Chapter 22
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[MEMBERSONLY]
Banner Credit: Naach_Basanti.
(Please scroll up for Part One)
11) Kya Hai Teri Marzi
(Part Two)
Arnav opened the door to his office, a feeling of unease sweeping over him as he did so.
He saw her immediately.
She was standing by his desk, her eyes fixed on the bangles around her wrists.
She looked up at him, and the realization dawned on him at once.
She knew...
Somehow, she knew that he was...
"You're going back to the States tomorrow."
Her voice was calm. Too calm, with no emotion whatsoever.
He walked up to her, the unease intensifying with every step.
"Khushi...that's what I had come here to tell you, but Akash interrupted...how did you find out?"
"Your travel agent just called with the booking confirmation details. "
"That's not how I wanted you to find out about this."
He took her hand in his and pulled her close, but she stepped away immediately.
"The window..."
"Khushi, this office doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I don't even care if anyone sees us."
"But I do. You won't be minister after a month or so, but I will still be here as Principal Secretary, Arnav."
"Khushi..."
He took a deep breath, then tried again.
"Look, I didn't want you to find out in this manner, but the truth is that...Khushi, can we sit down while we talk about this?"
She stared at him, then nodded and turned towards the chair in front of his desk.
He walked to her and sat down in the chair beside her, then reached for her hand again.
"The desk will hide it from anyone who passes by."
She stared down at their linked hands, and nodded slowly.
"Khushi...there have been some issues at A.R for a while now. The new COO I hired hasn't been able to solve them yet, and my presence is needed urgently. I have been putting this off because I didn't want to leave you when...when nothing between us was settled. But this morning I was informed that I need to be in San Francisco as quickly as possible. With the trust vote underway, I couldn't leave at once, of course. But now I just can't postpone this trip anymore."
He saw something akin to relief in her expressive eyes, and a weak smile broke across her lips.
"Trip? So are you going there for a few days and then you'll be back?"
"I'm going there for a week, and then I have to come back here. I'm still the minister, remember? But when the thirty days are over...I'll have to head home, Khushi."
The relief was replaced by apprehension, and he grasped her hand tightly as she spoke.
"Home? Does that mean...have you decided to leave India again? The election...you will not be a candidate, will you?"
"That was never my intention, Khushi. I came back only because Akash wasn't ready , and now...things have just gotten more complicated here. When we met Nani just now, Akash told her that he did not want to be involved in politics anymore. And that means that no Raizada will contest from the constituency this time."
"Your grandmother must have been very angry. She has spent years in establishing herself as one of the members if the upper echelons, now all that will go to waste..."
"It can't be helped, Khushi. Neither me nor Akash has the inclination or aptitude for this field, and luckily, Nani was fine with our decision."
"She was?"
"Yes, she was."
Khushi pulled her hands from his grasp and stood up abruptly, her eyes clouding over with confusion now.
"But...how? Does all this mean nothing to you? How can you both just give up this chance to make a difference? You have been lucky enough to get this opportunity, and you are just throwing it away!"
He stood up as well, and walked towards her.
"We've been through this before, Khushi. I know that this job has a lot of potential, but I've also seen the million obstacles that one has to face in order to make the slightest difference. And even if I was inclined to give it a go, the decision isn't entirely in my hands, is it? I am also responsible for A.R, and the hundreds of employees who work there. I have to go back, Khushi. I need to go back."
He watched as his words sunk in, her lashes lowering as she took several deep breaths.
"And I need to stay here, Arnav. My job is here, and it is one that I love, just as much as you love yours. My family is here...Bhai is here."
"You're right, Khushi. All that is here, in India. But have you given any thought to what else is there as well? The religious intolerance...the bias...have you forgotten all of that? We aren't a couple like your brother and Lavanya, Khushi. Our work will keep us in the public eye, and we will never be able to keep religion out of the equation here. Have you considered that at all?"
"I can't leave my country, Arnav. No matter what. The reason I do this is because I want to make a difference..."
"And I can't stay here, Khushi. This place will always be a reminder of the worst phase of my life, and I...just can't bear to see you subjected to that kind of prejudice again."
"So...where does this leave us?"
The note of despair in her voice and the hopelessness in her eyes made him angry, and he lashed out without forethought.
"Nowhere, apparently. Because you have already given up, haven't you? I can see it in your eyes, Khushi. I saw it yesterday too, when NK and me were arguing...that's all it takes, doesn't it? The first sign of trouble, and you are ready to give it all up and throw away what we have...what we could have between us!"
"I...I just don't know what to do! Where do we go from here? I just don't see a way, Arnav. The odds have been stacked against us from the very beginning, and I just don't know how..."
"You don't know, or is it you aren't willing to find a way? From the past few weeks, I have been the one fighting to make this work, Khushi. I was the one who fought against hatred that had been ingrained from the past ten years...and I was the one who came running behind you to Bangalore. And even at this moment, I am the one who is fighting for us, and trying to see if there's some way we can make this work!"
"That's not true! I..."
"It is true, Khushi. At every hurdle that we come across, you are ready to give up and let this go. Your guilt still rules you, and you don't even believe that you could be happy , if you only reached out for it. And when I have tried to make things happen, you accuse me of taking decisions without your consent!"
He ignored her pale face, and turned towards the door.
"I can't do this anymore, Khushi. I can't keep fighting my own nightmares, and yours. If you want this to work, then you have to take the next step. You have to allow yourself to hope. And when you are ready to do that..."
He turned back to face her one last time before he closed the door behind him.
"...I'll be waiting."
________
"For God's sake, Khushi, we're in an airport. Don't cry!"
"Bhai, I..."
NK handed her a tissue , then waited while she wiped her tears away.
He sighed.
On the way to the airport, Khushi had told him everything that had happened with Arnav this morning.
He didn't have any brilliant solutions for her...in fact, he wasn't sure there was one , to begin with. The situation was incredibly complicated, and all he had been able to do was offer her his support in whatever she eventually decided to do.
His heart went out to her. This was his baby sister, the one whom he had protected with his very life.
He wished that he could take away her pain...
"Khushi...I can extend my leave by one more day if you want me to."
"No, Bhai...it's alright. I...I'll go back to work tomorrow anyway..."
"Khushi...if you need anything, or you just want to talk this out, don't think twice before calling me or Lavanya, okay?"
She nodded weakly, then embraced him in a quick hug.
When she stepped away, her eyes were dry.
"Give my love to Amma and Bauji."
NK nodded, the turned away towards the terminal, his heart aching with every step.
Why was this happening to her, of all people?
______
Seven days.
It had been seven days and four hours, to be precise...since he had last seen Khushi.
His Khushi.
That was how he thought of her these days, and he wondered when she would accept that too.
They had spoken a few times since he came here, the first time being the phone call he had made as soon as he had reached San Francisco.
But all their talks were centered around work, or mundane topics like the weather.
They shied away from talking about what was really the issue here, and he didn't know how long they could keep this up.
He longed to see her.
He missed her.
He looked around his glass-walled office, and stared at the panoramic view of the bay before him.
His headquarters were located in one of the most desirable areas of San Francisco, and the view alone was hard to find among the other buildings that clustered around them.
The beauty was lost on him, though.
He wished with all his heart that he was back in a Government office in India, because that would mean that she was nearby.
He wanted to see that sparkle in her eyes when she spoke about some new project.
He wanted to breathe in the elusive fragrance that was all her.
He wanted to caress those hands that wore his gift, and kiss the lips that were sweeter than anything he had ever known.
Desire slammed into him, swift and hard.
He paced restlessly across his office, frustration making him angrier with every step.
Why did she have to be so stubborn?
Even as he thought those words, he had to acknowledge the fact that he was equally stubborn as well.
Neither of them wanted to back down, and neither was willing to give up their dream.
That was part of what bound them together, and yet, it was pulling them apart...slowly, inexorably.
Was this the way it would end, after all that they had gone through to get to this point?
He refused to believe that.
This couldn't be the end. He wouldn't let it.
She was all he had ever wanted, and he would fight for her until the end.
But that brought him back to his original question.
What was the solution to this quandary?
_______
Khushi looked up at the door, wondering who it could be at this time in the evening.
Her heart gave her an immediate answer, but she tamped it down quickly.
There was no way it could be him.
She had spoken to him just a few hours before, and he had told her that he would need a few more days in San Francisco.
Tears had threatened at once, but she had kept them at bay.
She had merely said goodbye and placed the phone down, unwilling to let him know just how much his decision affected her.
The past one week had been horrible, to say the least.
Memories of those horrible days assailed her as she rose to answer the door, her eyes stinging with unshed tears again.
She hadn't even known that it would be humanly possible to yearn for someone's presence to this extent.
She looked for him everywhere, and everything seemed to remind her of him when she was in the office.
Her house was another story altogether.
Whenever she stepped through the front door, she couldn't help but remember the day she had broken down in his arms.
There were times when she would imagine him walking through the living room with the towel around his shoulders, and the yearning would intensify until it was actually hurt to think about him.
She hadn't been able to keep this from her family, of course.
Lavanya called her multiple times every day, and she could tell that La was worried sick about her.
As she reached the door, she realized that it was almost time for La's nightly call.
She sighed, and looked through the peephole.
The sight that met her eyes made her gasp, and she quickly undid the locks and launched herself at the woman on the other side of the door.
"Amma!!"
_______
An hour later, Khushi lay with her head on her mother's lap as she tenderly combed out her long hair.
She had spent the last one hour crying and talking to her mother in turns, until her mother had heard the entire story.
Garima had only listened, her heart aching for the daughter who had finally reached out for her share of happiness, only to have it snatched out of her hands prematurely.
But now she knew that it was finally time to make her daughter see the truth, even though doing so might hurt her more for the moment.
"Titaliya...I came here for an important reason."
"I know, Amma. Why else would you take a flight for the first time in your life?"
"Bitiya...we were worried about you. You have not been yourself from the past one week...and now that I am here, I see that all my fears were true. You haven't been eating well or sleeping at night, and now you have told me the full reason why."
Khushi raised damp eyes to hers, and her voice came out in an anguished whisper.
"What shall I do now, Amma?"
"That is a question only you can answer, Titaliya. But...I have to tell you something before you decide."
"Amma...what is it?"
"Khushi...I haven't said a word for the past ten years, but now I can't keep quiet any longer. And hearing this might hurt, bitiya...but these things have to be said."
Khushi sat up completely, her gaze trained on her mother's face as she continued.
"Bitiya...I have been very angry with you for years now."
"What?"
"Yes. At first, I was angry that you and NK had kept Anjali a secret from us. We were forced to move across the country and uproot our entire lives, and it all happened because our children hadn't confided in us. It hurt me, Khushi. And made me angry. But I pushed it to the back of my mind as I tried to concentrate on putting the broken pieces if our lives together."
"Amma...I'm so sorry..."
"I'm not saying this for your apology, Khushi. Let me talk, and the you will understand why I have brought this up now. After that time, my anger had dimmed a little over the years, but it flared again when I realized that my daughter...my sweet, lively, beautiful daughter had reduced herself to a shell of her former self. She was punishing herself for something that wasn't entirely her fault, and that fact angered me like nothing else ever had. I hated what you did with yourself, Khushi. And many times, I wanted to tell you that...but your Bauji always stopped me. he thought that it would upset you further, and so I said nothing. But now...you've made me angry again, Khushi."
"But..why?"
"Because you've given up without a fight. You just told me that your happiness lies with this man, and yet you have done nothing over the past week that might bridge the gap between you both. You are just sitting here, starving yourself and making yourself ill...this isn't the woman I raised you to be, Khushi. I wanted you to be strong...I wanted you to be able to fight for what you wanted...just like you did when you were studying for the IAS exams, remember? That's the Khushi I want. Seeing you like this...it just enrages me. And makes me want cry, all at once."
"But how do I fight, Amma? He wants to live there...and I cannot leave this place. What can I do?"
"Do what you have always done, Titaliya."
"What do you mean?"
"Pray. And then use the intelligence that God has given you to come up with a middle ground."
"But Amma..."
"Go, Khushi. You pray there, and I will perform an aarti here. Just like old times. "
She watched her daughter stand up slowly, the turn towards the prayer mat.
Garima got up too, and took out the small silver idol of Devi Maiyya that she carried with her everywhere.
She set the idol on the table, and looked over at her daughter, wondering what the Lord had in store for her.
Devi Maiyya, kya hai teri marzi?
___________
Khushi stared at the phone, wondering if she had the strength to do what she wanted to.
Her mother's words came back to her, and she quickly picked up the phone and dialed before she could change her mind.
After their prayers, her mother had gone to bed, but Khushi had stayed awake for hours.
Most of that time had been spent on the internet, and she took a deep breath as she remembered what she had just found out.
But then she had no more time to think because a deep, husky voice answered the call.
"Khushi?"
"Yes, it's me."
"Why are you up at this time?"
"I...I need to tell you something. "
"And that couldn't have waited until the morning?"
"No! I mean...just listen, okay? I wanted to invite you, actually."
"Invite me?"
She took a deep breath, unsure about what she was going to do now.
"Yes. I want you to come on a date with me when you return to India."
The words came out in a breathless rush, and she waited with a racing heart for his reply.
"A...date? But aren't you worried about someone seeing us together?"
"They won't. Because I am inviting you to dinner...at my house."
"Your house?"
"Yes. And...I have something to tell you."
"Yes?"
"No, not now. I'll tell you when you come over. You are going to come, aren't you?"
There was a moment's silence, then his deep laughter came down the line.
"Was there ever any doubt? I've missed you, Khushi Kumari Gupta."
"I...I've missed you too. "
There was silence again, as they took a moment to savor the others' confession.
"So...I'll see you after five days."
"No."
"What? But you just said that you would come..."
"And so I will. But not after five days."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm taking the next flight out, Khushi."
***************
A/N: To everyone who voted for me in the FF awards, thank you so very much! It humbles me to see my name among writers whose work has inspired me to start writing here.
Here is an ArHi story I read today on a sensitive topic that has really touched me, here is the link if you want to give it a try:
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