Chapter 1

THE RIGHT DECISION

My eyes went to my hand covered with henna and the bridal white and red bangles. I was playing with them when my eyes caught the name at the center of my left palm, Arnav. My heart started beating into its new found rhythm. It surprised me again or rather terrified me. This name had recently started annoying me too.

To divert my mind I looked up to the throng of people, half of which only I knew. I watched them eating away to glory. This got me mad even more. How can people eat so much right in front of the poor little girl who had been kept hungry since morning for some Goddamn ritual? And well did Mom really had to place the dinner buffet right infront of me. Look at that fat i-m-a-chaltha-phirta-mall lady gobbling down all the jalebees. Even Payal didn't come to me, her very own jiji, to ask if I can have some jalebees.

Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted with the sound of the baraat. And there it goes again, my heart. Will it ever listen to me. Hey Devi Maiyya will someone tell me if this heart really belongs to me or that...that...Ar...Arnav. O look at that my sister finally remembered I exist and is coming running to me.

"Jiji, look the baraat has come I will go n welcome jiju now. You know I am not going to let him enter until he gives me what I want. Do you u want me to ask something special instead of money before I allow him in? ", Payal asked while winking at me.

Yes, ask him if he can turn back and return to where he came from.' I just muttered it to myself coz before I could finish my sentence Payal was already on her way towards the entrance. Hey Devi Maiyya, please don't give me a heart attack now.

Soon the Baraat was inside and mingling with all my relatives. He and his family were taken to one of the suites in the hotel. And I was taken to mine, so that we can get ready for the Mandap. I was given the Yellow Sari and the jewelry sent by his family. Mom said that all stuff was personally bought by him.

Did he imagine me in these while buying them? I looked myself in the mirror while those jewelry.' I could feel some heat on my cheeks and a faint color on it. Must be the make up.' I thought avoiding the actual reason of the color.

After changing I was given a handful of rice in my joined palms. And I was taken to the mandap, made the rice thrown on him while I was made to stand behind him with the distance of just a dupatta between us. Then I was made to sit on his right while Pandit ji started chanting mantra and this time asking both of us throw ghee to the fire. I mechanically followed everything the pandit ji said and then it was time for the Kanyadaan, when my chachu came to sit infront of us. The Pandit ji asked us to hold each other's right palm in a handshake and then he tied the kalava(sacred thread) around. I could feel him holding my palm in way to never let go.

Did he really mean it.'

I didn't even realize when all the saath pheras were done, when he put sindoor in my maang, when he tied the mangalsutra until I felt my hand being tugged. I looked up to see a pair caramel eyes confused finding me not moving. He was also saying something, probably asking me to follow him, but the only thing I could hear was my heartbeat. And then I found Payal pushing me from behind. I heard him then for the first time, 'Come let's take the blessing'. Devi maiyya is surely on holiday right now. Coz otherwise I wouldn't be on the brink of a nervous breakdown right now. After the blessings soon we were taken to the dining area. We were asked to feed each the sweets. Suddenly the Jalebees didn't seem so tempting anymore.

Wow now he has made me hate my jalebees '(frown).

The bidaai seem to be intolerable for me. I just looked down and kept following my folks who were hugging me and crying loudly, as if I was going to die soon.

Well who knows.'

Mom n Payal were the last once to hug me. I looked at mom, her eyes trying to tell me that this was the right decision. Then I looked at Payal, and found hers supporting Mom.

I was made to sit in his car and then finally a drop of tear rolled down from my left eye. Then later everything happened in a flash, my welcoming, the ritualistic games, the ritualistic teasing, etc. I found myself conscious of the surroundings when I heard the click of the door that was being closed. I realized I was sitting in his bedroom and not only that but on his bed. My eyes moved around his room carefully taking in the interiors, when it dawned on me that it's my wedding night. I instantly panicked and got down from the bed. I just stood there without even looking at him.

If you want you can go and freshen up first.' I heard him say.

Again without even looking at him i quickly located the bathroom and dashed towards it bolting it close. My back rested on the bathroom door, my breathing fast, What the hell am I doing here? How did I get here? Why did I listen to Mom? Why didn't I fight for my love? Well the last question was answered even before it was completed. Coz your love was a worthless piece of shit' spoke my mind without any qualms again defying my heart. But it was true. How could I have fought for my love if he himself wasn't sure of our relationship?

Now this was my life and I had to make this marriage, no my marriage', work. But I still didn't know how to face him. Will he talk to me first or pounce on me to claim his husbandly rights. No I think he will talk to me first otherwise why would have asked me to freshen up first. Darn, I should have looked at him, his eyes would have told me what he wanted. They seem to have spoken to me more than him, in the past few hours. But what if he initiates the intimacy, how will i refuse, will he allow me to refuse? Hey Devi Maiyya what do I do now?'

Mom had repeatedly asked me not do anything that will jeopardize my future. May be a shower will help me boost my energy to face him. I instantly got rid of my clothes and jewelry and get in the shower. As soon as the jet of warm water fell on my forehead I felt relaxed. I stood there under the shower for some time closing my eyes. I was trying hard, very hard to imagine a heart broken NK, but the more I tried the more I could clearly visualize a pair of caramel eyes. Devi Maiyya please help me follow the path that leads to my happiness. Again with the end of the prayer the caramel eyes made way back to my mind. Confusing me more as to what path will lead to this happiness. The entire path in front of me seemed to be very foggy and dark.

Holy moly its actually foggy here', then I realized the bathroom was covered in steam. I quickly got out of the shower cubicle only to realize I haven't got an extra set of clothes, inside. I was still wondering what to do, how to ask him to get my clothes, when I heard a knock on the door and then his husky voice.

I heard the shower stop, so...ummm...you can use my bathrobe that's in the cupboard, just outside the cubicle.

A faint smile graced my face making me realize that this definitely was the right decision.

Chapter 10 A New Tommorow