Chapter 25

24.Rainbow

The world is grey, wet and drab.

She wishes it were not raining. Then, at least it would alliterate. Dry, dull and drab. 

The heat that permeates the air after the graceless showers, the teenagers zipping around on mopeds, the gumti stores playing loud and crass songs, the manager’s vicious remarks, Rita’s refusal to shift duties, customers’ carping, all of it grate on her nerves like never before.

She’s testy as she juggles between her duties. Snappy and ungrateful, too.

Between life and ennui, the line is thin. Hers is dangling on this side of ennui. These days even the food doesn’t taste the same which is huge because whatever be her frame of mind, she was always ravenous.

It started with the cake, she surmises. Radha’s birthday cake. 

 ‘Why are your checks so strange? I’ve noticed this since college.’ Shruti mentioned, going through the to-do-list.

‘Just like that,’ Kirti brushed off, then a few seconds later elaborated, ‘It started with aping someone and kind of stuck.’

‘Hmm. Okay, cake I can take care of. Radha, what kind of cake would you like dear?’

Radha, Mayank’s four year old niece,dressed in a maroon and white pinafore, sat in a chair, her legs not reaching the floor. She held her hands together and looked at them quietly. She was named after her parents, Ravi and Sudha. Ravi embroiled in a chit-fund scam was serving a five year sentence. Sudha had tried the estranged but faithful wife and devoted mother year long stint before eloping with a younger Shlok who sold shoes at SV Road, Malad. Ammaji, Mayank’s mother, said she had smelt the affair the moment a guy on a motorbike started orbiting their house and Sudha would always be up on the roof drying the very dry papads.

Mayank's attempts at jokes did little to hide his disappointment and bitterness. ‘Lingerie se La Judi - Sudha Ka Safar. She definitely has a thing for these shop dealers,’ he'd often mock. His brother had had a prosperous lingerie shop at Fashion Streets, Marines Line, until he was arrested. His father on the other side could never get past the ignominy his elder's sentence had brought. Distraught, he would be found saying,'Kya honhar beta paya hai maine, Kirti! Baap ki business thapp na ho toh khud hi kand kar baith gaya’ He was an advocate by profession.

‘Beta, what would you like?’ Shruti coaxed again but received no response.

Kirti got up from the red Neelkamal plastic chair and walked to Radha. Pulling her into her arms, she asked again, ‘It’s your Happy Birthday Radha. We'll have balloons, toffees, and lots of celebration. Shruti aunty will bake you a cake, haina Shruti aunty?'

‘Of course. Apan log ek dum mazze se manayenge birthday Radha ka. Chocolate, Vanilla, Strawberry, kya khaogi beta?’

‘Choclet! Choclet!’ Sibin hollered, trying to climb into Shruti’s lap. He had been pulling Radha’s plait earlier trying to elicit a reaction but in vain.

‘Oho Bittu, wanna climb on my head or what?'

‘Yes,’ he grinned deviously. ‘Choclet cake, cake stawbri’

‘It’s not your birthday. Let Radha decide.’

When Radha did not speak after much cajoling, Shruti and Kirti exchanged glances. Abandoned by mother and then neglected by Ammaji (because she was a girl and brought bad luck owing to which her father was in jail) had made the child retreat into a shell.

‘I know what cake to bake!’ Shruti’s eyes glinted. ‘Rads, my love, have you ever eaten a rainbow cake?’

‘There’s no raibow cake,’ dismissed Sibin who had finally climbed Shruti’s lap and was now wriggling, pulling off her dupatta.

‘Oh there is. Rads, wanna eat one? Violet, Yellow, Red, Orange all colors cake.’

‘Pik?’ The big, dark eyes were finally showing curiosity.

'Pink toh strawberry cake bhi hoti hai. Bana doon?'

Radha shook her head. 'Pik raiow cake'

‘Raibow not have pink,’ Sibin argued.

‘But rainbow cakes can have any colors you like,’ Kirti reassured the girl.

'Paneer sabzi is ready!' Mayank announced later in the evening.

'Good! I'll come and fry the puris,' Kirti said, slipping a pearl clip onto Radha's hair. 'Want to put on lipstick?' She asked Radha to which the little girl nodded shyly. 'Fine then, open your lips. Make an O. Done! See, you're looking sooo pretty!!!' Mayank had brought Radha a beautiful frock in blossom pink. All lace and silk. 'Go and show it to your Chachu'

Chachu made his niece twirl around twice before picking up her in his arms. 'Radanzel is the prettiest,' he said bringing the warmest smile to the little girl's lips. The only person she trusted was her uncle.

'I also want this smile!' Kirti complained, 'After all,I did all the hard work.'

'Tch...tch. Rads loves her Chachu the most. No one else. Maybe... her Chachi once she comes into the picture. Interested?'

'Just the thought gives me the creeps' Kirti mock shuddered.

Ammaji who was watching this back and forth from a distance turned to Kirti's grandmother.

'What a lovely child Kirti is, Maaji,' Ammaji said, 'Did you find any good guy?'

'I’m on it. Baat hi nahi ban rahi. Kahin ladki mein koi dosh nikal dete hai toh kahi mang zyada kar de rahe hai. Tilak bhi toh bahut chalta hai hamare yahan’

'Hmm. Mil jayega, dheeraj rakhiye. Good thing is that she’s fair and tall. Kamati bhi hai. Roop naksh sab acha hai. Main toh Mayank ka soch kar dukhi ho jati hoon. Shaadi ke naam se hi bhagta hai. 31 ka ho gaya hai. Darr laga rehta hai kahin bhai ki tarah galat kaam mein na fas jaye. Hero ban na hai. Iss mayanagri mein jo ghusa hai woh phir kahan laut paya. Kirti jaisi koi ladki mile toh ghar griihasti mein mann lag jayega' Ammaji hinted subtly. She had once shared her secret wish with her husband, who had scoffed at the idea of it. 'Our house is tangled in scandals! Nobody will give us our daughter!'

'The cake is here,' Shruti announced from the door. Her mother and son both stood flanking her on each side.

'Eggless hai na?' Ammaji asked as Shruti set the cake down on a round table.

'Obviously aunty. Alag bartan mein bhi banaya knowing ki aap log nahi khate ho.' Fully reassured, Ammaji turned away to the conversation among ladies.

Their relationship was bespeckled with qualms and prejudices. Whenever Kirti or Shruti brought over something, it was eyed suspiciously by Ammaji as if a plot was on to violate her piousness. Shruti's family, when they had shifted, were always subject to scrutiny.

'Tilangi hai? Tab toh rehne do dosti. Ek baar humlog Madras gaye. Hindi aate huye bhi Hindi nahi bol rahe the log. Gadi chhut gayi thi aur koi madad karne ko taiyyar nahi'

'They are Mallus'

'What is that?'

'Malayalis. Keralites hain and they practice Christianity'

'Kyaa?!! Pata nahi kya kya khate honge. Kitna ashudhya ghar rehta hoga'

Shruti's mother also retaliated in the same vein.

'Uneducated and uncouth people! Rehne ka tarika na bolne ka. No wonder they are chased away from the state'

The prejudices had not toppled over the years but they had learned to overlook and live together despite their differences, supporting each other through thick and thin. When Kirti's father passed away, Shruti's family had been a strong tree of support. When Shruti's husband ditched her, Mayank's father had taken up her case. When Ravi had been jailed, every other family had distanced themselves from the Ojhas except for the Singh and Verghese clan.Perhaps this is how families are. Brimming with uncertainties, doubts about each other and resentments yet be there for them when time arrives.

The house had started to fill in with kids and women. DJ music shook the windows with the kids heralding an earthquake with their bounce dance.

Kirti and Shruti were in the kitchen taking care of raita, dal and pulao when Kirti’s phone pinged with a text making her heart skip a beat. She wasn’t aware of the rosiness that smudged her cheeks whenever she read a text from him. Putting the gas on sim, she carefully wiped her hands dry before picking her phone. 

‘Who is it from?’ Shruti asked. 

‘Nobody,’ she read the text and quickly began typing an answer.

‘Koi toh hai. Tejas?’ Shruti prompted.

‘Huh?’ Kirti had not thought about Tejas in a week now.

‘What a surprise! It’s not Tejas, then. Kaun hai tab?’ Shruti tried peeking over Kirti’s shoulder.

‘No one!’ Kirti hid the phone away.

‘Aise kaise?’ The more Kirti pulled away, rolling into herself, the more it made Shruti curious. It led into a small scuffle with the duo running around in circles, the latter tickling the former until Shruti had confiscated the phone.

‘Hmm. Let’s see who this mystery man is.’ 

‘Shruti, give my phone back. It’s personal!’

‘Acha jee personal bhi hone lagi cheezein ab’

‘Diana is eager to know if you can spite a fish...Uh-uh’ Looking up at Kirti, she raised a brow, ‘Nishit?’ Disappointment seeped from her tone. Scrolling through the thread of conversation, ‘You are text flirting with Nishit? What a bummer!’

‘I am not flirting!’ Kirti declared snatching away her phone.

The fragrance of simmering dal floated in the taut air between them.

Kirti stirred the pulses fry, her movements strenuous and over-emphasized.

Shruti made an attempt of rolling the puris before throwing away the pin.

‘What is it?’ Kirti turned, her impatience dripping from her eyes.

‘Why does it have to be the brothers? First Tejas and now Nishit!’

‘There’s nothing going on between us’

‘Right. The 100-200 texts are just you airing his past misdeeds.’

‘What is it to you?!’

‘Kirti, why do you keep selling yourself short?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Men who are not serious, who’d never be serious. To whom you’ll just be a time pass! A passing fancy! Or is it you? Do you particularly choose these unattainable guys so that it never gets real? Or is your sense of inferiority so deep that it gets fed only when guys of his status show some interest?’

‘That is so mean,’ Kirti whispered, her voice shaky. ‘I thought you are my friend’

‘I am, dammit. That’s why I want to know. Why is it that you’re getting involved with these shitty bunch of guys. There are so  many good guys out there. Why keep giving them a chance to make a fool of you?’

‘You mean I am only capable of being made a fool of? Of being a passing fancy? That no man can have serious feelings for me? Is that what you want to say?’

‘NO!!! Obviously not. Look Kirti, I’m sorry. My words are all wrong maybe,’ Shruti came closer to hold Kirti’s hands,’You are beautiful, educated, independent,kind and everything a man can hope to find in a woman. That is why it hurts to see you wasting it over guys like these. First it was Tejas, once he had had a fill of his heart, he used you, left you without sparing a moment for your feelings and now it’s the insensitive jerk’s cousin. He has a girlfriend, didn’t you say so? What does he mean by toying with your feelings? Does he think you’re gullible? Is it a game for them? And what are you doing? You aren’t in the dark, are you? Why are you responding?He has a girlfriend dammit! There's a third unwitting  person involved who’s at the risk of heartache.’ It was personal for Shruti. Her husband had cheated her with another girl. 

‘Are you shaming me right now?’

‘I don’t know what I am doing. I just don’t you to get hurt or go astray. You deserve so much better.’

There’s nothing for me. No one, Kirti thought. I am the other woman, even Shruti knows my real self now.

‘Kya chal raha hai?’ Mayank had peeped in.

‘Nothing. We’re just discussing the incentives of marriage’ Shruti covered up as Kirti turned away from them ladling the pulao rice.

‘Sex?’ He said.

‘Too overrated’

‘That’s why the population is rocketing’

He left the kitchen with Kirti and Shruti following him to the living room. The cake was cut and distributed. 

Kirti had eaten at the last. After feeding all the children and women. Once they had all left and Mayank and Radha sat unwrapping gifts, Kirti sat on the porch steps finally finding the time to savour the cake. Rainbow cake. Blue, pink, green, red, so many colours all seeming the same to Kirti’s eyes.

Bland and dry, the bread rolled in her mouth. She must be too tired, she thought. 

At home in the bed, she had stared at their texts, committed it to memory, burying it at a place so deep within where none had access to.

‘See, I deleted all the messages,’ she showed her phone to Shruti the next day.

‘Why are you showing it to me?’

‘Just so that you’ve no lingering suspicions left about my character’

‘Kirti???’ Shruti had been horrified. ‘You...I’m...I’m sorry I ever said anything. It was not my place. I’m taking it back. Do whatever you want to do’

‘But you meant what you said. And you were most probably right. Any which way I am not talking to him anymore.’

The night she had deleted his messages, the day to it never came for her. It has all been grey since then. He messaged fervently after it, her silence agitating him as if. As if! And then it died. He had dialed her number once, when she had not been watching. Then, he had texted. Sorry. Accidentally dialed you. She could only be an accidental mistake for the likes of him. She did not write to excuse him. Just read the text and left it at that.

The texts, their exchanges were sort of a burning fever. Everything else faded in front of it. Now that the drape of delirium has been ripped off, it’s dull, wet and gloomy. Mechanical steps, repeated motions of life.

She’s back home. Parking her moped. The clouds are clearing their throats again. Stupid clouds. Useless scooter. Neglected gardens. Boring world. Rusty door. 

She knocks at the door.

Old Dadi, the tension marks stretched across her forehead, the wrinkles of time showing itself clearly on her papery skin.

‘How was your day?’ She asks.

‘Bakwas,’ Kirti replies, throwing away her bag on the sofa.

‘Chai banati hoon,’ Her grandmother tells her.

Bland, watery tea, Kirti. My taste buds have gone for a toss.

‘Janti hai…’ her Dadi is saying but she pays no attention. 

She walks into her bathroom, washes away the day’s grime off her, tries to scratch off the detachedness that has come upon her, the ennui that’s afflicted her. She’s short of bleeding but they refuse to budge. 

Hair wrapped in a towel, a long light tan kurta and pyjamas, she steps out in the room whereas her Dadi is plating her a snack.

The door is knocked upon. She walks to it. Dull cream, paint chipping off, rusty lock door. She opens it. Pure physical mechanics. Dull motions of life.

Then she looks at the person. Her breath getting knocked off, she puffs out a ‘Hi’

‘Hello,’ he looks as if equally knocked out of breath. As if!

She wants to say ‘I could not commit it to memory. Can you send back those messages all over again? The night I deleted it, the night next to it I went through videos of how to get back delete messages, tried some shady apps, but failed. Asked my brother too, but he said it’s impossible.My memory of it is fading and it is disconcerting and giving me anxieties.’

But she only stands there looking at him, her heart thundering.

‘Nishit hoga beta, coffee lene gaya tha’

‘Mil gaya beta?’

‘Ji,’ he says, shaking the coffee box in his hands.

‘Vahan kyun khade ho? Andar aao’

He looks at her with coffee brown eyes of his and she blinks. The first color in so many days.

‘Andar aaon? Joote utar chuka hoon’

‘Huh? Haan, yes come in’

‘He has been waiting for you for an hour now. Tumhare pair ke bare mein puchne aaya tha.’

‘And that crow story,’ he adds.

‘Haan woh bhi. Phir kehne laga ki pichle baar coffee nahi pee thi yahan aaj pee leta hoon. Main keh hi rahi thi ki main la deti hoon, par khud hi chala gaya.’

‘How’s your ankle?’ He asks.

‘Better,’ she answers. They had already covered this in the texts. Perhaps he’s trying to reinvent the memories too. Maybe it’s deleted and fading for him too. 

‘Dadi, you sit here, I will make coffee for him’

‘Arre tum baitho. Tumhare liye hi toh aaya tha’ For me. For me. For me. 

He gives her a wan smile at that. Or maybe not. 

He’s just being polite. Either that or he is really curious about the crow story. 

They don’t talk much and it feels odd. He talks with her granny though. About the gardens, the impending rains, the shop from where he got the coffee.

Kirti is drinking the tea. Tea, the aroma of which is refreshing. Tea that is fresh, sweet, strong and earthy. Just like the smell of rain.

He has finished his coffee and has gotten up. 

‘I will take your leave now’

‘The crow story,’ her granny reminds him.

‘Not today,’ Kirti interrupts. ‘Next visit...maybe’

Their eyes meet for a second before she looks away.

Her hair wet and frizzy, she puts the towel away and slips into sandals.

‘It’s drizzling. Let me drop you,’ she tells him, picking up a bright unappealing to the  eyes umbrella. But it's such a bright and useful equipment, Kirti thinks.

He nods.

They walk outside. Huddled together under the  same umbrella. His foreign smell and her cheap soap smell mixing in the air.

The gardens smell green and pleasant. The pitter patter of rain is like a melody to the ears. She doesn’t mind the neglected potholes filling with muddy waters. Teens on mopeds splashing muddy water, These kids, when will they grow up?!

‘Did you by any chance stopped observing Ekadashis?’

‘Hmm?’ she asks. She was too fixated on matching their steps or her preventing her hair from flying all over his face.

‘You know they have these Ekadashi Udyapan if one no longer wishes to continue fasting and observe Ekadashi?’

‘Hmm?’ She wonders aloud not getting the thread of conversation.

‘Either that or maybe you are in a perpetual crabby and judgmental mood.’

‘Hmm’ Yes, she’s been the last few days.

He doesn’t word it out. You don’t text anymore. So she hides behind hmms, huhs too.

They have reached his car. Silver the colour is. His shirt is in beautiful salmon and his pants are cream. 

'Rainbow,' she says.

'Hmm? Where?' He is looking towards the sky. The sky is still grey. 

'It's only for me to see'

He's puzzled.

It’s time to part. He looks at her as if he has long, very long sentences to say to her. As if!

‘Later,’ she tells him.

He nods. He’s turning away when she stops him.

‘Umbrella,’ she hands him. ‘Take it with you’

‘But I ha...you...how will you go back?’

‘I will manage. Bring it next time you drop by.’

And she runs away. Her hands interlocked above her head. 

If the crow story seems unappealing all of a sudden, at least, he will have the umbrella to return to her.

 [NOCOPY]

[MEMBERSONLY]