Chapter 87

80. Dilemma

Kirti had been staring at her laptop for so long that it drew her brother’s attention.

He was standing in front of an open refrigerator, one eye on her, the other examining the vegetable compartment for guavas. It seemed the one he had as a midnight snack was the last. Disappointed he looked at other options. Ripe guavas with salt and pepper sprinkled over it was his one weakness.

‘What is it?’ He asked, settling for papaya.

‘Hmm? Nothing,’ Kirti replied, her fingers tapping on the keyboard.

Biplab returned from the kitchen with a plate and knife. Looking over her shoulder at the search result displayed on the screen, he settled on the armchair next to her, the plate with the fruit on his lap. Running down the knife along the fruit peeling the greenish-yellow skin off, he cut it into two halves revealing a village of dark seeds that now lay partitioned, some spilling off on his thighs.

‘You’ve been too quiet after receiving the training notice,’ he remarked, disburdening the fruit of its occupants with the pointed edge of the knife.

Kirti in response flicked close her laptop; her hands going around it, she sat back.

‘Dadi, will you have papayas?’ He asked. Their grandmother lay on the bed at a little distance from them, snoring heavily under the effect of tranquilizers. A sliver of sunlight fell on the bed, just below where her toes with their inwardly curled yellow nails peeped from beneath her saree. She would always drift off to sleep these days, nodding off even during conversations and when pointed out, would deny having done so. ‘I was listening,’ she would protest. It was difficult to say if the drowsy Spring afternoons, or her medicines, or her old age were to blame. Kirti surmised it was all of it.

‘Let her sleep,’ Kirti shushed him, her eyes seeking out her grandmother for even though Karuna slept a lot, her bouts of sleep were fitful. She would jerk awake frightfully in the middle of night or day, stare into space and mumble incoherently. Kirti attributed it to the trauma of Ojhas betrayal and Urmila’s return.

‘What is bothering you?’ Biplab asked, cubing the fruit.

‘I have to report next week.’

‘That is good news. Aren’t you excited? Let’s go shopping.’

Kirti did not seem the least bit excited as other greater worries gnawed at her. ‘It’s three months of training, Biplab!’

‘So?’ He extended the plate.

‘Don’t feel like it,’ she shook her head.

‘Eat,’ he insisted. ‘Now that you’re going to be an officer, you need to look the part. I will go and get more fruits and vegetables for you. Only running isn’t going to help. You’ll have to eat. Your skin should glow, your big wise eyes should shine with mysterious glint, your hair,’ he regarded her careless bun, before pulling it free, and throwing away her elastic band amidst her protest, ‘Hmm, it’s grown a lot from the last time. But you need to grow it out more. Then give yourself some bangs, you know the kind that’s in vogue among the girls. And let’s buy you a lot of jewelry and sarees! You should look the most stunning in the whole batch, Di. When you first enter,’ and he looked away with a far-off expression, as if imagining the scene in his head. Click of heels in an eerily silent hallway, door thrown open of the auditorium filled with trainees, men - women too - looking to see the new entrant. A late entree. Obviously.

‘Are you just picturing your dream girl? Your filmy encounter with her?’

He clicked his tongue. ‘No distractions, please. We’re discussing you right now. People turning to see who it is would have their jaws dropped. They wouldn’t know what hit them!’

‘And what is it supposed to accomplish?’ Kirti asked, standing up from the woven chair to keep her laptop away and get a fork.

‘Who knows you’ll find The One there?’ Biplab replied with a Machiavelian grin when she returned with a pair of forks.‘Now that you have the job, the next step is to start going out. Find someone whom you can truly love and who passionately loves you back.’

Kirti felt a pang in her chest. Obsession. Madness.

‘We’ll see,’ she replied. ‘As for now, it’s too soon to think about all this. Especially when I am worried, how are we going to manage?’ Kirti did not feel the need to elaborate on her jaded sentiments about dating and marriage.

‘Going to manage what?’

‘Biplab, I will be away. You’re starting with your internship in a few days.’ It was a very known firm in Mumbai and he was hoping to get a pre-placement offer.

‘Who’s going to look after Dadi?’ She whispered so that their grandmother did not get a whiff of it.

‘We’ll manage,’ he said, forking a piece of fruit and bringing it to his mouth.

‘How? We don’t even know people here.’ They had moved to a different place, in a semi-furnished two-room quarter rented out by Biplab’s friend from college. ‘I wish I had scored less, then they would’ve called me later. I would have been inducted first and training would have followed when they saw it convenient. It would have given us time.’

‘Now, this is a pure show-off. Trying to brag you’re a topper.’

‘Well, I am one of them so…’ She grinned, then remembering the problem at hand, groaned again. ‘Biplab....’

When Biplab continued to eat, she asked agitatedly, ‘How can you be so calm? How can I leave Dadi alone here? Oh!’ She sighed and fell back again, ‘What am I going to do?!’

‘Di, you’ve done enough. You’ve overworked yourself into taking care of us. Now, step back and let the rest be taken care of. You need to learn to accept help. When I say, I will take care of her, I will. We have the nurse too right. You think about your training, posting, and the future ahead.’

‘I would love to accept help but from whom? You? How will you? When you start, you’ll see they’ll make you slog for twelve to thirteen hours. Come first, leave last.’ She remembered Tejas’ hectic schedule. ‘There will be the pressure to perform; with so much going on, do you think it will be easy to manage? And suppose something happens, what will you do here alone? Our training will first be conducted in Pune and then Chennai. I will not even be around or available.’

She picked an errant seed from his plate and rolled it between her fingers. ‘Life is so complicated. I have secured a job. I will be starting with the training and yet I feel no peace at all.’

‘Di, you are unnecessarily stressed.’

‘It never turns out according to our plans, this life. I had thought Radha would be with us but…You think she’d be missing us? It must be so difficult for her to adjust. Away from every familiar face…’ Another pang wrecked her heart.

‘Radha is not your responsibility! You have to move on from her. That woman did a huge favor by adopting the girl! Your life already has so many issues. Why did you want to add another?’

‘Radha is not a problem! And favor?’ Kirti looked at him incredulously. ‘We do not even know how she’s treating the child! That woman does not know how to be a mother! She left us, Biplab!’

Karuna stirred, her mouth making noises as she breathed through it. They waited for her to either wake and sit up or return to sleep. When her snores found a slow rhythm, Biplab said, ‘People change every day, Di!’

‘Change? How can you be so naive, Biplab? She clearly said that she’s going to let me have Radha if I go and live with her for six months.’

When Biplab remained silent, moving her hands passionately in the air, she said ‘Do you see how manipulative she is? Fine, she wanted us. That she did return and her efforts were thwarted by others. But where was she all these years? Why did she never contact me? Where was she through all our years of hardship?’

‘She says her circumstances did not allow her,’ Biplab answered.

‘Bullshit! And if that was the case, she should have kept her distance even now. She must want something from us. People like her don’t change.’

‘Maybe. I will get to know her intentions truly in a few months.’ He replied.

'Yes, we will get to know.' She echoed, then realizing, asked, 'What do you mean by 'you' will get to know?'

Biplab picked himself off the chair, then flicking a stuck seed off from his checked shirt, he carried the plate to the kitchen with Kirti on his heels.

‘What do you mean by in a few months?’ She repeated.

Washing the stickiness off the fork under the running water, he turned to face his sister.

'I was not going to tell you this now but eventually, I will have to so why not?’

‘Tell me what?’

‘I am going to take Dadi and stay with our mother.'

'What?’

‘You heard me the first time.’ He leaned against the marble slab, not meeting her eyes.

That woman was ruining everything. She wanted to scream and screech, convince him against it but resisted the urge.

She needed to hear him out. What was it that drew him to their mother?

'Why Biplab? After everything…'

'I always wanted to know our mother. And Di, who knows what my single yes could have changed. We could have been like any other family, who knows? I ruined all of it.'

'You did not, Biplab,' she bridged the gap between them, touching his elbows.'She chose to be away.'

He shook his head maniacally. 'I owe her this chance, Di. I owe her this.'

'Biplab! You cannot go! And Dadi, she will never!' That woman was snatching away everyone dear to her.

'Dadi will follow wherever I go. If you have any doubts regarding that, let's ask her when she wakes up.'

'She will not! If you want to go, go. I will find some way to take care of Dadi.' Kirti said weakly.

How was she going to take care of her grandmother? Should she let go of the job? But she had worked so hard for this. If somehow they could pass these three months, then she would get an apartment. Their family of three would live together. Her brother could not leave. He could not choose that woman. He was her greatest champion. He couldn't side with that woman!

Dadi will never take her side. She won’t leave me. Not to go to that woman, at least. Not when she had gone to such lengths to separate them.

When Karuna woke up and was asked whom she wanted to live with. She said she'd follow the boy, even if it was to hell.

A bitter and heartbroken Kirti resolved to never talk to either her brother or grandmother.

But when it was time to leave, she paused her fight with them.

‘I know why you’re doing this,’ she said to her brother. ‘Take care, okay,’ she hugged him. ‘Don’t have too many expectations. Don’t let her break your heart, okay?’ She instructed, pushing locks of hair off his forehead, stroking his cheek as if he was still the child, who had clutched her palms firmly when she had gone to drop him off at school on his first day. ‘When I return, you’ll have to move in with me.’

He nodded.

‘Take care of Radha for me.’

‘You take care, Di. You’ve earned this. It’s time to reap the fruits.’

To her grandmother, she said, ‘I hate you Dadi. I hate you the most. These months that I am away you better get well and running so that I can fight with you to my heart’s content. You owe me this, don’t you? If I don’t take it out, it will fetter and maybe I’ll die before you. Also, don’t let that woman bully you, okay?’

Karuna’s guilty tear-filled gaze could not hold her granddaughter’s accusing but concerned eyes. She kissed Kirti’s hair and let her go.

[NOCOPY]

[MEMBERSONLY]