Devyani Raizada had to take a step back to steady herself when her grand daughter-in-law came flying at her.
Caught off guard, she could neither return the hug nor speak.
"Khushi" Chotey said, in a low voice.
He placed a hand on her shoulder and she went still.
Her trembling hand rose to cover her mouth as she stepped back and collided with Chotey.
Standing on the doorstep, Devyani's gaze became unfocused as she looked at the two of them.
Over a year ago, a young woman from Lucknow had come to their home to sell sarees. Devyani didn't remember what they had been talking about or why she said it, but the young woman's words stayed with her.
"Kuch log meetha khaye ya na khaye, bahut kadve hote hai. Jaise karela, voh bhi neem chada"
It had elicited such a compelling memory of her lost daughter that distress had brought on a fit of cough.
Her daughter had often playfully complained that her husband was like a 'karela, voh bhi neem chada' but she always qualified it with 'lekin unka dil bahut saaf hai'
How had Devyani not realized that Ratna had been lying for her benefit? How had she not noticed that long before her son-in-law's infidelity came to light, her daughter was no longer the vivacious child she had raised?
That marriage had broken her, that her husband had destroyed her spirit. How had she not seen that her daughter was hanging on to life by the fragile threads that were her two children? And that one day, even those would snap.
The child of her heart, a woman lost to such unspeakable tragedy.
Devyani knew that her little girl was no longer of this world but looking at the two people in front of her, her heart saw Ratna.
One of Ratna's own flesh and blood and the other, a kindred soul.
The vision and accompanying emotion was so powerful that she felt her knees give way.
"Naniji!"
She heard Khushi's shriek and felt Chotey's arms catching hold of her before she hit the ground.
When she opened her eyes, she found herself sitting on a sofa in their living room.
Chotey was patting her cheeks gently and Khushi was looking over his shoulder, concern etched into her features.
"Nani, aap theek to hai?" Chotey asked.
Devyani took a deep breath and nodded slowly.
"Hum aapke liye paani leke aate hai" Khushi said, hurrying away.
"Khushi, wait" Chotey said, lowering his voice to a whisper. "Paani main leke aata hoon, tum jaake kapde change karlo"
It was only when Khushi let out a loud gasp and fled that Devyani noticed. And in spite of everything, she found herself chuckling softly.
How could she have imagined that this child would be a painful reminder of Garima and the tragedy that tore their family apart when in fact, Khushi had always reminded her of Ratna herself?
"Nani, aap baitiye" Chotey said, "I'll be right back"
He headed towards an arch behind which she could see a dining table.
All week she had been building up the courage to do this. She had known it wouldn't be easy to see Chotey and Khushi bitiya after two months, given the circumstances they had parted under and also what she wanted to talk about. But she hadn't expected to faint.
She had meant to seek their forgiveness and ask for permission to enter their home.
She got to her feet unsteadily and made her way towards the door.
"Nani, what're you doing?"
She heard Chotey's voice behind her.
He came up to her and taking her hand, tried to lead her back to the sofa.
The brown colour of his eyes had been Devyani's biggest fear, that one day he would turn out to be his father's son. She had even accused him of it in the past. But here he was, proving to her and the world that in the depth of his heart, he was Ratna's son.
"Naniji" Khushi said, appearing in the living room clad in her cotton salwar.
How could she have misjudged them both so?
In seeing a vision of her daughter, Devyani had seen the graveness of her own mistake and perhaps, the futility of her visit.
For if she now believed them to be cut from the same cloth as her Ratna, she knew she wouldn't be able to change their minds.
"Hume yihaan nahi aana chahiye tha" she whispered, "Hume jaane dijiye"
"Nani, what are you saying?" Chotey said, not letting go of her hand. "Aapki tabiyath theek nahi hai, please bait jaiye"
She tried to protest but she wasn't strong enough to match her grand-son's voice or strength when he directed her to the sofa.
He handed her the glass of water, sitting down on the center table in front of her.
Giving in to the needs of her aging body, Devyani took a sip.
"Nani, ghar pe sab theek toh hai?" Chotey asked.
Looking at Khushi standing behind him, fidgeting nervously, Devyani felt her resolve crumbling.
That blessed child was actually worried that she was the one upsetting her Naniji.
Sobbing, Devyani shook her head.
"Ghar ma sab theek kaisan ho sakath hai, Chotey?" she said, "Jab ghar ka beta aur bahu ghar chod diye, toh sab theek kaisan ho sakath hai? Kuch theek nahi hai, kuch theek nahi hai"
She saw them exchange a look and the tears pooling in Khushi's eyes.
How could she explain what was wrong?
On the surface, everything seemed alright. Back to normal even.
Sumi had returned to the ashram a week ago, pleased that she had accomplished the mission of restoring Damaadji to his rightful place. And Damaadji hadn't waited longer than a day after her departure to head off for some 'zaroori kaam'.
Devyani shuddered to think of what that evil man might be upto. And Anjali bitiya, she thought, her heart sinking at how her grand-daughter was burying herself under puja-paat and satsang to protect the delusion of her happy marriage. She was hardly ever at home these days.
No, things were not alright. The family she had single-handedly built and nurtured had fallen apart before her eyes.
"Nani" Chotey said, taking her hand in his. "Please, sambhaliye apne aap ko"
"Hum jaanath hai" Devyani continued, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Humre ghar ma jo sab hui raha, uke liye doshi bhi hum hi hai. Hum aapan parivaar ko ek saath jode rakhe me nakamyab rahe, ihiliye aaj ee din dekhna padi hai"
"Naniji" Khushi said, finally coming to sit beside her. "Aisa mat kahiye, iss sab me aapki koi galathi nahi hai"
Devyani took Khushi's hands in hers.
"Hume maaf kar dijiye, bitiya. Jo yihaan nahi hai, jo barson pehle hume chodke chal diye ooke gham me jo yihaan, humre saath hai, hum ooke kadar karna bhula gaye"
Khushi looked utterly dismayed.
"Naniji, kaisi baaten kar rahi hai aap? Aisa mat kahiye." she said, wiping her eyes. Sniffing, she said, "Buaji kehthi hain ki jo umr me bade hain, agar voh kisi chote se maafi maange toh paap lagtha hai. Aap humare paap chadaana chahthi hai kya?"
Devyani stared at Khushi's indignant expression for a few seconds and couldn't help smiling.
Khushi hugged her again and this time Devyani hugged her back, praying to Devi Maiya to bless this precious child with all the happiness in the world.
Over her shoulder, she saw Chotey. He was blinking rapidly, one side of his lips twitching upwards as he watched his wife with adoration written all over his face.
"Naniji, ab iss paap ko hataane ka ek hi tareeka hai" Khushi said, pulling back. "Hume aapki seva karne ka mauka dena padega"
Devyani wiped her eyes, shaking her head at Khushi's words.
"Aapko nashthe ke liye rukna padega" Khushi said, her face lighting up with excitement. "Aaj hum aapke liye puri aloo banaenge! Aapko pata hai Arnavji hume puri aloo banane hi nahi dete. Cornflakes kha khake hum kitne duble ho gaye hain, dekhiye na"
Half-laughing, Devyani started to decline but Khushi spoke again.
"Nahi, hum aapki ek baat nahi sunenge" she said, huffing. "Aur fir hume aapko humara ghar bhi toh dikhana hai, aapko rukna hi padega. Arnavji, aap kahiye na"
Chotey turned to her, "Please Nani, ruk jaiye. It would mean a lot to us"
Devyani looked from one hopeful face to the other and didn't have the heart to refuse.
Fighting her tears this time, she remembered Akash telling her that Khushi bitiya had taken up her dabba service again and that she went to the office with Chotey every morning.
As it is, she had arrived without invitation or notice, she didn't want to intrude upon their lives even more.
"Aap dono ko kaam pe jaane ma deri ho jaegi" she said, patting Khushi's arm. "Hum kono aur din aaenge"
Khushi started protesting at once but Chotey looked like he had just remembered something. He glanced up at the clock and admitted that they did indeed have a meeting with a catering company.
"Aap sambhal lijiye na, Arnavji" Khushi said, "Hume aaj Naniji ke saath rehna hai"
Looking faintly surprised, Chotey asked for a private word.
"Hum abhi aate hain" Khushi said, standing up to follow him. "Naniji, hume aapse dher saari baaten karni hai"
Devyani nodded and sat back with a deep sigh.
In the few minutes she was alone, she couldn't help but notice how the subtle balance of their relationship was reflected in their home.
Where the furniture was plain and elegant, the upholstery was bright. On one corner of the living room was an intricately carved lamp-shade and at another, a telephone stand covered with a colourful bandhini table cloth. One wall had a large painting that Devyani supposed cost a fortune while on another hung haphazardly arranged photo frames.
She stood up to take a closer look. The biggest one in the center was a family photo taken at Akash and Payal's wedding. For some reason, Khushi bitiya was holding her bangle-clad wrists in Chotey's face while he wore a look of indulgent exasperation.
Devyani couldn't help smiling thinking of how the two people in love were most frequently the last two people to know.
"Naniji, chai" Khushi said, interrupting her thoughts of how Anjali bitiya and she had been right on the mark in their suspicions.
Taking the cup from Khushi, she perused some of the more recent photos and found her gaze drawn to one in particular.
Khushi bitiya was wearing a net saree in red, embellished with delicate flower patterns in strands of silver. And Chotey had abandoned his depressing shirts for a matching bright red one beneath his black suit. They were standing against the ruins of an ancient stone building.
"Yeh Bali me li thi" Khushi said, following her gaze as a small blush crept into her features.
"Bahut khoobsurat tasveer hai bitiya" Devyani said.
"Voh jagah hi bahut khoobsurat hai Naniji" Khushi said, launching into a lengthy tirade about a tour guide who had tried to fleece them.
Laughing Devyani was about to ask Khushi for a copy of the photo to keep for herself when Chotey re-appeared, dressed for work.
"Bus ek-do ghante ka kaam hai Nani, main jaldi aa jaunga" he said.
Even though he didn't say it, Devyani understood that he was asking her to wait until then. But before she could reply, Khushi cut in.
"Aap aaram se jaake aiye, hume Naniji se akele me bahut baaten karni hai" Khushi said, and turned to Devyani. "Voh kya hai na Naniji, do mahine se humne kisise Arnavji ki shikayath nahi ki. Amma aur Buaji toh hamesha apne Damaadji ki tarafdaari karthe hai, humari baat pe koi vishwas hi nahi kartha"
"Don't believe a word she says Nani" Chotey said, narrowing his eyes at Khushi. "Aap toh jaanthi hai kitna drama karthi hai"
"Drama?" Khushi shrieked, "Hum drama karthe hai?"
Devyani couldn't help laughing as they continued to bicker all the way to the door.
When she realised that all of a sudden their voices were hushed, she turned away hastily.
Her eyes were drawn to that photo again. Chotey's off-center smile in place, he had a look of placidity that she hadn't seen on his face in years. And Khushi bitiya was just glowing in his arms.
After enduring so much strife, they had built this life for themselves. Putting their past behind them, they were trying to find happiness once again.
And Devyani found herself wanting their happiness more than her own, more than her desire to see the family together again before her time came.
Yes, she had apologised and they had forgiven her. Yes, with Sumi and Damaadji gone, it felt like an appropriate time.
But she couldn't do it, she resigned herself to living with whatever glimpses to their life they were kind enough to provide.
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