Chapter 15- Papad ka tukda hai

"Arnavji, uthiye na. Baarah bajne wale hain"

Squinting, Arnav saw that his wife had turned on the night lamp and was sitting up in bed with her legs crossed.

Dark hair framing her pale features, she looked almost ethereal. Her tresses rustled lightly when she moved, leaves in the night air. Her lips quivering with excitement, Arnav watched in fascination as the dim yellow of the lamp did strange and wonderful things to her dark eyes.

He couldn't help the sigh escaping his lips.

Arnav didn't have a count of how many times he had dreamt of Khushi or how many mornings he'd woken up crying out her name in the past.

Even three months after living together, he still needed a few seconds each morning to reassure himself that Khushi was really there, by his side. It was the insecurity of a man who had woken up from dreams so real that reality had often felt like mockery.

He raised a hand to her cheek now, compelled to ascertain.

Almost as if to prove it to him, she poked him in the ribs.

"Arnavji!" she said, urgently.

Rubbing his chest, he slowly sat up just as her alarm started beeping.

She turned it off and faced him with a broad smile on her face.

"Arnavji" she said, "Arnav...happy birthday"

Tugging on her hand gently so she fell forward onto his chest, Arnav wrapped his arms around her waist.

"What's this Khushi?" he said, attempting a frown. "Yeh koi tareeka hota hai apne husband ko birthday wish karne ka?"

"Chodiye hume" she said, trying to wriggle free. "Aapko toh khush hona chahiye ki humne aapko janamdin ki mubarak baat toh di. Aap bhool gaye honge lekin hum nahi bhoole, kaise aapki gaadi Ha Ha Happy Singh ke aage badi hi nahi thi"

Arnav rolled his eyes and tightened his grip of her.

"In the end, wish kiya tha na"

She snorted loudly. "Voh bhi tab, jab hum so rahe the. Aapko sach me shukhar manaana chahiye, varna humne toh badla lene ki puri tayaari ki thi"

"Oh really?"

"Ji haan" she said, turning up her nose. "Hum a/c bandh karke aapke muh me mithai thoosne wale the aur haan, machar chaap agarbatti bhi jalaane wale the taaki aapki aawaaz chali jaye"

Smirking, he asked, "Toh fir voh sab kyun nahi kiya?"

"Agar hum voh sab karthe" she said, finally relaxing in his arms. "Toh fir yeh nahi kar paathe"

Before he could raise his eyebrows, she leaned forward and kissed him.

Getting over his initial surprise, he slid a hand into her hair and drew her closer.

On the night of their wedding when he had kissed her for the first time, Arnav hadn't known how much meaning a simple kiss could hold.

Today, he knew that there was a  difference between kissing and kissing back and he appreciated how progressively his lips had to cover lesser and lesser distance to meet hers. Until one day last month when she had initiated it.

Khushi's kiss had filled an ache in his heart that he hadn't known he had until just that moment.

One night on their honeymoon, she had braved her bashfulness to ask him when he was first attracted to her.

Arnav hadn't even blinked before replying. Muttering an expletive under his breath, he had cursed the red saree that had given him sleepless nights and robbed him of his sanity.

She'd asked him to kiss her then.

Their past held too many missed opportunities and despite all efforts, sometimes it came back to haunt them. So instead of regretting it, they'd decided to make up for it now.

Khushi had kissed him for the first time after returning from a visit to Buaji's where they'd run into Ankush and Pritika. Confessing that she'd overheard all that he'd done at their wedding, she told him that she had always wanted to thank him for it.

"Khushi" he said, pulling back and trying to catch his breath. "Sirf kiss se kaam chalaane ka plan hai ya kuch tohfa bhi layi ho?"

Knowing full well that there couldn't possibly be a better gift, he only meant to tease.

But sliding away from him, she pulled out a gift wrapped box from the night stand on her side of the bed.

"Voh kya hai na" she said, handing it to him. "Aapko humari diary me thank-jhank karne ka bahut shok hai na"

Ripping apart the wrapping paper, Arnav found a luxury diary and pen set.

"Toh humne socha, aapko khud ki diary tohfe me de dete hain" she said, putting an elbow on his shoulder and raising her eyebrows.

Arnav laughed, remembering her outrage when he came clean about reading her 'ASR ko sathaane ke sau tareeke' book.

"Aap chahe toh humare baare me likh sakthe hain" Khushi said, "Hum aapki tarah nahi hai, aapki diary nahi padenge"

She had already written his name on the cover in both Hindi and English.

Smiling, he ran a finger over the lettering. When he looked up, her face had turned serious.

"Hum jaanthe hain ki aapko apna dard, apni bhaavnae kisike saath baantna acha nahi lagtha aur fir bhi, humari khatir aap koshish karthe hain" she said, tucking strands of hair behind her ears. "Lekin hum yeh bhi jaanthe hai ki kuch aisi baaten hoti hain jo aap humse bhi nahi keh paate, aur hume isse koi shikayath nahi. Humne bas socha ki shayad iss diary me likhne se aapka mann halka ho jaye"

Arnav stared at her, wondering how she could possibly have known it when he hadn't even gotten around to admitting it to himself.

Putting the gift aside, he pulled her into a hug and whispered, "Thanks Khushi"

For as long as he remembered, Arnav had been an atheist. All his life experiences had only served to confirm this belief, until he met Khushi. She'd forced him to reconsider many things most important of which was his faith. 

How could there be someone as pure as her in this unforgiving world? And he came up short on any explanations for how, after all he'd done to her, she still believed him worthy of her love.

There had to be some explanation. Whether it was her Devi Maiya, fate, God or some other mystical being, there had to be something to explain his personal miracle.

Turning off the light, she snuggled close to him.

"Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada ko sathaane ke sau tareeke" he said, lying down. "Sounds like an interesting idea"

Giggling, she slapped his chest.

Putting his arms around her, he kept to himself the other title that came to mind. One hundred things he had to re-consider after meeting her.

A close second to his faith was his insight.

All his adult life people had told him that he was a most eligible bachelor. There was a time when women practically threw themselves at him and he had come to believe that he had everything that any woman would kill for. And despite his scorn for love and marriage, ASR had never considered that there might be a woman who didn't want him.

But Khushi had rained on his parade.

Here was someone who was not interested in what he had but who he was. Her demands on him, on their relationship were so unusual that she kept him on his toes. Sometimes making him wonder how someone as vivacious as her didn't find him a tad boring even.

It wasn't his default setting but he found himself wanting to lighten up for her just as she tried her best to accommodate his quirks.

Different as chalk and cheese, their relationship was simple but not easy.

And listening to her soft, rhythmic breathing, Arnav knew it was worth every last effort.

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"Di!"

Khushi's cry of surprise jolted him as he stepped out of the elevator, searching his pockets for the house keys.

He looked up and dropped the keys when he saw Di sitting on the steps outside their front door.

She looked like she had fallen asleep with her head against the wall and started on hearing Khushi.

She got to her feet unsteadily, smoothing down her saree.

"Hi Chotey, Khushiji" she said, nodding at them both.

It was three months since Arnav had seen his sister and at first glance he couldn't pin-point what was different about her. 

"Kya hum andar aa sakthe hain?" she asked.

Khushi picked up the keys from the floor and unlocked the door.

"Aaiye na Di" she said, leading her inside.

When Nani had arrived at his doorstep a month ago, Arnav's heart had leapt to his throat.

Don't be silly, he told himself. They'd just had dinner with Akash and Payal, he would have heard if it was any bad news.

Di declined Khushi's offer to bring her water or tea.

"Aap...sab theek toh hai na Di?" Khushi asked, and turned to him as if to ask why he wasn't saying anything.

Di nodded, "Hum Chotey ko wish karne aaye hain"

Swallowing his surprise, Arnav nodded and tried to smile.

When he dropped Nani home the first time she came to visit, Arnav had been fully expecting her to bring up the issue of Khushi and him coming back home. He didn't know whether he was relieved or affronted that she didn't.

Seeing Di, he felt similarly conflicting thoughts arising once again.

"Happy birthday Chotey" Di said, "Hum tumhare liye kuch laye hain"

She handed him the folder she was clutching to her chest.

Taking it with his eyebrows raised, Arnav sat down.

His hands froze over the very first page and he looked up at his sister in shock.

It hit him like a lightning bolt, what was different about her. She was dressed in an unusually demure saree, her mangalsutra and sindhoor were gone. There was a deathly calm about her demeanor and an almost maniacal gleam to her eyes.

Lowering his gaze, he read the words again. It was a legal document of contested divorce.

"Chotey, tumne humse kaha tha ki it's your word against his" Di said, without preamble.  "Kyunki tumhare paas unke khilaaf koi sabooth nahi tha. Aaj hum khud sabooth leke aaye hain"

Khushi gasped and Arnav stared at his sister in disbelief.

"Humne tai kar liya tha ki jab tak hum ya toh tumhari ya Shyamji ki baat ko sach saabith nahi karde, tab tak aapse milne nahi aaenge" Di said, "Uss insaan ke saare karthoothon ka sabooth iss file me hain. Humne usse humare ghar me vaapis nahi aane diya, divorce ke liye file kar diya hai aur unke khilaaf FIR bhi dharj karvaya hai"

Astounded, he turned to Khushi who was gaping at Di.

"Di" Khushi said, tears springing into her eyes.

"Khushiji, hume maaf kar dijiye" Di said, looking troubled for the first time. "Aapne hume kitni baar sach bataane ki koshish ki aur humne aap pe vishwas nahi kiya"

"Aisa mat kahiye Di" Khushi said, and hugged her. "Aapki jagah pe koi bhi hota toh aisa hi kartha, hum bhi"

Blinking back tears, Arnav raised a hand to his sister's arm. "Aap theek toh hai na, Di?"

She nodded slowly and took his hands in hers.

"Hume maaf kar dijiye Chotey" she said.

He shook his head to tell her that there was no need for it. "Aapne yeh sab akele kyun kiya Di, hum'"

"Yeh ladaai hume khud ladni thi Chotey. Humne ek private detective ko hire kiya tha" Di said, taking a deep breath. "Haan, hume bahut takleef hui thi, lekin humne khud ko kamzor nahi hone diya. Afsos toh sirf iss baat ka hai ki agar humne aapki baat pe vishwas kiya hota toh shayad humari raj kumari aaj humare saath hoti"

Her carefully arranged hardened expression came crumbling down at her last words.

Arnav tightened his grip on her hands. "Di, what're you saying?"

"Haan, Chotey" Di said, tears filling her eyes. "Humara miscarriage koi accident nahi tha, uss aadmi ki chaal thi. Uski vajah se humare pair me sheeshe lag gaye aur ussine short circuit karvaya tha jisse hume shock laga aur hum gir gaye"

Khushi made a sound of distress and her hand flew to her mouth.

His heart hammering against his chest, Arnav felt a blaze of white fury consuming him.

The heinousness of the man's act didn't surprise him, there was no limit to what he could stoop to. He closed his eyes to shake away the images of Di falling from the stairs.

When he opened them, he saw Di wiping away her tears bitterly.

Was she in some sort of shock? How painful had it been for her to find out all this that she'd gone numb from it?

Trembling, Khushi got up and brought Di a glass of water.

Di thanked her and took a sip.

Arnav wanted to reassure his sister that he would make sure that Shyam Manohar Jha was punished for every single crime, starting with the brutal murder of his own unborn child. But before he could speak, Di said,

"Chotey, ab tak humne apne aap ko sambhal liya lekin iske aage hume apne bhai aur bhabhi ki bahut zaroorath hai"

Khushi choked back a sob and he found himself feeling strangely hollow hearing her words.

"Hum jaanthe hain ki tum humse naaraz ho aur tumhari naarazgi jaayaz bhi hai" Di said, turning to Khushi. "Humne Khushiji ke saath bahut bura barthaav kiya, lekin hum sirf maafi nahi maangna chahthe, hum tumse ek mauka aur maangna chahthe hai"

"Di'" he said, hoping to stop her train of thought.

"Jaise Khushiji tumhare liye important hai, vaise tum dono humare liye bahut important ho" Di said.

"Di, please" he said, holding up a hand. "I'm so sorry about everything, aapke saath jo bhi hua, I'm so sorry. Aapka bhai hoke main aapko uss sab se protect nahi kar saka and that's something I'll regret forever lekin please, don't ask me to come back home"

"Chotey, hum yeh nahi keh rahe ki tum aaj hi'"

"No, Di" he said, "Baat aaj ya kal ki nahi hai, aap jab chahe yahan aa sakthi hain. Khushi and I will always be there for you and we'll make sure ki Shyam ko uske kiye ki sazaa mile but hum ghar vaapis nahi aaenge"

Fresh tears appeared in her eyes and she didn't wipe them away this time.

"Please Chotey, humari baat toh'"

Arnav stood up and turned away.

"Arnavji" Khushi said, in a low voice. "Aap ek baar'"

His glare silenced her mid-sentence.

"Koi baat nahi Khushiji" Di said and he sensed her standing up.

"Nahi Di, rukh jaiye" Khushi said.

Arnav turned to see that Khushi was following Di to the door.

"Khushiji, humara pappad ka tukda ab tak humse ukda hai" Di said, gently removing Khushi's hand holding her back. Turning back to him, she added, "Deta hai apni Di ko aasoon mote, voh hai gusse wala humara Chotey"

Sniffing, Di walked out turning a deaf ear to Khushi who kept calling her back.

"Khushi" Arnav called, when she followed Di outside.

She appeared at the door, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Yeh aapne kya kar diya" she whispered.

He stepped towards her, "Calm down Khushi"

"Aap aisa kaise kar sakthe hain?" she said, her voice dangerously low. She looked back at the door as if she couldn't believe her eyes. "Aapne Di ko'"

"Khushi, I didn't ask her to leave" he said. "Dekho, tum bahut upset ho'"

She retreated from his open arms.

"Aap aisa kaise kar sakthe hain?" she asked, screaming this time.

She pushed him away with both hands when he tried he reached for her.

"Aur main kya kartha?" he asked, his temper flaring. "Unki baat maanke ghar vaapis chale jaathe?"

"Kyun nahi, Arnavji?" she asked, looking him in the eye. "Aapne ghar humari vajah se choda tha na, ab toh Naniji aur Di ne hume apna liya toh hum ghar vaapis kyun nahi ja sakthe?"

"Paagal ho gayi ho tum?" he said, his volume rising to match hers. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Ya fir hum sirf aapke liye ek bahaane the" she said, dropping her voice now.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked, grabbing her by the arms.

"Sach toh yeh hai ki aapne ghar humare liye nahi choda tha" she said, writhing to free herself. "Aapne sirf apne liye ghar choda tha, kyunki pehli baar aapke gharwaale aapke khilaaf khade ho gaye. Kyunki aapse bardasht nahi hua ki unhone aapki zidd ke saamne hamesha ki tarah apna sir nahi jhukaya'."

"Enough!" he yelled, shaking her.

"Kyunki Arnav Singh Raizada toh sirf apne baare me sochte hain" she said, "Hum bhool hi gaye the ki unhe doosre ke dard se koi farak nahi padtha"

The ball of fury inside him threatening to explode, he let go of her abruptly.

She stumbled backwards but steadied herself, glowering back at him.

He had promised himself that he would never hurt her again. Seeing the bruises left by his fingers on her arm had always felt like daggers to his chest. The only way he could stop himself from lashing out at her was to put distance between them.

"Khushi, hum vaapis nahi jaenge and that's final" he said, stopping at the door.

"Samajh gaye" she said, shaking with sobs. "Aap chale jaiye, hamesha ki tarah"

'The hamesha ki tarah' felt like she was twisting the knife deeper into his heart and he let the door slam behind him.

*********************************************************************************************************************

Speeding down a relatively empty road, Arnav was trying in vain to calm down.

How dare she assume that he didn't care about Di? She was his Di and he had been trying to do exactly what Di had done, gather enough proof to throw Shyam out of their lives once and for all.

Just because he had been living away, he hadn't forgotten his responsibilities.

And the only reason he was even living away was her. How dare she suggest otherwise?

His conscience pricked painfully at that.

Damn it, of course it was more than just about her. But why did she have to be so damn perceptive?

'Arnav Singh Raizada toh sirf apne baare me sochte hain, hum bhool hi gaye the ki unhe doosre ke dard se koi farak nahi padtha'

Her words echoed in his mind and he pulled up by the side of the road, his car screeching to a halt.

He fell forward slightly and his seat belt held him back, pressing against something in his pocket.

It was then that he remembered the second birthday gift Khushi had given him in the elevator, before the doors opened.

It was an envelope and pulling it out of his pocket, he broke the seal.

Something fell out and he bent down to pick it up. Arnav stared at it for several seconds before comprehension dawned.

"Khushi!" he couldn't stop himself from crying out her name into the darkness.

It was a home pregnancy kit and the monitor showed two pink lines.