Chapter 62

58. Har Ik Chehra

Kirti was retrieving her tiffin from her satchel bag during her lunch hour when her phone came to life.

‘You’re here? Downstairs? Okay, I will be there.’

‘Hi, what a surprise!’ She greeted the woman in front of her. ‘I was missing you and was going to give you a call.’

‘Hello,’ Lily shifted uncomfortably at the effervescent welcome. ‘I am here to deliver this,’ Lily raised her arm to show a transparent bag containing fruit and straw.

‘Coconut water?’ Kirti asked confused. ‘Who asked you to deliver this?’

‘Your brother,’ was Lily’s response. ‘There’s a message too. Drink this, keep calm and answer your brother’s call.’

Kirti’s mood instantly brightened. ‘He called you?’ She asked, quickly grabbing the bag from Lily’s arm, quite unabashedly. Her brother and Kirti had been text-fighting through emoticons. 

When Lily nodded, ‘He’s a nuisance,’ Kirti remarked. ‘I didn’t know you two had each other’s number.’

‘He met me before leaving for college. I am not supposed to reveal this but I have been appointed to spy on you. The moment I notice bags under your eyes, I am supposed to report to him.’

‘Tell me he pays you and this is no begari you’ve been lured into’ Kirti joked.

‘We do have some deal on,’ Lily answered, cryptically.

‘Wow. You both became thick friends too fast.’

‘We aren’t friends,’ Lily vehemently denied.

‘If you say so. So, Lily did you have lunch? We have a restaurant in this building.’

‘No, it’s okay. I have an errand to run,’ Lily said, trying to escape. She liked people best from distance.

‘But you had to come here, wasting your petrol, time for me. At least let me treat you to lunch,’ Kirti insisted.

‘I am not doing it for free, Kirti.’

‘Then also, come it’s been long I sat with a friend and ate.’

‘Friend?’ Lily shuffled between her two legs.

‘Yes, aren’t we friends?’ Kirti asked, putting on her sweetest face.

‘Guess so,’ Lily finding it difficult to rebuff the friendly overtures at the face of such deadly weapons, followed Kirti inside the building.

XxxX

In the evening when Kirti entered the hospital corridor where her grandmother’s room was, she was surprised to find Prasanna waiting for her.

‘Hello Kirti,’ the young woman greeted her politely.

‘Hi Prasanna’ Kirti did not know how to process Prasanna’s presence here. She remembered telling Prasanna that she spent time here after coaching but had no inkling that the girl would follow her to this place.

‘I am sorry, I came without informing you. But I wanted to talk,’ Prasanna wheeled her chair to fill the distance between them.

‘I don’t know what you want to talk about, Prasanna. If it’s about Diwali night. It feels like it happened ages ago and I have already forgotten about it. Too many things happened after that. Your brother helped us a lot so I have nothing against you all.’

‘Then just allow me a few minutes, if only for my brother’s sake. You may be over it but I want to apologize.’

‘Fine, let’s go outside.’

Outside in the hospital lawn, quite a few recovering patients walked around, escaping from the disease and grimness of the hospital rooms. Attendants and visitors were catching a break, breathing in the fresh air, or communicating on phones.

‘I am sorry, Kirti. Every time I imagine the night, I think of various things I could have done. Stood up for Biplab, for you; put my brother to his place, and then reality sinks in. I remember the despicable and shameful picture of a coward, sitting there and doing nothing.’

If Prasanna was looking for comforting words, Kirti had none to offer.

‘But I got really scared, Kirti. When I saw my brother, I knew he was going to misunderstand the whole situation.’

‘How misunderstand? That my brother was taking advantage of you? That suggests he always had a low opinion of us.’ Kirti said, unaffected.

‘It was because of me! He has caught me…,’ Prasanna halted in her speech then as if some force possessed her, her eyes determined, she continued, ‘I’ve been with a few men before…’

‘You do not have to tell me all this, Prasanna.’

‘No, let me finish this. He had caught me with men before. Once when I was twenty-one. Other times when I was fifteen and seventeen. Every time I was with them, I was looking for diversions, only toying with them. He knew it was a way to seek my parent’s attention. This time maybe when he saw us, he had reached his limit?’ Prasanna shook her shoulders. ‘I don’t know. The first time it was real, he misunderstood it as us trifling with each other.’

‘Then knowing you, he should have been angry at you. Doesn’t explain him hurting my brother.’ Kirti said, dispassionately.

‘I don’t know why he behaved that way. I’ve never seen him like that before…’ She was cut mid-speech by Kirti.

‘You are not accountable for his actions and I don’t blame you for it. What disappointed me truly was how you did not stand up for us. For the guy who you claim to have real feelings for.’

‘I am so sorry, Kirti. I am such a coward. I am ashamed. Truly ashamed. But I cower in the face of challenges,’ Kirti tried to remain firm in the face of Prasanna’s tears. ‘I don’t know why I am like this. That night also I wanted to shout, to scream but no voice left me. You must hate me. Biplab hates me too. He isn’t responding to my texts or my calls.’

‘Don’t cry, Prasanna,’ Kirti patted Prasanna’s head.

‘I am sorry, Kirti,’ she said dabbing at her eyes, ‘I’m not doing this to emotionally blackmail you. It’s just...I’ve been miserable since that night. I’ve lost my only true friends because of my cowardice.’ She sniffed.

‘It's okay, Prasanna. All of us make mistakes. I, myself, am no motif of innocence! But instead of crying, we need to look forward. It’s difficult, but try standing up for yourself. For your friends? Even on the picnic day, Biplab was speaking for you, Prasanna. You cannot depend on others.’

‘But Kirti sometimes I feel so underconfident. Like I am not capable of making the right decisions,’ Prasanna confessed.

‘We all of us doubt and second doubt ourselves. There are times when we make bad decisions as well. Then what? We own up to it and face consequences.’

Prasanna had never known a true companion. On Diwali, she messed up, and to see that the same woman who had been humiliated was uplifting her, Prasanna was humbled. Her eyes still wet with tears of remorse, she held Kirti’s hands, ‘Kirti, please don’t shun me. Please be my friend. I will try to be a better person. Please.’

Kirti sighed. ‘I am not shunning you. I was fond of you as well.’

‘Was? That means you are no more,’ Prasanna woebegone face melted Kirti’s heart. 

Any other time, she would have not been much affected, but the past few days in the Ojha house with every family and friend of hers away, she wasn’t a stranger to loneliness. A house, a city full of people but no one who could sit with you and share your heart. Had she not been at the same place a few hours ago, coaxing Lily to spend some time with her because she needed a friend, a human company.

‘No, I am going to wait for some character progression and then start liking you again,’ Kirti joked. ‘Now please don’t cry. I already have too many miseries and sorrows going on in my life, right now. I am not even using tear-smileys just because of being averse to tears.’

‘Thank you, Kirti. You don’t know how happy you made me. You know no one was talking to me. You, Biplab, or even Bhai! He was sick and I called in to ask for him but he wouldn't receive my call.’

‘He was sick?’ The question was out before Kirti could curb her faculties.

‘He most probably was. He has this habit of distancing himself from the world when he’s sick. Some people want to be fretted upon, cuddled but he’s quite the opposite. He goes and locks himself. It has been the same since childhood. Ragini Mami said he was well and fine. But she doesn’t know about this habit of his. I wonder if anyone cares enough to pause and pay attention. One would think they have him all figured out but he reveals only what he’s willing to. The rest of himself he hides with a vengeance. I wish I could be his confidante, but there’s a large age gap between us. He treats me like a child. She came into our family late no, she doesn’t know. ’

‘Hmm. Tejas had told me,’ Kirti reminded her.

‘Yes, he must have. I had forgotten.’ Prasanna slapped her head.

‘So, he’s recovered now?’

‘I don’t know. He started the office so he must be well.’

‘You did not go to check on him?’ Kirti asked, disbelievingly. ‘Despite having doubts about his health?’

‘He would never have opened the door to me. He never did in the past.’ Prasanna justified herself.

‘Prasanna, you are repeating the same mistake. You have to be there for people you love. Did you knock enough? Maybe he was able to withdraw from the world because you people let him? You said your Mami was able to reach him then why not you? You are his sister!’ Kirti was disappointed.

‘I did not go because it was not like I would have helped him. He would have treated me as a liability.’

‘That is you taking an easy way out! All excuses!’ Kirti was exasperated with the girl. ‘You very well know he loves you! And even if he thinks of you as a liability, you should prove him wrong by making him believe in your capabilities. You should win his trust by being there for him. Would he have let you be alone had you withdrawn in this manner?’

Later when Kirti was caught in the traffic, her eyes surveyed the crowd. Just as the signal was going green she thought she saw Nishit but looking closely at the figure in the window seat of the SUV, she realized it had been a mistake. She shook her head, accelerating the scooter. 

One conversation it all took to bring him to the fore!

Either she would have to keep her distance from Prasanna or would have to clarify that that man was off-topic.

XxxxX

He had been listening to her talk for the last fifteen minutes. Sometime in between, he had zoned out, his thoughts jumping and skidding around.

‘I have heard you were an investment advisor. I have an investment company…’ The self-invited guest continued, then halted, flicked her hair in between.  The black dot of a mole beneath her eye, the proud tilt of her chin, that flick of her hair...It snapped the thread of his patience.

‘Why do you do that?’ He interrupted her speech.

‘What? Why do I do what?’ She asked, consciously.

‘The hair thing. I find that extremely disconcerting. Do you do that at your workplace too? Would be distracting, I guess.’’

‘Sorry?’ Hardiik was correct in his assessment. This guy won’t be easy to hook in. It had been the first time someone so rudely had pointed out her mannerisms.

‘I am sorry Ma’am.’ He also refused to call her by her name, she noticed. ‘I crossed a line. If you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment.’ He literally forced her out of his home. But she put up a smiling face, ‘Sure Nishit. Until next time then.’

‘I don’t think so, he murmured,  slamming the door close. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4EDXMynHpI

कहीं-कहीं से हर चेहरा तुम जैसा लगता है

तुम को भूल न पायेंगे हम, ऐसा लगता है

ऐसा भी इक रंग है जो करता है बातें भी

जो भी इसको पहन ले वो अपना-सा लगता है

और तो सब कुछ ठीक है लेकिन कभी-कभी यूँ ही

चलता-फिरता शहर अचानक तनहा लगता है

अब भी यूँ मिलते हैं हमसे फूल चमेली के

जैसे इनसे अपना कोई रिश्ता लगता है

तुम क्या बिछड़े भूल गये रिश्तों की शराफ़त हम

जो भी मिलता है कुछ दिन ही अच्छा लगता है

-निदा फ़ाज़ली

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