Chapter 9

Chapter 7
Part B

She entered the party with Varun by her side, a smile pasted on her face which unfortunately did not reach her eyes, no matter how hard she tried and try hard she did. From laughing at all jokes Varun cracked to laughing at the ones she tried to but even she knew that each of that laugh had seemed more like a grimace on her pale face, the make up doing nothing any more to accentuate her cheekbones or bring out the hazel gold of her eyes. All it did instead was to deepen the sunken eyes, highlight the slackened mouth and Khushi sighed, not audibly though, lest Varun notice even this and feel even worse because even she knew how hard he was trying to make the doomed evening as charming as it could possibly be and Khushi didn't need a third person to tell her what all his tried were directed at.

Varun Jaiswal liked her.

He had made that abundantly clear in the last half hour she had spent with him on their way over to the party.

And honestly speaking, what had actually surprised her was how had Varun made sure to not to let her notice the same fact in the last however months/weeks he had been feeling all the feelings that she could now read plain in his eyes.

But she humoured him all the same, somewhere realizing that just because she was feeling what she was made no reason to make someone else feel the same when she could help him avoid it, so she smiled even though she didn't want to and chattered even though she didn't feel like.

But all of her pretence melted down to the helm of her knee length dress the moment she spied Lavanya coaxing a shy but not reluctant Arnav to dance with her - a couple dance, one that she had always taken for granted would be her - his first dance, her first dance, their first dance - yet right in front of her eyes, Arnav let Lavanya pull him to the dance floor and hook her arms around his neck while his went around her waist and he pulled her in closer and the music played around them, as if for them and Khushi felt a prick in her eyes and to her utter horror she realized that she was about to cry!

And that too over a boy!

Khushi Gupta crying over a boy! What an absurd notion! What a completely ridiculous proposition! Khushi Gupta did not cry! She hadn't cried in the 13 years she had spent in this school - not when she had fallen off the swing mid air and scrapped her knee, not when she had failed' in one of the spelling tests, not even when she had accidentally peed herself in First Standard and the entire class had made fun of her!

And then it hit her, like a slow rising smoke which engulfs you when you least expect it and leaves you choking and gasping for air that during all those times, during all those moments and others too, he had been by her side - holding her hand and leading her through it.

She had never shed a tear because he had been there to catch it and flick it away before she ever could.

And now...

Now he was there, holding someone else's hand and hence it was no wonder that the tears, those treacherous tears, made their way down her cheek this first ever time and Khushi could just about bite back the sob threatening to break out as she muttered an excuse she couldn't quite remember the moment later she had said it and hurried over to the washroom.

Where she spent the remainder of the song, which was ironically I'll stand by you' by The Pretendors, locked in a cubicle, letting out bitter tears into the ball she had rolled her handkerchief to lest the sound escaped the thin walls and alerted the whole school to the surprising incident of Khushi Gupta crying!

It was only when she was washing her face to rid herself of any remnants of her breakdown, did she realize that she had forgotten to carry her cosmetic travel case and was now left with no option but to scrub her makeup smudged face clean and enjoy the rest of the night not just heartbroken but also makeup less.

She sighed as she stepped out of the washroom, shooting one last glance at the pale skinned scrubbed clean girl in the mirror, before making her way over to Varun, who seemed to have been waiting for her by the drinks stand if his smile in her direction was anything to go by, passing his time till she made her reentry chatting to who else but Arnav and Lavanya and Khushi felt the innate desire to turn on her heels and rush back to where she was coming from and take refuge there till they left but steeling herself she made her way over to the three, coming to a stop beside Varun, and not knowing where to look, she let her gaze rest on the tip of her peep-toe sandals where carefully painted red toe nails peeked out.

Her presence however had not gone unnoticed by either Arnav or Lavanya as they greeted her in their own styles - Lavanya with a cheery hello and Arnav with a warm hug...or a trial at that in any case because just when he moved forward, Khushi shifted, subconsciously, closer to Varun dodging his hug and not having the courage to look up at him and see the reaction.

But she needn't have worried, she thought to herself with a rising rage, as Arnav ignored her hesitance and pulled her in for a hug regardless, yanking her in his arms for a brief moment in which her traitor heart still found the time to soar, before leaving her just as suddenly and stepping back into his place...next to Lavanya.

She wondered then how had her feelings so intensified for him over such a miniscule period of time - hadn't she been just A-Okay yesterday or even today morning?! What had happened to her all of a sudden?!

The answer too was clear to her, so clear that it made the question redundant - she had not cared because she had not found a reason to care. She had not bothered because there had been no one to make her bother. She had not been apprehensive because there had been nothing in the horizon to suggest her apprehension.

And now...

Now the cause of her care, botheration and apprehension stood right before her.

Lavanya Kashyap - her hand in Arnav's and more importantly his in hers.

She had to forcefully snatch her eyes away from the sight of their clasped hands, focusing instead on her own as they wrung together, fingers finding their hold in the soft material of her dress and pulling at it instead as they fell to her side, an action unconscious on her part but one which drew conscious stares of her companions to her.

"Stop pulling your dress, Khu! Nahin toh sab ko pata chal jaayega ki tum aaj ek ladki banne ki koshish kar rahi thi!" Arnav sniggered, winking at Lavanya and missing out on the hurt that eclipsed Khushi's features before she rearranged her expressions to look as normal as possible, knowing fully well that on any other day Arnav would realize that her smile didn't quite reach her eyes as she nodded at him good naturedly' before letting her gaze wander over, or rather ordering it, the crowds desperately hoping to pick out some person or situation which she could safely draw on being an excuse to get away from Arnav and his date but it was a futile attempt when no amount of gazing yielded any effect.

Sighing inwardly at her cursed fate, she turned her attention back to her three companions, her gaze following the non-existent pattern of the glossy black tiled floor, her treacherous vision limiting itself just when it hit the tip of Arnav's pointed shoes and right next to them the white satin bow of Lavanya's sandals, her hand raising on its own accord to flick away the stray tear that threatened to skim down her cheek, freezing midway as Arnav apprehended her impending move taking it to be her rubbing her eyes of sleepiness jibed out in a tone as jovial as the disappointment that coursed through her veins, "Khu, don't rub your eyes! Waise hi tum kuch ajeeb si hi lag rahi ho with your confused make up look - make up lagaoon ya na lagaoon! Waise what did you do to your make up cos I am hell sure Garima Aunty would never let you out of the house in such a state!"

And Khushi knew it was a lost cause as a dam stood trembling behind her glistening eyes and she opened her mouth to make just about any excuse, even if flimsy, and get away from Arnav who seemed to have made her the stepping stool to appear as humorous' as possible to his much worked for date but she needn't have bothered as an arm draped itself around her waist and pushed her towards the dance floor, navigating her with its light touch through the dancing couples and only when they were right in the middle of the dance floor, did the arm drop only to pull her in for a friendly understanding hug as Khushi felt herself leaning against Varun, her hurt radiating off her in waves even as the dam refused to break open.

It was during those moments in Varun's arms as they swayed to no particular rhythm or choreography that Khushi's heart encased itself in an iron cast telling itself that sometimes things didn't work out and there was nothing one could do about it and hence it was better that one didn't put their heart in it.

She liked Arnav but Arnav liked Lavanya and to him she had not grown up from his park playmate - the one he used to play ball with, jostle with.

That for him there had been no transition in his feelings for her like there had been in her regarding him.

That for him, she remained Khushi Jhalli' Gupta even if for her he had long since graduated from Arnav Rakshas' Singh Raizada.

That to him it didn't matter that he had shared his first ever dance with someone not her nor did it matter that she had shared her first ever dance with someone not him.

And now it wouldn't matter to her either, she thought stubbornly to herself, her nose burying itself deeper in the heady scent that was Varun as she tried hard to lose herself in the surroundings, keeping at bay a particular couple who swayed in each other's arms somewhere nearby...

Stupid naive girl...if only forgetting your first love was that easy.

Next Chapter - Page 44

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The pangs of first heartbreak...sigh. Which one of us has managed to escape that and if you have, you are lucky...I distinctly remember my own...its a feeling unmatched by everything else and I hope that feeling comes across here in some little way at least.

Thank You for reading and I hope you liked it! The feedback for the last chapter was very disappointing but I am hoping this one will fare better.

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