Can a women keep her in-laws happy?

I have unanswered question which is really bugging me.

Akshara is always trying to find harmony in her married life. She always seems to get in caught in the middle of Naitik's family and Naitik himself. I mean if she manages to keep Naitik's family happy especially (Ma and Dadima) then she upsets her husband and vice versa. Just as the current track. She's trying to fulfil/complete all the responsibilities of being a bahu but this sometimes means upsetting Naitik's feelings. Because he wants to spend quality time with his wife but Akshara has to complete the chores.

Another example is when he want to go out for diner or at the cinema she will tell Naitik that she will have to ask Ma's permission. I mean my parents have always told me that no matter whether your in-laws are right or wrong you should always do as they say. Even when your husband is going against his parents you should convince him that his parents are right and will always wish/do for our best or what's right for us. I've been told that we girls need to win our husband's family first. So I was wondering how can you keep both your in-laws and husband happy. I don't see any way both parties can be happy. So would I be right to say that there isn't a win-win situation in this matter. One or the other is going to be hurt. At least this is the conclusion I have found.

So the thing is I would like to know your views on this matter.

I'd just like to give you some extra details to help structure your response. Firstly I'm gujrati. Secondly my parents/family are quite conventional/traditional I'd like to say rather than orthodox. Orthodox sounds more harsh and strict. Thirdly I have discussed with my sister and she also concludes that you can't keep both of them happy and that it also important that you keep your husband happy. In fact she thinks that he is slightly more important in this matter. She says that he's the reason why you become part of his family and that he also need to be happy after all he is the life partner.

By the way I also noticed similar situation in a recently launched show namely Thoda Hai Bas Thode Ki Zaroorat Hai on Colors. In this show Mugdha is a great bahu any family could ask for but sometimes in anger her husband tells her that she's able to keep the whole family happy but him.

In a place where I live I don't think this would be such a major problem but I'm curious to know others take on this matter.

Never!!! Thats my answer. In-laws can never be totally happy with a daughter-in-law, no matter what she does. It starts right from looking out for bride for their darling son. They want a girl

I think husband should have priority 1. If things go wrong with ur husband then it cud lead to divorce but if things go wrong with in-laws then there will be disharmony at most. So you have more to lose if your husband is not happy with you. But to be really safe, one shud be very clear with her husband about why she is behaving in a certain way with her in-laws. Husbands need to know that in-laws behave diff with their bahus.

never.

I agree with the above views. Indian in-laws will never be satisfied with DIL specially in joint family. I think this is more related to ego about hum ladkewale hain hum kyon ladkiwalo ke aage zuke. This thinking has been passed on and on for generations and until we change our mindset, this will surely keep continuing. I hear everyone saying times have changed, every one should be treated equally, etc. But these are just in our thoughts and not in reality.

I really get angry when I see these comparisons between daughter and DIL. I have seen some ladies complaining about their daughter's in-laws for making them work from dawn to dusk forgetting what treatment they are giving to their own DIL. No matter what DIL does to keep her in-laws satisfied, she still is treated like an outsider. Until she is accepted as part of family by each and every member, she will continue to suffer like this.

excuse me for lengthy reply but I felt like expressing myself on the topic.

Interesting Post -- perhaps a bit like the chicken and egg...

I feel there is no really good answer because all experiences are very subjective. So if you have been at the receiving end, you will say yes but if you are the giver 😉 then you may not... I have seen bahus being dominated, in-laws being neglected,perfectly harmonious saas -- bahus, understanding husbands, perfect cad of a husband but supporting in-laws too. The data however definitely seems to be loaded in favor of in-laws never seeing good in their bahus...🤢

In the case of pesky in-laws, its a question of whether the parents are willing to let go of their son and move out of his life gracefully. If not then the poor wife has to suffer as the son is after all a piece of the same disgruntled family... How can you expect an understanding attitude from him ... In such cases nuclear families is perhaps the best answer -- distance eases issues to a certain extent... But the perfect answer is again subjective -- what works for A may not work for B and so on!!!

But isnt it interesting -- millions of generations that have suffered, one would imagine that if all the suffering bahus had treated their bahus well then this problem should have disappeared right? Perhaps the problem is human nature not the saas or sasur... ⭐️

My humble opinions...no intention to hurt any feelings...

There is something I agree from all your response.

@ Vedam: it's does seem like in-laws are more concerned whether they are happy with their bahu rather than their son is happy with his wife.

@ fangirl: This is a gud point

"If things go wrong with ur husband then it cud lead to divorce but if things go wrong with in-laws then there will be disharmony at most"

Yes I agree that the wife should inform her husband why she has to accept what his family orders her. But I'm sure he would have enough common sense why she is behaving with his family in a certain way. It could help if the husband would be more understanding.

I think it also depends on the husband because it could be that husband wants his wife to get on and keep his family happy first or on the flip side someone perhaps like Naitik who doesn't understand why Akshara has to ask Ma's permission to do things. Which reminds me I was really annoyed when Naitik didn't stand up for his wife when Naitik's mother accuses Akarsaha of influencing Naitik to buy the house. He just stood there knowing the truth….he let his ego get in the way. I think this episode was the 2nd July it was when the house's keys arrive.

@ pp2910: I hate when people say that times have changed- men and women are equal but its not true deep down. Women are still treated differently to men. It may have improved but not totally changed.

@ elgee: thanks for thinking that my post is intresting 😉 Yours is also rather interesting.

Yes I guess your right in saying that it really all depends on different factors. It depends on the family, depends on the husband, depends on the situation or matter. Also rightly said its rather subjective because it depends on your feelings/views, what your parents have taught you, and your own experience.

Ya totally….after millions of generations we should all be perfect at marriage and all lol Completely agree that the problem is human nature and developing society. We have different thinking, views, feelings, mood which keep changing and therefore we cannot adjust and find a clear- cut answer. I think its mentality as well because for years we have been told that in-laws in particular the saas are wicked people that we actually believe in it so much that we behave in such a manner. Also the saas are aware that they have such a reputation that they can't help themselves but become these stereotypical saas

Ok I think is a way too long response. Sorry about this guys and thanks a lot for sharing your opinions with me 😊