Chapter 105

Faithfulness Pledge

“Why would you want to marry me after what Ive told you” she demanded

“Whattt?”

He pulled away, still holding her fist with the ring in it

“U know my parents now… about”

“I don’t care” he growled

“We don’t live in wilderness, we live in Mumbai…”

The prospect of letting go and breathing and embracing the idea of someone taking care of her and Dhru was too tempting

No more monsters under the bed, no more wondering when rain will stop to drag the kid to the store for grocery, no more staying up at night crying afraid when Dhru was sick

No more fearing disciplining him too much and worrying he would run away while she was asleep

No more waking up to a quiet house on weekends and burying their heads into ipads, or sitting by the window and watch other families share an umbrella as they walked to the store in rain or went on weekend outings

This is like a dream come true 

She remembered a scene from one of the million occasions her mother yelled at her father

“I don’t think I can take in any more hurt and pain” she whispered almost gasping for breath

“I am not going to hurt you, I will not touch YOUR child” he whispered holding her face in his palms

“If you want to cheat you should just leave me” she said looking at him with dead eyes

“WHY would I CHEAT on you?” he was stunned

Slowly it sank in that, that’s the only kind of marriage she knew

“I will not cheat on you… I will never cheat on u”

She closed her eyes and hot tears flowed down her cheeks pooling over his wrist

“I will be lazy I wont listen to what u say over the weekends, I watch too much sports on TV, I wont get off the couch or do the repairs u want me to” he chuckled trying not to be choked up “I will not cheat”

“My Dad said the same to my Mum too I am told” she sobbed pulling away to go sit on the divan

“Mru” he shortened her name fondly she turned to him startled, as he sat by her

“I told u why I don’t want to get married… I am not going to be brave enough”

“I am not either… I am a slob on weekends,  I have no courage to stand up to my Dad…. But I pledge to be there for u, every remaining minute of my life” he whispered

“I don’t have good training I don’t know what it is to be a wife… a good wife… I never had role models growing up, my Mum hates my Dad” the mere thought made her very angry and sad

“I am so sorry… I might never get over that.. A… its deeply distressing to me, my therapist… I even have a therapist I have struggled to deal with it all my life”

She sighed looking out the window

He gently stroked her back with his finger tips

She had no recollection of anyone other than Sameena and Sai ever comforting her

She sighed and leaned back

“You don’t want to get married to me A, u need someone who is not heartbroken” she whispered

“I need you” he said quietly

“Because we had a baby together?”

“Because I want to spend the rest of my life with you”

“OK” she said looking at him expressionlessly

“This is a big deal for u, I know…. I don’t want to rush you, I want a big wedding, I am hoping u do too”

“I have to say yes first” she nervous chuckled

“THAT can come after the wedding” he promised

She laughed

“Keep the ring…”

She was alerted to the fact that her fist still held it

“This is so incredible….. Ive fantasized about marrying many men… but not you, not being proposed as I stood behind my front door”

“How many men?” he asked lazily as he watched her play with the ring

“A few”

“10?”

“More”

“All imaginary?”

“All real… I am not that… umm”

“Can u name some?” he was leaning on the wall, over a mound of throw pillows, they both were relaxed and flirty, stretched out, languid

“U don’t know any”

“Why?”

“Some are from Marathi TV, and movies”

“Text me the names”

“No” she shook her head

He gently traced the trim of her teeshirt sifting through her curls

She squirmed and pulled away

“Can I make tea?”

“Sure” she shrugged looking at him briefly and then settled in… pulling a blanket over her legs as she stared out the window