OS on Surrogacy Track ft. the Fantastic Four

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Posted: 4 years ago
#1

Hi all,


I really don't like the writer's approach to the whole surrogacy track. I think they could've definitely introduced a little bit emotion/complexity for each of the fantastic four, rather than make Kuhu just a #villain. Meenakshi's negativity is enough for all of us - we don't need more drama. So I wrote a little story on how I'd wish it had been handled. Let me know what you guys' think!


P.S. This is the first story I've written so please excuse any mistakes. And the bad Hindi.


This takes place after Kuhu has left the Rajvansh house. Kunal is still angry at Kuhu for refusing the surrogacy option and leaving, but MishBir convince him that he must bring Kuhu back home.

They drive to Maheshwari house. On the way, Mishti explains to Kunal how to use the rope to access MishKu’s room. She enters Maheshwari house, to keep others occupied while Kunal talks to Kuhu. Abir is waiting outside in the car.

He sees Kunal enter MishKu’s room and can see both Kuku’s shadow. It looks like they both are arguing. He starts hearing their raised voices.

A (in car): Arrey, lagta hai ki Nanko cheezin ko aur bigad raha hain! Aur agar ye chaalta raha, puri Maheshwari house ki bata chalega ki Kunal aaya hai. Aur tab usko kohi nahi bacha sakta. Lagta hai mujhe kuch karna padega.

He exits the car and starts uses the rope to get to the balcony. He hears Kuhu and Kunal arguing inside.

(Note: K = Kuhu, N= Kunal)

N: Kuhu, tum itna zid kyun kar raahi ho? Kya tum bhai aur Mishti ko help nahin karna chati? Maine aaj tak itna selfish insaan nahi dekha!

K: Hashtag, enough Kunal! Main kya hoon, kya chati hoon, tujhe nahi bata!

N: Aur mujhe samaj na bhi nahi chathi hoon!

Abir enters.

A: Nanko, bas kar….

N: Bhai? App yahan kya kaa rehin hai?

A: Tumhein yahaan iss liye lekar aaye taki tum cheezein sudaarein, but lagta hain….

N: Bhai please, app please jaayien idar se. Is selfish insaan ko baat karein se kuch hone wala nahin hain. Hum kud hi handle kaar saaktein. *He walks toward Abir*

A: Tum ja Nanko. Mujhe apni Bro se baat karni hai.

N: Bhai….

A: Jao.

*Kunal exits the room, and goes to the balcony. But just as he’s able to get down, he sees Mishti and Bade papa come out to the garden below. * He decides to stay on the balcony until they pass. He hears Abir & Kuhu talking inside.

K: Bro, app please jao. Mai abhi bohot karab mood main hoon. And main tum ko hashtag pareshan nahin karna chathi hoon. Tum aur Mishti already itni problem main hain.

A: Theek kaha bro. Main aur Mishti already bohot problem main hain. Aur agar tum is surrogacy ki maan gayi, hum aur pareshaan hoenge. Main bohot kush hu ki tumne mana kardi

K: Par mujhe actually lagta hai ki maa theek hai.

A: What? What are you saying bro?

K: Mujhe lagta hain ki meri surroga bana hashtag best idea hain

A: To tum Kunal ko kyun mana kar rahi the?

K: Kyunki, mujhe iska taareikan galat lag rahi hain (his approac is wrong)

K: Bro, tujhe baata hain? Jab usse mujhe surrogate ki idea baata rahi tha, isne bola:

Soch Kuhu, kitni amazing idea hain! We can end all of Bhai and Mishti babhi’s problems! Hum un dono ki duniya ki saari kushinyaan de sakthey! Bas 9 mahine ka intezaar….or phir meri neice/nephew aa jaye gi! Or phir main usko saari toys dilwa dhoonga. Trips lay jhaoonga! Main world ki best uncle banooga!

Usne kabhi bhi nahi socha ya poocha ki in 9 mahinoo mein, mujhe kya honga. Mujhe kaise feel hongi

*Kunal overhears this while on the balcony outside, and starts introspecting….*

Tujha baata hain na, ki Kunal mujhe hashtag revenge ki liye shaadi kar liya tha. Aur is revenge ki chakar mein, mere pheli mahine Rajvansh house main hashtag bohot sad tein. Mujhe sughaat raat, mu dikhai, karva cauth in sab rituals ko enjoy nahin ki.

Aur abb meri pheli pregnancy bhi…..

A: Exactly! To tum iska kyun sacrifice karna chathi hoon?

K: Kunal ki kushi ke liye. Maa ki kushi ke liye. Aap dono ki Kushi ke liye. Agar mein surrogate banno, tho Maa ko apni waaris milege. Mishti or Aap ko apni baby milege. Hum saab kush hoenge!

A: Par kuhu….

K: Par mai expect kaarein thi ki, Kunal will be by my side during the pregnancy. Wo is period ko special bana donga, meri hashtag mood swings ko handle karke, meri hashtag cravings ko hamesha satisfy karega. I know baby hamara nahi rahega, par woh in special moments ko hamara bannna dega.

K: Lekin iski baat sunkar mujhe daar lag gaya. Main uski thoughts main thi hi naahin. Iski future duniya main tay hi nahin. Usko tho sirf app, Mishti, aur baby hi dikh rahi they. Aur ye dekh kar mujhe meri bachpan yaad aageyi. Mujhe yaad aagaya ki kaise mishti se aane par, sab ne mujshe ke diya ki main meri room, meri toys, meri bade papa/ bade ma uski saath karni padegi. Sab mishti ko comfortable kaar ne main busy the. Par kisi ne mujhe nahi pucha ki main theek hoon? Mujhe is change kaise lagi? Mujhe kuch zaroort hai?

*She starts crying!*

A: Bro please! Stop crying! He hugs her and comforts her. Aapko itni badi sacrifice karne ki kya zaroorat hai? Maa ko zid ki satisfy karnein ki liye, tum aur Kunal ki future kyun barbaad kar rahi ho? Maa ka gatiya soch ko kyun importance de rahi ho?

K: Mujhe Maa ki gatiya soch ko zyada Kunal ki smile ki chinta hai. Tu jaanti hai bro….Maa ki muh se woh bhoj waali baat ko sune ke baad, Kunal ke hasi kahin gayab ho chuki hain! Woh bohot hurt ho chuka hain. Mujhe baata ki woh saab ki liye kush hone ki hastag acting kar raaha hain. Strong hone ki acting kar raaha hain par……

Isliye, main nahin chathi ki koi bhi Kunal ko bhoj kaahein. Aur agar mere surrogate hone se Maa kush ho jaati hai, agar woh Kunal ko bhoj kehne baand kare toh yeh me surrogate bane ki liye tayaar ho. Mujhe bass iss hashtag drama khatam karna hai.

A: Per bro, kya guarantee hai ki Maa iss baat ko future mein nahi utahonge? Tu jaanti hai na, woh Kunal ki aasliyat lekar mujhe already backmail kar chuki hai.

K: Haan, but mujhe umeed hai ki meri sacrifice ki baad, Maa yeh baat dobara kabhi nahi uthahonge. Kyunki meri paas hashtag trump card hogi….

A: Bro… meri baat sun….main……-

K: Bro, please, iss baat ko aaj ke liye yehi khatam karte hain. Ladai kar karke hashtag meri headache ho raahi hain.

A: Ok no more sad talks! Arrey, main poochna hi bhul gaye: kha tum janti go ki tumhare latest insta post ko 1000 likes mil chuka hain?

K: Kya? Really? She checks her phone and gets super happy!

A: This calls for a selfie! Aur chocolate! *He pulls out her favorite chocolate and clicks a photo*

K: Apko yaad hain ki meri kis choclate pasand hai?

A: Main apni bro ki har baat yaad hai!

K: Thanks bro, mere night ko aap bohot special bana di. Ab aap jao, sab log aapki intezaar kar raha hongi, ghar mein.

A: Ok bro! Don’t worry, mein Kunal ko hashtag class lungi!

Abir leaves the room. The balcony is empty. He goes back to the car and is about to message Kunal when he sees his text on his phone.

N (Text): Bhai, kuch zaruri kaam aa gaya office mein so maine auto lekar office aa gayi hoon. Is problem ko resolve karke aapko ghar pe milenge.

A: Yeh Nanko bhi na!

Just then, Mishti comes.

M: Abir, bade papa aur bade ma ko shak ho chuka hai ki Kunal yahi hain. Aur woh log bohot gusse mein. Mujhe lagta hain ki hum logo ko ghar ki liye nikalane hi better rahega. Kal ek aur baar kohish kaartein hain.

A: Nanko ne already nikal chuka hain. Chalo ghar chaatein. *They leave*

When they arrive at Rajvash house, Abir asks Jugnu about Kunal. Jugnu tells Abir Kunal is in his room. Abir tells Mishti he needs to speak to Kunal alone. He heads toward his room

A: Abir knocks on the door and then opens it. Nanko? Tu andar hai?

*The room is dark, but Abir sees a figure in the far corner, with his back toward the door. He turns on the light*

N: *After the lights turn on, Kunal turns around. His eyes are red, its apparent that he’s been crying*

Bhai agar main aapko ek sawaal pochoo toh aap sachi sachi jawaab dengi?

A: Nanko, yeh kya haalat bana rakhi tune?

N: Bhai answer me. Kya aap mujhe sach baata dengi?

A: *Abir can see his brother is very upset. So he decides to humor him.* Haan, Nanko, bikul saach bolungi. Baata, kya baat hain?

N: Bhai, kya main acha beta hoon?

A: Of course Nanko -

N: Aur ek acha Bhai?

A- Bilkul

N: Aur ek acha pati?

A: *Abir is hesitant* Nanko, woh kya hain na…..

N: Main balcony main hi kaada tha. Maine aap dono ki baatein sun liya

A: Nanko….

N: Aur sach yeh hai ki main Kuhu ki deserve nahi karti kyunki main ek acha pati nahi hoon. Woh sab ki baare main sochi hai… Maa, Mishti, aap. Woh meri kushi ke liye apni sab kuch kurbaan karne ke liye tayaar hai. Aur main, uski feelings nahi samaj paayi? Main usse selfish kaha? He starts tearing up….

A: Tujhe baata hain Nanko, jab tum hospital se ghar me pheli baar aayi, Parul maasi ki saat, tu mujhe kehlte huye dekha, ek stuffed monkey ke saath. Aur tumahara dil us monkey pe aa gaya.

N: Bhai, aap ye story ke leke topic ko maat ghoomaiye….

A: Meri poori baat sun pehle!

Toh me ke raha tha: Tujhe us toy bohot pyaara laga. Maa mujhe share karne ko kaha. Par mein ready nahin tha. Woh aakrhi toy tha, jo me Baba ka saath kareeda tha. Toh iss baat se humare laadahi (fight) huye, aur tum gir gaya or tumhe bohot chot be aayi. Teri haath mein woh scar dikh rahi hain. Woh is laadahi (fight) ki nishaan hai.

N: Bhai, aap is puarane laadahi ki lekar itna pareshan kyun horahi hai? Ab aap, world ki best bhai ban chuki ho

A: Wohi toh main kaaye rahi hoon. Pehli mein ek achi bhai nahi thi. But dheere dheere main sek gaayi hoon, ki achi bhai ki matlab ka hota hain. Toh tujhe nahin lagta ki tum ek achi pati bana sek paoongi?

N: Bhai, mere shaadi ki ek saal ho chuke hain. Or main nahi aaj tak achi pati nahi ban saaka. Toh ab ka banoga?

A: Thank god Kuhu tere tara nahi sochti! Agar tera tara hota, toh iski love story shuru hone se hi khatam ho jate. Tujhe yaad hai, kitni baar woh teri taane sune? Teri nazargi jehle? Par end main teri pyaar haasil karli na?

Toh tu bhi ab try karle...achi pati award jeet ne ka!

N: Haan, aap theek kay rahi ho Bhai

A: *Grining* Main humesha theek hoon, Nanko!

Ja, ab usse maanle. Woh tera intezaar kar rahi hain. Aur jab tak woh maani nahin, wapas maat aaana

N: Haan Bhai, yehi theek hai. Aapki hero aa rahi hai Kuhu, tumko maana ne…. *He leaves*



END


P.P.S: I apologize for making Kuhu accept the surrogacy track, at least in part in the beginning. Wanted to zoom in to part of the conflict for this Os so I can try to do it justice. I do recognize that the demand is unfair to begin with, hoping to write another piece on it later perhaps

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tumhiho thumbnail
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Posted: 4 years ago
#2

Ahhhhh!! I just love it! How beautifully you considered all their feelings, their dilemmas! #speechless!

And special shoutout for the Nanko and Abir scene! I just loved the example that Abir gave him and how sweetly he explained to him that he’s not a lost cause, he can still try and make up for his mistakes.

And Kuhu’s inner thoughts and feelings were expressed so well and how sweetly Abir listened and cheered her up!!


A job well done, My friend!! ☺️😘

Edited by tumhiho - 4 years ago
fruityfairy02 thumbnail
Posted: 4 years ago
#3

Thanks for the kind words! 😊 Inspires me to write more

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Posted: 4 years ago
#4

If the surrogacy track was handled like this, we would have seen the shades of all the characters - their confusions and inner turmoils, their interpersonal relationships - this is so well written. <3

fruityfairy02 thumbnail
Posted: 4 years ago
#5

Thank you! Yes, I wish the writers would've taken time to USE the characters they've created rather than plug in useless formulas. But at least it gave me a chance to write this!

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