Being Single isn't a Curse

Tap, Tap, Tap, the sound of the pen in her hand making those small noises wasn't enough to calm her mind. She was tired of fighting the battle with no acceptance.

"So what is your plan for the big day?" Fathima Khan, her best friend of twenty years, spoke up from her cubicle as if she didn't know Sneha hated to be reminded of that day.

"To disappear from the world, maybe go and live on an island away from everyone. Just imagine how horrible my life would be once I get past that day, it's unbearable even now, and I can't imagine how it will be once I turn 30." Sneha replied back, feeling the frustration rising in her mind all over again.

"Did you fight with your parents again?" her best friend asked when she finally noticed her telltale signs of anger.

"Mom gently reminded me, that a distant relative's son wants to marry me, he is hopelessly in love you see from the moment he saw my picture," Sneha answered back, her mother never raises her voice towards her, unlike her father.

But Sneha expects her mother to understand her reluctance to marry better than anyone else. How could she wish her own daughter to get trapped in a marriage just like her?.

"Why won't you even try Sneha, who knows you may even find someone like Rashid when my papa asked me to marry him, you know how terrified I had been, but now we get along well enough," her friend answered back. Because, unlike Sneha, her friend married the person, her parents choose for her.

"Because I don't want to marry Fathima. How many times I have to say the same sentence for you to believe in it," she answered and left her cubicle, because she didn't want to be the person who shouted at her pregnant friend.

She went to the cafeteria to get caffeine to counter-attack, her headache which was maybe the result of her getting older each passing day, or the fact she disliked being viewed as an alien by even those who were supposed to understand her.

And her back luck struck again! The cafeteria was full, except for a single chair, and the chair opposite it was already occupied. So she felt the need to ask his permission before invading his privacy, and she was surprised when the person turned out to be her immediate boss.

Sneha liked order and so maintained distance with her boss and followed the hierarchy of the office structure, that they have never had a personal conversation with each other, so she was content to sip her coffee in peace until his voice called out to her.

"Why are you still single?" he asked, and she wanted to pour the coffee straight on his face but barely held her anger as she gripped the cup harder and turned towards him. With a fake smile, she lashed back at him.

"Why did you get divorced from your wife?" She asked back, she wasn't proud of her behavior, but she hated that question so much that it brought her worst side out.

"I asked the question first?" he answered back calmly, making her furious at his blatant disregard for her anger.

"Because being single isn't a curse, just because I don't want to marry and share my life with someone, just because I don't want to find someone to love, just because I am content to be single doesn't mean I am wrong or cursed." She answered back, letting him see her outburst.

Everyone had a reason for her reluctance to marry. For her family, the reason was her father. He was a bully of the worst kind. While he hadn't raised his hand against her mother or her yet, he raised his voice every single day, and he had been the first seed that made her bitter towards marriage. Possibly true, Sneha wasn't blind that her reluctance stemmed from witnessing the unhappy marriage of her parents, but it wasn't the only reason for her choice. 

Sneha may hate her father, another thing, the world judges her for not being loyal towards the man who raised her. In truth, he doesn't deserve the few words she talks to him, but she was tied down by society and her mother to share the same house with him.

Because a single girl, can't stay away from home for a long time. She wanted to stay in a hostel once she got a job, but her parents decided that they will move in with her because they are too old to live alone, and yet they expect her to be married and leave them for the sake of society.

The irony of their words never ceased to amuse her; she was chained to be their daughter most times, not out of love, but out of duty. Another reason she refused to marry because Sneha didn't want kids, another social taboo; because how can a woman not want to have a child of their own. Society failed to see it is quite possible for someone not to want a kid, as well.

" If I didn't marry your father, I wouldn't have had you as my daughter, " her mother's favorite argument.

" You need someone to look after you when you get old, now in your young age you think you can brave the world alone but when you get old and sick, only your children will be there to take care of you "  was her maternal grandmother's favorite argument, even when she was in old age home because her only daughter married a monster who had no patience to take care of his mother in law.

But the real reason she didn't marry was that she didn't want to get married. When she was at an age where everyone was keen to have a boyfriend,  she had been an outcast often because she didn't have a boyfriend. Because Sneha didn't share their eagerness to find the soulmate they all claim to have met only to break up within few months. 

Some assumed it was because she hated boys and preferred girls, anything to explain her rejections to date them,  the simple fact she wasn't interested failed to reach their mind as they tried to find a reason to explain her disinterest.

And even back then, she didn't find it in her to do something to gain their approval, she had nothing against people who fall for their own sex, and she wasn't going to change their mind by doing something she didn't want to, just to clarify her reason for not getting married. Even if it just a date or two to stop the gossips around her. 

The world assumed Sneha's reason was her lack of interest in men and gossiped about it behind their doors. The first time her father heard about it, he came close to hitting her for spoiling his name and that he couldn't show his face to the world because of his daughter.

Her father was a proud man when he had nothing to be proud of; he never shared his salary with his wife but spent it on them in his mistress and alcohol, he would buy a car one day to sell it in a month to buy something else.

He spent without care, and the responsibility of household expenses, and her education fell on her mother's shoulders. She hated that her mother was expected to pay off his debts when she had been working and now the responsibility had fallen on her.

She still can't forget her father's defense to the world for his debts "I had taken the loan to pay for my daughter's college fees of 15 lakhs, the interest multiplied and turned into the huge number, "

The truth had been that her entire four years of college, the fees had been 40000 per year, and it had been her mother who paid it out of her savings and loan, yet her father took the credit easily because the world believes the one who shouts his lies.

So when she first resigned from a job, which she earned during a campus interview, he blamed her for destroying his plans to buy a bigger house and car by taking a loan from her name.

And she had been on the other side of his rants for the mere two months she had been at home without a job because yet again, he couldn't show his face outside. After all, people ask him about his daughter's lack of a job all the time.

When she got a job, the first thing he wanted to know was the salary amount. As if, it was all he cared about; not if his daughter liked the job or what is the job but how much will you earn.

The concept of not liking your parent is taboo; if you even uttered a word against them,  everyone turns against you, telling you how justifiable their parents are because they gave birth to you and gave you food and shelter.

So no one raises their voices anymore, fearing that their emotions will be belittled by society. Because the world never stands on the side of someone different from them.

The world calls her aloof to her own parents, and when she claims she didn't want to marry, the world calls her a fool, but Sneha refuses to let them change her mind.

Because in the end not marrying was her choice, not anyone else's and she was too lost in her thoughts that she forgot about her boss, who had been silent, till now.

" I got a divorce because my parents forced me to get married in the first place when I didn't want to, and I took the first chance to escape from the trap, even if it comes at the price of seeing my wife with someone else in our bed.

Not being single isn't a curse. You can shout it to the world, but people won't accept it. Others around you will only find fault in your logic that some of us want to be single.

My parents didn't understand when I told them, ten years ago, that I am not capable of being a good husband to someone. I tried to be one, though. But I won't blame my wife for falling in love with someone else. Because instead of anger, I only felt relieved when it ended. Do you know why I am always the first to come and last to leave; it not because I am a workaholic, it because I want to avoid my mother's suggestions of alliances for my second marriage," he spoke up and left her lost with her thoughts.

He showed her, that underneath the human masks, which we wear every day against the society taunts, we are all somewhat similar as well. Fighting the society and yet longing to be part of it at the cost of your happiness.

Her Boss was the bravest person she knew yet even he faltered under the expectations of his parents. The weight she felt suffocating her from the expectations of her parents and the society broke free at the realization that the world won't change, no matter what, and if she waited for their acceptance, it will only wear her out.

Sneha had wanted someone to tell her it is okay if she didn't want to get married, a friend, her mother. anyone would do. But their constant opposition got to her as she feared the future where it would follow her until she died, and yet today for the first time, Sneha realized maybe it is okay if no one gets her, as long as she was true to herself.

She was determined not to let anyone weigh her down by their words or force her to change the path she choose to follow.

Trying to remain single won't be recorded as an achievement in history; she probably would be termed as a spinster, as if being unmarried was a fault. But she refuses to let society dictate her terms, and even if she was an outcast, she refuses to bend to their whims and rules. 

 P.S: " The End, Let me know your thoughts and Feedbacks.  "  

Author Note

First of all, I am not against Marriage, but I am against marriages that were forced upon by society or the outcast tag that follows those who aren't married because it is expected of them. I believe that everyone gets to choose their future, while we all claim to be more modern with our thoughts, we still continue to judge anyone who defies the social norms by being different. And in this case, I just wanted to write something a bit different, we all are shaped by our experience and every decision we make towards our future is dependent on it and it is not fair to claim we know better than them by belittling other's choice just because it is not something common to you.

Juanita Reid

Credit: @oye_nakhrewaali for Beta Reading this One-Shot.

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