•| YRKKH One Shot: Penumbra |•

As he remained laid, slowly healing from the fatal wound under medical supervision and her soothing care, Armaan could not help but introspect about the past 32 years of his existence, the long repressed memories of him and his mother that he chased out because of guilt came rushing back: up until he was 7 his life was merry, though his father visited them weekly, it never casted a shadow over their joy. Infact he used to wait for his Papa to turn up, to play silly games with him and to do homeworks under his guidance. Back when life was simpler, and his tiny shoulders were unburdened of responsibilities... He was the brightest star of her mother's universe, she used to say, till she became a star herself and his days of joy faded into oblivion. He entered the Poddar Mansion one stormy night, clutching onto his father's sleeves, fearful. When a kind aunty, no... his Maa embraced him in her warmth, lulling him into a sense of security... She loved him, he could grasp, yet shadows behind her warm brown gaze was plain to see when she stared at his father accusingly. Armaan was 9½ when he first heard the term ‘b*st*rd’ and realised the meaning of it, after his innocent act of offering his Dadi Sa toffee upon the arrival of his younger sister made her lose her cool. Suddenly for the prepubescent, the prolonged absence of his father began to make sense and roots of anger and hurt started to branch its way in his tender heart. As he cried himself to sleep in Vidya’s lap that night, he vowed to win over the love of the big, beautiful family who was gracious enough to take him in. From that day onwards, the Armaan who lived before entering the Poddar Mansion bagan to choke under the piles of expectations he had to meet with, and slowly withered away. At the threshold of his 10th birthday, Armaan felt discarded and devastated, when he heard that his Dadi Sa plans to send him to Doon School, in Dehradun, for his studies. Is he that unwanted?, the poor boy thought bitterly. But then miraculously, Kaveri Poddar gave him a toffee and kissed his forehead saying she just wants him to shine bright and is proud of him. PROUD OF HIM! A B*ST*RD! His Dadi Sa is proud of him! Armaan felt overwhelmed and ecstatic that finally he was being accepted into the family and agreed to leave for Uttarakhand right away. Since that fateful day, every piece of candy he ever received from his Dadi Sa was his token of validation until it wasn't anymore... Armaan Poddar had lived most of his life shackled by the chains of gratitude showered upon at him, till again the same Uttarakhand that gave him his main educational prowess, bestowed upon him an angel whose turtle came into the windshield of his car, crashing. Thus, slowly breaking the chains that bind him, unbeknown to him back then. Abhira came into his life most unexpectedly, yet in her love he began to glow. The love that he chased for all his life was finally knocked at the door of his life when had given up hope. He stared at his Hulk Ki Mameri Behen who bravely risked her own life to save him from riot, operated on him to stop further bleeding, before dragging Dr. Rajarshi Dwivedi by his lapel to get him treated. His silly girl, who hadn't slept for a week to tend to his wounds, his Abhira whose love was so pure that it worked like a balm not just to his wounded chest, but to his injured existence as well. Just then, like a lofty wall, it crashed upon him that he doesn't deserve this pure, angelic soul whose light he snatched away in order to shine, threatening to knock him breathless.

“Khadoosmaan.... Kya hua? Dard ho raha hai? Armaan....” He could hear her panicked voice but couldn't respond as tears silently rolled down his eyes. Dr. Dwivedi was summoned again and then everything went blank.

He woke up feeling a wetness in his hand, craning his neck, Armaan saw his beta sleeping, clutching onto his sleeve, tremor and tears still rolling off her petite frame, and he felt his heart cracking again, this time for the young girl, who he knew had no one but him in this entire universe and suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place for Armaan Poddar. Yes, he is undeserving of her, and God knows, he wouldn't be deserving of her in a million lifetime, but for her he would try his hardest to be a version that can atleast reflect on her brightness and shine in content, a version who can confront his demons and fight them... knowing he has someone to tend to his injuries. For her he would learn to love himself, knowing even broken people can be loved. For her, he would learn to leave behind the shackles and fly. For her, he would try to become the man she deserves...

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[ I wrote this one shot when the article of India Forums on Armaan getting stabbed was out. This shot is based on my universe of the fanfiction on YRKKH4, that I am currently working on along with my older sister. ]