Swapna, Updates on the Kids

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skeptical

@skeptical

Inactive

Posted: 15 years ago

#81

That was a very nice anecdote that you've shared with us. And you are most welcome here. Y'know

Silver and Gold may fade away

But Kindness returns to stay..............

One can't measure kindness, compassion, patience, fortitude or resilience.

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skeptical

@skeptical

Inactive

Posted: 15 years ago

#82

Incidentally how does one address you as ................? Toothbrush? TB ? TB13? Brush? 😕 😳

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MahikaL

@MahikaL

Explorer

Posted: 15 years ago

#83

Dental One??😉

Toothbrush, What a nice post. So good to hear your thoughts, and read your experiences. Thank you for bringing your insight to our little corner of the Antara forum.

Whazzap with everyone? Hope you are all having a great Diwali. Trying to keep it simple so as not to stress the little guy out too much. We are invited to someone's house, which will be fun so the kids can see the festivities; more fun than just hanging out by ourselves....though I got some really lovely diyas and we strung some lights outside too (can't do outdoor lamps because of the autumn leaves flying everywhere).

We spent some of the morning exchanging greetings with family in India. It's sad to be so far away from them, and I was shocked to realise how some of them don't know about my son's diagnosis. It just shows we have been wrapped up in our own world and forgot to share the ups and downs. Best wishes, everyone!

Mahika.

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Swapna Munagala

@s.munagala

Explorer

Posted: 15 years ago

#84

Hi folks,

Hope everyone had a really great Deepavali! Ours was very quiet, with just us three at home, unpacking and getting stuff organised in our new home. We used to do the big party thing in Houston every year, getting permission to set off firecrackers and having a blast. Rish was initially really scared of the firecrackers but eventually he started to like to play with sparklers and that's what we had him do each Deepavali (ALWAYS with either Suresh or I supervising him of course). He enjoys seeing the rockets burst into colours in the air as well, but he would never want to light them himself. To be honest I'm glad he did'nt since I always worry about one going haywire and injuring the person who lights it!!!

Every year amongst our batch of friends we would have the round of parties hosted by each of us in turn, starting with Diwali which was always hosted by Varati & family, we would do the Thanksgiving party, and other friends would do the Christmas and New Years get togethers each year. It was a LOT of fun there,.. We have a really great group of freinds and also family here too, but did'nt really feel up to going to a party just yet after the bad news we recevied last week.

Hope everyone is doing well after all the festivities.

Take care everyone,

Swaps

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MahikaL

@MahikaL

Explorer

Posted: 15 years ago

#85

Swapna, Glad you had a nice Diwali, though I can understand why you wanted to keep it low key. How is Rish? Did he enjoy the lamps? How did the meeting with his teacher go? Has she come up with a plan for helping him with the bereavement process?

Man, I am so tired today. We really exerted ourselves to 'manao' this year, and ended up doing a lot of visiting. It was a blast, but we had two very late nights and now we are all wasted. I guess that is the definition of good times.😆

My son was very snazzy in his kurta and readymade dhoti, and just loved all the rapturous compliments. He held the dhoti up and ran around everyone's houses, enjoying himself thoroughly. We explained to the hosts about his condition, and they were so patient and kind in how they treated him, never getting fed up with him for being underfoot. He has a thing for doors, and the other guests even allowed him to lead them into the bathroom, where he would shut the door on each person and make them pretend to use the loo, so he could 'potty train' them, HAHAHA. That was very touching to me--they took the time to understand him, and were charmed by his attempts to make friends. I am so grateful for such nice people. I usually miss my family horribly at this time of year, but this year was very heartwarming for me.

What's up with you, Skeps? Everyone else?

Mahika.

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Swapna Munagala

@s.munagala

Explorer

Posted: 15 years ago

#86

Hey Mahika & all,

How's things? Mahika, you made me smile with the way your son likes to play with doors and "teaching those who went into the bathroom potty training"! Rish has a thing for doors too, and has had one since he was 3 & 1/2. It's not so obsessive now, but he still makes sure every door in the house is closed whenever he passes an open door! Earlier it would be whenever he saw anyone leave an open door, but now it's just when he obseves one. BTW this also includes the lids of things like the trashcan and large storage bins we have, 😆😃.

His teacher cancelled the home visit last week since she was sick, but has re-scheduled it for this afternoon, so I'll ask her about how to tell Rish the news this afternoon. Will post soon about what she said. I'm really not looking forward to telling him since I'm so scared of how he'll feel/react since he loved Neelesh so much. Hopefully I'll be able to do so without distressing him too much. Keep him in your thoughts/prayers guys. 💔

Take Care All,

Swaps

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Swapna Munagala

@s.munagala

Explorer

Posted: 15 years ago

#87

Hi Mahika & everyone,

Rish's teacher came for the home visit yesterday. I told her the news and asked her about how to break it to Rish. Her advice was to wait for a Friday evening so that he has the weekend to process the information without having to focus on school, and then sit him down quietly and without making it a heavy affair, as in by not showing any strong emotions, and just to come out and explain it to him in words that he can understand. That basically means that we'll have to take the examples of his grandmother and the other classmate of his, and possibly the pets of friends as well that have passed on. He knows about them going away and never being able to come back, and that they "are with God... with Namo, Namo" in his words :). She also advised that to give him some closure that he write a final letter or to record a final message to Neelesh that we can either post to or play back for Varati's family. She also advised that he talk with Varati, Lakshmi & their daughter, but maybe we'll wait for a few weeks to do that, since I don't really want to open up any raw wounds in the families healing process. She also advised that we not wait a long time to tell him, so we are going to do so tomorrow. I'm still apprehensive about it, but I'm going to have to mask my feelings while explaining it to him. Wish us luck, I hope we do this without causing him any distress.

Take care everyone,

Swaps

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MahikaL

@MahikaL

Explorer

Posted: 15 years ago

#88

Oh, Swaps, I have such a lump in my throat after reading your update. You are a good mother, to guide him through this process. He will surprise you, just you wait. And he may talk about it for far longer than you expect too, because these kids don't forget anything. That is so amazing that the teacher comes to your house, by the way.

Today is my son's birthday. I am just so proud of him. He handled us singing to him, plus candle on the cupcake, plus sister's big smacky kiss, plus new clothes, etc, and all that was just early in the morning. He still has to endure the big fuss at school, heh.

My MIL just made yet another insensitive comment. I must owe her in the karma department, that she is able to get away with whatever she wants in this life!😲

Mahika.

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Padmajaan

@Padmajaan

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 15 years ago

#89

Happy birthday to your son Mahi and all the best swaps. As it is said in French "Bon courage"!!

And Mahi, you know what to do with your MIL right? Take it in from one ear and take it instantly out of the other. The more you practise this wonderful and useful technique in life, the more you become a veritable expert of the same😆😉!!!

Wish you both all the very best forever.

Take care and God bless!

Love from Padma

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Swapna Munagala

@s.munagala

Explorer

Posted: 15 years ago

#90

Happy Belated Birthday to your son Mahika!!! A big hug from me to him! 🤗🥳Hope he had a great day both at school and home. You must have done some fun things with him that he loves to do knowing how you understand his needs so well. You are a great mom too Mahika, much more so than I am I think since you have to accomodate two kids with such radically different needs!

Can't really put a finger on why, but I've been feeling really low lately... I keep thinking of what life would be like if Rish was a "typical" kid. Just daydreaming really, about how he would express his thoughts and since he has such a mischevious personality and a whacky sense of humour, how that would have manifested itself in him. I know he would have been the type of kid who was the class clown and would have gotten into all sorts of mischeif with his friends. He's always trying to trip me up at home saying stuff that he knows is innaccurate, expecting me to agree with him absent-mindedly so he can correct me and laugh! For example: If it's morning time he'll come up to me when I am distracted doing some work or the other and he'll say "Good Evening", and sometimes (actually many times 😆) I respond by echoing what he says and he'll start giggling at me saying " It's not evening, it's morning!!!" 😆

I know it's pointless thinking about things that are out reality, but I still can't seem to help it, I just wish he could be what I have imagined him to be in my head... whacky personality and all. He's my gorgeous, sweet angel boy and love him so much it hurts sometimes. We were so spooked to have another child after he was diagnosed autistic since the odds of having another child on the spectrum increase doubly once a child with the disorder is born into a family. So it's like all my love is concentrated on him, and I hope that it's not a burden on his poor psyche that I push him to try hard in school and work towards learning and focussing on his therapies. Anyway, just wanted to vent out some feeling to people I know will understand what I feel in a way, I hope it's ok.

Take Care folks,

Swapna

P.S. D-Day this evening re. telling Rish about Neelesh, wish us luck folks!😔