The togetherness

Hours after the dust had settled, Smita knocked at the door and came to sit beside Abhi on the floor, looking quizzically at a red shawl he was holding. Suryakant had left to his room- he wanted to privately celebrate this event with a glass of drink. Smita was tempted to join him, but had to check on Abhi first. He might not have wanted this relationship, but years of lying and hurting people took a lot of toll on him. She wished his burden on heart will ease somehow now.

“Who does this belong to?” She asked quietly. His fingers seemed to tighten on the fabric.

“Sameera.” She nodded, “In Gira, I had a nightmare and panic attack. Sameera calmed me down, stayed awake with me for the whole night, and gave this shawl when I was cold. She asked me if she can touch me.” A smile came on his face, “She will always have this around her, you know? Like an armour.”

“She is wonderful.”

“She is.” He looked at her in panic, “What if I have lost her, Mom?”

She put an arm around his frame as his head fell on her shoulder, “You never lose the people you love and who loves you back. Sure, she will be hurt and you need to grovel at her feet a lot.” He laughed, breathless, “but she will be here, by your side. Because I have seen her eyes, and she cares for you a lot. Loves you a lot.”

He exhaled, shuddering, “I just want her here.”

Smita decided to lighten the mood, “If I knew her words will all it take to convince, I would have asked her on the air force day itself.”

He looked at her, apologetic, “I am sorry for not listening to you for years.”

She ran a thumb over his face, “Why you did not? Why you blamed yourself for Abhi?”

He was silent for a long time- this was a secret he had never told anyone. Just mentioned Sameera once, in his moment of weakness, that it was his fault, but never told anyone the real situation. But maybe, in this moment, he should let it all out.

And maybe earn his Mother’s forgiveness too.

“The day when his flight crashed, I was supposed to be with him. We both would have been in the same craft. We both would have died.” Her fingers stilled over his face as he closed eyes, “I have always thought that I should have been dead too.”

“Oh sweetheart.” She crooned, eyes full of tears.

“Why I get to live and he died when we both were supposed to dead? It’s called a survivor’s guilt, I heard.” He rubbed his face, holding onto his Mother’s hand as he tried to smile, “But I am trying to work on that. Trying to realize each day that I am alive, and he is not. Try to work hard to justify why am I here. From now onwards, will try to put past all history behind me and start afresh.

The mother son hugged, hoping for a new future. Smita ran her hand over his back as his frame seemed to melt against her, quietly wondering whatever happened with them all these years- the news they got about flight crash back in academy, finding out it was not their Abhi, then Abhi’s grief on losing his friend, Shikha and Sunaina. On the mention of Sunaina, she decided to ask.

“Abhi?” He hummed in response, content to stay in her embrace.

“Did Sunaina know about the flight schedule? Did you tell her?’ Sighing, he nodded at it.

“I told her once.”

“Did she often throw that on you? To convince you to stay?” He stayed silent at the question and her hold tightened around him. She knew Sunaina was shady and sneaky, but this was worst.

Now that they have cut them off, she just needed to keep it that way. There is no place for people like Sunaina in her son’s life.

Sameera returned to the base a day later ‘engagement’ party. It was early morning, and the empty room told her Disha had already left for training schedule. Keeping her luggage inside, she decided to take a stroll around. There won’t be rest for her- physical or mental.

Outside, the cloud grumbled in warning.

She found herself on the same bench where, months ago, she had cried her heart out after having a meeting with Veer sir, fearing she won’t stay around anymore. How things have changed! Veer sir was like a Mentor now, she is still there- albeit struggling, but still here. The friendship with others is stronger, and they have Abhi too. His entry changed her life, made her fight, face impossible situations, probably made her stronger. Or maybe, in a way, he made her weak too. Falling in love was not in the plan, losing it because of one sided feelings were unfathomable.

Sigh- yet, here she was.

She was nervous the whole journey, even though Maa gave her silent strength by holding her hand throughout the night. Things will change from today- Abhi will be, officially, someone else’s. This will be the reality she had to live with from now on. She had a thought to transfer back to her old base, but immediately chastised herself for that. She was here to fulfill her dream, to make her Mother proud and wanted to be as good as her deceased Father. Sure, this feeling is uncontrollable and giving her a lot of pain, but she had to survive this. HAWKS was important, more than her internal turmoil. She won’t lost this.

On some days, this is all she has.

Lost in her head, she did not realize when the clouds burst and rain started, but soon she was drenched on the onslaught of water. She looked up, feeling the harsh drops on her face and let them wash away the disappointments, hurt and the past, tears mixing with them. After a while, she closed her eyes, ran a hand over her face and looked ahead, ready to move.

Then, she saw him, and her heart skipped a beat.

Abhi just stood rooted in his spot for a long time, uncaring of the rain or wind. It’s almost as if it was a beautiful, too good to believe dream- he was restless the whole time, and almost made his mind to visit Sameera in her town, as she was not coming back. He had an entire speech ready and could beg for her to come back, but all thoughts vanished when he saw her, back in base, in the wee hours of morning. It was impossible, yet he knew she was here. As usual, her presence gave him peace and like him, she was also shocked to see him.

Abhi looked like - Sameera did not know how to describe it. His eyes seemed to stare into her soul. There was this agony in his eyes she has only seen once, and yet he seemed loosen up right in front of her eyes. She had forgotten that she should move, they both should, or ask him why he was here, if something happened.

Then Abhi walked towards her, without removing his eyes, and knelt right in front of her.

After the stunned moment had passed, she panicked. She hesitated to touch him, not sure what happened, but it came somewhere deep inside of her that she should. Gently touching his shoulders, she sat beside him, silently asking what was wrong. Tried to convey whatever it was, whatever happened, it will be alright. Her touch seemed to wash away the last thread of worry, as his bent down his head, sighing deeply. Her hands cupped his face, trying to look into his eyes, but Abhi won’t move.

“Abhi. Abhi.” She called out a few times softly, then forcefully, gently trying to move him, “Let’s move under shed, okay? Come on. You will fall sick, come on Abhi.” The words went through him, and gingerly, he stood up with shaky knees. Sameera held onto his arm until they moved under a shed, trying to decide if they should talk now, or she should fetch a towel for him. She decided on the later, and moved to leave.

Abhi’s hold tightened on hers, making her turn around and stare at their adjoining hands, “Stay.” His voice was raspy, not used for hours, “Please.”

She stared at his face again, wanting to ask what happened to make him so shaken, and yet biting her tongue from doing so. His eyes won’t move away from her face, as if he was taking in all of her, filing it in the back of his head. Time seemed to stop- or rush fast, as it felt like eternity for Sameera until Abhi opened his mouth to say something.

“I thought you left.”

She frowned, “I did? I was on leave.” Licking her lips, she added, “I informed you, remember?”

“I thought you left forever.” He whispered, agonized. Her eyes went wide at the comment.

“No! Abhi . . . it was a leave. I will never leave. Why should I?” She ranted away, and his eyes seemed to come alive with each words, “Who told you?”

“I asked . .. “ His paused, probably sensing his colleague’s small revenge on him, then shook head, “It doesn’t matter. You are here now.”

“Yes. I am here.” She nodded, still puzzled, “Why are you here so early in the morning? Did something happen?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“Why?”

“Because . . . “ His words died, and just when Sameera was thinking he won’t say anything else, he continued, “I thought you are not coming back. I could not deal with that, not when you told me that I was it for you. I hoped for that for so long, and you confirmed it, and I . . . “ He took a step towards her, his face earnest, “I could not hurt you anymore. I was so done . . . I am tired of fighting. I will not fight, I will not hide. I am in love with you. I have been for months now. And I won’t pretend anymore that you are only my best friend. You are the love of my life, and I won’t lie to myself anymore that you are not.”

Sameera was speechless, her heart hammering, ready to burst out. This was like a dream come true, and yet, she could not hope. She was scared, she was hurt, and in this moment, she was unable to show him any reciprocation of his feelings. Feeling overwhelmed, she took a step back, looking away from his face. His entire frame went rigid at that.

“I . . . sorry. I . . . don’t understand.” She confessed, then looked at him, “You were supposed to be engaged.”

“I broke it off.” He replied, shocking her into silence, “Could not do it. I have hurt people enough.” On one side, she wanted to ask if she was at fault- of course she was! She told him the other day he was It for her, and their happiness was linked. But he also said he loves her, so she was not hoping foolishly earlier. He did have feelings for her from a long time.

But he fought it- maybe because of his relationship. Maybe something else. Made her think he did not care like she wished for, hurting her in process. And she will trust Abhi with her life, in a flight, but she was scared to trust him with her heart again. She had admitted to herself, but she won’t tell him the three words- she had so many questions, but both of them dripping water under a shed is not the place or time to ask.

Time- they both needed it. She needed to understand why he did all this. When he fall in love. The hows and whys. And her, she need to take it all in, analyze, and be sure it was the moment she can piece together her broken heart and hand it over to him.

Until then . . .

Abhi seemed to sense her internal turmoils, the questions which she won’t ask yet her eyes will scream. Trying to smile, he said, “I understand if all these are too much. It’s a lot to take. Take how much time you want, ask me questions.” Coming closer to her, he ran a thumb over her cheek, making her close eyes, “I am not going anywhere. I know what I feel, what you feel. And I will wait.”

With those words, Abhi walked away.

Disha found Sameera hours later, sitting on the bed inside their shared room. “Sam!” She squealed, coming to give the former a hug. Startling, Sameera reciprocated.

“You are back.” Disha sighed in relief, “I have so much to share.”

“I saw Abhi.” The words burst out of her, Disha looking surprised. “He broke off the engagement?”

She sat beside her, rubbing her shoulder gently, “He did. It’s all over the base. Just two days before engagement.”

“Why?” The question was dumb, and the way Disha looked at her made her realize. Closing eyes, she rephrased, “I mean why now?”

“He is in love with you, Sam. Of course he won’t go ahead with this and break both of your hearts.” The words did nothing to ease her mind hence Disha decided to tease, “So I was right. Back in hospital, remember? Maybe should have bet on it.”

Sameera narrowed her eyes at her, then started to laugh, running fingers through her long, still wet hair. “Honestly, I don’t know what to feel.”

“What Abhi said?”

“What you informed me now. About the engagement.” Pausing, she added softly, “That he loves me.”

Disha smiled warmly, “Took him long enough.” Bumping shoulders, she said, “I understand you are hesitant. Things moved fast, and you were hurt before. Take time, because this is a decision of lifetime. You know that.” Sameera nodded at that- Abhi was a lifetime decision. And he said he would wait, maybe it’s better to think and jump this time, rather than what she did last time.

But then, love don’t work analytically, does it?

“I think . . . I feel guilty. I guess. He said he loves me, that he loved me for a long time.” She hesitated, “I have this feeling that I was responsible for this broken relationship.”

“Don’t think that.” Disha said immediately, tone defensive, “Abhi was unhappy, and he took time to end that. You have no role in this. He wanted to be happy, hence he ended it.”

“But . . . “

“Would you rather if he went ahead with the engagement and marriage and be miserable forever?” Sameera sat quiet, “Thought so. You want his happiness, and you are his happiness. I don’t think it’s that difficult.”

Sameera sighed in reply, choosing to say nothing.

The base was buzzing with rumors about the broken engagement, which ended abruptly, without any premonition. Veer sir had not arrived to base since that fateful day, and everyone was anticipating how the two man- the leader and the suboridnate, will work together now under same roof. Veer Pratap was a professional man, he rarely showed his true expression like anger, disgust or annoyance, but maybe working side by side with a man who was almost like a son to him, who broke his daughter’s heart, will be too much.

Veer sir entered the base the next day of Sameera’s return, and everyone around kept an eye on the two men. On their part, they played along the professional relationship well- working like an well oiled machine, going to meetings together, discussing about work, about HAWKS.

But only Abhi knew the relationship was broken beyond repair now. The warmth was gone from the elder’s side, and even though it pained, it was necessary for everyone that he did what he did, was supposed to do ages ago. Shaking head, he tore his gaze away from the former as he moved, then turned to leave for his cabin.

Sameera was standing a bit far, observing the two of them. She gave a hesitant, close lipped smile at him, and he grinned like a fool in return, forgetting the previous turmoil.

“Good morning.” It was around 10am. He walked near her, impossible to stay away now that he knows what he wants.

“Good morning.” His eyes ran over her face, just like the last time he did- trying to memorize each lines, nooks and corners on it. Suddenly self conscious, she averted his eyes, then looked over his shoulder.

“Do you think it will be ever okay?” It was hard to imagine what Veer sir must have gone through, and how he will look at Abhi now. Her heart ached thinking about the strained relationship of the two.

“I don’t know.” He admitted truthfully, both of them started walking, “Maybe his anger will lessen, maybe not.”

“It bothers you.”

“Of course it does, Sameera.” He smiled sadly, “He is my Mentor. The first man who ever put faith in me, brought me here, handed over HAWKS to me. He was always encouraging, always helpful. Treated me like family.” Sighing, he looked at her, “It makes me sad that the relationship may never go like it was before, or that it will be strictly professional. But it’s okay. He is entitled to his anger and hurt.”

“What about you?” She frowned. There was this lightness around him these days, she was confused and intrigued all at once.

“I chose my happiness.” He declared, taking her breath away, “I will try my best to earn his forgiveness. It may work, it may not. But I won’t apologize for causing it, for choosing what my heart want.” His intense stare, like always, seemed to burn through her. Trying to lighten the mood, he pointed at cafeteria, “Breakfast?”

Sameera don’t eat early, and he knows this. She wondered what else he knows about her, and was surprise to see him ordering on her behalf- ginger tea with 1 tea spoon sugar, veg sandwich with no chilli, no ketchup. For him, he ordered a black coffee as always, then looked at her with smile, slightly confused at her stunned look. He raised an eyebrow and she flushed, head down.

She was doing that a lot now.

“You know what I have for breakfast.” She cleared her throat. He was amused.

“I stayed with you all for weeks during breakfast and lunch, remember?” He was casual, but then he could not help himself, giving away his small secrets, “Besides, I can never forget about you, Sameera. Your eating habit is a small thing.”

She was touched, but still hesitant to be carried away with the emotions, hence decided to tease. Narrowing eyes, she asked, “Is it?”

He got the hint and played along, “Yes.”

“Then tell me what I said when the first time we met?”

“You said nothing. You won’t even look at me at first. You only did because I was staring.” He remembered that day as clear as yesterday.

“Why you were staring?” She remembered the day too. He smiled, hiding a secret.

“Because I recognized you.”

“From where?”

“That’s a secret.” He whispered mischievously, pleased at the slight indignation on her face, “I will tell you someday.”

“I don’t remember you meeting you previously.” She tried to rake her brain, but she knew this base was the first time she had seen Abhi. The food arrived, but she was too busy in her head to pay attention. He tapped on her finger gently, snapping her out of her thoughts.

His finger lingered a bit over hers then moved, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

“Who said about meeting?” He pushed the plate towards her, pointing at it as he took a sip of his coffee. His world had fallen apart and on the way of rebuilding, his relatives and this base were whispering about his broken relationship, his mentor won’t look at him properly and yet, sitting in this cafe with her, Abhi cared about nothing else. Content to look at her, be in this moment.

The peace which comes only with her.

“Then what?” She was confused and a bit frustrated, but it was worth it when he burst out laughing. He don’t do that much, and she had always thought to herself that he should more, as he has such a beautiful smile. Maybe someday, she will tell him that.

“I will tell you someday, Sameera.”

“Why can’t you tell me now?” She countered.

“Just like . . . “ He leaned forward, suddenly serious, “you won’t tell me what your eyes says.” She became still, eyes wide, “Because you need time. The correct time. So do I.” He went back to his earlier jolly mood and Sameera swallowed, “On a correct time, I will tell you the first time I saw you. The puzzle pieces will fit then.”

The two stared at each other.

The following days passed in a mixture of old routine and new normal. The HAWKS, respecting the privacy of their Boss, took aside his ended relationship and asked no question, diving into old training regime of physical, mental and intelligence exercises. They had rigorous flying hours now, along with frequent meetings with Defence ministry personnel. Ali mentioned once how it feels like they are really part of bigger picture now and they had all agreed. They are not trainees anymore. They had earned their places and was now going to be here permanently.

Sameera had difficulty to feel the same- as usual, so used to behind everyone else and struggling. She pushed herself to limits, had best flying hours, scored great in intelligence and psychological parameters. Tried to replace her physical discomfort with mental ones. Veer sir and Abhi praised a lot, her team mates were proud, and yet she did not let the words get into her head. Maybe when her heart will say she has earned it, she will accept.

And then, there were the new normal things.

Like how Natasha will smirk at her these days, as if she knew something others don’t. Granted, she and Disha does- the first ones to ever make her realize their feelings. Disha had told her how Natasha was the one to lie to Abhi about her leaving, and the latter protested immediately.

“It’s not an lie. I did not clear his confusion.” She was smug, pleased with herself. On one side, Sameera wanted to say something as Abhi was so distraught the other day, and probably sensing that, Natasha fixed her with a look, “If I did not do it, he would not have ended it, Sam.”

She could not say anything to it. And maybe her silence will increase the smirk and knowing looks now- almost as if she was guilty of doing something. Her face was such these days that it won’t stop blushing, and it will lead to countless rounds of teasing, albeit harmless, from the girls. The men will be confused at the girls giggling, but will not ask much.

Women.

And then, there was Abhi.

He won’t leave after HAWKS training is over now. He will linger, steal a few moments from time to walk her to women boarding, or grab a tea for her, or inquire about random things. Always eager to ask, wanting to know each parts of her. And he will share too, words will flow easy between them, till Sameera won’t realize when her earlier hesitance was replaced by comfort and warmth, immense trust in him.

Trusting him with her memories and pieces of heart.

He taught her flip which he had promised earlier, share how he came here- his career and education, about his Father’s army life and Mother’s charity work. When Sameera informed about her Mother’s NGO, he casually said if he can arrange meeting between their mothers for any help needed for NGO. It was so easy for him to help, he did not think a bit, and the next day let her know his Mother agreed and wanted to visit the NGO. Sameera grew up surrounded by limited people around, and even though outsiders were good, help was not easily given. She has seen her Mother working her entire life, be proud in that and making a conscious choice to not to take any help. Sameera tried to do the same, and hence could not comprehend how or why the Rathores will help. Or why Smita, a wealthy woman who had work of her own, will visit a lesser known NGO to help or even bother. Is it because Abhi asked or they are helpful people?

Her Mother was as hesitant as her, but it all melted away when Smita met Sapna. Smita seemed like an uptight woman, and the wealth did not help. But she has lived the army life and valued human relationships over anything. She had a mind of her own and spoke what she felt like, and Sapna, who was usually someone who moved as if not to bother others, admired that freedom of the former. Also, it helped that Smita had nothing but praises for Sameera. Sapna won’t stop gushing, and Sameera’s worry seemed to ease a bit.

“My mother likes your Mother.” She informed Abhi one evening as they were strolling outside base, ice cream in their hands. Abhi don’t like outside food, but he would indulge her- just for one night, he had informed sternly.

Abhi snorted at that, raising an eyebrow in mock anger, “What do you mean? My Mother is not likeable?”

The former immediately panicked, “No! I mean . . . “ When he laughed, she sighed in frustration, closing eyes and thinking before speaking this time, “My Mother really liked meeting Ma’am. Said how she had great ideas for NGO and how they would financially help.” Sapna was adamant about no money which was coming directly from Rathores, and Smita understood quickly. Instead, suggested for charity events she was linked in her own circle and Sapna agreed on that.

“Dad was away our whole lives. And once I left, she just threw herself in work. Helping vets, rehabilitation, NGOs, charities. She knows so many people.” Abhi gushed, smiling about his Mother, “She is amazing.”

“She is.” Sameera echoed, “She is very kind.” Then remembering something, she added, “I found her one day in base.” She narrated about how distraught Smita looked, skipping through their words to not to bring up past again. Abhi seemed to go rigid as she spoke, but once she was done, he exhaled.

“She was so hurt, Abhi. It was hard to see her like that.” Her throat tightened remembering.

“I have hurt her for years.” He admitted quietly, “I am trying, you know. Trying to show I respect her, I value her. I tell her I love her every day. Maybe one day, she will forgive.”

“I don’t think parents ever need to forgive their child, Abhi. I think all they want is our presence by their side.”

He nodded, “I will be by her side now.” Pausing, he continued, “She is so strong. Always pushing me to my best, always encouraging. I was closer to Mom in childhood you know, but as I grew up and joined here,” He motioned at base, “I started to prefer Dad.”

“Why?”

“Maybe because it was easy to talk to him.” She frowned in reply, “Dad . . . he has been to war. Actual war. He has seen things, did things. In a way, he understood me- my guilt, my pain. And as he never shared his pain with anyone, he understood that I won’t want to. So he never asked, and I liked it that way. I was scared to look at Mom. What if she asks questions? How can I answer?”

After a while, Sameera asked softly, “Were you afraid to tell her your feelings?”

“More like . . . showing weakness.” He was remorseful. “Not that I had any misplaced sense of manliness or anything. It’s just that I thought it was my burden to bear, and in the process I have hurt her for a long time. Avoided her presence. Kept things to myself. I told myself that it was better if she knew nothing, that I will worry her.” He smiled sadly, and she understood.

“But she was already worrying.

“Exactly.” He turned to her, “But now that I have a second chance, I will not waste it. I will make up for the lost time. Whatever it is she asks, I will do it. She deserve the world. She is amazing.”

“She is.” Sameera agreed, smiling, “She has always been so kind.” And she was talking about how the first time she met Smita, how she smiled warmly, and how much she reminds her of her own Mother, but Abhi could only focus on how her eyes seemed to light up, that soft blush on her cheeks, that fond smile. He wanted nothing but to lean down and taste that smile, feel it against his lips.

But he also knew she needed time, and he can wait. He won’t force her like that.

So he cheated a bit- leaned towards her, and then kissed her cheek softly, his lips lingering. Sameera’s eyes went wide, her entire body still at the unexpected gesture.

And then, her ice cream fell on her dress, and then on the ground.

Abhi looked down in amusement, then to her as she internally screamed at herself. Closing eyes in embarrassment, she mumbled, “Sorry.” If only she could close eyes and vanish somewhere else. What he must think, ruining the moment like this!

“It’s fine.” He tried not to laugh, then moved, “I will get another one.”

“No it’s fine.” She would rather run to base.

“It’s okay.” His hold lingered around her wrist, and then walked away to get another one. Sameera threw away the cone from her fingers, sighed to herself and buried her face in her hands, in disbelieve as to how this happened. He was so sweet, so nice to her, expressing his feelings. And she ruins it by throwing ice cream all over her.

But she knew this was not about ruining a moment or ice cream. When Abhi came back, handed over the new cone and they started to walk again, even he sensed the silent brooding from her.

“I can feel your mind working in there, Sameera.” He teased as she turned to him in surprise, “What is it?”

“I . . . “ Opening and closing her mouth several times, she replied finally. “I am really sorry.”

“For what?”

“Ruining the mood.” He had another teasing comment ready, but the serious look on her face made him keep quiet, “I have been thinking a bit, you know. You have been so nice to me. So thoughtful. You share your past, your hopes and dreams. You help me, you inspire me. And you said that you . . . “ She paused, biting her tongue.

“I love you.” He finished for her. Her eyes went wide, as if she can’t believe the words he was saying, became quiet for a while.

“You love me.” She repeated, “And I . . . said nothing. Waiting on you, on this. Saving myself, I guess.”

“Sameera.” Abhi held her wrist gently, “It’s alright. Time, remember?”

“I don’t think it’s fair.”

“Love is not about fair, Baby.” His thumb ran gently over her pulse point, making her breath hitch, “I know you love me. Without you saying. You know how? Because you are standing right here, with me. Because your eyes says that. You know Mom told me that, I could not believe until I saw it myself.” She was not convinced, and he sighed, “I don’t mind you taking time. A lot have happened. I have hurt you.”

“Abhi.” She whispered.

“No, don’t deny that. I did. You had to be cautious this time, protect your feelings. I understand, I would have done the same.” But probably, he would not have. When there was any matter related to Sameera, Abhi had always jumped head first. Uncaring of repercussion. “You take the time. I don’t mind. I will never pressurize you for saying or acting any different, Sameera.”

He took a step toward her, thumb brushing over the spot he had kissed just moments earlier, “When you will be ready, you will tell me that. And there will be no going back.”

She gazed at him, transfixed.

Bliss is something people take granted, but not Abhi. He had prayed for this bliss, this tilted sense of normalcy for so long, and now that he had it he had thrown himself all over it just to make it stay. He was walking on clouds these days, so deliriously happy.

And then, something unexpected happened.

HAWKS were due for a session with Trainer (Khadoos Rawte, as Samrat whispered and amended at the stern look from his best friend) Rawte and they were dreading it for weeks now. Since the time Abhi took over, they never had to face the man again or listen to his bark apart from that one flight schedule where Sameera disregarded rules. But apparently this was important- he was the best person in psychological warfare tactics and this session was important, like always.

Sameera was almost chewing her nails, remembering all the times she has earned the wrath of that man. They had a small sting where she learnt self defense from him, and even though she has admired his skills, she was still scared of his shouting sessions. Beside her, Disha was trying to be encouraging, and Samrat and Natasha were, surprisingly, having a easy conversation on their mutual dislike of Khadoos Rawte.

Ali entered the cafe, moving towards their table. His face was tensed, “Guys, you heard?”

“What?” Samrat stood up, and the former glanced between the girls and him.

“Shikha tried to commit suicide.”

There was a stunned silence until Natasha asked in a low tone, almost biting, “What?” Disha looked at Sameera immediately, she has gone white as sheet, her wide eyes looking at Ali in disbelieve.

“The fu ck?” Shocked, Samrat banged with the table, “How do you know?”

“What happened?” Squeezing Sameera’s shoulder, Disha asked. Ali gave them all sympathetic look, and dived into the story. The news was all over base, Veer sir was attending a high profile meeting when he got the news and rushed out of the meeting. Apparently, Shikha slashed her wrists and sat in her room for a long time until she was found.

All Sameea could think was Abhi, and how devastated he must feel. Does he know? And probably the girls also thought the same, as the other two shared looks.

“Abhi knows?” Natasha asked, to which Ali nodded.

“He left for hospital.”

On a cue, the clock chimed 12 pm, signaling the time for Rawte session. They all seemed to drag their feet, not wanting to leave and also, not wanting to ask or talk about it too much. Ali made a comment about if session was canceled and Samrat gave a look like he was being thick, they all reluctantly walking out of cafe.

Sameera lingered near the door, unable to take any more step towards this session, heart hammering underneath, “Maybe I should . . . “

Disha understood and nodded, “Go.”

“But Trainer . . . “

“I will handle it.” She assured, and after a moment of hesitation, Sameera rushed towards the boarding, changed and ran towards the private hospital Shikha was kept. Maybe she should have called Abhi first, maybe she should think about going- after all, this was a family emergency. She really had no right to be there.

But, she had to see Abhi.

When she reached hospital, inquired about Shikha and headed towards the ward, the first thing she saw was Abhi, leaning against a wall as his eyes seemed to stare into nothing, his entire posture stiff. Veer sir sat a few feet away, his hand clutched tightly with his wife as she sobbed, her loud cries echoing. Padding softly, she stood near Abhi, taking his hand gently.

If he was surprised, he did not show it. His fingers immediately gripped hers tightly, and Sameera could feel the tremor running through him.

“Let’s get some fresh air, okay?” She gently tugged, and he complied, both of them walking hand in hand.

Veer sir watched this with unspoken questions, and Sunaina glared at them.

The two found themselves on the stairs of fire escape. Going outside did not seem right, and also him being in public might not be a good idea. The moment they were alone, Abhi fell apart, buried his face in his hands as he cursed himself. Sameera tried to soothe with words, running hand through his back gently. When he looked at her with devastation and threw himself in her arms, she sat there like a rock, gave him her silent support and took in all of his pain. Her own breakdown and guilt can wait for later.

“Oh god, what if she . . . “ He could not finish that thought. His arm tightened around her almost painfully, his head buried in the crook of her neck. Sameera held onto him just as tightly.

“What happened?” Her voice was soft. He recollected the memory- the cryptic apology text from Shikha, all of a sudden, out of nowhere. ‘Sorry for causing you pain. Goodbye.’ When there was no fault of hers, when there was no communication from her side in the last few weeks. Abhi had a bad feeling and immediately rushed towards Veer sir’s house. Of course, Sunaina would not let him in, but when they saw smoke coming out of Shikha’s room, they ran. Shikha had cut herself, and burnt all their memories in a makeshift fire in her room- pictures, their engagement cards , the gifts- and it had set fire to other things. She was unconscious by then, and Abhi broke the door open, gathered her in his arms and rushed here.

“Are you hurt, Abhi?” He shook head at that, trying to make himself as small as possible as she held onto him, rocking back and forth. “Did the doctors say anything?”

“She had no burn on her body, that’s good. But there was too much smoke. And the blood loss.” He shuddered. Sameera wanted to cry in that moment- what a messy situation for everyone. Shikha was hurt for no fault of hers, Abhi was blaming himself, but maybe the culprit was someone else. If only she had not gone to his house that day, forced him to break up. Shikha would have been fine now. Disha and Abhi himself had told her that he chose his happiness, but Sameera wondered if the happiness, if their love is worth it if people around them are so sad. So much in pain.

Abhi reigned in his emotions after a while, pressing his lips on her hair and looking at her. She startled at that, trying to cover her emotions, “She will be fine, okay?” He nodded holding both of her hands.

“I never meant for this to happen.” His voice was raw.

“I know. She is a bad shape mentally, her world has fallen apart.” She cupped his face, making him look into her eyes, “Once she is awake, you all need to be beside her. Helping her to be herself again.”

“Veer sir looked at me with such disappointment. He would never forgive me.”

“He is hurt. His child is in danger.” She murmured, “Right now, let’s focus on Shikha, okay? One step at a time.”

He nodded, rubbed his face a few times before sighing, looking away, hand still clasped tightly with hers. Her thumb ran gently over his back of hand.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

“There is nothing to thank about.” Hesitantly, she added, “I . . . I should go.” At his surprised and sad look, she explained in a hurry, “I just ran out of base. I need to explain to Rawte sir. I will call you later, is that okay?”

“Today was session with Trainer Rawte.” He was in disbelieve, “You skipped his session?” They both Rawte will unleash hell on her the next time he spots her. Sameera and Abhi both winced at the shared thoughts, then chuckled.

“I got the news and . . . I had to see you.” He was touched. She has always put his well being above everything else and it will never make him less surprised. Standing, he gave her his hand.

“Come on.” She took his hand and stood up, “Call me in the evening, okay?”

She nodded, not really wanting to go but she knew if she did not, she will have a breakdown in here. Abhi did not deserve that. Giving a close lipped smile, she squeezed his hand one last time, turned and walked away.

On her way, she saw Veer sir. Hesitantly, she went to him. “Hello. Sir.”

He was surprised, but even though he had many questions, he could only nod in acknowledgment.

“I don’t know what to say.” She looked down, exhaling deeply and Veer felt the exhaustion too. His one daughter comforting him for the other. “If it helps you feel better, I will pray for her.”

This was something Sapna used to say whenever he would walk out of the door for a tricky flying session, and his entire frame went rigid. Sameera did not notice it thankfully, bowing respectfully, she left the corridor, with each step feeling her inside crumbling down.

Disha would tell her not to blame herself, the boys will try to cheer her up even when they knew nothing, but Sameera could not shake off the guilt. She can’t sleep these days, no matter how much tired she is. She cries in shower at times, silently for everyone involved in this mess, try to stay strong for Abhi who has gone back to his shell. He was on auto pilot these days, not saying much, just holding her hand as if bracing himself for an upcoming storm. Her Mother tried to sympathize and be encouraging, but it will hard to look at Veer sir these days. Shikha had recovered and was sent home, but the scars would linger for a long, long time.

For all of them.

Sameera was sitting silently beside Natasha one day, staring into nothing, lost in her own head. She has come to admire the former’s silent strength and cutting words with time. With days filled with Disha’s comforting words and passing off her last piece of strength to Abhi, Sameera wanted a few moments of silence just to take it all in, without any interruption. As much as she was thankful to others, she wanted this quiet.

“Guilt don’t go away.” Natasha said one day, her own eyes staring into nothingness, lost in memories, “Time don’t heal it. Maybe only people can.”

Sameera realized Natasha might understand grief more than anyone else. And maybe, like her, Natasha liked this silence too. She don’t roll eyes, go away or show any sign of discomfort when she seek her out these days. She helped Sameera, she has shown a different side in her house. Ali asks questions, Samrat banters and belittles her, Disha is wary, Abhi is occupied and never really cared beyond a limit of professionalism. Sameera hide behind her smiles, accepts her dodging and don’t ask much. Maybe Natasha likes it too.

Maybe she needs it as much as she does.

Weeks after the suicide attempt, the HAWKS team was sitting in cafe one day, just mindlessly talking even though conversations were short and their hearts were not in it. Ever since that news, their easy camradie and laughter was replaced with tensed silence, questioning looks and silent sympathy. They had said the obligatory ‘I am sorry’ to Abhi, but beyond that they did not know how to help. He sat beside them as if seeking human contact, and yet will not participate. Sameera would want to hold his hand, but won’t- not because they were in public and her friends did not know, but afraid if he has a breakdown in front of others.

She herself passed these mandatory table meetings with clenched fists and forced smile. Abhi would look at her with questions at times, knowing in heart this was affecting her just as much as him. But she won’t take the comfort, even when he would gently loosen her fist and grab her hand under table. She won’t squeeze back, she won’t let her shed tears in front of him. But she will take his pain and whisper words which she meant. Everyday, she will lit a diya to ganesha and pray. But she won’t take the comfort, because due to her not handling her feelings properly, one girl almost died. She don’t think she can ever move on from that.

There is no moving on from tragedy.

Even though she was zoned out, she sensed Abhi going tensed beside her. When she looked around, everyone looked as bad as him.

Then she saw Shikha standing at the entrance of cafeteria.

Her first urge to run. Hide from her eyes, hide in a place where nobody can find her. Fall on her feet and beg for forgiveness. Say sorry, she never meant all of this to happen. Never wanted to hurt her like this that she lose her will to live. Say, that even if it rips her heart out- if there was a way, she would go back in time, just to change the course of the three of their lives.

Maybe she should have never entered this base.

Sameera turned to Abhi immediately, suddenly scared of this situation. They all have gotten frozen as statue- not sure to stay, or to leave to give them privacy. Natasha gently nudged Abhi, the only person who was not lost in the moment, and he stood up in shaky legs just as Shikha came to stand near their table. Her face had lost color, there were bags underneath those beautiful eyes. There was no make up, but she was still stunning to look at. Still proper in her neatly combed hair and dress.

The bandage around her wrist says otherwise.

“Hello.” She was hesitant, and they all echoed. Grimacing at the awkward situation, she looked at Abhi, “Hi Abhi. I am sorry to drop . . .”

“It’s okay.” He cleared throat.

“Can we talk?” He nodded, and they walked out of cafe.

Samrat recovered first, “Phew.” Then looked at the ashen face of his friend, “Hey Sam. Relax. They will be fine.” Sameera was almost shaking by now. She felt like she need to move, but her legs won’t co-operate. Others looks at her and then started to hover near her, trying to soothe. Maybe it will help them take their minds off.

“You think they should be alone?” Ali whispered guiltily, eyes on door, “I mean Shikha . . . “

“He will handle it.” Samrat put an arm around Sam and answered the man, then gazed down at Sameera, “Hey, what happened to you?”

“Her wrist.” She physically shuddered and his arms tightened around her.

“She is alive, that’s a good thing right?” He said gently. “She has a good support system, and resources to get help. It’s a hard time, she had a moment of weakness. She will be fine in no time, you will see.”

Sameera prayed he was right, maybe seeing Shikha better will make it breathe easy for her. A long time passed and just when they were ready to leave, the two returned. For the first time in weeks, Abhi’s face had color. It looked as if a huge burden was lift off his shoulders. His eyes shone when he looked at Sameera, and she could only return it with her confused ones.

Shikha looked determined, taking back a bit of control as she tried to lighten mood, “Hello, all. Sorry to drop by like this.”

“It’s alright.” Samrat stood up, shaking hands, “How are you feeling?”

“Stupid.” Her answer was immediate, and the way her face went made everyone chuckle. Even Sameera’s lips curled in amusement.

“I made everyone angry and sad, and the worst part was someone else had to bear the burnt.” She turned to a sheepish looking Abhi, patting his arm consolingly, “He did nothing wrong. He did the right thing, as always. He chose his happiness.” Her eyes looked at Sameera, who sat like a deer in headlight, unable to form words. Now that Shikha’s entire attention was on her, the apology was ready on her lips. If only she can actually open her mouth and say it.

Ali and Samrat looked at each other, then to Shikha and Sameera, then saw the former’s twinkling eyes. The men put two and two together almost in sync, grinning like cat who got canary. Sameera’s eyes met them, and she looked down immediately.

“So . . . “ Samrat drawled, ready to tease.

“So.” Shikha smirked, “I think I let out the secret. Sorry.” She did not really look sorry, and Natasha snorted. Shikha winked at her, then moved toward Sameera, holding her hand, making her stand up and putting her next to Abhi.

“Now it looks better.” She extended a hand which Sameera took shakily, and she leaned in to whisper, “He is happy. I hope he stays the same.”

Sameera was still in trance, hence could only stare back with wide eyes and give a nod when the guilt became too much that she could not meet her gaze. Shikha was satisfied today- she apologized, made amends and put two love birds together. She had suspicion before, but when her Mother said Sameera was in hospital, it was confirmed. It stung, and she had to repeat it again and again in her head, that the last couple of years were lies. If she had any energy left, she would have screamed and cried at her Mother and Abhi both, but she was done with all the drama. She was physically and mentally ready to move on.

Shikha Veer Pratap Singh don’t fall into weakness. She will survive this, and if this was the first step needed, so be it.

“So,” She drawled, grabbing Abhi’s attention, “are you going to formally propose or what?” At that, Sameera looked ready bolt- actually looked at the door. She had a whirlwind of emotions inside and she needed time to process it. She has so many questions, and now suddenly the tensed atmosphere was turning light. She was happy for Abhi, but she needed time to process this all.

She hated that she could not let go like others can.

Thankfully, Abhi held her hand and grounded her, and her heartbeat slowed a bit, “Maybe some other day.”

“You need privacy or . . . “ At his look, Shikha raised hands in air, letting it go. After a few minutes of pleasantry exchange, she bid goodbye and left.

The next couple of hours were excruciating as everyone seemed to gang up and tease Sameera mercilessly for the secret she was harvouring for so long. Samrat turned up the theatrics- he was replaced from the position of her go to person by her ‘Boyfriend’ (she had to stop wincing at that. It did not sound right), was in disbelieve as to how she can hide it or how come he did not see. Said she will make a great spy with this level of deceit. Ali was giddily happy, asking questions on how, what and why. Natasha joined him too, Disha looked amused.

And Abhi sat there with a soft look on his face, unbothered by it all. As if public discussion of his love life was nothing. Sameera was indignant, still in daze and would like to very much move, but nobody would have it.

“Why I am getting teased and nobody is asking him?” She asked, sulking as others shared looks, amused. Abhi hid face to hold in his laughter, so happy to be free from last shred of burden. Shikha had apologized, accepted his apology and they have ended it on a good term. He was content with how it played out in the end.

“Because Sam,” Samrat nudged, “he is the Boss. We are not taking risks with the Boss.” Abhi raised eyebrow at the comment.

“This is unfair.” Sameera huffed, making a show of getting up but Ali and Samrat, both sitting on her other sides, held onto her wrists and made her sit back with a thump.

“This is what you get for keeping secret.” Ali mocked, then looked at Abhi with eagerness. He was ready to ask, but his team mates went quiet and his bravery failed, “Um. . . “

“Yes Ali.” Abhi knew his time has arrived. Samrat and Sameera shared looks, his arms over her shoulder as always. She was relieved that attention had shifted to him now.

“Like are we allowed to ask things or . . . “

“That depends on what you are asking. As long as they are decent.” Abhi has been protective of Sameera since the beginning. Of course, now that they are officially together (he was giddy just thinking on it), he would shield her more. Friendship and everything is fine, but he won’t let lines cross or entertain questions on their relationship. Everyone at the table were good, and they all got a hint.

“Fair enough.” Ali agreed, “But can I ask . . . “

Natasha cut him off impatiently, making him pout, “He is asking when did you start falling for her. I just saved all of our time.” She pointed a finger at Ali, and he backed away.

Abhi took a few moments to answer it, and Sameera, who had internal conflict of her own, forgot about it and stared at him, strangely anticipating the answer with elevated heartbeat. They all seemed to hold their breath and only moved when he started to speak.

“I don’t think anyone can put a timeline or pick a moment when they fall for someone, can they? It might have happened when she asked me if we can be friends. Or maybe when she was brave enough to shield me and took bullet in Gira. Maybe it was that one time when she won’t accept defeat in a fight when Natasha won’t let her go easily. Or maybe when I was vulnerable and she was awake the whole night to keep me company.” Their eyes met and he continued, voice overflowing with emotions he had kept inside him for a long time, “Maybe it was when she was not around I realized this was not a world I wanted to live in. Or when she would always greet me with a smile and made me sit on this table with you all. Or maybe it was when I thought she had left forever, and I could not handle it. I was, probably, in the middle of it, before I even realized.”

Everyone was quiet for a while until Disha spoke softly, “That’s Mr. Darcy, is not it?” Abhi’s gaze did not move from Sameera. Others shared a look, and unanimously decided to punish the two a bit more.

“Way to go boss, dropping lines like that.” Samrat elbowed Sameera, making her start, “Did you impress you like that?”

And more torture followed.