(This os isn't about Abhira or Akshnav. This isn't about bashing any character either. This is dedicated to Dr. Abhimanyu Birla and only him. If you're not a fan of him, please don't comment negative things.)
Os: Letting go.
He clutched his heart and tried to breathe in again..
Breathe in...
Breathe out...
Breathe in...
Breathe out...
That's it...
Slowly...
Very slowly...
He let go of his thoughts, feelings and took a deep breath.
The panic slowly subsided.
Who would have thought that he would get panic attacks!
The past six years and some months were beyond painful. It took a toll on him mentally.
He didn't know how he was even alive today, standing here when the thought of death lured him in for so long.
Oh, how much death fascinated him!
An eternal peace...
The thought of finally putting his painful heart that ached every second to rest...
How it would be so easy to give up this hell and just simply die...
But, he hadn't given into the lure of death. Yet....
His breathing evened out and he straightened up.
He discarded his coat and moved to the washroom nearby and splashed water on his face. Thankfully, the trembling of his hands stopped and he steadied himself.
He watched the droplets of water trailing down his face and let it distract him so he will forget about the phone call he just got.
He came out of the washroom and wiped his face with a towel.
The walls felt like closing in on him, trying to make him feel out of breath again.
He decided to move out of this room as it felt like suffocating him.
He nodded at the nurses and staffs who greeted him, not wanting to be rude.
He entered the lift which was only used for doctor's and staffs and pressed the button for the tenth floor, the top most floor. He was glad there was no one in the lift. He leaned against the lift and closed his eyes, not liking to be in closed space.
He had been in fifteen hour shift, back to back surgeries of three difficult cases and following them up till they were stable.
He was finally free from the duties for today....
As soon as he reached his cabin, he was ready to go back home and rest as the shift was overnight but noticed the number of missed calls from Arohi, Bade.. no, Mr. Manish Goenka and even his mom.
It was surprising...
How did Mr. Manish Goenka had gotten his number?
The lift dinged, indicating that he has reached the top floor. He exited it and took a few steps and found himself in his favorite spot..
The rooftop...
You can see the entire city from up here...
Dr. Abhimanyu Birla smiled despite everything as the view never failed to take his mind away...
Here, he can breathe again...
Abhimanyu let go of the tension and stress that had been building in him and looked at the sky with his hands extended...
It has been a year.
A year since he left Udaipur.
The day he had given up his son, Abhir to Akshara and Abhinav had mentally broken him down to pieces..
He had been on the verge of giving up his life.
None understood his pain...
No one cared about him genuinely.
He had broken his engagement with Arohi next day, explaining that he only saw her as a friend and that Ruhi was matured enough to understand that she have both of them even without marriage...
He had packed his things in a bag for a week stay and rode his bike without any destination...
A week turned into a month as he camped around, met strangers and just roamed around like a lifeless shell, living with nothing but emptiness in his heart.
He didn't want to live that time, wanting to just give up on everything.
It hurt....
It really did hurt.
Everything hurt and he didn't want to live...
To be a friend to his son would be any father's dream but only to be a friend and docman was too painful to him. It was not as if he didn't want Akshara and Abhinav to be happy. He wasn't barging in their life. All he wanted was to be a father figure to his son, at least after Abinav. But even that seemed impossible.
He could not live his life around them with the pain he carried around his heart. He didn't want to make them miserable with his presence.
Mother also didn't want to speak with him for breaking his engagement. She wanted him to be with Arohi and even have children some days if not Abhir.
Marriage....
He had in all his life loved one girl and that was Akshara. He cannot love anyone else. It was not in him. At the same time, he cannot love her anymore.... She was somene's wife now. And he had lost the right to even love her...
Akshara had plainly told him how cruel he had been that day and he deserved every pain she gave him. That was why he was silently bearing every one of her taunts...
All he had was Ruhi and Abhir...
It seemed as if both didn't need him. It was him who needed them..
He had lost everything...
Akshara..
Abhir...
His brother...
And his another child who constantly stayed in his mind whenever he looked at Abhir....
What would the child looked like.?
Abhimanyu opened his eyes when he felt a droplet of rain on his cheeks.
It started drizzling all of a sudden and he welcomed it.
The days of roaming around like a homeless man while battling panic attacks had been rough...
And one day everything changed...
He met a child who had a critical heart condition in a village. His parents were too poor to afford a big hospital in city and the medical facility in the village was nothing but a joke.
When he took that child to Birla hospital and treated him for free, the child's parents touched his feet, crying in gratitude.
He consoled them and faced the wrath of Mahima aunty for doing free service using Birla hospital as he pleased....
Mahadev had opened his eyes to him that day...
No one in his family may need him but there are thousands of patients in the world who would need him....
He had decided then and there that he would open a hospital on his own, away from here and in a central part of India so all people can come to his hospital if they so needed.
The affordable has to pay while there were discounts for poor and he did free surgery for children who couldn't afford anything. But other people did pay. Even foreigners visited his hospital for treatment as he is one of the best surgeons and donated hefty amounts to his hospital. He accepted them after all, he has a hospital to run and staffs to pay...
Nor mother or anyone was happy with his decision. Even Mahima aunty wanted him to stay. But, Udaipur was suffocating him.
He didn't justify his decision and let them think whatever they wanted. He had lost his phone during his travel so he changed his number after buying a new phone and only gave his personal number to Arohi and Maa.
Arohi didn't mind him breaking their engagement and has been his friend just like before.
He sold the land his father brought and along with his savings, he decided to open his own hospital.
In Madhya pradesh, out of the main city, he brought this building with his own money and arranged every medical equipments, interviewed nurses, fellow doctors and staffs.
It took eight months to prepare everything....
Even Rohan joined him and slowly he started the journey of healing as he immersed himself in work..
Life wasn't happy but it wasn't empty either like before.
Every patient who got cured and their gratitude made him realize how much he loved being a doctor before all this mess.
He had always wanted to help people...
He still had panic attacks but not regularly like before but it has gotten manageable.
He cannot change his past but he could change many people's future so he decided to let go of his painful past.
He closed the door of past and began a new life...
He was finally peaceful..
He knew many people are not happy with his decision especially Ruhi. It's not as if he doesn't visit Udaipur or that she can't come here.
Even Akshara had been upset with him leaving, saying he can visit Abhir on occasion. He would have been over the moon for scraps of affection if he was his past self but he didn't.
He had finally taken a decision for himself, not thinking about others and he was not going to compromise it for anyone.
He didn't blame anyone but himself and left Udaipur and Birla hospital so that he could breathe freely. It wasn't anyone's fault.
It has been a year since that day and here he was....
Standing in the hospital he had owned..
He had immersed himself in saving others and life was way better than how it was these past six years.
He missed Ruhi more than anyone else and that was the only reason he gave his personal number to Arohi.
And he had been surprised that Mr. Manish Goenka had called him. He had started calling him that after he realized how selfish people were and how hypocritical everyone were towards him.
He didn't call Mr. Manish back and instead called Arohi back, fearing something happened to his family members.
He was shocked to hear that Abhinav had passed away in an accident.
He had been sad to hear that.
No matter what happened, Abhinav was a good person. You cannot find a better person like him.
And it had triggered a panic attack...
Abhimanyu let the rain hide his tears thinking about the sad demise of Abhinav. And, he didn't know what would Abhir and Akshara be going through.
He had decided to go immediately on the early flight to Udaipur. But now that he took a deep breath, he knew his presence wouldn't be welcomed.
People will blame him for this or that reason even if he was miles away from their life. Maybe that was why, Mr. Manish called him..
What would he do by going there?
Akshara and the Goenkas would be there for Abhir and even if he went there, people will say that he came there to be happy in front of thier loss.
He didn't want that drama there since Abhinav doesn't deserve that.
A voice in his heart pleaded at him to go and console Abhir but he remembered how everyone said he could only be a docman and not a father, even Abhir.
Running after them did nothing good to anyone else and he was tired of running after them. Everyone wanted him gone from their life and he felt the same. He was lighter without worries and expectations from other people.
He would pay respect to Abhinav by visiting his grave when everything settled down. Maybe next month.
His broken pieces of heart was now only mending, so he was not going to volunteer himself to people who will break it again without any care.
Not now, or ever. He wouldn't give anyone any chance to hurt him.
The rain seemed to stop and slowly the rainy clouds cleared away as if bringing light in his darkness.
This was his home now...
After all the hospital was named as Abhimanyu's...
It's Abhimanyu's....
It's home to him...
He was Dr. Abhimanyu Birla here, the man none of his loved ones wanted but the man he wanted to become.
A place where he found the meaning to live and found peace.
He was not moving from here no matter what.
And with that he walked away, not feeling any sort of panic rising in him. He had to change his clothes before going home which was just a street away. He had to rest well as surgeries were already lined up for him.
His steps heavy against the concrete but his heart lighter the seconds passed by.
Sometimes, no matter how much you loved something, you have to let go of the things that only brought hurt, misery, depression and pain....
Then only you can live your life peacefully. And, Dr. Abhimanyu Birla was finally peaceful with life....
(A/N: I watch this show only for Harshad/Abhimanyu and it has become painful to watch it anymore and making me upset. So, this Os is a tribute to my favorite character and a way for me to let go of this serial finally. This is it for me. I'm quitting the show.)
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