Chapter 84

77. Sankri Galiyan

|| Narrow Roads||

There were two suns that Kirti’s planet revolved around these days. Karuna and Mains. No, if one looked at it closely. There was only one sun - Karuna. An embittered sun. Preparing for Mains had become an escape. A space where she could hide when she couldn't bear being near the sun.

Karuna had once been the source of all energy but now she mercilessly crackled, sapping people's energy, forcing them to wither in the heat.

'Kirti… Radhhaa….Mayank….Oh Ojhain...Ojha are you all dead?' She would continue calling out from her room. But who came close to a shriveled tree that had no fruits or shade to offer?

Only those who loved it regardless and enough to even bear the brunt of the cutting thorns.

Kirti assisted her in her private chores - she bathed her, washed her clothes, she cooked and fed her meals and then she swallowed all the abuses that Karuna had to hurl at her.

There were two private maids Kirti had found for her grandmother but both had fled. Kirti had attributed the resignation of the maids to Karuna's harshness with them. Having never hired domestic help and self-sufficiently taken care of the house her entire life, she was unable to adapt to their ways, Kirti thought. Karuna had so many problems with them that they found leaving the job a better option. It was only when she began to take care of everything herself that she realized it was Karuna's misdemeanor that had them absconding from their well-paying jobs.

She concluded Karuna was discontent with life in general. For months she had slept and when she had woken, the world had still not changed. It had become a more wretched place.

Taking out her dissatisfaction on people near her was her way to deal with it. Ammaji also did the same. People inherently were all the same then?

'How did you make these chapatis? I cannot even tear it with my teeth!’

‘Did you knead your hair along with the flour?'

'Why is this curry so bland? Why did I wake up? To eat this plain food?!' She would push the plate away, her colorless lips thin and tight.

She had become prone to tantrums, especially to make things difficult for Kirti. One moment she would ask for something to be cooked and when Kirti would bring it after sweating in the kitchen, Karuna would refuse to touch it.

'Why do you not wear marriage symbols?' She would ask.

'Because we married in court.'

'Have you consummated the marriage?'

'Dadi!'

'Why is he always away? Why did you leave your job?'

'Do you think you're Radha's mother?'

One would think she would relent being so difficult when saw Kirti burning the midnight oil and hardly getting any sleep but it was not to happen.

Karuna particularly was reminded of using the loo when she saw her sit with her books.

When Kirti would be out hiding somewhere practicing answer writing, her grandmother would keep groaning, 'Kirti...Kirti…Oh Kirti..' until Mrs.Ojha would be annoyed to the point of finding Kirti herself.

When Kirti would appear, 'Where were you?' She would ask her granddaughter. 

'I was out studying.’

‘Do you plan to study all your life? Does anything even go inside your head or do you simply pretend to sit with books?’

When Kirti would refuse to rise to the bait, she would change gears. 'Did Mayank come?'

'No. He told you he would be away for a fortnight. Did you need anything?'

'It is very cold. Lower the speed of the fan.' A sleeping Karuna would instruct before turning away. 

A few minutes later, she would be groaning again, 'Kirti...Oh Kirti. It's so hot! Who lowered the speed of my fan? Kirti….is anybody there? Can no one hear this old woman's wails?' Making Kirti snap her book close.

Sometimes, she would witness Karuna reproach Radha. 'Why are you always here? Go and tell your grandmother to take care of you!' It made her blood boil.

'Dadi!' She would cast a dark look towards her. Karuna would stare back, her eyes equally volatile. But all anger evaporated when Kirti stared too long at the gaunt, decrepit body of her grandmother, making her turn away, disappointing the old woman who was spoiling for a fight. 

One day when Kirti brought a bowl of dry-dates soaked in milk for her grandmother, Karuna said, ‘Take it away! What do you want to show? That you are feeding me expensive dry fruits?’

Kirti had been having a hard time sticking to her study schedule and her frustration spilled into her behaviour. She swallowed the retort sitting on the tip of her tongue and said instead, ‘What can I show you? Is there anything hidden from you? You are the Dadi.’ But her expressions gave it away that she had had enough. When she brought a spoonful of nutritious food to her grandmother’s mouth, Karuna pressed her lips together in refusal. 

In the battle of wills, Kirti refused to put the spoon away, continuing to hold it close to Karuna’s lips. 

Her arm trembling in anger, a few drops of milk dripped over Karuna’s chest. 

Karuna pushed Kirti’s hand away making the spoon fall with a tiny rattle.

A volcano that had been in the making for so many days finally erupted.

‘Why only the spoon?! Throw this away too!’ She flung the utensil across the room. The steel bowl jangled and the 500 rupees per kg dry-dates, some of it splattered across the floor, some stuck to the wall with the splashes of creamy milk coating the walls. 

It was as if by flinging the utensil, Kirti had flung open the dams for Karuna. All her irritation, frustration, anger, miseries came ushering out.

'Who told you to sell my house? Who gave you the right?!' Karuna burst out.

Kirti was struck by the animosity in her voice. 'Who gave me the right?’ She went silent, still reeling in the shock. ‘Then what should have I done? Sold me? You were sick! It was difficult managing the hospital dues. Should I have let you die?’

‘If being alive meant I had to see you like this then you shouldn’t have bothered!’

‘What is wrong with me? I am married and in my husband’s house just like you wished! I am striving for a better future just like you wanted! Still, you are unhappy! What more can I do? What more? Why is nothing enough for you?!’

The despair in Kirti’s voice broke Karuna’s heart but she refused to relent.

‘Why did you want to marry this guy? What did you get by marrying him? You do not love him. He doesn’t care about you! What did you get? He’s not even here half the time and his family doesn't care two hoots about you!’

‘If that is what is eating you away, then good news! We will get divorced soon.’

‘Divorce? Did you say divorce?’ The blood dried in Karuna’s veins. ‘Why did you marry then?’ She lashed.

‘Because you wanted! Have you forgotten how you pleaded to me in the hospital? Or is this my fault too?’

‘Yes, it is your fault! When you did not like the guy why did you marry him? And now that you have married, be in the marriage! Do you think it is a child’s play? Making and breaking marriage like this! I should have kept you away from that Shruti! Call Mayank, I will talk to him. Let’s get you both married by our customs.’

When Kirti looked at her livid and in disgust, Karuna barked. ‘What? What are you looking at me? If you were so averse to the idea, you should not have gone ahead with the idea! Don’t put it on me. I was as good as dead. Who told you to destroy your life over a dying woman’s words? Remember, you were the one who had come to me claiming you loved Mayank. You made your bed and now lay on it.’

‘Right!’ Kirti nodded her head. ‘It is my fault. It is never others’ fault. IT IS MY FAULT! ALWAYS MY FAULT! I was not mentally present for Ujjwal so he cheated on me! I was waiting for better things so Tejas came to use me! I kept tormenting Nishit! I took advantage of Mayank forcing him into a wedding which was nothing but an inconvenience for him! I was a fool to pay heed to an old woman’s dying words! Yes, I deserve it. I am a fool to want to take care of a motherless child! So what if I look into her eyes and they remind me of my own loneliness as a child. A child who was left behind by her mother. But wait, I deserved to be abandoned by my mother! I deserved to be kept in dark this entire time about her wanting to come back. I deserved my father to die and be left alone to wade the uncharted waters! I was a fool to have sacrificed my youth to look after you all! ’ She cried, stunning Karuna into silence.

‘Yes, what did you think? I will never know. But don’t worry, Dadi.’ Her body trembled and her voice shook but she was raging mad and heartbroken. She was exhausted and done with everything. If then in that moment, the roofs were to fall over her and bury her dead, she would be grateful to the Universe for the liberation. ‘I know it was my fault! Everyone was lying to me, but it was my fault. How dare I believe in people who I thought loved me?’ Her voice, punctuated with sniffs finally broke. But even then she continued, forcing down the huge stony lumps down her throat. 

‘How dare I not make use of my own sense? I trusted others! How foolish of me! Stupid woman! Making choices on her own and then blaming others! Hah! IDIOT! SHE DESERVES EVERY SHIT IN HER LIFE!’ She turned away, not wanting to face her grandmother any longer. Her heartbeat rapidly and she felt suffocated. She had to run away and she did. She ran out of the room. Out of the house. At the entrance gate, she collided with Ravi who began, ‘I’m glad we met here. I had something to say to you…’ But she pushed him away, running out to wherever her feet took her.

He considered her his sister or he would have shown her his place for hitting him so hard. On top of that, she looked upset!

‘Thank you for taking care of my daughter….but …’ He shouted after her, brushing imaginary dirt off his chest. He was going to give Radha away for adoption, a piece of information that he found it prudent not to shout. Pulling out a cone of peanuts from his pocket, he wandered in. 

On his way inside, he stopped at Karuna’s door.

‘How are you Dadi? Is everything okay? Will you have peanuts?’

The woman lay still, with her eyes staring at the slowly whirring ceiling fan, her mouth wide open.

‘Abe mar gayi kya? Tsk tsk, ab itna din khich hi liya tha toh par-pote -potiyan dekh ke hi marti! Century se kitni dur ho, Dadi?’ He came close and released a sigh upon seeing her chest. ‘Main toh darr hi gaya, matha mudana padega.’

[Are you dead? When you had come this far, it was only fair you saw the faces of your great-grandchildren and then died. How far are you from the century? I was scared I would have to get my head shaved.]

Sitting down next to her on the bed, he said, ‘Here, eat,’ dropping a few nuts in her open mouth. Karuna spat it on his shirt from where the spittled peanuts rolled down his thigh. In response he simply shook his leg, making the nuts fall on the ground. ‘Come up with something better, Dadi, for this doesn't faze me. I have seen worse. Did you forget where I was released from? There isn’t a hygiene concept in jails.’’

 ‘Bhag yahan se Muhjhausa!’ Karuna barked. [Get lost you rascal]

‘Arre, ekdum markhandi bani hui ho! Chuhara kha ke zada bariyari chha gaya hai kya?’ He remarked, noticing the artwork on the floor and walls.  

[Wow, you are in full on combative mood. These dates have infused you with too much strength or what?]

Karuna pursed her lips.

‘Do you know Dadi how the last five years have been to me?’ He asked, taking an opportunity to share his ordeal. There was no one to listen. People ran away from him as though he was a carrier of infectious disease, so who better an ear than an invalid. 

‘To be locked within four walls with only a sliver of sunlight in the name of the outside world. It was suffocating. I hoped that my father so well-versed in treachery would do something to get me out. But he didn’t. His useless ego came in the way. What will people say? As if they don’t know his true colors! What could I do apart from waiting for days to pass? I had no escape from suffering. When I see your granddaughter, I am reminded of my prison days. You are lucky, you know that don’t you? Mayank might have been in the dark but I have been a witness to everything.’

Karuna’s eyes swiveled to his.

‘You are bedridden. Had there been anyone at her place they would have tied your limbs and left you at the rails. Aise bhitarghaag duniya mein tujhe dekh rekh karne wali poti mili hai but kichaain kiye rehti ho. Izzat toh hazam hi nahi hoti hai tujhse! Abe dusri innining mili hai, khana pina kar aur mast reh.Ji aur jeene de. Nahi khana toh mari padi reh, dusre ki zindagi jahannum mat bana.’ He got up but not before asking, ‘Toh mungfali khayegi kya?’

[ In this selfish and deceiving world you’ve got a devoted granddaughter by your side but you keep creating a mess. Can’t digest respect? You’ve got a second chance at life, be thankful for it. Live and let live. And if you wish to die, then do so without making others' lives a hell.] [So want to eat peanuts?]

‘Your father brought the woman home!’ Mrs. Ojha complained to him when he reached the main house. ‘Since her arrival, we haven’t had a single moment of peace to ourselves! She's always wailing. And when she’s not, there’s the granddaughter throwing tantrums.’

‘Fine...fine give me something to eat. I am hungry,’ he said, washing his hands and going to sit on a chair.

‘Where’s the Princess? Tell her she will serve you.’ Mrs.Ojha continued to lay on the diwan.

‘If everything she’s gonna do then about you?’

‘Oh ho ho. So you also are taking her side now?’ Mrs. Ojha.

‘Well, she takes care of my child so yes. I have been here for more than a fortnight now but never seen you take an iota of interest in Radha’s affairs.’

‘Of course...Of course... after all, it was her only who brought her up when your wife ran away with her lover!’ Switching the TV off, she sat up angrily. 

‘Isi tarah khatati hogi tu meri biwi ko bhi isliye bhaag gayi!’ He taunted. [You must have slogged my wife in the same way that is why she ran away!]

‘Wow, son. When it comes to your wife or others you can see their slogging but what about all the years I slaved for you all? Your father’s time was spent chasing skirts. And I had zero expectations from him for the first day of marriage itself, I was made to realize my position. That he had brought me as a maid. I thought when my sons grow up there will be some light in my life! But you both turned out to be equally selfish and useless. My hands were pretty once too but they are worn and coarse now! They have become this way by cleaning after you all! I am barely fifty-five but my knees creak when I walk! Did any of you bother to ask, Amma, how are you? Do you need anything? And now like a shameless brat, you dare to ask, What will I do!’

Unsettled by the sudden outburst, he blabbered, ‘Fine...fine I will serve myself. No need to start drama. I am sure Chotu has inherited his traits from you.’

‘You better learn to serve yourself! All of you! Because I am no longer capable of being at your beck and call. I have no more of my youth’s vitality left. I am going to live for myself now! I will call Govind to come and take me to my sister's place. There I will stay peacefully. At least, I will be able to have two square meals peacefully!’

‘Arre arre Amma,’ Ravi said from the kitchen. ‘Why are you like this? I have struck gold. Wait for some time and then I will take you to the doctor. I will have an apartment of my own. You can come and live with me there.’

‘Na...beta na...I am good without being part of your Mungerilal schemes anymore. You have just been out and you’ve started with your old ways? If you have any sense left then mend your ways. We had to go through so much humiliation the last time.’

‘You’re speaking as if you both are embodiments of sainthood.’ He was out and eating after pouring dal over his rice.

‘Whatever! I have had enough! Tell your father to keep waiting for eighteen lacs while he cooks and cleans for himself.’

‘Jo mann so karo tum bholi Amma...Tumhe laga raha hai ki tumhari behan mufat mein baitha ke khilayegi toh woh bharam bhi durr hi kar lo tum. Khokha lagta hai yahan sab kuch ke liye khokha…Sab kuch ka daam hai..’ 

[Do whatever you wish to. If you think your sister is going to feed for free and go and get this delusion of yours be cleared as well. You need money for everything. Everything has a price here.]

 XxxX

‘It happens Ma’am. Sometimes the patient is unable to cope with their invalidity and gets mentally stressed. Sometimes they throw tantrums to attract attention. While some people are in general bad patients. You do not worry, I will take care of her from now on.’ The nurse reassured her.

‘Are you sure? She has misbehaved with the past caregivers.’ Kirti was hesitant. Biplab had sent her a number of an agency that provided competent and trained nurses for bedridden patients. He had procured it from one of his friends. When she had called there, she had been informed that her brother had already called there. A nurse, Nimmi Ahlawat, had been sent to her house.

‘I have had an experience with such patients Ma’am. It was mentioned in my resume.’

‘Okay, Ms. Ahlawat. Let’s discuss your salary.’

When Nimmi took charge of Karuna, Kirti decided to devote more time to her studies. There was no place to study in the house for Mr.Ojha would always be watching teleserials or news at high volume. Radha wanted her attention and in her room, Karuna would stare at her, her eyes brimming with millions of explanations. She ignored all of them. It was selfish but the need of the hour. She reasoned with herself that as much as her future was at stake, theirs were too because Karuna and Radha were dependent on her. 

She’d often ride to the cafe near her previous workplace and quietly study there. She would study on the terrace when she was at home.

XxxX

When her exams were a week away, Mayank arrived home. Before he could go to meet Karuna, he was pulled away by Kirti.

'What?' He asked, rubbing his arm.

'Don't go before her. She will start talking about marriage!'

'Marriage? What about it?' 

'She wants to get us married by proper Hindu customs.'

'Oh,' He uttered, his face completely devoid of any emotions. ‘Let me check my schedule. Then we can get married. You’ll also want to wait for your exam to get over, no?’

‘What? Have you lost it? Why will we get married?’ Kirti asked, a little scared and also incredulous that he would suggest such a thing.

‘Because Dadi is saying so. She’s sick. We’ll have to keep her word no? We have to keep her happy. My parents have also become comfortable with the idea of you as their daughter-in-law.’ He looked so earnest it quickened Kirti’s heartbeats. Did he fall in love with me or something? Or was it that he had become used to the arrangement?

‘Mayank it’s over. I am not going to continue with this charade!’

‘But why, Kirti?’ His face looked stricken. ‘We are good I think. I know I have been unable to give you time but I am not going to give up on you. Give me a chance to win your heart.’

‘Mayank stop playing with me!’ Shruti’s words came rushing back to her. She had landed herself in a puddle! The marriage was not real for her. The only good thing it gave her was Radha and the only thing it did for her was to provide her courage to pursue a better world. It had forced her to discover her wings. And now, when she was close to finding a sky for herself, she could not be shackled in a hollow marriage. A marriage that didn’t even have her heart. 

‘I am not joking Kirti. I am sincere! Fine, you don’t love me but not all marriages are love-based. And love will happen too. When you were going to meet other grooms, you went with the same mindset no?’

‘It won’t happen Mayank. It won’t. That was when I was naive. Now I know myself better.’ She wanted what Nishit made her feel! And if she was not going to get that, she’d rather not get married! ‘I will only ruin your life. Why are you being like this? You do not like me! I know for a fact.’ She started panicking.

‘Who are you to tell me whether I like you or not?’

‘But...but that day to Shruti...you said you never saw us in that way…’ She reminded him.

‘Oh, so you were eavesdropping on us? Well, that was in the past. Now my present truth is I like you. Who will not like you? I mean just look at you. I must have been crazy to have never seen you. All this time you were mine and I did not even realize what I had. ’

‘Mayank, now you’re crossing your limits! Stop this nonsense right now!’ She fumed

‘Why should I stop when it’s my truth! I truly like you.’

‘And my truth is I don’t like you!’ She yelled. ‘I am not going to remain in this marriage!

‘Not remain in this marriage? Do you think this is a game? On your whim, I get married to you and when you want an out, I should let you? What do you think I am? Ab toh ho gaya pyar Kirti...You will have to be tied to me...whether you want or not.’

‘Mayank, don’t be like this!’

‘What about your grandmother? She might die hearing of our divorce. Are you not going to think about her? If you remain married to me, she will be the happiest. You must abide by her words. Make her happy. Are you going to hurt her?’ He emotionally blackmailed.

‘What about my happiness, Mayank? Do I have no duty towards myself? Am I born to make sacrifices for others? Tomorrow, when I will be unhappy none of you, is going to take the blame.’ Her head was splitting from all the pressure. Will her grandmother die if she got divorced?

‘I am going to get divorced! And you will not be able to stop me.’

‘Your lack of gratitude is so appalling. She has done so much for you! I did so much for you and you’re refusing my love! Is this the same Kirti I knew?’

Was she supposed to keep thinking about others? Was she supposed to keep putting others before her?

‘I don’t know Mayank. I am sorry. I truly am. But I cannot. I thought I could but I am not a person who can live like this. Earlier I did not know myself but now I know and I wish to discover more of myself. I know this is selfish. But I am really sorry. We’ll have to divorce.’

Mayank heaved out a long sad sigh. ‘Fiiiine. When you no longer want to be in the marriage and are so determined then who am I to stop you? When is your exam?’

Kirti spelled out a date. 

He nodded, not looking at her. Kirti wanted that assuring look from him that all was well between them but she had just turned him down and it’d be selfish to want everything back to what it was.

‘Let’s talk after your exam.’

‘We’ll get divorced?’ She asked apprehensively.

His agonized eyes lifted and she felt guilt-stricken once again. ‘If you want that.’ 

‘I am sorry,’ she said leaving his side.

When Ravi spotted his brother who was all smiles and whistles, he was forced to ask,’Koi naya natak mila kya?’ [Bagged a new drama?]

‘Nah. Ek lamba natak chal raha tha bas uss par parda pada.’ [No. Just a long-running drama came to a satisfying end.]

XxxX

‘What? What did you say?’ Ahilya removed her spectacles and narrowed her eyes at Rockie Kamat.

‘There has been no marriage registered for these names on that date or for that matter any date.’ Kamat informed her.

‘Are you sure, Kamat? You’ve checked properly?’

‘Yes Ma’am. Very sure.’

‘Interesting. Did you contact Mayank?'

‘I did. He refused to meet me when I told him about you. He said his conjugal loyalty doesn’t allow him to meet you.’

‘Always in the role, he is then?’

‘Always Ma’am.’

 [NOCOPY]

[MEMBERSONLY]