Chapter 118

Loss & Longing

He had politely hung up after that. He leaned back and groaned, went to the picture he took of her ring, on her hand

She would rotate the stone into her palm every time, since the ring was loose by the time he trained the phone camera on her back hand

They did that a few times and then he held her fingers with his hand and took a few burst shots

He had felt it with his thumb. It felt so right

He could not think of anyone he wanted to spend his life with

His son and her

They were good

His coworker called him 

Mendy stepped out as she went in to change for work

Mendy raised a thumb and took off

She appeared later, and smiled and left him, she picked up a key bunch and shook it up and down and left it on one of her low stool by the door

Her reaction had been astonishing, she showed humility and courage and beat herself up for being selfish

He had lost 10 years of togetherness, oh why?

He had no idea he would be so lucky to have that chance encounter with THIS woman, so grounded and so pragmatic and so unfazed by setbacks

He dialed Apurva after the call “Just as we expected… they know and they do not approve”

“You know what, pick a Saturday I will bring Mihir just get married”

“No I absolutely will not do that… I already have a  secret wedding in the Hindu temple at Pittsburgh in my life history” he growled

“Nobody cares, u need to be happy, u can marry whoever you want, how ever many times you want”

“No… this is it for me… don’t say that” “Don’t” he begged panicking

“I am so sorry I wont… I am so sorry”

“I cannot imagine how she dealt with her parents for 33 years… one week of ours, plus the year after my divorce from Mitra (Ex wife’s nick name)

“Remember how Amma used to be “Mitra means friend this action only enemy can do”

“she didn’t abuse me emotionally Amma tends to speak in hyperbole” Aatreya sighed

“Just don’t give in and abandon Mrunalini”

“I wont…. I don’t plan to”

“She is already on the fence… she already has a toxic family and now this… I am just so jittery… Attu from the moment u said you are proposing to her I feel a strange kinship for her”

“thanks”

“I felt our parents are the most regressive, but her parents blow everything out of the park”

‘See… good job thinking objectively about this Apu… running away to get married would crush both of them”

“Are you OK begging and wishing and pleading for another year or two?”

“Easy!”

“U are such an optimistic guy”

“No Mrunalini is… I cannot even come close to her in this lifetime”

“way to go… u need to teach Mihir some of that supportive husband s&%$”

“Wowww swearing” he teased

“talk to him”

‘Hey” Mihir spoke softly

“Hi! Mihir.. how are you”

“More imp how are U?”

“I am OK just dealing with some stuff”

“I heard… how can I help?”

“Thanks… I need to speak with them”

“Your life offers them the most excitement” he laughed

Aatreya cringed

“They want kids from us… but you have one already” Mihir sighed

Aatreya sighed too

It was not easy navigating infertility

His heart went out to Mihir and Apurva

He wondered if his parents were taking out their sadness on that matter toward him

“You should just have a few more man!”

“U sound like they are chickens”

Mihir laughed nervously

They were not best friends but they cared for each other

“I would adopt a couple” he said somberly

“MIHIR?”

“Umm… Apurva wants kids more than I and I thought I wanted them more” nervous laugh again

“Ah… just get married to her and be happy” he said comfortingly

“I forgot to ask Apu how is the Doc visit going?”

“Oh it goes…. Weve been to 3 already” “We both talk about how old the child would be if it weren’t for the 7th week miscarriage” (The parents did not know)

“Oh”

“You have a kid you should enjoy him… hes a handful”

“He can be yes…” chuckled Atreya

“She wants to take time off and visit… are you busy next week?”

“I could WFH and push meetings out so we can have lunch together too” Aatreya loved the idea

“Umm… what about the kid?”

“Haha… sure he can stay over”

“Nice”

Aatreya hung up and leaned on the back wall and shut his eyes

He didn’t hate his parents….

He groaned

He just didn’t know how to wade through what was definitely an emotional mess of loss and longing for everyone