Chapter 61

57. Uncharted Waters

‘Prasanna, can I call you later? I have a class in a few minutes.’

‘Oh. Can we meet sometime, Kirti? I wanted to talk…’ Her words petered out.

‘I am not sure,’ Kirti replied, the phone jammed between her ear and shoulder as she stood before a xerox machine shuffling the papers in her hand.

‘Oh…,’ Prasanna’s disappointment was palpable. ‘Kirti, if you’ll give me a chance... about the Diwali night….’

‘Prasanna, these things cannot be talked about on the phone. I would have met you but my schedule is packed at the moment.’

‘I see. Can you text me when you are free? I need to meet you.’ 

‘Fine, I will do that. I gotta go now, Prasanna,’ Kirti hung up. 

Putting her phone on silent, she picked up the class module and walked off to her next class.

‘Good morning, class. Ready for the test?’ She passed on the revision sheets to the students. Protests began to rise among the students.

‘Test?’ 

‘I haven’t prepared!’ 

‘I was absent.’ 

‘Tomorrow….’

‘I think I had said in clear words that there’s going to be a test once we finish the chapter. It’s an objective type paper. You get fifteen minutes. Time starts now.’

As soon as the words, ‘Start the test,’ left her mouth, an utter silence filled the class. 

Some fifty heads bent now, the paper had the complete attention of the class.

Walking down the aisle, she noticed a few roving eyes and reproached them. ‘Please be honest. The test is just to see how much you have grasped the chapter. The marks are not going to be stuck on the notice board if that makes you feel at ease.’

‘Answer it to your abilities, students’

Pacing between the rows, Kirti could not help but be filled with immense gratitude to be able to teach again. She had lost her job. Almost. 

It had taken several phone calls, pleadings before she was reinstated. Shivaji Sir had been adamant at first but her persistence had melted him with time. It was a mere stroke of luck that no one as qualified as her had applied for the post in the period. The students had also been making rounds at the reception desk asking after her.

And to think that, she had at some point being dissatisfied with her job profile! 

The last few days had been humbling. 

She no longer felt annoyed at the sight of their absent-minded questions and silly doubts. She dealt with patience and a calmness that was unknown to her before. If at any time she felt disillusioned with her work, she was quick to remind herself that it was these children that helped her pay the bills.

‘Are you finished? Let’s check the answers.’ She announced. ‘Any doubt anywhere, please feel free to ask me.’

She moved from one batch to another, throughout the day, dictating notes, explaining concepts, walking them through practical classes. Earlier she had enough free time to be able to sit and sip tea in the terrace cafe, but her visits to that house had also stopped. 

As the clock struck five, she put her belongings back into her bag, ready to call it a day. Outside, beside her scooter, a few familiar faces were waiting for her.

‘Miss..Ma’am...this question, that question…’

‘The class is over students. I have to leave,’ she said sternly, putting her bag in the dickey and keying her scooter.

‘Ma’am just one doubt...please.’

‘Whatsapp me. I will solve it there. You know my number right?’ For someone whose connection with social apps had been the bare minimum, her messenger was overflowing with doubts and questions.

On her rejoining, she had a few amendments made to her schedule. She was arriving at ten in the morning and left exactly at five. In between these hours barring a half-hour gap for lunch - even then she was surrounded by persistent students - she took nonstop classes of various batches. 

The new routine, she had tailor-made and negotiated with Shivaji Sir. 

It suited her new circumstances. In the morning, she took care of the chores at home, and in the evening, she wasted no second driving to the hospital where she spent an hour with her grandmother.

When Kirti after having returned from work was maneuvering her scooter in the front yard of the house, Radha was already on the porch steps, welcoming her with an unadulterated glee on her face. Running to the two-wheeler, she attempted to get on it. 

‘Tomorrow, I will give you a ride, Radha. Let’s go in. Want to know what I have got for you?’

‘Yes,’ Radha nodded her head.

‘Then let’s go in,’ she said, putting Radha off the vehicle and parking it in a corner.

Ammaji was sitting outside in the verandah room watching television at a very loud volume. Ojha uncle was dozing off on the nearby diwan.

‘Ammaji, how’s your hand now?’

‘Hurting very much, Kirti. What took you so long?’

‘I’ve got you the oil you told me to. It wasn’t available in these areas. Someone mentioned an Ayurvedic store in Powai. I got it from there. That’s why.’

‘Oh good, good. How much did it cost?’

‘Forget about it, Ammaji. I will go and freshen up and get you the oil then. Have you done the aarti or should I?’ The lights in the other rooms were still out indicating that the evening Puja had not yet been performed.

‘No, no. I was just going to do it. I was waiting for this movie to end.’ 

Ammaji was stringent about not allowing her to perform certain tasks until Kirti was formally married to her son. With pheras around the holy fire, and sindoor daan. Until then in Ammaji’s eyes, Kirti was only the fiancee of Mayank.

‘You go and prepare tea. Your uncle has been asking for tea and some fried flattened rice.’

‘I will do that.’ Kirti walked off to the room which was Mayank’s but had been given to her since he was seldom home. When he was home, he took to his brother’s room.

‘What are you finding in my bag?’ Radha was already in their room, rummaging through various pockets in her purse.

‘What did you get me?’ Radha asked in her singsong manner. She hopped to where Kirti stood checking her reflection in the mirror.

‘Guess?’ Radha was the only member who Kirti truly felt close to in her new house.

‘Choclet?’ Her small and pretty eyes twinkled.

‘Chocolate, chocolate..choclet! All you have in your mind is chocolate! I have got you books. We will start with writing from today,’ she informed the kid, retrieving a three ruled and a box notebook from her bag. For a five-year-old, Radha was lagging in her studies. The Ojhas had not even enrolled her in a school. Kirti was planning to bring up this with Mayank when he returned.

Radha wasn’t impressed much with the gift which led to Kirti lightly pinching the child's tiny nose. ‘Padhai ke naam se batti gul, huh? Chalo, let me now go and make tea.’

Kirti stepped into the kitchen to find that the sink was filled up to the brim with utensils. The marble slab was smudged with pulses and vegetable stains that had dried off and crusted. Scrubbing off the slab with a wet rag, she proceeded to put the tea on the stove. While the tea simmered on low flame, Kirti put a cauldron on the other stove to fry flattened rice.

Mr.Ojha was already up and rinsing his mouth with water when she served him tea and the evening snack. Ammaji was reading hymns as she showed a lamp to all the rooms.

Handing Radha a small plate of flattened rice, Kirti was returning to the kitchen to fetch her tea, when Mr.Ojha’s disgruntled voice stopped her.

‘Mmhm,’ he grunted.

‘Too much salt!’ He remarked, keeping away the dish.

‘Sorry uncle. I did not realize.’

'It's okay. You must not know. Your Ammaji and I are both BP patients. We use less salt here,’ he explained for her benefit.

‘I will keep that in mind,’ Kirti promised. She felt guilty that Ojha uncle had to forsake his evening meal because of her miscalculation.

‘Uncle, should I make something else?’ She asked softly.

He waved his hand in denial, sipping his tea noisily.

‘What happened?’ Ammaji appeared in the room after her evening ritual.

‘Ammaji, I did not know and added too much salt in the flattened rice. I was asking him if I should make something else but he’s declining.’

‘Arre, why so? She will make it for you. Drinking tea on an empty stomach, you will later on complain of gas and acidity. Go Kirti, there must be some besan left, make pancakes for him. Mix onion, chilies and sprinkle some coriander leaves but don’t add capsicum or tomatoes. He doesn’t like it.’

‘Ji Ammaji,’ she obeyed.

‘Bring me my tea and the flattened rice,’ Ammaji called after her.

‘But the salt in it…’ Kirti reminded her.

‘Doesn’t matter. Bring it. It doesn’t kill to eat salty rice one day.’

‘Will you eat pancakes, Ammaji? Should I make one for you?’ Kirti asked as she served Mr.Ojha piping hot, thin, and round chickpea flour cakes, fresh from the pan.

Ammaji’s expressions hummed and hawed, not accepting but not completely rejecting the idea either.  

‘I will make one for you too!’ 

By the time Kirti prepared and fed pancakes to the elderly Ojha pair and rinsed clean all the utensils, it was dinner time already.

‘Kirti, what is it for dinner?’ Mr.Ojha spread flat on his diwan, asked. The guests on the news panel were screeching and maligning each other on top of their voices. In between, Radha had approached her grandfather to ask him to change to a cartoon channel but had been shooed off. Right now, she was engaged in the task of folding away the dried clothes under the watchful eyes of her foster mother.

‘What should I cook, uncle?’

‘Ask your Ammaji,’ he replied, dismissing her.

Ammaji, who sat tending to her hand, replied,’ But we just had snacks so make something light. Khichdi...or put rice and potatoes in the cooker. Bhaat, ghee, chokha we will eat.’

Mr.Ojha made that disgruntled noise once again.

‘What? What do you want to eat?’ His wife asked, humoring him.

‘It’s been long since we’ve had sattu paratha,’ he expressed his desire.

‘Only greasy food you want! The girl must be tired. Now you want her to stand and make crispy parathas for you.’

‘Accha, thik hai,’ Mr.Ojha complied. ‘Make whatever you wish to.’ His eyes had not for once strayed away from the television.

‘No, no Ammaji, I am not tired. I will make sattu parathas, uncle.’

While Kirti prepared the sattu stuffing, she made Radha sit by the kitchen entrance, that making her cram numeral spellings. 

‘O.en. e, One...Tee. dub-luh-u. O, Twooo, Radha, repeat after me, child. Radhaa…’

When Kirti had signed the marriage papers, she was in that moment only fulfilling her dying grandmother’s wish. It had meant nothing to either her or...even Mayank, she had surmised from his body language. 

They were going to go their separate ways once her grandmother traversed the distance between this realm and the Otherworld,  content and peacefully seeing her eldest, married and settled.

Even when Karuna had slipped into a coma, they had not much given a thought to their marriage arrangements, continuing to live their life separately. Mayank’s parents, especially Ammaji, also wanted to wait for a formal Hindu wedding before welcoming her daughter in law in their house. Mayank had put off the wedding to next year, stating that it would be better to wait for Karuna to wake up. 

It was only when Ammaji returned from her niece’s wedding, with a fractured arm; and the household activities in the Ojha house came to a standstill and Mr.Ojha could not go on anymore doing dishes and eating half-cooked chapatis, that he proposed to Kirti to move in.

His reasoning had been, ‘How would a girl live alone in this big house? Move into our place. So what if your marriage was not solemnized by Hindu customs. You both are legally married. Move-in, yes.’

Kirti moved uncomfortably in her seat.

‘But uncle…,’ she thought of a valid reason but could not come up with any.

‘If it is about household chores, I would hire a maid,’ Mayank offered.

‘No, it isn’t about a maid. It is about Kirti living here alone in this big house,’ Mr.Ojha justified. ‘She’s our responsibility now. Your wife, she’s now.’

‘I want our marriage to be a secret,’ It was then that Mayank had spoken up.

‘What? Why?’ Mr.Ojha was non-plussed.

‘I have some projects coming up my way. Nobody knows I am married. I don’t want to endanger my prospects by revealing it now,’ he explained his stand.

‘But Mayank,’ Mr.Ojha protested. ‘Whether you’re married or not, how is it going to affect your career?’

‘It does. You don’t know. But it does!’ Mayank said through his teeth.

When Mr.Ojha had ruefully looked at her, she was quick enough to reassure, ‘Uncle, I am okay with it. I do not want his career to be affected.’ 

‘Hmm,’  Mr.Ojha had no contribution in shaping Mayank’s career; in fact, he had been discouraging of his son’s passion. But now that his son was seeing colors of success, however insignificant they were, Mr.Ojha did not want to be the deterrent in his path. Neither was he going to let anyone else become an impediment.

‘But how would it be possible to keep it a secret?’ He said after a beat of silence.

It was the first time that Kirti felt the weight of her actions dawn on her. 

‘It is no issue, uncle. Mayank. I can live here. I have no problem.’

‘No! You will move in. You were talking about putting this house on rent or sale. Then what?’ She had discussed it with Mr.Ojha only in passing since he was an advocate and would be able to guide her. ‘There is no need to tell anyone anything. We aren’t answerable to others. You can very well live at our house in his fiancee’s capacity.’

For the rest of the protests, Mr.Ojha had silenced it with a wave of his hand.

When Ammaji had asked them to wait at the altar so that she could perform a family ritual - throw wet rice mixed with vermillion over their heads, ‘Cut it off,’ Mayank had said ridiculing the ceremony and their feelings and had crossed the altar.

He had left the next morning. 

‘Is the dinner ready?’ Ammaji asked from the living room. The jarring background of a trashy serial was reaching the kitchen. Kirti wanted to ask her mother-in-law to lower the volume but could not feel free enough to do so.

‘It is, Ammaji. Should I bring it in?’

‘Yes, serve your uncle.’

‘Ji’

After dinner, she spent an hour or two solving the doubts of her students and sending them solutions. Radha, meanwhile sat next to her coloring a textbook. Once she was done with doubt-solving sessions, she wondered if she should call Mayank and ask if he was coming the next day. His trip had been extended to two more days. He had said that a friend who had left India was back and was throwing a reunion party and he was off to attend it in Nasik. 

Now that two days had elapsed, he should return.

But not wanting to sound as if she was exercising her right on him or acting like a nagging wife, she gave up on the idea.

When he’d said he would return, she should give him time and wait.

Her brother called though.

His first and direct question was, ‘Did Mayank return?’

‘No, he will return tomorrow,’ she informed.

‘Hopefully,’ Biplab added.

‘Are you taunting me?’ She was defensive.

‘The fact that you’re taking it as a taunt makes me worried about your marriage.’

‘You very well know that this isn’t a conventional marriage, Biplab.’

‘I know there was no need to get into it. Nor is there a need to go on with this farce. You have no idea how upset and irate the whole business makes me. Your one stupid move has des…’ He shut his mouth.

‘Why did you stop? Please go on. I have destroyed my life! Ruined my life! There was no need for it? I want to ask you, Biplab. What would you have done? Had you been at my place?! She was gasping, her words were stutters - bursts of air, but she had my hands in hers and was telling me to get married. That it would ease her passage to the Otherworld! I am sorry if I did not have enough sense to deny her that wish! I cannot be that selfish!!’ Her voice shivered at the end.

‘Di..I did not…’

‘No! Please! You have been singing the same tune since the beginning. You do not get to judge me! Because you are not me! Mayank is that...Mayank is this...Why are you doing this? Why are you doing that?!’

‘Yes, I started all of it with the engagement farce but I did not want all of this too! But now that I am caught in this web what am I supposed to do other than try and give this marriage a chance? Aunty has fractured her arm. The house needs me now. They have stood by us through thick and thin. Now it’s my turn. What’s done is done, Biplab. This is difficult for me too, Biplab. Right now I am just going with the flow. I have lost my capability to think. Everything is just too much. I need your support and not your judgment!’ Her throat was clogged with a lump and she could not continue, so she cut the call.

Her brother called her back a few times but she was too angry to take the call.

She surreptitiously wiped off her tears, lest Radha saw her. 

Putting Radha to sleep, she spent some time reading and preparing notes for the next day’s classes. Then exhaustion taking over, fell asleep on her books. Sometime during midnight, when her eyes opened, the back of her suit was wet with sweat and she realized she had been drooling.

The material of the suit was thick with full sleeves. The night was very humid, she decided to change into a cotton T-shirt. Putting an alarm, she laid down next to Radha.

In the wee hours of the morning, the alarm buzzed. Kirti, brutally woken up by the strident call, felt the bed table for the phone, eyed her screen groggily before dismissing the alarm.

Half an hour later, she was woken up by loud raps on her door. Frightened that something had happened...her Dadi?... She jumped off the bed, frantically opening the door to Ammaji.

‘Your uncle is awake. He has been asking for tea for so long!’ She said.

‘Oh. I will quickly make it.’ 

‘I would have made but my hand…’

'I am sorry, Ammaji. I should have woken up earlier.’ Kirti murmured sheepishly.

‘It’s okay,’ Ammaji reassured, walking off to brush her teeth.

While Kirti was straining the tea, and about to serve it to Mr.Ojha, Ammaji came in and stopped her midway.

‘What are you doing?!’ She shrieked, her expressions dour.

‘Huh? I was going to serve tea to uncle.’ 

‘While wearing this?’ Ammaji was incredulous.

Kirti looked down at her dress and found nothing wrong with it.

‘It was okay to wear such clothes at home, child but now he is your father-in-law. Don’t go in front of him in such clothes.’

She wanted to argue.  ‘I will keep that in mind,’ she yielded, instead.

 [MEMBERSONLY]