personality does matter and how it's shaped especially when the kids begin to step their foot out the door when they are dorming for college/apartments or residing elsewhere for job purposes.

Very interesting topic. I agree it is the way we nurture kids at home, school and society that largely shapes our thinking.

I come from a family that treated boys and girls alike gave me a lot of opportunity to do things independently.

Today there are safety concerns I agree but both genders are molly coddled. It is a matter of pride families think to boast my children don't do a thing. We need to teach them to do errands, manage finances and take on chores at home.

Many kids going to study in other cities or countries struggle when they are I'll equpped to face the world. They are tech savvy but can hardly manage a thing at home.

My son could steam iddlies at 7 when I had returned after travelling inter state. He lives in another country now and does all chores himself.

Somewhere in the guys of Laad pyaar we feel very satisfied in fostering dependence than independence.

The difference in the values we instill in children our conditioning makes folks turn into Vanraj, toshu or paakhi.

The way Anuj treats others speaks a lot about the way he has been raised and how he has learnt and adapted to changed circumstances in his life.

Vanraj has been the Lord and master as he was treated that way and Anupama was conditined to believe that script. The man only had to fetch money and woman had to do all the managing resources, tasks, people, needs.

There is a growing trend that if you have money you can order stuff why do it. Like we saw Kavya cribbing and on the other side we saw GK and Anuj in the preparation.

Men arer aised dependent and feeling entitiled by folks like Baa and women are undermined again by folks like baa. She is unable to see Anupama thriving without her or Vanrajs support.

Folks find it easy to target a woman to victimise she is a soft target and we use all derogatory terms. Baa, kavya, rakhee all are alike.... We would not have comments like Paraya mard, moving on is sin, anupama has found a rich supporter.

We need to raise both both boys a n d girls not only to do things but also to treat others well and speak respectfully to all.

thanks so much for sharing such interesing and wonderfully amazing thoughts guys... certainly worth pondering over how a healthy discussion can change our perspective on topics we choose to overlook or accept as they are for convenience sake...

I had written a lengthy reply but guess IF didn’t like it very much so the page refreshed just before I hit post reply

Now I’m gonna go and sulk somewhere.😳