Chapter 14
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When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself,
and one always ends by deceiving others. This is what the world calls a romance
' Oscar Wilde
Desert Rose ' Chapter 13
I LOVE YOU
Khushi swallowed the words that were
reverberating in her heart and mind. Words she reminded herself, he would never
want to hear from her ' ever.
The realization penetrated with a
chilling clarity through the heavenly euphoria which had succeeded their love
making.
Now she moved restively as awareness
flooded back, alerting her to the reality of the situation. Reminding her with
merciless lucidity, precisely how far she had allowed herself to stray from her
self-imposed guidelines of morality and commonsense.
As she sat up, clutching the sheet to herself
with hands that shook, she saw Arnav walking out of the tent, thankfully giving
her privacy to dress.
A few minutes later, Khushi, struggling
with the strings of her dori, sensed his presence inside the tent, as he came
up to her and helped her tie up them up at her back. Khushi moved away quickly,
picking up her chunri, not wanting to linger over this intimate gesture.
'Why did you make yourself out to be what
you are obviously not?' he asked harshly, breaking the silence between them.
'This is your first time and I can see you regret it.'
Her throat hurt, but she answered, her
voice brittle, 'Don't worry about it.' She draped her chunri around herself,
tucking the ends into the waist band.'I can't imagine I am the first to be
swept away by your fabulous technique, and come to her senses when it's too
late.'
His gaze sharpened. 'F@#$! You think I planned
this? Look who's talking!'
'What is that supposed to mean?' she
asked sharply though her heart was thudding guiltily.
'Your dressing ' you make yourself look
years older than you probably are. And the way you take care of your sister '
anyone would think you are older than her. Arnav came up to her, grabbing her
shoulders hard as he asked her, 'Answer the question dammit! Why the act?'
He thought she was older than Payal? Whatever
it was Khushi had not been expecting this. 'It wasn't an act, just an
assumption on your part.' She tried to shrug off his hands. 'Let me go!'
'Assumption?'He made no attempt to remove
the restraining hand. 'You work in the fashion industry for heaven's sake! What
was I supposed to think?'
Khushi realized that his prior
experiences had led to his presumptions about her, but she was not in the mood
for clarifications. 'You are just looking for excuses,' she said wryly, 'I am
sorry I wasn't equipped to provide the kind of entertainment you were hoping
for.'
It was a moment or two before he answered
that one, his expression difficult to define in the dim light. 'Let me remind
you that you asked to come with me today.'
'I haven't forgotten'.anything.' She lifted her chin, 'you
said you could have me whenever you wanted. It must be wonderful to be
infallible.'
'Don't talk like a fool,' he said with
sudden brusqueness. 'Believe me Khushi, I
did not intend for this to happen.'
'I believe you.' Fighting for control,
she laced he tone with scorn. 'I don't think even you will be able to handle
two paternity suits in the same family.'
'Is thatall that matters to you?' His
voice was very quiet. 'The financial implications?'
'What else is there?' She felt very weary
suddenly, and close to tears. 'That is what we came here to discuss isn't it?
She buried her teeth in her lower lip. 'Until, of course, I allowed myself be
so expertly distracted.'
'In that case, all future discussions
should be conducted by our lawyers,' he said harshly. That will make it
completely impersonal.'
Our
lawyers?thought Khushi numbly.
How would the mighty Arnav Singh Raizada know that people like her didn't move
around with lawyers in their pockets? And that even if she did hire one,if he
or she would be competent enough to fight legal battles againstlegal experts
from AR industries.Probably not.
She had no inkling, as of this moment,
what was happening at the Haveli in their absence. Even if Akash had regained
his memory, she had no idea if he would want to accept Payal and the baby.
She remembered Arnav's arrogant words '
He knows he
has made a mistake ''I am the head of the family and he will do as he is told'.
What if Akash decides that he would not
be able to afford earning his brother's wrath?
Hey Devi Maiyya, I came here to help and
all I have managed to do is make everything a thousand times worse ' not just
for Payal, but for myself as well.
The return trip was a silent one. As they
left the silent sands and hit the main road, Khushi sat quietly staring ahead at
the path, illuminated by the headlights of the car. The enchantment the desert had
weaved around them a few hours ago had vanished, leaving the air still and
almost threatening. Or maybe, it was her inner tension that made it seem that
way.
As they reached and saw the guest house
shrouded completely in darkness, it became clear that there was no one inside.
A tremor of apprehension crept down her spine, as Arnav, his brows drawn
together in a frown, asked her to get back in the Jeep. She straightened her
shoulders, bracing herself mentally. He was angry enough as it was. When he
found out he had been duped''
Her heart was hammering wildly. Hey Devi
Maiyya, protect us, she silently prayed.
When they arrived at the Haveli,
Hariprakash came running out to meet them, and spoke urgently in a low voice. She
had no trouble guessing the topic though she couldn't hear a word. Arnav looked
at Khushi, his brown eyes darkening, his face harsh with silent accusation.
Helplessly, she gazed back at him, clutching the sides of her lehenga with clammy
hands.
He swung himself off the Jeep and hurried
inside, Hariprakash in tow. Khushi followed slowly in their wake, her throat
dry, her heart hammering, dreading the inevitable face-off that was about to begin.
They had all assembled in the living
room. Akash was in a chair, his injured leg supported by a stool. Payal stood
beside him, her hand in his. They looked so happy and at peace.
Khushi felt a catch in her throat at the
sight, tears filling her eyes. It was crystal clear that they were made for
each other. Surely, Arnav could see that and forgive.
But, he didn't look particularly
compassionate, she saw with a pang. He was quietly, furiously angry, his dark
eyes glittering, jaw clenched, his mouth a straight line.
Khushi was afraid that Arnav would
destroy the vulnerable couple with his rage. She had the sudden urge to get
between them so she could protect them.
He spoke in a quiet voice, 'So, Akash,
your memory has returned. How do you feel?'
'YesBhai,my memory is back!' Akash
replied emphatically. 'And I feel absolutely fine, thanks to Payal.' He lifted
Payal's hand and pressed it to his cheek in a gesture of tender possession and
then gave Arnav a level look. 'Bhai, this is the girl I want to marry. I hope
you can give us your blessings, but I want to let you know that I will go ahead
even if you don't.'
'I see that you haven't recovered your
senses along with your memory.' Arnav's voice was harsh.
'Chotte!' Anjali, who had been standing
quietly with Dr Manav, interposed herself. 'Payal has helped Akash regain his
memory ' it's a miracle, can't you see?' she pleaded. 'You have to accept their
love and welcome Payal into our family.'
'Di, it would be better if you didn't interfere
in this matter.' Arnav's voice brooked no arguments. 'I can't believe you went
behind my back like this. You too Manav.' He added as Anjali strode off angrily
toward her room.
Dr Manav said quietly, 'That was a risk I
had to take for your brother's sake, Arnav. I will always think it was worth it,
seeing how he has recovered. Akash is still very weak, he needs to rest.'
Arnav's body was stiff as a bowstring.
'Of course.' He looked at Payal. 'Mohan will drive you back to the guest house.
You --- and your sister.'
'No.' Akash shook his head, his tone defiant.
'I want to spend some more time with Payal.'
Arnav walked over to him and drew him
into an embrace. For long moments they held each other in silence.
Khushi found herself choking back a sob.
She watched Akash helped up on his crutches by Hariprakash and Dr Manav, Payal
assisting, her face furrowed in concern, as the group wended its way slowly
toward Akash's room.
Leaving her all alone with Arnav.
'Quite a conspiracy.'Histone was
deceptively terse. The hooded eyes told her nothing. 'Looks like everyone was
hand in glove here.His mouth twisted cynically. 'I am amazed at your skills
Khushi. You have them eating out of your hands in such a short time.'
'Arnavji, you are getting it all wrong.' She
touched her tongue to her dry lips. 'I ' I didn't mean to deceive you, but
there didn't seem to be any other way to give Payal and Akash their chance.'
'And I played right into you beguiling
hands,' he said softly, his mouth curling in contempt. 'Please accept my hearty
congratulations. Your effort at -- distracting me -- was most convincing ' even
going as far as making the ultimate
sacrifice.' He shook his head in cynical wonderment. 'Can sisterly devotion
ever get better than that?'
His voice cut her like a whiplash. She
flinched and stepped back, her eyes filling with tears.
'It wasn't like that. You know that.' She
said anguished.
'No?' His brows lifted mockingly. 'Then
tell me how it was, my Desert Rose,
with your saint's eyes and sinner's body.'
I loved
you. I
wanted to make up to you for all the pain ' all the loneliness. And now I have
brought it all down on myself instead, because I can't tell you.
'Well?' he said too quietly. 'I am
waiting.'
Khushi looked at him with all the pain
reflected clearly in her eyes,a tear drop trickling down her cheek, as she said
in a strangled voice. 'You talk as if I planned it somehow'' She stopped
abruptly, colour rushing into her face as she realized he was laughing soundlessly.
'No, no Khushi. You are forgetting
something,' he turned away from her, fisting his palm. 'That was what you
accused me of doing,' he said
pointing his thumb toward himself. 'Quite a master stroke -- all the injured,
ruined innocence.Retributive justice, would you say?' His voice deepened into a
harsh mockery. 'Never would I have guessed that I would have a second
accomplished actress to add to my collection.
'I wondered what you were hiding from me,
right from the beginning,' the relentless voice went on. 'And now I know 'corruption behind the mask of virtue.'
Khushi found it difficult to breathe,
tears streaming down her face in full force. She saw Mohan had come in, waiting
for Arnav's orders. Orders that would take her back to the guest house and away
from him for ever.
She said softly, 'Believe what you want.
I thought I was acting for the best. Please don't punish Payal for my mistakes.
Remember she was the one who brought your brother back ____'
He walked away from her, before she could
finish, without looking back, leaving her all alone, in the middle of the grand
living room, the curtains billowing around her due to the breeze.
**
Khushi folded the white chikankurti, the
one that had come back neatly washed and ironed from KeshavRathore's house
along with her purse and cell phone and put it away inside her travel bag, not
wanting to remember that fateful day. As if she could ever forget even a single
second she had spent with him, she
thought dismally.
It was three days since, but the things
he had said, the way he had looked at her with such contempt, seemed to be
seared across her consciousness.
Akash had bravely stood up to his brother
that night. But, she hadn't meant to cause a rift between the two brothers.
Even Anjaliwas in trouble for helping them out. It had been almost a relief to
hear from her that he had gone to Delhi the very next morning.
'He still isn't talking to me Khushiji,'
she had lamented, 'I know he is pleased that Akash has recovered, but he is
still upset that we went behind his back. I hope Ria is able to put him in a
better mood.' She added sourly, oblivious to the pain that flashed across
Khushi's face at the mention of the other woman's name.
'Well that is understandable, Anjaliji,'
Khushi said drily, biting her lip until she tasted blood as an image of Arnav,
with the sultry Ria in his arms, flashed in her mind.
'Don't worry Khushiji,' Anjali said
taking Khushi in an embrace, to console her. 'I am sure he will come round.
Everything will be alright.'
How would Anjali know that there was less
to no chances of that? Arnav wasangry being made a fool of, but would
eventually understand that the end justified the means. What he would find
impossible to forgive, however, was the belief that she had deceived him sexually.
That she had used her body as bait as she got him to confide in her about his
relationship with Lavanya.
He opened the door to me on his private
nightmare about his parents as well, she thought desolately. She remembered how
they had sat on the desert sands looking at the stars in the night sky. He will
definitely hate me for that.
Yesterday, she'd seen a shadow in the
green house and had thought for a few heart-stopping moments that he was in
there working with his flowers, only to realize that it was just her
imagination.
She looked at herself in the mirror,
noting almost objectively hershadowed eyes and the hollows beneath her
cheekbones.She thought of her glasses lying broken and discarded in some dusty
road, just like her hair-stick. She knew in her heart that she would never go
back to her old style of dressing ' because he
didn't want her to.
Oh what a terrible mess you are in Khushi
Kumari Gupta, she told herself.His mere presence caused her heart to pound
wildly, his touch causing her resolve to melt away in a need that transcended
common sense and logic.
Her life was in shambles, she
acknowledged with a kind of desperate clarity. Somehow she had to drag it into
shape again. Dismiss this pitiful creature at the mercy of her own physicality.
Find again the cool, sensible persona she had once possessed.
If I can, she thought woefully. If that
girl still exists. Or is she now, no more, no less, for better or worse, simply
hiswoman?she thought, as the waiter, Guman's
words came back to haunt her.
The sudden knock on the door made her
jump. It was probably Anjali. She opened the door and was surprized to find a
stocky man of average height standing there staring at her, his eyes wide.
'May I help you?' asked Khushi.
'Uh?'
The man seemed to be a little
disoriented. She repeated her question, a slightest hint of irritation in her
voice.
'I am looking for Anjali,' he said, still
staring at her, intensely.'My name is Shyam ManoharJha.'
'Hey Devi Maiyya'.you are Anjaliji's
husband!' exclaimed Khushi, hitting her forehead with her palm. 'I am sorry I
didn't recognize you.'
'And you are?' he asked her,his eyes
sweeping her from head to toe.
'I am Khushi Kumari Gupta,' she answered warily,
'I am sorry Shyamji'.Anjaliji is not here.'
'Khushiji, it is nice to meet you,' he
smiled at her, 'I think we briefly spoke on the phone sometime ago.
'Oh.' She didn't seem to remember.
'I went to the Haveli and Hariprakash
told me Anjali might be here.' He explained.
'Well' she usually comes here in the
mornings,' she said hesitatingly, 'have you tried to call her?'
'I did, but I am not able to get through.
If it is not too much trouble, can I have a glass of water?'
'Of course, please come in.' Khushi
invited him in, seating him in the living room as she brought him a glass of
water. She thought it was only polite to offer some tea as well.Sheput the
water to boil and was startled when she turned around and foundShyam in the
kitchen.
'Would you by any chance be from Lucknow,
Khushiji?' he asked her casually.
'Yes' I grew up there,' she replied.
'I am also from Lucknow,' he began. As
the tea boiled,Khushi quietly listened to Shyam speaking in great detail about
the city, its monuments, cuisine and the markets. As he rambled on and on
Khushi tuned out, replaying the events of day she had spent with Arnav.
The clicking of heels brought her out of
her reverie, as Anjali breezed in, with her usual exuberant fashion, dressed as
elegant as ever in a green net saree.
'Khushiji I have to tell you ___' she
stopped short looking at Shyam, her eyes going wide.
'Surprize my dear Rani Sahiba!' exclaimed
Shyam smiling at her.
'Oh my God!' exclaimed Anjali, 'why
didn't you call me and tell me you were coming?'
'The plan was to surprize you,' he said
and then looked beyond her to Manav who had just walked in the door, 'but it
seems like it has backfired and I was surprized instead.'
Khushi was never more relieved to see
Anjali as of this moment. She asked them both to join in quickly deciding to
make some more tea.
'What do you mean?' asked Anjali, her
brows creased in confusion as the trio moved toward the living are.
'I mean I came looking for you and I
instead I was surprized by Khushiji --- a pleasant surprize of course.' He added affably. 'And you walk in with
doctor sahablooking very busy,' he said looking from her to Manav.
'A lot has happened here since you left
for Bali and I didn't want to disturb you with all this while you were away at
work.' Anjali said quietly.
As she began updating Shyam about the
events of the past week, Khushi brought in the tea.
'This morning, Manav took us to a clinic
in Bikaner so Akash could begin his physiotherapy sessions for his leg,' she concluded.
'Payal is with him right now at the Haveli.'
Manav put down his tea cup on the table,
'Anjali, I have to get back to the clinic, so I will make a move,' he said
getting up, 'Nice to have you back Shyam. Bye Khushi.' He left, closing the
door behind him quietly.
'Chotte is so upset that he hasn't called
us these past few days and I have no idea how to go forward from here,' she
said lines of worry creasing her forehead, 'What do you think we should do? She
asked looking at Shyam.
'Hmm this is a lot to digest.' He said
looking serious. 'Give me some time to sleep over this and how about we discuss
this over breakfast tomorrow?' He smiled at them reassuringly.
That night Shyam paced the terrace balcony
of his bedroom, feeling restless. His thoughts were filled with Khushi. He
remembered their first meeting this morning.
Hisheart had raced at breakneck speed, sweat
dripping from temples, his palms clammy as he stood looking at this vision in
front of him. Her beautiful doe like eyes, had looked at himcuriously, as her
fair milky hands went up to straighten the hair at her forehead. And then he
had looked down at those pink lips, her throat and her lissome body'.
He closed his eyes, his body hardening as
images Khushi, naked in his arms invaded his mind, body and soul. He couldn't
stop thinking about her.
She was
exquisite.He wanted her.
But how? All these years he had managed
to cloak his indiscretions from his wife and her family under the pretext of work.
He had taken advantage of the fact that Anjali was extremely attached to her
brother and the place she grew up in, subtly encouraging her, over the years to
spend more and more time in Rajasthan, so he could indulge in his "habits" to
his heart's content.
But it was not going to be so easy with
Khushi. Her sister's problem seemed to have created quite a chaos in the
otherwise boring Raizada household. From what Anjali had told him, she didn't
seem to be in Arnav'sgood books right from the beginning. And now, by participating
in the deception, allowing the lovebirds to meet behind his back, she had
further earned his ire. That didn't sound good. At all.
What he knew about his brother-in-law,
that man neither forgot nor forgave that easily.
Since the time he knew him college, Arnav
had always come across as an unemotional man who cared only about making money,
not bothering to spare any time for personal relationships. Nothing ever really
mattered to him that much ' except his business and of course ---his dear
sister. This characteristic was exactly what had played in his favour years
ago''
Shyam smiledderisively as he remembered
how hehad managed to manipulatethe family to allow Lavanya to come and stay
here. He was a master of that game.
He had his job cut out. All he had to do
was to get Akash married to Khushi's sister. After that, Khushi would return to
Delhi to resume her life there ' free from this Godforsaken Haveli ---
available exclusively for him. And he had no doubt she would be available, he
sneered to himself, considering the shrewdness with which her sister had
trapped Akash. In the meantime, he would insinuate himself into her life, as
her well-wisher.
There was only one problem --- his
dearest Rani Sahiba, who would be breathing down his neck constantly.He would
have to find a way to get around her.
But, first things first.He had to take
care of Akash and Payal.
Next morning,Khushi watched with a smile
on her lips, as Payal fed a piece of paratha to Akashon the balcony terrace
outside Akash's room. She declined their invitation to join them and went
downstairs to see Anjali and Shyam waiting for her at the breakfast table.
'Please come, Khushiji,' said Anjali
motioning her to take a seat, 'Shyam has something to tell us.'
'After thinking about it last night, I
realized there is only one solution to this problem,' began Shyam, 'I think,we should
call naniji and mamiji back to Raisar. It is the elders in the house who should
be making important decisions like this. I don't think Arnav can be the final
authority on who Akash should marry. His mother should have a say too, don't
you think?'
'Well'.you have a point'.,' said Anjali,
her forehead creasedwith doubt, 'but I wish I could talk to Chotte one more
time.'
'Look, Rani Sahiba,' he began, 'you did
all that you could in this situation. Akash is your younger brother too,' he
pointed out.'Whatever you are doing will be in his best interests, so don't
worry about it.'
He looked at Khushi and smiled
reassuringly, 'Don't worry Khushiji, I am there.'
Khushireturned back a small smile,
feeling uneasy inside.She didn't have a good feeling about this. It felt like they were going behind Arnav's
back once again. But what could she do? Anjali had said that he would come
round. But even after three days he hadn't called his sister or brother.
Shyam'sidea seemed appropriate. In any
case, Akash's mother and grandmother would have to be informed. So how would it
matter? Surely, his mother would want to do what was best for her son. Maybe
she would bring good tidings for Payal.
She had hoped that, Arnav would call or at
the least send a message but she hadn't heard anything from him.
Arnavji'Her
heart called out in anguish.
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