Chapter Nine

Arnav looked about the office with a sense of trepidation he had last felt in his childhood, when his parents had been called into the principle’s office. Only this time it had been Khushi’s doctor and he had no idea as to what to expect. There had been little improvement in her behaviour and, as what was usual with Khushi, she had remained as unobtrusive as possible. With a lump firmly lodged in his throat,and the knowledge that whatever had prompted Doctor Govender to call him in could have a far more devastating impact on his life than the rebuke he’d received from his parents, he anxiously awaited the man’s arrival.

The door opened to admit Doctor Govender and Arnav rose from his seat. He folded his hands in response to the doctor’s greeting.

“Please, Mister Raizada, retake your seat,” The man gestured to the vacant chair as he continued. “I have just been conversing with one of my colleagues on your wife’s case.”

Arnav’s body went rigid as he demanded, “What happened?” without taking a seat.

The doctor held up his hands in a calming gesture and said, “Please, relax, your wife is in good health. Nothing has happened to threaten that. I do however want to discuss some matters with you.”

“Such as?” Arnav demanded.

The doctor again gestured to the seat as he settled behind his desk. Arnav resettled with visible scepticism he glared at the doctor.

The doctor calmly continued, “ I will be honest enough with you and state that our greatest concern at the moment is the fact that even though your wife has shown some marked improvement, by which I mean she has actually started to take an interest in things happening around her, the time lapse is concerning.”

With obvious concern, Arnav demanded, “What do you mean?”

“It has been more than two weeks since her return home and by all circumstances she should have at least started to interact with people around her. But she remains a silent and passive observer.”

A visibly concerned Arnav demanded, “So?”

“To speak frankly and honestly, we don’t know.” The man’s words left Arnav cold. “By all estimations, Missus Raizada should have experienced some level of integration.,At the very least she should have shown some interest in activities she enjoyed in the past.”

“Khushi has always been more considerate of others than herself.”

“Human nature in itself is selfish. It is only with nurture that we learn to take care of the needs of others.

“What the?”Arnav demanded.

“It means that before Missus Raizada can take care of others, her own needs and desires will demand attention – and this is not happening. One is compelled to look out for oneself, it –”

Arnav firmly cut in, demanding,“What are you actually saying? Because the Khushi I know is the most loving and forgiving person alive.”

Doctor Govender held up his hands in the hope of calming Arnav. “Please let me finish.”

Arnav gestured for the man to continue.

“What I’m trying to say is that there’s something far more somber at play here than simple trauma.”

Arnav turned cold and hesitantly asked, “What do you mean?”

“Had it been simple trauma we would have seen some progress. But we have not seen any progress, nor has she made any, which means that we have to consider other options.”

Fear gripped Arnav at the thought that Khushi may have to undergo treatment that could harm the baby. “I won’tallow it, what if it’s too dangerous.”

Calmly Doctor Govender continued,“Perhaps you should first hear me out before jumping to conclusions.” A visibly agitated Arnav again indicated for him to continue. “What we are looking at involves your cooperation.”

“And what is that?” Arnav demanded.

“Up until now we have been unable to determine whether your wife suffered any damage to her long or short term memory, and the fact that she’s not reacting in any predetermined or predictable manner only complicates matters. The only thing we have been able to determine is that her large and fine motor skills have not been affected.”

“Which means what?” Arnav demanded.

“She is capable of seeing to her own immediate needs and taking care of her routine matters. It means that that particular part of her brain has not been affected by whatever she is suffering. She may be traumatized but not petrified, as we initially thought.”

“How is that different?”

“This means we can attempt some procedures without the fear of inhibiting her natural reactions.”

“And if they hurt her?” Arnav demanded.

“They are simple and aught not make any impact on her current condition.”

Hesitantly Arnav asked, “So what do you propose we do now?”

“This is where your contribution becomes imperative because we want to try and stimulate or trigger some memories and or emotions.”

Arnav instantly challenged, “But last time you said that we should not place any pressure on her to remember things.”

“Yes I know and that has not changed,” Doctor Govender quickly replied. “We don’t want to force her to remember anything, because memories are unique to individual experiences and forcing her to accept another’s version could do more harm than good. She will feel manipulated and could then question her own mind and reject everything outright.” Doctor Govender remained silent for several long moments to allow Arnav to mull over matters, then continued, “Missus Raizada will have to decide the pace, but we would like to increase the probability of her responding to stimulation.”

Arnav remained silent for several long moments before replying, “And just how do we do that?”

Doctor Govender cleared his throat before continuing. “As her husband you would be familiar enough with important moments that happened in her life.”

Frustrated, Arnav replied, “But you particularly said not to force her to remember things,so how will this help?”

The doctor held up his hand in the hope of calming Arnav. “We don’t want you to tell her about the events, but ifit is possible, we would like you to take her to the various locations and share what you remember of the events. Share your memories with her.”

Arnav looked at the man, stunned,demanding,  “And how is that supposed to help?”

“We are hoping that this might encourage her enough to remember her own experiences and in such a way breakthrough the barrier her mind has constructed.”

Arnav looked at the doctor in disbelief, knowing that his and Khushi’s initial interactions were tainted predominantly with discord and irritation, and that even with hindsight there was very little of it he would willingly retell. “So just to get this straight,you want me to take her to places that hold meaning to both of us.”

“Yes.”

“But Khushi places meaning on the most mundane of things and events, how am I to know whether events or things hold the same meaning or significance to her?”

“You can’t, but she will understand what you feel.” The doctor held up his hands to silence Arnav. “It is not about the events themselves, but your intention. It is well known that actions speak far more than words. And from what I have learnt about your wife, from both you and your family, Missus Raizada is a very forgiving person who always considers what is right before acting.”

“Unless you’re her husband,” Arnav mumbled, then realized the meaning of the doctor’s words and quickly demanded,“You have spoken to my family about this? I implicitly said that no one other than me should know the details regarding her treatment.”

“Calm down Mister Raizada, I am bound by my oath to protect all personal information regarding Missus Raizada.”

“So what did you tell them?”

“Your grandmother and sister cameto speak with me and offered me information on Missus Raizada.” On noticing Arnav’s rising irritation, he added. “They only wanted to help.”

“Meaning?”

“I had some questions as to her personality and behaviour towards them and the family as a whole. And their answers made it obvious enough that Missus Raizada has no inclination towards deliberately causing undue concern to the family. She is not a dissatisfied or bitter daughter in law. Thus, whatever she is experiencing is real and no amount of medication will simply make the matter in her head disappear.”

“So you want me to take her to places where we shared…” Arnav had no idea as to what to say because, by all standards, he and Khushi were private people who avoided pushy, crowded situations. To many their choice of relaxation and time together would seem boring and uneventful.

“We all have particular moments in our relationships that come to mind when we remember people or events...” The doctor volunteered, “…perhaps you could focus on those.”

Arnav entire being went cold. He knew only too well that most of their memorable moments involved some negative aspect, which was not something he wanted to remind her of... Anjali’s accident on their engagement, even their wedding was tainted – and the last person he ever wanted to remind her of was Shaym.

When Arnav did not reply, Doctor Govender said, “You seem lost in thought. You have time to think it over, you need not answer me now or decide on anything.”

Arnav nodded.

“I would say two outings over the first week should suffice, we can reassess her condition when she comes in next week. If there is no change in her then we’ll consider other options.”

Later that evening Arnav sat by the poolside, staring his laptop. Work had simply been an excuse to escape everyone’s questions. He needed to think. His laptop had long since gone onto standby yet his thoughts were no closer to forming any cognisant plan, for he wanted to avoid any negative memories.

Suddenly the whole house went dark.His head shot up and he looked about in alarm, then shot up from his seat,fearfully calling “Khushi!” before heading inside and shouting “Hari-Prikash check the fuse!”

Arnav bolted into Khushi’s and came to a halt near the bed, it was empty. Panicked he looked about trying to identify and avoid colliding with things in the dark, “Khushi!” He had no idea if recent events had exacerbated her fear of the dark.

He found her cowering in the darkest corner, trying her best not to move or make a sound. “Khushi!’ he called as he reached out to her, placing his hand gently on her shoulder. His heart jolted then raced as she jerked from his touch. She moved from him and instinctively he reached to her and angrily shouted, “Khushi it’s me!” Without thought for reason or consequence he gathered her up and held her to him, “It’s alright Khushi, I’m here, you’re safe.”

He braced against her struggles and then just as suddenly she went still. He breathed a sigh of relief and then tried to move, only to have her press into him. He tightened his arms around her, drawing in a deep breath, he simply allowed the moment to engulf him, too long had passed since he had last held her close.

He could hear the others calling in the house but could not care, someone would see to the cause of the power outage. As it were, his head and his heart were at loggerheads, his head reminding him that he should back off, he should give her space… his heart refused.The passage of time brought inevitable discomfort with their position on the floor and he shifted with intention of moving them elsewhere. Instantly her body stiffened, causing his heart to leap into his throat anew. “Everything is alright Khushi, I’m just moving us.”

He felt her hands clench against his chest and fought the desire to emulate the action. Swearing to the Gods that he will find whoever hurt her, and would make them pay. He moved and sat down on the bed, determined to keep her in his embrace.

A few moments later a flickering light appeared at the doorway, with a subdued Anjali asking, “Is everything alright here, Arnav? ….Khushi?”

“We’re fine Anjali, you can go,just leave a candle.”

Anjali placed a candle on a nearby table and retreated, pulling the door shut behind her.

Arnav moved, his arms instinctively closing around Khushi to keep her close as he rose and then turned to lay heron the bed. As he moved back, he felt a familiar resistance. He glanced down at her hand, which held a section of his shirt. He reached for it, covering her hand with his before shifting his gaze to her eyes.

“I’m right here Khushi, I’m not going anywhere.” He then pulled her hand away gesturing to the other side of the bed, “We’ll go to sleep, the others can sort out the power issue.

Her eyes followed him as he made his way to the other side of the bed, then settling and drawing up the blanket over them. He took hold of her hand but ensured that there remained a distance between them. “Go to sleep Khushi, I’ll keep you safe.”

He waited until he was certain that she was asleep, and then flicked the light switch to ensure she was not startled awake once the power came on again, before extracting himself from the room.

It was only in the safety of their room that here leased a frustrated yet soundless scream. The emotional and physical separation from her was physically excruciating. Yet the small increments of bliss they shared always seem shadowed by importunate moments of torture.