A small matter of - Consent

The problem some of us have with Aru's hesitation (and mind you Mukhi's hesitation too, he did say so) to get intimate with her "husband".

Some of us (even in jest) keep on hinting at Mukhi's lack of manliness for not trying to exert this or even want to get physical. He keeps on saying he will not do such a thing to her. It is important to note that he is not saying he will never get intimate to her but he is not try to do so "WITHOUT HER CONSENT"

Consent is an alien concept (especially of women), in a patriarchal society.

We take it for granted that love or marriage automatically leads to physical intimacy. While it is a way of expressing love, for someone who is raised in society which neither speaks about it nor encourages any physical contact (especially with opposite gender), it is not easy to break these barriers.

We as a society, keep on teaching women to keep away from men and not be comfortable with our body (let alone of a guy), and suddenly expect that they get intimate because we accepted a relationship with a stranger(in most cases, it is true).

As the concept of consent is non existent, women tend to accept it. We expect it as some kind of right which is earned by signing a form or wearing a necklace or putting the sindoor.

Attraction is present in love but in a society where we do neither allow people to act of it or talk on it, it is supposed to take a while and it is okay.

As far as teasing someone (Aru teasing Mukhi) is concerned,every couple is different and shares a totally different equation. The difference lies in the fact that it was not done with malice.

Wonderful post, C0ra! 👍🏼 The concept of consent is the most important, yet the most neglected , unfortunately! 😔 Have you watched Amitabh Bacchan's "Pink"? Its a beautiful movie and it also highlighted this concept of Consent in sexual matters.

We as a society, keep on teaching women to keep away from men and not be comfortable with our body (let alone of a guy), and suddenly expect that they get intimate because we accepted a relationship with a stranger(in most cases, it is true).

I cannot tell you how much I agree with every word in your post! It's such a straightforward concept of consent and yet the way our society, our entertainment industry (be it TV or Bollywood) have conditioned us over so many years into accepting non consensual romance as macho and alright that now some of us actually find the concept of consent rather weird. A lot has been written and said about Aru's and Mukhi's reaction on having found themselves in what they thought was a compromising situation. The key driving factor for both of their reactions was quite simply consent. Does Aru love Mukhi? Yes. Has she accepted him as her husband? Yes. Are they physically attracted to each other? Heck yes. But none of this, like Mukhi so lovingly explained the other day, means that they have to do the deed right away. And Mukhi understands the importance of Aru's consent which is why he doesn't brag that "hey I'm your husband. If something happened between us that's fine. It's normal." He is equally bothered by the fact that what should have been their union, happened without her explicit consent and just the fact that it bothers him so much shows how much of a gentleman he truly is. It does not undermine his masculinity or her feminity. In fact, it portrays the strength of their character that they both want their physical union to be when they are both ready for it. It also shows their commitment to the relationship.

The writers put it in a slightly more light hearted, tending to comical touch to their altercation and that too is in line with their characterization. They've always been at loggerheads with each other, quick to accuse, quick to jump to conclusions. Just because they are in love now, their personalities aren't going to change overnight to the point where they'll start to have mature discussions about anything and everything that happens in their life.

I will say though, that I am a teeny weeny but disappointed that Aru laughed when Mukhi was so sincerely and honestly confessing his feelings. A laughter laced with joy and emotion I'd have understood, but maybe it's just me, Aru's laughter seemed slightly mocking. As for teasing him about the video, I agree with you, every couple has their own relationship dynamic and o didn't really find anything much wrong with her pulling that prank. If anything, it made her realize the depth of Mukhi's love and respect for her.

CONSENT- The operative word here is CONSENT!! In Hindi...termed as "Marzi". This very word provides a clear wall between 'Love Making' and 'Rape'- the most important feature in Rape Laws in India. The provisions of Rape use two very important phrases "against her will" and "without her consent" ...for bringing within its ambit all possible permutations and combinations when a woman must have said NO...either clearly...or has been made to undergo sexual intercourse under pressure. However, the same Indian Laws on Rape, that have undergone unprecedented amendments after the horrific Nirbhaya Rape in 2012...still does not criminalize Marital Rape...the most under-reported form of domestic violence in India.
Marital Rape is only considered as an offence if it is done with a wife under 15 years of age...so that means...to an extent, we are overlooking the prohibition on child marriage as well. Anyway, the reason for recognizing rape of a wife under 15 years as an offence is because a minor is not considered as having the capacity to consent for an act of sex...so her consent does not matter at all.
The other day, I went to watch a movie titled Lipstick under my Burkha and I was aghast to see that males were laughing and enjoying the marital rape scene. Two boys sitting next to me were talking and one of them even stated..."saale tu kya karta hai Anu ke saath...mujhe pata hai..har raat mat kiya kar..." and to my horror...both of them were in splits of laughter after that...and trust me...there were others too...who found this funny and very very normal. And it continued...till the time some of us raised a hue and cry in the theatre.
This is where I am particularly amazed with Sony Television...on the one hand, you give us a show like Yeh Moh Moh ke Dhaage..at 7:00 PM and then the same channel at their prime time is giving us another show Pehredaar Piya ki...which is glorifying stalking, child marriage, sexual fantasies of a pre-teen...in such an unnatural way!! This is ridiculous and by no measures acceptable. (I am sorry, for mentioning about another show on this forum...had to name it for drawing analogies.)
And this is specially where, I hail the writers of this show for writing Mukhi...Raidhan Katara...a man who is a human first...and a husband later!! A totally progressive man!! I find Mukhi even better than Zaroon of Zindagi Gulzar Hai in terms of his progressive thoughts. Yes, I agree that the makers of YMMKD must bring out a whole lot of dynamics in terms of sexual relations as well as mutual desires...in a family-view-ability way...but they must not miss the point in the whole scenario. Not only NO means NO. They can also show...that WOMEN...wants...needs and desires it...just that way any man does!! The challenge before them, is to keep it for the families watching it together at 7:00 PM. But, I feel its a challenge interesting enough for them...to come up with a unique treatment to this story set in the rural heartlands of India. If they can handle this well...I am sure, it'll go a long way in setting some standards for Indian television in general...so go guys go...Make us Proud!! Cora...loved this discussion!! And sorry, if my post was a bit disturbing!! Take care!!

Deb! Unfortunately your strong words are needed here.

Originally posted by: C0raline

The problem some of us have with Aru's hesitation (and mind you Mukhi's hesitation too, he did say so) to get intimate with her "husband".

Some of us (even in jest) keep on hinting at Mukhi's lack of manliness for not trying to exert this or even want to get physical. He keeps on saying he will not do such a thing to her. It is important to note that he is not saying he will never get intimate to her but he is not try to do so "WITHOUT HER CONSENT"

Consent is an alien concept (especially of women), in a patriarchal society.

We take it for granted that love or marriage automatically leads to physical intimacy. While it is a way of expressing love, for someone who is raised in society which neither speaks about it nor encourages any physical contact (especially with opposite gender), it is not easy to break these barriers.

We as a society, keep on teaching women to keep away from men and not be comfortable with our body (let alone of a guy), and suddenly expect that they get intimate because we accepted a relationship with a stranger(in most cases, it is true).

As the concept of consent is non existent, women tend to accept it. We expect it as some kind of right which is earned by signing a form or wearing a necklace or putting the sindoor.

Attraction is present in love but in a society where we do neither allow people to act of it or talk on it, it is supposed to take a while and it is okay.

As far as teasing someone (Aru teasing Mukhi) is concerned,every couple is different and shares a totally different equation. The difference lies in the fact that it was not done with malice.

Have not posted here for a while but was drawn to this topic of "consent". This is such an important subject that affects every woman, and the significance magnifies for those in arrange marriages. What I love about YMMKD is the way powerful messages on social values are being depicted. Aru was vocal about not being ready to consent. Even in love marriages, I am not sure what percent of women can do that. Society keeps harping on us that "pati ko khush rakhna is aurat ka dharm". Keeping him happy in what way, would not being ready amount to being adharmi? ( no reference to Aru's sister 😔 ). I have come across use of astrology to work out timing of SR!!!! Like seriously does this happen?

Originally posted by: Debashri123

CONSENT- The operative word here is CONSENT!! In Hindi...termed as "Marzi". This very word provides a clear wall between 'Love Making' and 'Rape'- the most important feature in Rape Laws in India. The provisions of Rape use two very important phrases "against her will" and "without her consent" ...for bringing within its ambit all possible permutations and combinations when a woman must have said NO...either clearly...or has been made to undergo sexual intercourse under pressure. However, the same Indian Laws on Rape, that have undergone unprecedented amendments after the horrific Nirbhaya Rape in 2012...still does not criminalize Marital Rape...the most under-reported form of domestic violence in India.
Marital Rape is only considered as an offence if it is done with a wife under 15 years of age...so that means...to an extent, we are overlooking the prohibition on child marriage as well. Anyway, the reason for recognizing rape of a wife under 15 years as an offence is because a minor is not considered as having the capacity to consent for an act of sex...so her consent does not matter at all.
The other day, I went to watch a movie titled Lipstick under my Burkha and I was aghast to see that males were laughing and enjoying the marital rape scene. Two boys sitting next to me were talking and one of them even stated..."saale tu kya karta hai Anu ke saath...mujhe pata hai..har raat mat kiya kar..." and to my horror...both of them were in splits of laughter after that...and trust me...there were others too...who found this funny and very very normal. And it continued...till the time some of us raised a hue and cry in the theatre.
This is where I am particularly amazed with Sony Television...on the one hand, you give us a show like Yeh Moh Moh ke Dhaage..at 7:00 PM and then the same channel at their prime time is giving us another show Pehredaar Piya ki...which is glorifying stalking, child marriage, sexual fantasies of a pre-teen...in such an unnatural way!! This is ridiculous and by no measures acceptable. (I am sorry, for mentioning about another show on this forum...had to name it for drawing analogies.)
And this is specially where, I hail the writers of this show for writing Mukhi...Raidhan Katara...a man who is a human first...and a husband later!! A totally progressive man!! I find Mukhi even better than Zaroon of Zindagi Gulzar Hai in terms of his progressive thoughts. Yes, I agree that the makers of YMMKD must bring out a whole lot of dynamics in terms of sexual relations as well as mutual desires...in a family-view-ability way...but they must not miss the point in the whole scenario. Not only NO means NO. They can also show...that WOMEN...wants...needs and desires it...just that way any man does!! The challenge before them, is to keep it for the families watching it together at 7:00 PM. But, I feel its a challenge interesting enough for them...to come up with a unique treatment to this story set in the rural heartlands of India. If they can handle this well...I am sure, it'll go a long way in setting some standards for Indian television in general...so go guys go...Make us Proud!! Cora...loved this discussion!! And sorry, if my post was a bit disturbing!! Take care!!

Deba,

I loved your post. And I am not averse to any serious discussion. It is needed as a reality check on Forums like this because there are a lot of young women here, who are growing up on a steady diet of watching abuse as love.

I have worked for a few years with a shelter and know how the kind of "romance" which is glorified on TV looks in real life.

Thanks for giving us this reply.

And yes, I would have preferred if Aru would have been a bit more sensitive to his unnecessary guilt, but his saying sorry was "for thinking that he did something in intoxication which he would never do".

"I will never do so" does not mean "I will never get intimate with you" but "not get intimate when consent of both is not involved".