FF - The Truth and Aftermath - Completed- Last Part Pg15 - Page 5

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Preeti.xo thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
#41
Ahhh she's gone. I'm glad she's gone. He needed that realisation that she can also leave him and he shouldn't take her or her friendship for granted. Can't wait to see what's up next.
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Posted: 6 years ago
#42
@riti4u, Excellent fifth part! You have me trying to fetch new compliments to give you each time since your writing keeps getting better. Initially I didn't think I would like this part the most because it is on the melancholic side, but it actually ended up being my favorite part in the entire story so far just because of the way you wrote every scene. I guess I am a sucker for emotional intensity even though sadness prevails.

I'm also pleasantly surprised by how sweet and understanding you made Ridoy. If only he actually ends up being like this on the show, though I highly doubt it. I loved every bit of this part; the Shantanu-Ridoy emotional conversation, Shantanu's temporary joy of finally being able to unite with Puchki to his discovery of Puchki's letter and emotional turmoil. The letter was bang on and left the impact it was meant to.

Now I can't wait see what Shantanu's next move is. I'm sure you have something even better planned next. Please update soon as you left us on a cliffhanger!


Edited by bs123 - 6 years ago
riti4u thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
#43

Originally posted by: bs123

@riti4u, Excellent fifth part! You have me trying to fetch new compliments to give you each time since your writing keeps getting better. Initially I didn't think I would like this part the most because it is on the melancholic side, but it actually ended up being my favorite part in the entire story so far just because of the way you wrote every scene. I guess I am a sucker for emotional intensity even though sadness prevails.

I'm also pleasantly surprised by how sweet and understanding you made Ridoy. If only he actually ends up being like this on the show, though I highly doubt it. I loved every bit of this part; the Shantanu-Ridoy emotional conversation, Shantanu's temporary joy of finally being able to unite with Puchki to his discovery of Puchki's letter and emotional turmoil. The letter was bang on and left the impact it was meant to.

Now I can't wait see what Shantanu's next move is. I'm sure you have something even better planned next. Please update soon as you left us on a cliffhanger!



Thank you so much for your kind words😊, I am glad you loved this part so much.. you described gist of chapter well.. I wanted to show that temporary joy of Shantanu before Puchki's letter.. I am glad that you caught that.. it was a deliberate attempt to have impact of letter more..
riti4u thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
#44

Originally posted by: Preeti.xo

Ahhh she's gone. I'm glad she's gone. He needed that realisation that she can also leave him and he shouldn't take her or her friendship for granted. Can't wait to see what's up next.


Thanks dear. 😊 , yes the last lines of chapter were for that realisation for Shan.. that not only he can break a promise.. others can break too..
riti4u thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
#45

Originally posted by: tranquilmelody

Great update yaar. In today's epi when Asmita told Shan that no husband sends his wife to another man I was thinking 'you are forgetting your father' Its great to see you comparing her father & Shan, its true ain't it, though his intention is love for his bro his act is similar to her dad's. Super!


Thank you dear 😊, I felt that comparison so apt.. I wish in show also makers do this comparison.. however chances are very rare..considering where they are taking story too..😆
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Posted: 6 years ago
#46

Originally posted by: cuteariya

I'm overwhelmed with this chapter

This is what I wanted asmita to take stand for her self respect
Even it will kill her leaving shantanu but she chose her respect this time
Now shantanu will realize how much he broke puchki
Finally ridoy understood shantanu asmita love & accepted
Shantanu thought ridoy will hate him but he got his loving brother
Now it's shantanu time to get punishment for breaking puchki
Hope now puchki will be more strong
Plz continue soon can't wait long for another chapter


Thank you for liking it so far dear.. Next chapter will just have base for redemption track to start.. 😊
riti4u thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
#47

Note - This was a difficult chapter to write.. as I had to imagine and reimagine a lot.. This chapter is base for future chapters thus emotions wise it may not cater much.. I have just taken a leap of 1 year from the time Shantanu recieved the letter.. This one year what happened .. i have given the gist.. and thus this chapter is having a story in fast forward mode especially part of Kolkata and Majumdar house.


Part 6

A Year passed by...

Mumbai

A Press official wanted to interview the new sensation of town Crime Bureau, Special Investigation Officer Ms Asmita Kumari. In Past one year of her service in Mumbai, She was credited with many raids onto red light area saving the lives of little girls as well as young girls forcefully sold in market for flesh trade. Her name was enough to send shivers down the spine of Flesh trade mafia in town. There were several attempts made at her life and thus she had adequate security cover around. As she arrived in her office, all officers stood up in respect as she commanded great respect among her team. Though her gentle nature had impressed her colleagues, Asmita had always maintained a professional relationship with them. Nothing more and nothing less, she was just pure professional and stern Commanding Officer of this special branch of Mumbai Police.

Ma'am there is press journalist who wants to interview you. Her Assistant Jay told her hesitantly as she asked him for updates.

You know I don't give interviews apart from press conferences on the cases we cover. Tell him that I don't give personal interviews. She was stern enough for Inspector Jay to not repeat the request laid by Press official.

I told you she won't do it. She doesn't like to give any interviews. Forget interviews she doesn't like to even socialize with people. Jay kind of giving some extra information for that curious journalist who was asked to leave empty handed.

Why is she so cold? I just wanted an interview... He mumbled some more... Amusing the officers present there and allowing them to have one more gossip session on their favorite topic - Asmita Ma'am.

No one actually knew much about her apart from the fact that she lived with her father. A Government flat was allotted to her on her achievements as facilitation by Maharashtra Government and she recently moved there with her old father who was quite unwell in past few months. They had nurses to take care of him and all amenities provided but it was something else bothering Old Man. He had seen it all in past one year how his little Puchki had tried to move on in life but her memories had kept haunting her as nightmares at night... She used to be so lively and cheerful but now she was someone else. She thought she was punishing someone else but her Pathan Baba knew that she was suffering all along in that silence that had now become a norm in their house. He missed watching her smile and hearing her laughter. It wasn't dealing with hard core criminals day and night but her closing door of her heart for even friendship, forget about love that had made her harder. She was just doing her duties probably and not living her life.

Pathan Baba laid a hand on his Puchki's head as she was looking into emptiness out of the window, in her own thoughts.

She smiled for her baba but that smile didn't reach those eyes as her Baba noticed as he blessed her and wished that her Durga Ma would do some wonder to make her believe in love again and He would see her Puchki living her life fully with that laughter that was like his favorite song from childhood.

Kolkata

Dadi Bua entered Shan's room in Majumdar house. It was a norm for her every morning. His room would bring back memories of her Shan. She had seen him here that very day almost a year back breaking down like a child in her lap after reaching back home from Puchki's house. Afterwards everything changed in that house, Shan could not afford then to cry on his fate and his loss. He had to fulfill all his duties as a son and as a brother. Arindam was fine in few months and Sir was pleasantly surprised to see Ridoy working as second fiddle to his Shan Dada in recovering from losses that had engulfed the company in past few months. His Dadi Bua was proud of her Shan as he took on upon himself to bring joy back into Ridoy's life. Ridoy had grown up pretty soon and he had his Shan dada for all his support and now his dad had also started showing love that he never received before... Shan had brought both father and son closer.

Dadi Bua recalled how many times she had seen her Shan breaking from inside while keeping a smile for his family. It has been few months that she had seen him last as He had left Majumdar's house forever. She still remembered that day when he was leaving. How everyone tried stopping him, unwanted adopted child of the house was now the man of the house who was needed in all regards, who had silently fulfilled all his duties till the very last day of the house. He pleaded his father Arindam and his Sir to let Ridoy take over everything that was in his name in Majumdar's house. Responsibilities on his shoulder would make him forget things and move on fast he had argued that night. Arindam was in tears as he looked at her son- Shan what about your right?

Arindam was feeling guilty already for his inability to do anything for Shan and Chanda and now Shan's decision had made him feel even worse. Sir tried to reason out with Shan too but Shan was a determined man this time. Ridoy was sleeping in his room and Shan had deliberately chosen this time to go away from his life forever.

If you want to do anything for me, then accept Ridoy with full heart and give him everything that belonged to me in this house... In our businesses and even in your heart... Give him my place Dad.

And what if he wants you too... Then... His dad tried his last attempt to stop Shan...

He will understand dad. But if I stopped now, I won't be able to face myself in mirror again. He looked at his dadi bua, only she could have understood...

Let him go Arindam.. His dadi bua vouched for him and blessed him as he took out those steps leaving behind the name that distanced him from his Puchki forever... He came as Shantanu in that house and was leaving as Shantanu again...!

Edited by riti4u - 6 years ago
Semeira thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
#48
Woaaw👏
That chapter was brilliant...maybe the best for me in all those you have already written..i can easily imagin this happening in the show...your writing is so fresh nd so realistic😃

Keep it up😊
cuteariya thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
#49
This is just wow I don't have any words to describe how amazing u wrote dear
Puchki was breaking from inside
She was changed so much stopped believing in love & friendship
Now she has become tough cop & have only professional relationship with her colleagues
Pathan baba is really worried for her seeing her close her heart
On the other hand shantanu did all his duties complete
Brought both dad & ridoy closed
Ridoy also grown up in this 1 yrs & became responsible
Oh god shantanu left majumdar mansion & once again live his life as shantanu like before
Continue plz
bs123 thumbnail
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Posted: 6 years ago
#50
Wooowww! Loved it once again! I actually have many many things to say this time, and sorry for the rambling in advance.

Firstly, I wanted to tell you that I think your writing is truly versatile. I really like how you used an omniscient POV to summarize everything that happened over the year in a concise, yet effective manner.

I can definitely say that all your effort paid off. Are you sure you have never taken a Creative Writing class before, or are you just a natural? You seem to always know when to shift POVs, include conversation, description, change tone, etc. to create the desired impact. I've read many fanfictions before, but I don't think I've ever paid as much attention to every word written as I have with yours. I usually tend to focus more on the combined scenes of the main protagonists, but that is not the case with your story.

Though different from the others, this part is superior in its own way. There aren't as many emotions on the surface, as you mention, but you still feel the underlying currents anyway, and that is your success as a writer!

You know what, if you find the idea appealing, I think you should send this to the CVs. Your writing is far superior in my opinion and it may even give them some ideas for future tracks and a gist of what the fans expect. Who knows, they may even use parts of it. I've indeed seen it happen on other shows where ideas from india forums have been directly used, but I believe those CVs regularly visit india forums, which I don't think is the case for the CVs of YTG. I don't know if anyone on this forum has tried contacting the CVs or the production house Cinevistas, but you could surely give it a shot if you like the idea. I think you could also publish this story on Wattpad to gain more visibility.

And finally, if there is any improvement at all that you can make to your writing, if you choose to send it (though I love it the way it is), it would probably be to include more Hindi dialogues. Yet, your writing is already so descriptive that I'm translating the lines to Hindi in my head as I read, so I never feel the lack of it, and I am sure all the other readers of this story feel the same. In fact, an interesting thing is that I was convinced that you had written Hindi dialogues until I went back and reread some parts, and was actually surprised that you had not. Lol!

Great job once again, and don't forget to update soon! I'm sure your next part will be even better. :)
Edited by bs123 - 6 years ago

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